on wisteria lane

@cnthelane​ for piper !!

A change, all that Brooke wanted was a change so after heading to the grocery store, she was quickly back at the house with two boxes of deep brown hair-dye. Maybe she wanted so badly to crawl out of her mothers shadow that she was doing this but for the first time in a while? She was truly excited about something that didn’t involve Peyton. Sure, she’d done good at avoiding Piper since they’d come back from the beach, minus the whole… new rules talk, but now she really did need her help. Kicking off her shoes, the teen raced up the stairs, knocking once and then twice on the older womans door before she peaked her head inside to check that the other was in there. “Piper…” her voice was soft, maybe a little nervous but she quickly pushed through it, stepping further into the room, and producing the two boxes of dye. “Can you help? I just.. want to be different and I don’t want Pey to inhale all the fumes.”

Piper had feelings about Breyton (as she’d been referring to them in her head) and all of them were positive. How could she think anything else of her daughter’s first love? The romantic in her had been waiting for her daughter to experience it, the same way that her own teenage years had been filled with dreams of the elusive one and when her own love story would come to fruition. Her own love life might be in taters, the man she’d proclaimed to be her soulmate only a year ago seeming never having loved her at all, but she could only feel excitement that Peyton was happy and in love. And with her best friend! How could she have been anything but supportive? Her like for Brooke, both as her daughter’s friend and now as her girlfriend, was the reason that she could only smile at the teenager’s nervousness. Everything should have changed since the announcement, and yet to her it felt as though nothing had. Brooke was still the kid she’d known for years, what was there to be nervous about. “Brooke,” She practically sang along, somewhat teasing. As the girl produced the box dyes, she let out a quick ‘oh’. This clearly wasn’t what she’d been expecting. However, she shook off any surprise quickly, warm smile spreading over her lips as she said, “Well you’ve come to the right woman. I don’t like to brag, but I’m kind of the expert at home dying.” She was sure that the blonde - apparently soon to be brunette - remembered her various hair colours from her childhood. “Or at least I’m well practiced! I think I can mainly do it without missing big patches.” She realised that might not be too comforting, considering the big change. “But don’t worry, it’s way easier to do one somebody else. For instance, I can actually see the back of your head.”

The first stop she’d made on her way out to her dad’s house to tell him the exciting, though slightly nerve wracking news was to her mom’s bedroom, she knocked the door, letting out a soft breath. “I don’t know how much you’re on the internet but I wanted to tell you, I, well Brooke and I, we’re together and I uh, I know this might change rules or something but she’s my girlfriend and uh, well you told me to tell you when I met someone that made, that made me feel like dad used to….like all those stories you told me and well, she’s been here this whole time and uh, yeah.” Peyton was surprised at how both giddy and nervous manifested in her body. Sure, she was more scared than she had been in a long time, but like Brooke, Piper was her person. I just, I wanted to tell you and I’m so sorry it took me, it took us so long but I…I wanted to figure things out first, but also, hi!” She felt like a authentic teenager for the first time, like everyone else, just nervously talking about their significant other. @cnthelane​

Piper was sat on her bed, legs crossed beneath her and eyes focused on the work in front of her. Well it wasn’t work per say, but it was her work. And it was terrible. Sure to anybody else it would have looked fine, probably more than, but to her eyes she could see the brushstrokes that seemed too defined, the colours that clashed or the paint that hadn’t blended together well. it had once been unusual, to finish a piece and not feel at least a tiny bit satisfied that it was done, but now what had once filled her life with such great joy seemed like a chore. it was as though she’d lost her muse. But then, as though the universe was trying to remind her that her life was not all doom and gloom, the actual light of her life poked her head around the door. She’d opened her mouth, prepared to greet her daughter - perhaps tell her how pretty she looked - but it seemed that Peyton had other plans. She listened to the rambling, another inherited habit that had been passed from mother to daughter, prepared for it to be something silly but treated with the upmost interest if it was important to Peyton. Important didn’t begin to cover it. Girlfriend. “Girlfriend?” She stuttered out, as though not sure that she’d heard right. But she had. Deep down she knew that she had, and suddenly a wide smile came over her face. “You have a girlfriend!” She exclaimed as though it was the best thing she’d ever heard, and then as though her brain was just catching up she added with equal happiness, “Brooke! Brooke is your girlfriend!” It was as though her child’s giddiness was infectious, because suddenly Piper couldn’t stop smiling. She wouldn’t change a thing about her daughter, but she’d wanted her to feel like a normal teenager for so long that seeing this milestone she couldn’t help but be ecstatic. “Yes, rules! Yes.” They would need to change. No more sleeping in the same room, probably stricter curfew. Was she meant to supervise them? She’d never been great at the firmer side of parenting. Which was clear from the way her mind quickly strayed, gesturing for Peyton to sit with her so they could talk properly. “How long have you known? With Brooke. With girls in general.” Had she felt as though she couldn’t tell her mother? Had she accidentally given her that impression?

