CEO of green

I only just now realized I should have an intro!

On the internet I go by either D or Mullet (either works), and here's where I put all the stuff I like (mostly SFW). I'm an adult living in the USA.

To clear things up since my bio's been getting some attention: It's lighthearted satire, not mockery of marginalized people (also, people like me should be doing it anyways to avoid keeping cishet white guys the default). Everything in my bio is true. "Conventionally attractive" was peer reviewed by multiple people. I don't take suggestions – you're thinking of the other guy.

Here are some facts about me:

I use he/him pronouns

As you can tell from my bio, I am God's least diverse soldier

Despite that, if you're in any way transphobic, transphobic, transmisogynistic, homophobic, racist, antisemitic, Islamophobic, or bigoted you aren't welcome, get the fuck off my blog. Right-wingers are not welcome

I live in the USA

I use Pacific time (synced to Los Angeles, Portland, Seattle)

I really enjoy, in no particular order: Legend of Zelda, Star Wars, LotR, Nichijou, Control, Seinfeld, college sports (especially football (not soccer)), D&D, Metroid, How To Train Your Dragon (just the books), Ultrakill, The Big Lebowski, The Simpsons, Ni no Kuni, and more

I love American football! That said, I won't be able to comment too much on the NFL because I watch and keep up with college football so much more. I root for the Seattle Seahawks (casual fan) and Oregon Ducks (diehard fan).

I am absolutely terrible at tagging, sorry. #me is for my thoughts (always based), #gf is for stuff with my wonderful girlfriend @liirker-at-thresholds (love you <3), #ask is for asks, #cfb is for discussion of college football, and #kiraposting is for stuff with my most awful and despicable enemy @beatbybaseballs (FUCK YOU)

I queue and shuffle almost all of my posts – who knows when they'll come out or in what order

IRL I enjoy drinking tea, hiking, biking, eating good food, playing football (not soccer), reading, listening to all types of music, and spending time with my friends

There is nothing I love more than interacting with people. Talk to me! I'll happily respond to anything! You don't even need to be a mutual to chat with me (although if you do follow me back I love you) — I'll talk anyone's ear off. I may take some time to respond to asks, although I do read them all

If we were ever mutuals and your account got deleted and I am not following you back yet PLEASE dm me

I've been told by almost everyone in my life I dress and act like a middle-aged suburban dad. I don't know how to escape this, but with God as my witness I will never stop quoting the Simpsons