Ivana...Ivana Humpalot

this one is never not funny

oh gods my boyfriend isn’t home and I forget the english word for this thing and it’s bAD he usually helps but i cAN’T

I WILL ASSIST?

you know that little sea bug with the stupid hands and it has a home but it changes homes sometimes because it gets too big for it?? what is it???

Hermit crab??

THAT’S THE BITCH

She did not have to go that hard.

I’m a big fan of that post-laundry feeling when you’ve got all your A-list clothes back in the game.

Y'all need to type paragraphs of arguments less and learn to say “blow me bitch” to people

me at the bar: hey ill have two on the rocks Bartender: two what? me: thanks :)

we should make fun of americans more. why dont their shops include tax in the price tag. like how much does this item cost? its a surprise :)

Honestly, tea. I’ve lived here my whole life and I have never once known what my total is gonna be at the register. Total fucking mystery.

im an ex-american living in new zealand for the past two years and it still never fails to blow my mind that i can take a $2 coin, walk up to a counter with two $1 items, and perform the expected transaction

Love, Simon but it’s narrated by John Mulaney

“I really like girls” I said, you know, like a liar

a completely normal, cliched fantasy world, but instead of bows, all the elves carry glocks

“fuck it up legolas”