flashback

“Nope, you haven’t aged a day.” Peyton responded, with confidence, nudging her mother back with a smile. She hated how the other was often so down on herself, even in the moments of joy. She tossed the thought aside most days, due to the sadness she knew the older woman was experiencing through the divorce; it didn’t mean she still didn’t worry. The brunette glanced over as her mom sauntered her way into the kitchen, takeout menu in hand. Though Peyton growing up preferred the story of her parents to the movie’s tragic love story, the teenager was actually okay with a little dramatic sap, especially with her own relationship blossoming and flourishing. “My opinion doesn’t matter here, it’s your birthday Mama. You pick. I accept whatever your decision is, no matter how corny.” The younger cracked a smile, reaching over to flip through the takeout menu. “Oh my god, you are such a dork. Now, I know where I got it from. What are you craving silly?”

“Good, because I really don’t like needles.” Piper wasn’t exactly convinced that Peyton wasn’t just placating her. She was aware that she was due another trip to the salon before her greys started coming in again and she was sure that some people looking at photos of her in her twenties wouldn’t know that it was the same woman. However, she tried not to be too negative about herself in front of her daughter. She’d given birth to this angel, her baby had always been so beautiful inside and out, and she’d never wanted whatever negative thoughts she had another herself to transfer onto Peyton because not seeing her worth would be a criminal offence in the mother’s mind. Of course that hadn’t always worked, especially over the last few months when odd thoughts had grown into full blown insecurities, but for the most part she thought she’d been able to keep those opinions to herself. “I don’t want to cry on my birthday!” She decided, raising up onto her elbows that sat on the kitchen island as if she could actually read the menu from that position. “Hey! I’m cool! We’re cool!” She protested, although she was sure her little display had proven the opposite to be true. And her next suggestion didn’t exactly help. “Oh, what about Mamma Mia? We can sing all the Donna and Sophie parts together!”

Closed: @cnthelane Where: their home

To go from living in a fairytale to finding out your husband, who you’ve only been married to a little over a year had been cheating…with his sister in law, was a bit like being in a car while a tornado overtook you. Spinning, spinning, spinning. Never touching ground until…Boom! Everything you had built or loved was lying decimated around you. She may not have been friends or even close to Emily, however, she still considered her to be family. The part that hurt the most was that she had been on Charles side from day one, while everyone else was making him out to be a monster…she was there seeing the best in him. There wasn’t anything she wouldn’t have done for him, and yet, here he was trying to prove everyone that they were right about him. She couldn’t understand why he would do that to her…she couldn’t understand what she had done to deserve this, and then for him to walk around their home together as if all was well, as if he hadn’t been fucking another woman. It made a rather large pit form in her belly, one she was awfully afraid would consume her if she let it. So many thoughts and feelings continued to swirl around inside of her head making it difficult for her to focus on anything else. 

After leaving Andrew she had no other choice than to go back home. It was the only place she could go. It was her home, he was her home, or had been before the bomb had been dropped atop of her. Now she wasn’t sure what it was. Had he brought Emily into their home? Had their sin happened on their bed? The same bed they made love in? The thoughts made her feel sick to her stomach. How could she not have known? Did he even love her? Did he love Emily? These were the thoughts she was trapped by. Those were the thoughts she was thinking as the front door click shut, never even hearing it open in the first place. She was situated neatly in the sofa in the living room, the tv buzzing quietly with some random channel she had placed on earlier in the day for Cash to watch, her fingers twirling her wedding rings around absently. All this time she had been thinking about what she would say, what the conversation would be like, how it was going to play out, but the only word that found it’s way out of her lips was…”Hi..” she’d never felt or sounded so small before now. “I had a very bad day today Charlie…can we cuddle?” Tears already brimming in her icy blue eyes as she peered over at her husband. “Please,” she whimpered feeling awfully pathetic as a human…even now he was her person, she couldn’t deny that.

