domus perkele

I'm in a little local cafe and the women behind the counter started griping to each other, "Oh Christ, Stephen's back again," "It's him, is it? I thought he'd stopped coming," "It's definitely him, look, it's bloody Stephen on a Thursday morning," "Do you want me to get rid of him or are you going to do it?" and so I was peering outside, trying to spot this nightmare customer, this pestilence of a person, this pox upon the cafe trade, and then one of the women from behind the counter ran outside, clapping two trays together loudly and yelling "GET OUT OF IT, STEPHEN!" and it turns out that Stephen is an absolutely gigantic fuck-off seagull who hangs around outside, menacing people for crumbs

damn this bus stop is perfect. now if we could just find somebody to stand upwind of everybody and smoke a decrepit cigarette they found in a tomb

Adult b'nai mitzvahs I love you so much. I love that the reasons for them are as varied as the Jewish people. You can do it if you converted. You can do it if you already had one at 13 but now you've reached another milestone year in old age. You can do it if you were born Jewish but raised secular and never had one. You can do it if you fled the Soviet Union or anywhere else you weren't free to practice Judaism growing up. Holocaust survivors had them if they were in camps or in hiding at the age they should've been having theirs. Trans Jews can have them as a way to affirm their gender. Women can have them if they grew up in a time or community where it was only for boys. Anyone who's had an adult b'nai mitzvah, you're an inspiration to me and you form the links in the chain that will pass the Torah down to me when I have my own bat mitzvah one day.

I need a blowjob but I don’t have a penis or a strap on and I’m not taking off my pants so you’re just gonna have to figure it out

car is a sentient beast that eats dollars and can tell when you have money in your bank account

grounding techniques, ok 5 things i can see. ugly man. shitty palm tree. clear evidence of air pollution. conservative bumper stickers. roadkill. why do i feel worse