Take a Second to be Awesome!

my grandfather was talking to me about a book he read on how politicians gave control to rich people and it fucked america and he was like "oh yeah this reminded me of a video I watched. It was Robert Reich. Do you know who Robert Reich is? He was clinton's secretary of labor" and I just nodded silently because I didn't know how to explain to my grandpa that yes I know who Robert Reich is. I watch his son psychologically torment improv comedians

so you know that cursed sword that slowly drives whoever wields it mad & causes mysterious illnesses? you guessed it: scabbard was absolutely loaded with black mold

if you're having trouble sleeping the best you can do is put a bright object close to your face and look at it for at least 30 minutes. if that doesn't work you can close your eyes but make sure to think really hard about a bunch of bullshit

(guy who's not getting anything done voice) I need to learn every skill and all information

dropout went against every other company and turned Paul straight during pride

it's actually so crazy how much the simpsons would fucking suck if it didn't have any of the simpsons characters. just a bunch of shots of empty houses and streets for half an hour while nothing happens. that would be so badddd lol

yeah that tends to happen when you remove characters from media. without characters its all just background. i guess movies set in scenic locations would still land as kinda nature docs but even then

it only happens with the simpsons

this same criticism could be applied to nearly any media ever.

it's just the simpsons. are you a troll?

Dragon's right, if you remove all the Simpsons characters from Death Note it hardly changes anything

"less is more" is a lie perpetuated by big small to sell more less

"seize him? yeah of course i sees him, boss. he's standing there like a chump, plain as day!"

it’s weird that professional letters are supposed to start with “dear.” i don’t even call my mom that

my darling hiring manager. my springtime rose. if hired i will bring a strong work ethic to this position

Man this store has a weird playlist, it's all Weird Al songs but with the lyrics switched out for ones that aren't funny.

what if there were an extra day of the week for lying in bed and being pathetic. they could call it thursday and put it between wednesday and friday