Charles had been having a good day. Suspiciously good. He’d not hit any traffic on the way to work, there hadn’t been a line at the coffee cart outside of his office, an empty elevator had been seemingly waiting for him in the lobby, he’d gotten two protein bars out of the vending machine instead of just the one he’d paid for, and his boss had congratulated him on a job well done with a contract from the week before. So he was pretty much waiting for the other shoe to drop, anxious that he was going to run into a massive collision on his way home or come back to find out the house had burnt down. Everything was just going too well.

Except there seemed to be no immediate danger when he did pulled into his driveway, after travelling home on a journey just as peaceful as his had been earlier that day. He resigned himself to the fact that it was just a good day, nothing more. No monsters lurking behind a corner waiting to jump out at him. Oh, if only he knew. “Syd!” He called out as she door closed behind him, keys going into the designated bowl by the door and coat being shrugged off to be hooked onto the stand it always sat on. Cash ran towards him, knowing that he wouldn’t be shooed away if he jumped up so that his paws pressed into his owner’s thighs but instead would be rewarded with a ruffle of his fur and pats to his head. This was their routine, the same thing that happened everyday. Part of Charles wondered how he was bored of the mundane nature of his life, the fear that he would feel trapped had caused him to run from this very scenario most of his life, but rather he felt content. Maybe even happy. Which ironically had scared him more than boredom. Had left him terrified that it wouldn’t be enough for Sydney, that his wife would realise that he was fraud and was sure to screw up his life. Their life. And of course his solution had been to do just that.

He looked around curiously after Cash had pounced back to the floor, satisfied with his treatment. There was no smell of dinner in the air. Maybe they were getting takeout? But that didn’t answer the question of where his wife was. He followed their dog, a soft smile still on his face as he leaned against the sitting room doorway. However, it didn’t stay there for long. Not when he saw Sydney’s clearly emotional state. “Babe,” It was almost as if he was questioning her, soon speeding across the room to do as she’d requested and bundled her into his arms. “What’s wrong? What happened?”

closed starter for @cnthelane​​

where: piper’s house, eli’s former home

when: after nurse amy left and eli finds the letter

Elias hadn’t reacted well to Amelia’s news of her pregnancy and rightfully so, she was upset. They even fought about it. How could Elias be happy about a baby? He had worn condoms- she told him she was on birth control. He’d written the prescription for it! He’d never even considered having another child after he and Piper agreed not to when Peyton’s heart condition presented itself. To make it all worse, he came home from his long shift to find a letter. It was a letter Amy left, telling him that the pregnancy had been a test; a test he failed. She was leaving him and wouldn’t return. He clutched that letter in a balled fist, eyes brimmed with tears and he was moving. 

Before realizing it, his feet carried him across the side yards and through the gates of his old house. It seemed that even on autopilot while spiraling out of control, Piper was still his compass. She would hate him for this- for ruining their marriage and then running to her for comfort. Stopping at the door, he texted before a response from Piper giving him permission to let himself in. He stepped in, his breath laboring slightly thanks to his rapid heartrate. He didn’t call out for fear his voice would crack; instead, went to find his ex wife. He found her in the living room and stood in the doorway. “Piper.” It was naïve to expect Piper to offer him kindness now but he truly had no one else to turn to. Andrew was dealing with his own catastrophe and Eli’s sibling wasn’t here and currently playing phone tag with him.

