arrested for coldfucker crimes

Just a short piece of fluff I wrote to meet some immediate comfort needs.

Summary: A farming couple in a vaguely historical setting; a cold; some silly banter, very fluffy

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The day is done, the sheep are in, and it’s really about time. Not only because of how precariously low the sun has been for some time now, but because the nights are getting really chilly, and to be honest Lily has had her fair share of chill for the day, no question about it. She sniffles and runs her wrist under her nose, cold and damp, unlike that thing that’s nudging her free hand, damp too but warm.

“Go on, Sleepy,” she says, though it’s hard not to smile. Every time he does that, giving her that last extra nudge and lick before going with the others, Lily can’t help thinking about the night Sleepy was born. His ma, Mittens, all heavy with twins there on the barn floor, first time, looking at her with those big bright eyes, knowing that something will happen soon. The first one, Dahlia, coming out so swiftly, but with the second one Lily needed to assist the ewe. First she had thought the poor bastard wouldn’t make it, can still remember that uniquely sad little shape, lying still among the hay.

Me!! :)

Picrew link

1.4k words, St/ranger Th/ings — platonic Steve and Robin with brief hints of St/eddie and Ro/nance. As ever, Steve is only capable of worrying about others.

Written for @miserablebabes — I was your secret santa ^^

Thanks again to @softsnzstuff for organizing this!

Hatchet Cove, like most Newfoundland fishing villages, didn’t see many newcomers. In Bree’s experience, anyone who did move to the isolated village was usually marrying someone who already lived there, or joining their family who already lived there… People didn’t tend to go looking to move to Hatchet Cove. Bree’s own family had lived there for four generations, and while she had no intentions of leaving, she did have trouble understanding why anyone would choose to come to their small, isolated village on its own merit.

Much less anyone like Kai.

They’d moved into the old lighthouse and taken over as its keeper almost a year ago now, but the locals hadn’t warmed up to the newcomer anymore than the land had. From what little Bree had heard about them, Kai was Hawaiian born and raised, making Newfoundland’s climate seem a perpetual winter to them. The people of Hatchet Cove, while glad to have the lighthouse staffed again, were skeptical at best of their new lightkeeper.

While few were at all hostile, most somewhat looked down on Kai’s apparent “weak constitution”. Bree, who’d had the privilege of visiting Arizona once and promptly decided to never go so far south again, privately figured most of the people rolling their eyes at Kai’s shivering wouldn’t last a day in a tropical climate. Still, there was no denying that Kai found the icy weather of their new home to be… Difficult.

That morning, when they made their weekly trip to the general store, for example.

Bree got most of her work as a mechanic, but when no one needed anything repaired, she helped out her parents with the general store, stocking shelves or manning the register. It was a slow day for her, and she’d already worked her way through the new inventory for the day, so she spent her time idling at the counter, wondering if anyone was going to bother coming in with the vicious wind howling outside.

Her question was answered when said wind slammed the door open, allowing Kai to stumble inside and wrestle it shut behind them. Bree half stood up to help them, but relaxed when they managed it on their own. Kai leaned against the closed door for a moment, catching their breath.

Kai’s dark, curly hair was dusted with snow where it stuck out from under their knit cap, as were their coat and boots. Most of their face was obscured by a scarf at first, but they yanked it down a bit frantically, revealing their large nose to be red and flaring.

Bree winced in sympathy as Kai buried a gut-punch of a sneeze into their arm. Another cold, then. They’d been on the mend when they came in last week, but considering they’d spent their first winter here with back-to-back colds, Bree wasn’t exactly shocked to see they were catching another one. As Kai blinked their watery eyes and snuffled, cleaning up their ever-besieged nose, Bree tried to make herself look busy.

She was glad the store was otherwise abandoned, since it saved Kai from being subjected to the disapproving tuts and glares from some of Hatchet Cove’s less polite citizens. Bree was never bothered by Kai’s perpetual case of the sniffles, personally; she found it kinda cute, to be honest. Well, days like today it made her chest twinge more than it endeared her. She listened as Kai shuffled around the store, sniffling and muffling sneezes every minute or two. Kai always sneezed like their life depended on it, and trying to tamp it down just made things worse.

