On the Wings

Angel was a high title, one that Sydney didn’t think she could claim. She was just a person who knew how dark the world could be, and she just wanted to be a small light to whoever needed it. “No,” she chuckled giving her head a shake, “definitely not an angel..it just doesn’t seem fair of me to dirty or damage these fruits just to put them back for others to buy. Seems…disrespectful, ya know? I would feel better taking them home with me.” If she didn’t, she would probably think all day about those abandoned apples, riddled with guilt. “Thanks for helping me by the way, you didn’t have to do that.”

Sloane shrugged, they could agree to disagree, although Sydney had a point it was disrespectful to just put dirty apples back, she didn’t doubt there were people who would do it though. “True, but I’m sure you could have just gathered it and let the workers know rather than buy them yourself.” Though maybe it was easier to just buy them. Less worker for the workers so, they were probably more appreciative of her actions as well as whoever was getting whatever dessert she decided to make. Was apple sauce a dessert? Waving her off, she smiled, “I wouldn’t feel right letting you chase down apples when I could help you out, but you’re welcome.”

“I can’t believe that’s what you think,” she scoffed, trying to hide the smile fighting to gain a place on the corner of her lips. Purpose was a funny word, purpose meant that Sloane would have had to plan this from the beginning. Which, if the thought had occurred to her, maybe she would have, but unfortunately she just wasn’t that smart. She was smart enough to take advantage of a situation that had perfectly presented itself in front of them. “I swear Em, I didn’t plan this.” So no, it hadn’t happened on purpose but she was a fool if she didn’t force her friend to come face to face with her issues. “But, since we’re already here, might as well go through with it, huh?” The smile now sat freely on her lips, having won it’s fight.

Piper had always appreciated Sloane’s honesty, harsh as it could be some times. She needed that, somebody who wasn’t afraid to speak up when she was more likely to bite her tongue. If that meant that occasionally her friend would speak up to her, well that was the price she had to pay. Besides, she was right about the scarf. It was pretty ugly. Not many things in her life were as organised as the other woman’s closet; her paints, her daughter’s medications. Her closet was certainly not one of them. Hence the need to spend an afternoon devoted to it, with a witness so that she wouldn’t get side-tracked. And would convince her to actually throw away or donate what needed to be gotten rid of. Not the sweater though…never the sweater. “Am I ready for my baby to grow up and leave me?” She asked, a humourless laugh following her words the only reason that she wasn’t falling apart at the thought, before she shook her head, “I don’t think I’ll ever be ready for that.” Graduating high school would mean college, and that would mean dropping her baby off and only talking to her over the phone and seeing her at holidays or the odd weekend if she were lucky. What would she do if her baby had a flare up and was miles away surrounded by strangers? What would she do if she simply needed a cuddle and somebody to watch sappy movies with? What would they do without each other? She wasn’t eager to find out, but she doubted any mother was. “But I have to come to terms with it eventually, right?” And so was life. She let out a soft exhale, more than familiar with this argument. It wasn’t just Sloane that felt she’d let Elias get off too easy. “He’s still Peyt’s dad, what he did doesn’t change that, and I need him to be able to provide for her. I got the house, I got everything that was mine, I got primary custody, that’s enough.” She might have wanted to hate him, hoped that someday she’d grow into that hatred, but she didn’t want Peyton to. And for that, they at least needed to agree when it came to parenting. Bankrupting her ex-husband didn’t seem like a great start to that.

Sloane fell back against Piper’s bed, sprawling out as if the space were hers. They had gone through a decent amount so far, that itself was a goal, even if there had been a little hitch with the scarf. If there was one thing for her to be proud off, it was the fact that the scarf would be tossed, that was her day’s win. Could she burn it? Just to commemorate the step? Or even just to make sure Piper didn’t go behind her back and try to hold on to it? A sick sense of glee would enjoy to watch it burn. Maybe that wasn’t the right question but there was no better way to ask it. When Piper put it that way, there was no reason any parent would be ready to send their kid off. Didn’t stop their child from growing though and that itself had to be the hardest part. She couldn’t bare to add the fact that Peyton had already grown up, seemingly in the blink of an eye, but that was the worst of time. Sloane shrugged, “I mean you can live in denial but that wouldn’t do anyone good.” And Peyton would still have to go off to college regardless. Everything around them really was just changing. Could time stop? Maybe wait for them all to at least catch their breath? “You could also be a very protective mother and just move with her, but I’m not sure that would be good for either of you,” Sloane joked. It probably wasn’t what any kid really wanted, no matter how close they were to their parents. Glad Piper wasn’t looking her way, she rolled her eyes, settling to prop herself up with her elbows. Sure, there was a point to be made for the fact that he was Peyton’s dad but it wasn’t like Elias didn’t have a job off his own, a good paying one, shelling out a few more dollars for the woman he had supposedly loved seemed like the least he could do for ruining things. “He still has his job, I don’t think providing would be too hard.” Again, this was her very biased opinion of a man who had technically never done anything personal to her. She’d say the impact of his actions were enough for her to hold a bit of a grudge. 