It had been a long day for Piper. That morning she’d had yet another appointment, her doctor urging her to look into dialysis that she had made clear that she wasn’t interested in, and after she’d spent her afternoon grading a bunch of assignments she technically should have given back the night before. She wasn’t exactly in the mood to have an argument with her ex-husband, because it seemed as though every conversation they had always wound up circling back to arguing since she’d kicked him out, but it wasn’t as though she’d been able to think of a valid reason to refuse his request. So instead she was stuck waiting for him, sighing and throwing her head back on the couch pillows as she prepared herself for what was about to come. Except she didn’t have much time, it seemed as though he’d only been waiting for her affirmation before entering into the house they had once shared. She’d been planning to meet him in the hallway, move to the kitchen so they were further away from Peyton’s bedroom despite the fact that their daughter wasn’t even in the house - old habits died hard, she’d been learning how to avoid upsetting the teenager through overhearing harsh words for the last year. However, she didn’t get further than the doorway before she was confronted with the sight of an obviously upset Elias. Any plans she’d had to scold him for simply expecting her to be free at his request - it seemed that she was the one who had been looking to start the fight - were thrown immediately from her mind as she took in his distress. There was no longer a scowl or a firm frown in place, instead melted into anguish and worry. She didn’t like seeing him like this. She knew what this meant, she’d been married to the man for twenty years she was aware of what he looked like when upset. “Eli” She said gently, almost sounding as if she were gasping rather than speaking. It had been months since she’d referred to him by that name, a name that had once held so much affection. She would giggle it between kisses, or squeal it in the midst of tickles, or call it with pride, or moan it with pleasure. Since the divorce he had not been Eli, he’d been Elias. A man divorced (no pun intended) from the one she’d known when they were married. They couldn’t be the same people, she couldn’t allow herself to think it, because Eli would never do the things - would never hurt her - that Elias had done. Elias was formal, detached, uncaring. What she wanted to be. Everything she wasn’t. “What happened? Are you alright? Is Peyton hurt?” Did he know something she didn’t? Was their daughter in danger? She wasn’t sure how he would know, how he would have found out before her, but she couldn’t help the irrational flash of worry that ran through her soul. 

She was quiet, almost silent until the two were inside the house because she didn’t really care what Piper had done, she wasn’t Piper and she wasn’t going to cause a spectacle. Practically slamming the door behind him, the niece of the pair took in her uncles words. Homey, she used to think her home was just that as well until he and her mother had ruined it. “Stop talking, this is my turf so you’re going to shut up and listen,” maybe she looked a little ridiculous with her tear stained face but she couldn’t help but be angry again. Angry at someone because being angry at Emily hadn’t worked. “I don’t even care that you’re some disgusting cheater. I didn’t expect much else from people on this stupid street but you fucked my mom. Do you know how revolting that is? That makes me want to throw up, more than I already have.” A deep breath and she began to pace. “I didn’t ask for this, to be born into such a disgusting, fucked up family where the pressure is always on but here I am, and I can’t leave so I want to thank you, for making my life ten times worse.. because I’m a kid and I can’t just cut my mother off. I’ll have to see her at some point. You couldn’t have picked ANYONE else? Why did you have to do this? To my family, I know my dad hates you and all but I didn’t do anything, Beth didn’t. We’re the one’s who really have to suffer.. so maybe you should start using your brain instead of your dick.” And then it popped into her head. Sydney, she was so nice. “And, you should think about telling Sydney before I do because hey, I’ve got nothing else to lose, mommy dearest already threatened to send my ass to grandma and grandpas for speaking my mind.”

Charles nearly flinched as the door slammed behind him, or rather his niece slamming the door behind him. He truly was barricaded in with her, completely separated from the outside world where they might at least try to keep up with appearances. This was real and it didn’t matter how homey their surroundings might be, he was scared. He was terrified that this would be the moment he would lose her forever, that they’d never be able to come back from this. He wisely stayed silent when she told him to, stopped himself from opening his mouth to protest her points as Brooke’s rant began. She was right, he knew she was. He was disgusting, he had betrayed her trust in the worst way possible. He’d had his pick of women if he truly wanted to cheat on his wife - why had he chosen her mother? “I- I don’t know,” He stuttered, shaking his head as he tried to find his reasoning. He knew that wasn’t a good enough answer, was nowhere near what she’d needed to hear, but he honestly wasn’t sure that he had one. “I think part of it was about hurting your dad,” He admitted quietly, his voice small and ashamed, “I’m not proud of it, but I didn’t think of you or your sister. How hurt you’d be. Just how much it would hurt him.” How could he not have considered that Brooke, one of his favourite people in the world, would be collateral damage to his mistakes. “I got scared,” He wasn’t sure where this was all coming from, why he was confessing to an eighteen year old of all people but it seemed as though his want for her to forgive him had broken a dam of repressed emotions, “Syd...she’s so amazing. So so amazing....and I got scared. Nobody has ever loved me the way that she has, I’ve been waiting for the other shoe to drop, for her to realise that I’m not good enough and leave.” How ironic that this would probably be the catalyst to those nightmares becoming reality. He’d been the one to practically throw the metaphorical shoe across the room. “I’d had a crush on your mom way back when, back when we were in school. It was...it was stupid but it was easy, to use her to hide behind. But more than that it was wrong. For so many reasons.” Too many to name. His eyes suddenly snapped up to hers, leaving the place they’d been previously trained on the floor. “You...Brookie please. Syd can’t know. She’ll leave. I can’t...I can’t lose her.” And yet he’d known it was inevitable from the start: before this conversation, before Andrew had found out, before the affair. From the start.

