♡ Milkshake ♡

i would care about the world cup if there were more players on the pitch and rhe pitch was made of marble and bricks and concrete and filled wirh benches and the players wore voluminois white jerseys and the ball was a sort of decree or law and the referee was called "tribune of the plebs

hey, tag this with a food people get really upset about you not liking

normally i look at artifacts like this with no more extreme reaction than "oh neat!" but the face on this guy had me laughing uncontrollably

some of you people are so annoying. i mean me too but good lord

washing dishes is evil because you go "oh fuck there's so many dishes this is gonna take foreverrr" and then you enter the dish abyss and emerge with your abdomen somehow covered in water and your hands all wrinky and then you look at the clock and what felt like half an hour was actually 10 minutes

so when Octavian starts acting like a king the senate love him, but when I, Gaius Julius Caesar...

ancient greek restaurant but everyone just walks in and eats for free because the host has to observe Xenia

who else is up permanently feeling like they did something Wrong

It's okay if you're 22 and still sleep with a stuffed animal it's called having the cuddlers spirit and it's actually what gets you into heaven

Okay so it turns out I was at the wrong stop

one time i was waiting for the bus and it was late so i checked the tracker online and it said "data not available" and i texted my dear friend who i was taking the bus to meet that my bus had been eaten by the void

they should add loot tables to blowing your nose. like when you have a cold there should be a rare chance of sneezing out something incredibly valuable. this should be called winning the snottery

[doesn't understand jacking off] and I'm supposed to... touch my penis? [shaking my head and smiling, murmuring to myself] touching my own penis... [chuckles] what will they come up with next