Finally, Kai made their way back to the counter, knuckling their nose absently as Bree rang and bagged their groceries. Their rich brown eyes were watering slightly, and a bit glazed from fever. Bree frowned to herself, concern battling her reluctance to go poking into other people’s business. As Kai ruffled through their wallet to pay for their food, Bree couldn’t help but poke a little.

“Looks like that cold wasn’t on the way out after all, huh?” She was shooting for friendly, but more concern leaked in than she’d intended. Kai shrugged, handing over the cash.

“It was. This is…” Their breath caught slightly, nose starting to twitch. “Is… new--”

Kai was cut off as a sneeze wrenched its way out of them, clumsily catching the spray and snot with their gloved hands. Before Bree could respond, another sneeze ripped forth, even more violent and messy than the last. Kai was left a bit stunned in the aftermath, hands still clamped over their face and eyes blinking away tears.

Bree grabbed a handful of tissues from behind the counter, shoving them into Kai’s hand and politely averting her gaze to count their change. Bree felt another pang when the slight squelching of Kai tending to their nose gave way to an exhausted moan. She handed over Kai’s change, not commenting on their suddenly missing gloves.

Kai muttered their thanks, gathering up their groceries in their arms, visibly bracing for the walk back home. Unable to stand it any longer, Bree jumped up.

“Hey, y’know, my shift’s about over anyway, why don’t I give you a ride home?” She offered, hoping she didn’t sound nervous. Kai looked over at her in surprise, forgetting to sniffle for a moment and causing a bit of snot to drip down. “Just got new snow tires put on.” Bree added lamely, when Kai didn’t answer.

“That’s, uh…” Kai glanced out the window at the raging wind whipping up flurries of snow. They sniffled, then sighed. “Yeah, that’d be great, actually. Wasn’t looking forward to the hike home.”

Bree grinned in relief. “Yeah, it’s no problem! C’mon through the back here, I’m parked just outside.”

Whatever response Kai was about to make was interrupted by a harshly stifled sneeze; their arms were full of groceries, they couldn’t exactly cover. Sniffling furiously in the aftermath, they followed Bree out to the truck, setting their groceries in the footwell and immediately yanking out a handkerchief to sneeze into. Three times, rapid succession, a pretty lenient punishment for a stifled sneeze by Kai’s standards.

Bree started warming up the car as Kai mopped at their geyser of a nose, sniffling miserably. “Thagks.” They offered, nose now thoroughly blocked. They gave it a quick blow before continuing. “This is, uh, really nice of you. I don’t… I don’t get a lot of that, around here.”

Bree grimaced. “Yeah, I’ve noticed. They’ll warm up to you eventually.” Kai shot them a skeptical glance, and Bree laughed. “Well, maybe. Some of them.”

Kai shook their head, smiling a little. “I knew what I was getting into when I moved here. I didn’t become a lightkeeper for the vibrant social life.”

Bree laughed, starting off through town and towards the lighthouse. They lapsed into silence (well, except for Kai’s increasingly desperate attempts at sniffling their nose into submission) until Bree tentatively offered, “Y’know, if you’re ever not feeling up to it, I could always deliver your groceries to the lighthouse. I’ll even give you a discount on it.”

She half expected Kai to refuse outright, but they surprised her with a thoughtful look. “You deliver?”

“I do a lot of things.” Bree shrugged, returning her attention to the road as they pulled up outside the lightkeeper’s cabin. “Seems easier than hiking all the way into town when you’re sick, though.”

Kai snorted amusedly, which turned out to be a mistake as it triggered another pair of harsh sneezes, hastily caught in their increasingly-sodden handkerchief. They moaned, snuffling into the cloth before gingerly removing it, some snot still clinging stubbornly to their flaring nostrils.

“Cad’t argue with that.” Kai tried to clear their nose with another quick blow, but it didn’t do them much good. “I’b pretty set for dow, but I could text you…?”

You know what they say about ground being weak to grass 😏 (someone requested R¡ka…you’re a genius)

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1.4k words, St/ranger Th/ings — platonic Steve and Robin with brief hints of St/eddie and Ro/nance. As ever, Steve is only capable of worrying about others.

Written for @miserablebabes — I was your secret santa ^^

Thanks again to @softsnzstuff for organizing this!