It wasn’t that Andrew outright hated Piper, she just made making things perfect difficult with her clumsiness. Once they were in the kitchen, he put an apron on from the hook. Anything could happen with lasagna sauce and he wasn’t about to have to change his clothes. “I didn’t think you would poison me but maybe now I do since you had the thought.” He skimmed over the mention of Emily. “I- Thanks for this, Piper. It means more than you know.” He was somewhat uncomfortable commiserating with Eli because he’d done that same thing to his wife. He was practically as bad as Emily, only Piper didn’t have a sister for him to sleep with. Now, he was stuck with his wife’s affair because he was family. “I appreciate that.” Did he tell her that they were still casually having sex? Really good sex… Maybe but not right now. He retrieved plates from the cabinet and set them down, then gathered silverware and a spatula. “I’m not sure how you got through it. I’ve not… been doing well. So much so that I think I owe you an apology.” He spoke but couldn’t look in her direction while doing so. He served up the pasta and finally turned to her, putting the plates down at the island in front of the stools there. “I’m sorry for how rude I’ve been to you.” 

Piper watched as Andrew reached for the apron and tied it behind his back, unknowingly giving a small nod in no particular direction as she sat the dish onto the island between them. That was probably a good idea, pasta sauce could be tricky at the best of times nevermind when it was in her hands. “Well I wouldn’t try purposely...hence the store bought food.” She wasn’t sure given the circumstances that anybody would believe it was an act of kindness gone terribly wrong if she were to accidentally poison her best friend’s estranged husband, regardless of reputation. “Actually I do know,” She pointed out with a gentle smile, “And believe me, I wish I didn’t almost as much as I wish that you didn’t know what it feels like. But you’re welcome.” She didn’t want to say that she was sorry, had never appreciated when people had said the same to her. Why were they sorry? They weren’t the person who she’d vowed to love forever only to be stabbed in the back twenty years down the line. Eli, or in Andrew’s case Emily, were the only ones that had anything to be sorry about and she’d found that her ex-husband’s countless apologies had done nothing to assuage her. She was still hurt, still confused. Her sorries wouldn’t help her neighbour, but she was hoping the small gesture of friendship would. She waved her hand, as though batting off the man’s own apologies despite how valid they might be. He hadn’t understood, and he did now. She could see that loyalty was a tricky thing, had allowed herself to wonder how she might feel about her best friend had it not been for her own heartbreak. “I get it, he’s your friend and I wasn’t.” Not that it made condoning his cheating, if not outright then at least by simply ignoring how much Elias had hurt her, right but she could understand that he’d been trying to be a good friend to the Rhodes he’d actually gotten along with. “You and I...we are acquaintances who happen to be married to each other’s best friends, that’s it. I wasn’t exactly expecting you to become head of the Piper defence squad. Maybe if Elias and I were still together I’d have an easier time seeing some sort of grey in Em’s actions.” But she couldn’t, not now. This was very black and white to Piper.

At least she had been validated? Wasn’t that what she had asked for? Maybe if these words came from someone other than Piper and hadn’t been a result of the very accurate and needed call out - why should she be blamed for the truth? If these words came from someone other than Piper, maybe Sloane would believe them but never once in their years of friendship and years of that statement being tossed back and forth had she felt any truth behind those words, nor meant any whenever she used them herself.. How awkward would it be for both of them if those words ever carried their actual meaning and the other didn’t pick it up. Still, all for a scarf that wasn’t even that good. Sloane snorted softly, the denial very adamant in Pip’s voice. Hands raised in surrender, although they both knew she was right, “maybe so,” she wasn’t willing to fully give her friend the win. Her own closet was better organized, then again she also liked to believe the things in there she would actually wear. At the very least there was nothing as disgusting as that atrocious scarf had been. A mental run through of her closet wasn’t required at this very moment though, instead she was met with a reassurance that even in a way she didn’t fully understand, her best friend didn’t fully neglect herself. That would be enough, at least for today. Rome wasn’t built in a day and as time had proved, it was a long term project even just updating Piper’s current project. Sloane sighed, “are you ready for that? I mean Peyton graduating?” The girl wasn’t even her own and she still struggled with the reality of all these children around her being big enough to leave, nevertheless their own parents. “I still think you should’ve milked the man all his money’s worth.” But they were different people and Sloane was biased, and unashamed of it. A little damage to his car, maybe a little scare and he’d think twice, but no. 

