coffeemarie - don't fuck with me

With how many times you’ve had this dream, you’d think you’d be able to take control right at the start but you don’t. You call out for help, yell ‘hello’ and walk around but are always met with silence.

You wander

And wander

And wander

You stay on the street because surely you’ll eventually reach the end or even an intersection, maybe come across somebody or even a pigeon.

You don’t take account of how long you really walk for.

Usually around now is when you realize that you’re dreaming so you call out one more time.

Except it’s a name.

You never know what it is because every time you speak no sound comes out but you know you’re talking because you feel the way your throat vibrates and how your mouth forms the word.

You were never good at reading lips so you’ve yet decipher it.

And after calling said name you walk again but not for long because soon you feel a presence, something looming over and watching you from the rooftops.

And you pause for a moment and call out the name again but get no answer.

You’re being watched.

A few more steps are taken and suddenly you sense something closer than before.

You turn and make out a figure in the alleyway and even though there’s a street light, it doesn’t really do much help.

For a moment nothing is said, only a look shared between two strangers.

But you’re not really strangers are you?

You go forward and the figure goes back. It’s odd you think, because they’re the one cloaked in shadows while you’re exposed in light. Yet you’re not afraid, no far from it. In fact you feel almost calm and at peace around this mysterious figure .

So you take another step and then another and this time they don’t back off, instead coming close enough just to the edge of the darkness so as to not expose themself.

Even this up close you can’t really make out any features, only that they seem to have a bulky shape.

You lift your hand, palm towards them and extend it an inch, waiting.

You can practically feel how the figure tenses yet they mirror you and stop right before they’re hit by light.

There’s only a sliver of space between your hands and right when you’re about to touch

You wake up.

The dream has been essentially the same ever since you started having it. You began to write down details because you read somewhere that it helps your mind remember and eventually take control to lucid dream.

Yet no matter how hard you try, you never figure out the name nor do you ever see them casted in light.

And then one night during the dream you call out for them.

But this time you get no response.

You try to push down on the ache in your chest and call out again and again and again but…

Nothing.

When you wake up you place a hand over your thudding heart in an attempt to soothe yourself but it does very little.

For the rest of day the dream weighs heavily on your mind.

‘Why didn’t they show?’

‘Did something happen?’

And you try to rationalize and tell yourself it’s just a dream, that they don’t necessarily mean anything or have significance to real life.

But the heaviness in your heart says otherwise.

And when it’s time to finally go home and call it a day, you end up having to take some roundabout route due to police tape and cars cutting off the main sidewalk you use.

So into the dark scary alleyway you go.

It’s fine at first, only a slightly longer detour to reach your humble abode, no problem.

Except when someone is running towards you, breathing heavily and panting as they barrel in your direction, you think ‘okay, maybe one problem.’

You’re under a singular hanging light and the guy zooms past you with wide panicked eyes and you can only watch (and listen) as he stutters about something about a ‘giant freak’.

The man doesn’t get very far because something gets thrown at his head and he collides into a dumpster and is in an unconscious heap on the ground within the blink of an eye.

You stare in confusion and are almost tempted to go check on him because whatever knocked him out sounded pretty hefty. You make the motion to go forward but then hear something behind you.

“You alright?”

You presume this is the ‘giant freak’ and slowly turn around to face him.

It’s like déjà vu once you register the form of the stranger and even though this is the first time you’re hearing his voice it feels… familiar.

“Fine, I’m fine…” you answer.

You see him nod and start to retreat but something in you calls out.

“No, wait please,”

He stops and looks over his shoulder but doesn’t make any further moves.

You step to the blurry edge of the ring of light that halos you and lift your palm to him because something in you is screaming and tugging you towards him. It’s an invisible rope that’s connecting you two and all you can think of is: ‘it’s them it’s them!’

He stills for a second but then faces you fully once more and also lifts his hand.

In your dream you’re never able to make any specific features but here in reality you can make out what looks to be three fingers instead of five and that should frighten you but it doesn’t.

Just like in your dream.

You try to make eye contact with him but it’s still too dark, the whites of what you think are his eyes barely illuminated. So you rely on your instincts and close that distance of space between your hands.

Calloused.

Cold.

Green.

And upon that first touch you feel the tiniest flinch from him but he doesn’t shy away and neither do you.