ohh the problems... the problems...

the fun thing about meta knight is that he is so transgender that the mask works as a trans allegory whether he keeps it or takes it off. accepting your true self Or becoming happy with how you look

my buddy brings her angel girlfriend to the function, I spend the whole time refusing to look at or even acknowledge her existence, because I am a staunch atheist and dont believe in that nonsense. she starts to throw things at my head to get my attention and between volleys of marbles and kitchen utensils I grunt "swamp gas. aurora borealis. probably a weather balloon.youre seeing things"

i should only be charged a symbolic amount of 10 cents for my groceries because i have kind eyes and my intentions are pure

clown gets home after a long day. tired, sweaty. peels off their colorful overalls on the way to the bathroom. gets in the shower and turns the knob. burst of confetti & ribbons from the showerhead. clown sighs. dries off with a long chain of hankies

she can barely get the door open before her 4 balloon dogs are squeaking in a pile in the foyer

things fall apart the center cannot hold and me i feel also not so good

#what rough beast it’s hour come round at last slouches towards the medicine cabinet to get tums (via @softersleep)

not many people know about “goldilocks code” from the 80s where queer men would have hot porridge in their left pocket if they were a papa bear and cold porridge in their right pocket if they were a mama bear

Reblogging for a larger sample size 🐕🐕🐕