Piper had always appreciated Sloane’s honesty, harsh as it could be some times. She needed that, somebody who wasn’t afraid to speak up when she was more likely to bite her tongue. If that meant that occasionally her friend would speak up to her, well that was the price she had to pay. Besides, she was right about the scarf. It was pretty ugly. Not many things in her life were as organised as the other woman’s closet; her paints, her daughter’s medications. Her closet was certainly not one of them. Hence the need to spend an afternoon devoted to it, with a witness so that she wouldn’t get side-tracked. And would convince her to actually throw away or donate what needed to be gotten rid of. Not the sweater though...never the sweater. “Am I ready for my baby to grow up and leave me?” She asked, a humourless laugh following her words the only reason that she wasn’t falling apart at the thought, before she shook her head, “I don’t think I’ll ever be ready for that.” Graduating high school would mean college, and that would mean dropping her baby off and only talking to her over the phone and seeing her at holidays or the odd weekend if she were lucky. What would she do if her baby had a flare up and was miles away surrounded by strangers? What would she do if she simply needed a cuddle and somebody to watch sappy movies with? What would they do without each other? She wasn’t eager to find out, but she doubted any mother was. “But I have to come to terms with it eventually, right?” And so was life. She let out a soft exhale, more than familiar with this argument. It wasn’t just Sloane that felt she’d let Elias get off too easy. “He’s still Peyt’s dad, what he did doesn’t change that, and I need him to be able to provide for her. I got the house, I got everything that was mine, I got primary custody, that’s enough.” She might have wanted to hate him, hoped that someday she’d grow into that hatred, but she didn’t want Peyton to. And for that, they at least needed to agree when it came to parenting. Bankrupting her ex-husband didn’t seem like a great start to that.

“I did! And okay, okay fair.” Peyton couldn’t help but giggle back. Grampy had Face-Timed her. Which truly signified an effort because she could mostly only see his forehead at the time to coordinate the delivery of her mother’s birthday cupcakes. The teen was really close to her grandfather, he often came to babysit when her parents would go on weekend getaways when she was a kid and they would go fishing or watch endless amounts of TV-land, classic grandparent stuff. And he would spoil her rotten. Her parents would come home to a messy house and a sleeping child on the couch, usually in some new princess outfit or another tutu that she didn’t need. Peyton squeezed her eyes shut with dramatic effect. “It takes one to know one. Though, the lottery would be nice and you can’t blame me!” She laughed, tongue and cheek. All she really wanted was for her mom to feel safe and happy, she wished that she would worry less and know that she wasn’t going to lose her. No matter what, the young brunette would always be right by her side. Probably longer than most teens would be. “Alright, now that you’ve made your wish! You get to pick what we have for dinner, and the movie. Just nothing too too depressing, again.”

“You count any new wrinkles?” Her father was incredibly bad at technology, comically so, but to Piper that only made it all the more endearing that he and Peyton had went to all the trouble. It was a nice reminder that although she had lost the teammate that she had thought would always be in her corner, that didn’t mean that she was alone. She still had people willing to fight with her, for her. Even if it was simply over the sadness of a birthday. “Yeah, I guess you do get all that awesomeness from me,” She teased, reaching out to gently poke - or perhaps tickle was a more appropriate way to describe the gentle caress - her daughter in the ribs. Truth be told, she had no idea how Peyton had turned out as wonderful as she did. Of course part of it had been genetics, prior to their marriage ending she’d always thought that Elias had contributed to the things that made their child so amazing, but she’d been so scared of messing up her kid almost all of her parenting life. She could barely remember having a mother of her own, she’d lost her so young, and it had left her terrified that - despite knowing that she wanted children, a whole boatload if she’d been allowed - she might somehow not be good enough without that example to follow. When the addition of having a chronically ill child came, well she’d spent nights awake in fear that she wouldn’t be good enough, wouldn’t be what her daughter would need. And yet she’d pulled through, or at least she hoped that she had. It helped that Peyton made it so easy. “Does that mean no Titanic?” She asked, hands clutching her chest, and the takeout menu she’d grabbed from the drawer. as she dramatically re-enacted, “I’ll never let go Jack! I’ll never let go!” What was it she’d been saying about cool.