What can I do to help? Emily almost chuckled at her friend’s inquiry. What could be done at this point? Nothing. Things were practically beyond repair and no amount of heart to hearts with Sloane could fix that. “I don’t think there’s anything that you can do. I don’t think there’s even anything I can do except apologize more and try and prove to him, to my kids, that I deserve another chance. And I don’t think we’re at that point yet.” Emily confessed, shaking her head at her friend’s words. How Sloane was able to be so optimistic, see the bright side in everything and still try and find a solution to her monumental mistake? That was something rare. “Then you tell me what my purpose is because I don’t think I really have one now.” It was a dark thought, she would give Sloane that. “I was a mother, now my kids are going off to school. I was a wife, who cheated on her husband. I don’t have a college degree, I barely graduated high school between two pregnancies and my only real passion was dancing. And I doubt anyone is looking for a 30 something dancer who could have been a prima ballerina had she not gotten knocked up as a sophomore. Almost, but not quite. I don’t really have any of my own money, Andrew makes brings in the income, he pays the bills. I don’t have a job that I get credit or a paycheck for. ” Now she was rambling, but damn it felt good to get all this off her chest. “I don’t know if he wants to get back together. I don’t even know if we are broken up or separated or anything. He just sort of left. He’s staying at a hotel for now. I didn’t sign the papers though, I held firm. I’m not ready to give up on him, on any of them.”

It was hard to not feel defeated, Sloane was doing her best to try to find something bright about the situation, hard to do when things were so fucked, and that was putting it nicely. It was hard to hear there was nothing she could do. So Sloane nodded, figuring at this point this was all she could. “It’s all fresh, you have to give them time... yourself time...” Hopefully time would do some good and another chance at the end of the day. “As much as I wish I could, I’m not you, Em. I can’t define your purpose for you or tell you what you have to live for.” She doubted that was what her friend wanted to hear, but it was what she could. “Look, I’ll give you everything else but Emily, you’re still a mother. It doesn’t matter how old your kids are, doesn’t matter where in the world they go, you will always be a mother, their mother.” Even if they were upset with her, angry at her, or anything of the sort, it didn’t change that. Being mother was one thing that even this mistake could never erase. She had a point with a the wife thing and maybe she had a point with the lack of college degree, but it was just another point for Emily to feel bad about herself, and Sloane understood. She didn’t like it, but she understood and if it made Emily feel better, why not? The woman needed a release, obviously. She leaned back, closing her eyes for a minute. “So what’s next? What are you going to do next?” Sit here and wallow for a few days, sure, maybe even weeks but after that what was the plan? 

“They didn’t keep the doctor away?” she joked back, not really sure if the other woman would find it even remotely funny or not. Sydney let out a small defeated sigh as she picked up one of the apples, dusting it off on her shirt before looking it over for any damage, “Well,” she began as she looked back up at Sloane, “at least they don’t need to be perfect to bake with.” Slowly she began gathering up all the apples that she had caused to fall, “Maybe I can donate some to the needy…after I bake them all up. Or apple sauce for the nursing home? They would probably like that, but if all else fails I’ll just leave them in the lunchroom at work.” There was no way Sydney wasn’t going to buy every apple that had hit the floor.

Sloane cringed at the comment, shaking her head even if the terrible joke had put a smile on her face. Was this how bad her own had sounded? Maybe she should apologize for putting Sydney through that. Seeing Sydney picking up the apples, Sloane bent down to help, “I guess that’s true,” not that she knew anything about baking with apples or even homemade apple sauce. “Wow, you’re a very sweet person. Are you sure you’re not like some angel?.” Apple sauce for a nursing home? This woman was an angle. Obviously, Sloane had heard good things about Sydney, her reputation proceeded her, but it was usually just that and limited interactions. “I should figure out how to bake with apples. It would save my not so pretty looking apples.”

