Minnow

What Happens When Zookeepers Have Too Much Time On Their Hands

There are more than 25,000 public high schools in this country.

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Supercarrier: fandom flagship.  Everybody and their dog ships it.  The fandom is glutted with artwork and fic.  You cannot escape this ship.

Dreadnought: massively popular.  Nearly everybody ships it.  You can, with dedication, in theory, reach the end of the AO3 archive for the ship’s tag, but it’ll take a long time.

Cruiser: pretty popular ship.  Not everyone ships it, but everyone knows about it.  Has a good amount of fic/art, and probably multiple ask blogs.

Frigate: just plain popular.  Feels like it could use more fanworks.  New people to the fandom might not know about it, but they’ll stumble across it sooner rather than later.

Gunboat: bit of a rarepair.  It might have an ask blog or two.  A couple big name fans ship it.  Probably only takes a few weeks to get through the entire AO3 backlog, and one new fic gets added during that time.

Tugboat: rarepair.  Almost never seen except as a side pairing to a more popular ship.  You can usually get through everything on AO3 in a matter of days.  You’ve forgotten what it is to be picky about what you read.

Rowboat: less than a dozen people ship it.  You all know each other.  You exist in an endless cycle of the same five people desperately producing art and fic and one person who constantly contributes headcanons.

Raft: There’s two-to-four people who Ship It Hard and a few others who grab onto the side for safety when there’s drama on their usual flagship.

Barrel: There’s orphaned fic of it. There’s unsigned art of it. There’s headcanon asks on anon. Someone must ship it, but no one knows why or who they are. Your friend got a glimpse once before they ducked back down.

How To Tell If You Are In A High Fantasy Novel

[via The Toast]

The Elders would like a word with you.

The Ritual is about to begin.

Something that has not happened in a thousand years is happening.

You are going to the City. There is only one City. It is only said with a capital C. No one needs to bother saying the name of the City. It is the City.

Certain members of the Council are displeased with your family’s recent actions.

A bard is providing occasional comic relief; no one hired or invited him and his method of earning a living is unclear.

The High Priest is not to be trusted.

Someone is eating an apple mockingly.

There is one body of water. It is called the Sea. The Great Sea, if you are feeling fancy.

You live in a region with no major exports, no centralized government, no banking system, a mysteriously maintained network of roads, and little to no job training for anyone who is not a farmer.

You have red hair. You wear it in a braid. Your father was a simple man, and you don’t remember much about him – he died when you were so young – but you remember his strong hands, as he fished or carpentered or whatever it was that he used to do with them.

You’re going to have to hurry, or you’re going to miss the Fair – and you never miss the Fair.

There is trouble at the Citadel.

Your full name has at least one apostrophe in it.

It is the first page, and you are already late for something. Your mother affectionately chides you as you gulp down a few spoonfuls of porridge; she will be dead by page forty-two.

There are two religions in your entire universe. One is a thinly veiled version of Islam. It is only practiced by villains. The other is “being a Viking.” You are a Viking.

There are new ways in the land that threaten the Old Way. Your grandmother secretly practices the Old Way, as do all of the people of the hills.

The first screencaps from The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild 2 were released today, along with notes on the upcoming release:

The game will function as an MMORPG with customizable characters!

A new absolutely photoreal rendering style will replace the aesthetic of the original game, using the Switch’s hardware to its full potential!

The world map will be 4 times the size of Breath of the Wild’s, and will include a Dark World of the same size, effectively offering 8 times the explorable world, with over 60 dungeons, 240 shrines, and a final castle!

Instead of Amiibo integration, the game will integrate human teeth. As children lose their baby-teeth, they can place each tooth under the Switch overnight to receive gifts within the game!

The game will feature AR capability, allowing users to wander the outside world and find objects from the game. With the inclusion of a real sword with each copy, players will also be able to fight monsters and other players in the real world. Nintendo expects that many will die, but it will still be worth it for the action and thrill of playing!

Nintendo has grown a DNA-controlled viable humanoid fetus that will grow up to be a real life Ganondorf, and will eventually metamorphose into a demonic beast called Ganon. Ganon will take over the globe, ushering in a new age of darkness and pain which only Zelda players will be able to end. Nintendo will campaign for the game on the merit that if you yourself are the hero to save the world but fail to play, you are responsible for the misery and demise of the human race!

Watch: Kristen Bell opens up about the mental health double standard and how she manages her own struggle.