Fuck, fuck fuck, Emily was mentally hitting herself across the face, as if to snap back into reality. But no, there was no magic trick to get out of this conversation. She should have never fessed up and told Piper. She knew her friend wouldn’t react well, and yet here she was still naively thinking that the only person she screwed over with her infidelity was Andrew. Piper was now added to the long list of people pissed at her. And while justified, it didn’t help with the blonde’s feelings of loneliness, if anything it reinforced them. “How can you be so judgmental? Aren’t you supposed to be there for me no matter what? We already lost Rose, are you trying to completely dismantle what’s left of our friend group?” At least she still had Sloane. But she wasn’t about to tell Piper that, she didn’t want Sloane to get any hate for showing her an ounce of empathy. “I never suggested that to begin with. But you couldn’t possibly understand until you are in that situation. I had nothing else but my kids. My dreams, my passions? I didn’t pursue them like you did. I gave that up so I could put all my energy into being a mom.” The words played in her head like a skipping CD, yet saying them now aloud for the first time, they feel like someone else’s. She hasn’t done anything to earn the right to complain about her life. Not when she personally witnessed the hell that her best friend went through and said best friend is now getting a front row seat too like deja vu. “No, I’m really not. And it’s okay, I’ve accepted it or whatever. My life revolved around my kids’ lives, Brooke’s life and her dancing. And then it revolved around Andrew’s life and when it didn’t seem like he wanted me anymore, Charles did.” She wants to fight back, to say something, anything to defend herself. She wants to tell Piper about having to raise two kids before she was 18 or how at times she did feel exactly the way Rose must have felt. She wants to scream about all the lonely nights when Andrew was working late and she was stuck with two crying infants. She would give anything to be able to feel as free spirited and carefree as Piper always looks. Wants to tell her that even when she was in the hospital at 14, she wasn’t as lonely and self-loathing as she was right now. But instead she nods, at least having the decency to look ashamed of herself. It’s nothing new after all. “I threw them away for nothing. Which is exactly what I deserve. Nothing and no one. If you’re just gonna yell at me some more, I’ll see myself out. I can get this same treatment from the comfort of my own home.” 

Perhaps in another time Piper would have been the supportive friend that Emily so desperately needed her to be. Of course the romantic that she was would never fully allow her to condone infidelity, but before her own relationship had imploded she might have at least been able to appreciate a hate-the-sin-love-the-sinner attitude and stood by her best friend’s side while actively disapproving. But that wasn’t possible anymore. Not with the year she’d had, not when the man she’d considered to be the love of her life had thrown it all away for what he’d once called a fling. A year that the blonde had bore witness to. “How can I be so judgemental? Maybe because I have been Andrew. You watched as my life fell apart, you held me when I cried and you saw how Elias destroyed me. That changed me as a person Emily, my husband cheated on me and it changed my very being. You knew that, and you still did that to your husband. I don’t see how you can expect me to be anything else right now.” She found herself scoffing, shaking her head as she wondered if this was truly what her friend thought or just a list of strung together convenient excuses. “You think it was my dream to be an art teacher in a small town public high school?” It certainly hadn’t been. She’d had plans, big ones, but they’d changed the moment she’d found out that Peyton was entering the world. The axis her own had rested on suddenly shifted, everything she’d ever thought she wanted changed. Her daughter was the best possible disturbance to those plans. “I just wanted to be her mother more. I could never hold that against her.” Because it seemed as though that was what her friend was doing, something she’d never imagined she would be capable of. She was learning a lot about Emily she hadn’t known before. “And Elias, in all his stupid choices, has never attempted to shift blame onto either of us for his poor decision-making.” It was not very often that anybody sank below her ex-husband, but apparently that was exactly where Emily was heading. “And with his brother?!” Would there be no end to this madness? “You...what were you thinking Em? Not...not all that. Surely there must have been a moment before, when you knew it was wrong.” 

“A gentleman never tells. Aren’t you lucky I’m not a gentle man? Have you seen my wife? I can barely keep my hands to myself. And when I had Emily too it was basically everyday.”

“My wife. Obviously. It just makes me a pretty damn lucky man that she feels the same about me. And maybe Scarlett Johansson.”

“I think there’s a time and place for both. I mean, I won’t deny that there’s a certain passion when it comes to rough sex. But I think that flame can still be there when you’re being slow and gentle. For me it’s about my partner and the fact I’m having sex with him, whether that happens to be rough or soft depends on our mood.”