Under normal circumstances Sydney loved grocery shopping. She loved looking at all the fresh fruit and veggies, she loved all the different layers of smells that she caught whiff of as she moved up and down the various aisles. But today she took very little notice at all those things, no, her mind was focused on something else entirely. What really happened at the valentine’s bash and why was Charles hiding it from her? If she really wanted to know, she knew who to ask…the other Ashworth’s of course, but did she really want to know? If Charles was hiding the truth then it was to protect her, right? The sound of a catastrophe in the next aisle jolted Sydney from her thoughts, which unfortunately caused her to knock several poor apples from their stand, the bright red balls bounced and rolled along the tiles, “Oh no!” she exclaimed as she scrambled to pick them all up, “No, no, no…stop!” As if the fruits would listen to her plea…

Falling fruits seemed to be representative of Fairview, but maybe she was just reading a little to into it. It was hard not to when something was happening at every turn. It had been less chaotic than everything else that happened was happening. All Sloane wanted was a peaceful month. It shouldn’t be much to ask, but it was the least the world could do for her. Granted the world didn’t owe her any favors but damn. If run away fruit was the best this week could offer, it seemed like a sign. Though Sloane wasn’t sure what exactly it was a sign of yet. Doing her best to save whatever fruit she could, she picked them up and rolled her cart closer to Sydney, “what did the poor fruit do to you?” she joked, trying her best to lighten the mood. With what her family was going through, fruit wasn’t the worst thing she could take her feelings out on. “They look fine, I’m not sure they are though.” Were you just supposed to put dropped fruit back on display? That seemed wrong.

“I hate you,” Piper said, although the affection that was hidden in her voice betrayed that she did not in fact hate Sloane. If anything she loved her best friend more than she ever had before, appreciated her friends more than she ever had. It didn’t matter what she thought of her fashion choices, which granted even Piper didn’t think that scarf was deserving of a space in her closet, she would still appreciate Sloane. “She does not!” She exclaimed, despite suddenly recalling that she had seen Mrs Wright in something that was at least similar. She turned quickly, her hands once again rummaging through the closet that were hanging in her closet and looking for more things to throw out. She should have done this months ago, began ridding herself of things she no longer needed - perhaps it would allow her to begin moving on - but as her hands skimmed across an old sweatshirt she was suddenly reminded of why she hadn’t. It was covered in paint stains, it was decades old and the material was wearing. But she’d had it since college. She’d stolen it the first time she’d spent the night in Eli’s dorm and had never gotten around to giving it back, when they’d moved in together she had spent Sunday mornings in that sweater and she’d worn it when she and Peyton painted the kitchen together when her little girl was still a little girl. She should throw it out, but she couldn’t bring herself too. Instead she quickly turned away from the open drawers again. “They weren’t for work,” She reassured, shaking her head at the suggestion that she should splash out more often. “Peyton has prom coming up soon, and then it’ll be graduation after that. The divorce wasn’t exactly cheap, I just think it wouldn’t be so bad to save a little for a while.” Plus the medication, all the medication. Besides, it wasn’t as if she’d ever been a big spender.

At least she had been validated? Wasn’t that what she had asked for? Maybe if these words came from someone other than Piper and hadn’t been a result of the very accurate and needed call out - why should she be blamed for the truth? If these words came from someone other than Piper, maybe Sloane would believe them but never once in their years of friendship and years of that statement being tossed back and forth had she felt any truth behind those words, nor meant any whenever she used them herself.. How awkward would it be for both of them if those words ever carried their actual meaning and the other didn’t pick it up. Still, all for a scarf that wasn’t even that good. Sloane snorted softly, the denial very adamant in Pip’s voice. Hands raised in surrender, although they both knew she was right, “maybe so,” she wasn’t willing to fully give her friend the win. Her own closet was better organized, then again she also liked to believe the things in there she would actually wear. At the very least there was nothing as disgusting as that atrocious scarf had been. A mental run through of her closet wasn’t required at this very moment though, instead she was met with a reassurance that even in a way she didn’t fully understand, her best friend didn’t fully neglect herself. That would be enough, at least for today. Rome wasn’t built in a day and as time had proved, it was a long term project even just updating Piper’s current project. Sloane sighed, “are you ready for that? I mean Peyton graduating?” The girl wasn’t even her own and she still struggled with the reality of all these children around her being big enough to leave, nevertheless their own parents. “I still think you should’ve milked the man all his money’s worth.” But they were different people and Sloane was biased, and unashamed of it. A little damage to his car, maybe a little scare and he’d think twice, but no. 

For the record, it was likely a light slam, the frustration of the moment only adding to the dramatic effect, she hoped. “It’s not that simple…but thank you.” Peyton murmured, nodding at the other. She was tired of being the sick kid that complained, to the teenager, it was already slightly embarrassing not only to be sick but to have her mom work at the high school. She loved it and it gave her the ultimate peace of mind, especially when she was on the cusp of a flare throughout the school year, but try as she might, the young brunette couldn’t shake the feeling, the teenage importance of popularity. “I-It’s okay. You probably wouldn’t know them…and…besides, it’s not your problem. I can, I can figure it out. I’ve just been sick and just overwhelmed, but I’ll get through it.” Peyton nodded at Sloane’s plan to come back later. “I mean, I’m sure she wouldn’t mind, if you want to go say hi.”

Sloane shrugged, it could become that simple in her mind, then again she wasn’t the one who had to deal with the fall out. “Sure, but if you ever need an adult to step in who isn’t your mom, I’d be glad to help.” School was already an issue, from what she remembered, to add the weight of everything Peyton had to deal with on top? As much as Sloane could be there for her best-friends daughter, she would. It would make Piper’s life easier too. “The best people to scare are the one’s you don’t know.... so I’ve heard.” That way you dealt with their parents once and avoided it. Sloane sighed, “I’m sure you can figure it out but don’t stress yourself too much.” God forbid she made herself even more sick but due to stress. Sloane joked, “it’s almost like you’re trying to get rid of me.”

“Rude!” Piper playfully exclaimed, reaching for the discarded scarf and balling it up to childish throw in Sloane’s direction. A giggle erupted from her lips. That didn’t used to be such a rare occurrence, until recently Piper’s life had been filled with reasons to smile and she seemed to be in an almost constant state of joy. However, now she was even more grateful for her friends - they made her smile when nobody else could. “It was on sale!” She defended, although that didn’t answer the question. “I don’t need anything,” She retorted, rolling her eyes at the familiar argument. Most of her money went to medical bills, first Peyton’s and now she had to add hers, she rewore outfits to their death and bought new only for special occasions. She was aware the concept might have been lost on her friends. Which is why she knew that the answer wouldn’t satisfy Sloane. “Oh! I bought some new paints yesterday. Acrylic. Does that count?”

Sloane laughed, squeaking as she shielded herself from from the weapon. “I’m just telling you the truth!” She exclaimed, picking the scarf to analyze it closer. Maybe it wouldn’t be that bad up close. It was. It didn’t make the scarf look any better. “It was on sale ‘cause nobody wanted it, Pip.” That probably wasn’t true. Sloane had seen what people wore around town, unfortunately Piper wasn’t the only person who had this ugly scarf. “You know, I think I saw Mrs. Wright, you know that old woman, I’m pretty sure she had it too,” pursing her lips. Had it been that scarf? Or at least it was something similar. Sloane matched her eyeroll with one of her own. It wasn’t a case of need as much as she knew her friend deserved to treat herself and she didn’t think Piper was doing enough of that. “You need to treat yourself. Enjoy your money. God forbid you die, the money doesn’t go with you.” Was that dramatic? Absolutely but if it got a point across. Dramatically, Sloane collapsed back on to the bed. “I think you hate me,” she sighed, turning her head to look at Piper. “They aren’t for work right?”

Sloane grinned, “Sexy?, love to hear it.” As entertaining as the comment was, it was just that, pure entertainment and nothing with substance. “I’ve never been chained to a man, but my man does like it when I’m handcuffed. Sorry to burst your bubble.”

“I wasn’t drunk or high, well maybe the first time.” Emily was bracing herself for this reaction from Piper or Sloane. Her best friends weren’t above being straight up blunt with her at times, and gave her the reality check she so often needed. The blonde just wished she had sooner come to them for advice and not needing them to deal with picking up the aftermath of yet another storm she caused. “I’ve just been so lonely ever since Andrew announced his plan to run for mayor and he’s been busy on the bench. He’s doing all these exciting things, Beth is in law school, Brooke has her dancing. I only ever knew how to be a mother and a wife. My kids are grown up Loane, my purpose is gone. It just felt like I was coming second, that I was boring or unappealing to him all a sudden. Which I know, it’s a problem that I need to deal with myself and not everyone who feels brushed off or ignored goes and cheats on their spouse, it’s the worst thing I’ve ever done. But Charles was there I guess, he was always there. It was easy. And maybe a sick part of me wanted to get Andrew’s attention, or if I couldn’t then at least I had his brother’s.” Letting out a breath she slowly nodded, confirming what she could only assume were her friend’s worst fears about her. “It happened before Rose died, lasted a few months. But it’s over now I swear. I don’t think Beth knows anything, but Brooke is furious. She hates my guts. I honestly don’t know how we are going to come back from this.”

Sloane sighed, rolling her shoulders again to relax them. God, she felt stressed just hearing about this. Nevertheless Emily having to live through it. It broke her heart to hear Emily. Especially to hear her say she felt alone. “I know this is late Em, but what can I do to help you feel less lonely?” She smiled weakly. “No, no, don’t think that way.” Sloane shook her head adamantly, that was a dangerous thought process going on. “No, Emily. Your purpose isn’t gone. It changed. You got married and had kids, they became priority and it always changed as they aged. You dropped everything for them, sometimes by choice, other times because you had to and now you don’t know what to do and that’s not completely your fault, that’s life.” Sloane felt like she had just barraged Emily so she took a breath before speaking again. “Your purpose isn’t gone. It’s changed, and we just need to find that again. Something that you love that isn’t because of your husband or your girls,” then quickly adding, “but also doesn’t bring any more harm to you family.” Or whatever was left of it. No, there was hope. If anyone believed it, it had to be Sloane. Even if she didn’t agree with whatever the hell had done down. Damn it. Why did it have to happen more than once? “Of course Brooke is furious, she thought her parents had the perfect marriage and all of a sudden it’s changed things.” She doubted that conversation went down well either. Sloane shrugged, “little by little is the only way. Does Andrew want to get back together?” As much as they could try to make things better, if Andrew didn’t want that, there wasn’t much Emily could do.

closed starter for @sloanemlx​

“This is cute, right?” Piper asked, her tone a slightly higher pitch than usual as she tried to convince both herself and Sloane that she could pull off the scarf. She even did a little twirl, as though that would magically changed how much the style aged her. If anything, this silk scarf was only proving how desperately she needed this closet clean out. And apparently she realised that as she quickly whipped the fabric from around her shoulders. “Okay, that goes in the donation pile.”

Sloane blinked, debating whether it was worth lying to Piper or not. For the sake of a scarf that she didn’t even think she had seen in the last year. She grimaced instead, it wasn’t worth lying for that. “Honestly, I don’t think anyone needs that in their closet.” Was that harsh? A little. Was it necessary? Absolutely. “Did you even like it that much when you bought it?” And.... why? Where had anyone been when she bought that? “Anyway, other than when me and Em force you to, when’s the last time you actually bought something nice for yourself?”

“Oh, I…sorry Sloane. No, it’s not a trend. I’m just frustrated…group projects and teenage boys who don’t do their homework.” Peyton lamented sheepishly, running a nervous hand through her hair. “It’s, it’s just been a long week and I’ve just been really behind. My dad got me an extension on this and the kids in my group, they just took advantage of it and did nothing while I was out of school because of my flare.” The teenager huffed, putting the laptop gently next to her. “I didn’t mean to like be so intense.” The brunette had really been struggling with coping with the up and down nature of her illness on top of being a motivated high school senior and it was really starting to catch up to her. “Uh, but, uh mom’s inside, I think grading?”

“It’s not me you need to worry about apologizing to.” It wasn’t her laptop and it wasn’t her money. Sloane was probably just a little too curious for her liking. “It’s no surprise but boys are stupid, and as you can tell, they don’t all get that much smarter.” Though that wasn’t very mood lifting was it? “I mean, I’ve heard I can be a little convincing,” though it would be more of a threat this time, “just let me know who they are and I can speak to them.” Sloane shook her head, again not needing the apology at all. If anything, Peyton had a reason to be upset. “You know you don’t have to apologize for your feelings with me, I can’t ever get it, but if you’re feeling upset, be upset.” She shrugged. Hearing Piper was working, sort of, she sucked her teeth, “ah, I don’t know if I wanna disturb her mid work, I might just come back.”

“Okay, once I dated... had a thing with this dude. Not completely sure what he did when I think about it but he worked in a courthouse right. Somehow had a key to a judge’s chamber. He might have been the judge’s son. I can’t imagine that would’ve been good if we got caught. Luckily we didn’t. I hope he’s doing well.”

“I unfortunately have. Maybe unfortunately is a strong word but it’s an experience I’d gladly forget.” Sloane cringed, shaking her head quickly. “It wasn’t worth what people made it seem and I would never do it again or encourage anyone to do it.” Then again, maybe this was just a sign she was older now, more mature, something of that sort. Though she had a feeling her younger self shared a similar sentiment.