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Mini Crash Course on Plants + Pollen

What's the deal with plants? Like, where do I start if I know...nothing? You can start right here!! Okay, so there are a lot (and I do mean a lot) of different ways we classify plants. but for the purposes of this post, I'm going to to break down a few of the key ones in a way that (hopefully) isn't too overwhelming.

The Linnaean Classification system: This is the standard method of classifying all living organisms, using taxonomic binomial nomenclature (a formal, 2-part naming system in Latinized forms).

🌱 FUN FACT: Common names of plants often vary from region to region, culture to culture, and era to era. You can learn a lot from a plant's common name, and often a lot more from its binomial nomenclature. For example, the plant known as Common Sneezewort (Achillea ptarmica) derives its binomial species name (ptarmica) from the Greek word ptairo ("sneeze") which means "causes sneezing!" -- Thus, the plant's full scientific name translates to "Yarrow that causes sneezing." Pretty on[in?]-the-nose if you ask me.

Do all plants produce pollen? Nope! Not all plants produce pollen. I've put together the following chart which helps break down how we further classify plants --specifically in the context of what plants produce pollen and how they are pollinated, which all leads us to understanding what makes them more/less allergenic and why...we'll get into shortly.

Why do plants produce pollen, and what exactly is pollination? It's how plants get it on, bay-bee! 🐝 Pollination is how the male parts of a plant transfer genetic material to the female parts of the plant, allowing plants to produce seed and fruit, and ensure the genetic diversity of its species is maintained. Let's talk about it!

Reproductive Categories: Both Angiosperms (flowering) and Gymnosperms (non-flowering) have male structures which produce pollen and female structures which develop seeds and fruit.

In Angiosperms, the part of a flower containing the male reproductive organs is called the stamen. At the tip of the stamen is the anther, which is where pollen is produced! The part of a flower containing the female reproductive organ is called the pistil, which contains the ovary. Once fertilized by pollen, this part develops into the mature fruit/seed.

Flowers (and cones) can be male, female, or bisexual -- and there are even more categories I'm not going to get into but...Nature is queer, y'all! And it's awesome.

Monoecious plants have both male and female unisexual flowers on the same plant, which means they are self-pollinating. Examples include: Birch, Oak, Spruce, and Pine trees; and vegetables like pumpkins, cucumbers, corn and tomatoes. Dioecious plants have unisexual male and female parts on separate plants, and need to be cross pollinated in order to produce seed. Examples include: Juniper, Poplar, Maple, and Willow trees; and vegetables like asparagus and spinach.

🌱 FUN FACT: On monoecious conifer trees, female cones grow on the upper branches of the tree, where they can be fertilized by the pollen of male cones blown upwards from the wind.

Okay, so exactly how are plants pollinated? Biotic Pollination (by animals - primarily insects, but also birds and small mammals). In exchange for pollination services, these plants provide animals with food (pollen is very high in protein and nutrients).

Abiotic Pollination (by natural phenomenons - like wind, rain, or water). These are strong, independent self-pollinating plants who don’t need no bugs.

What makes some plants more allergenic than others? It all has to do with how they're pollinated!

Insect-pollinated plants generally tend to be the least allergenic, as the pollen grains are generally larger and stickier, allowing them to easily stick to insect bodies. I mean, just look at these guys. They’re absolutely lost in the sauce:

Wind-pollinated plants, on the other hand, tend to be the most allergenic as their pollen grains are smaller and lighter. They also tend to produce a lot more of it in quantity, since their distribution method is a lot less targeted (they rely on the variable forces of wind and water vs relying on, say, a bee that is reliably going to fly from flower to flower).

Depending on the anatomical structure of a species’ flowers, it may be both animal and wind-pollinated. Privet, for example, is primarily insect-pollinated, but because it has anthers that protrude considerably from its flower (hubba hubba), its pollen can be distributed by the wind, as this article explains.

🌱 FUN FACT: Some bees have special structures known as pollen baskets (or corbiculae) to help them efficiently store and carry pollen!

How is allergy season defined? The peak flowering/pollen times for plants varies by region, even if the same plant species grows across a wide geographical range. This is influenced largely by climate, and may vary slightly year-by-year. Ragweed, for example is abundant throughout all of central-eastern continental US, but pollen levels may peak at different times, depending on what state you're in (the state of allergic misery perhaps). For example, someone who usually prepares accordingly for ragweed season to hit them in mid-September where they live might be in for a bit of a surprise if they travel to another part of the country in mid-late August...!

What is hay fever, exactly? Is it the same as seasonal allergies? Essentially, yes. Hay fever is actually bit of a misnomer, as it was originally believed that the scent of freshly-cut grass (later dried to be used as hay*) was triggering allergic symptoms. Grass pollen of course can be a major trigger for allergies, nowadays the term is used almost interchangeably with the more-accurately described allergic rhinitis. *Consider also, if you really want to put your character in a Situation, the fact that dried hay often contains not only pollen, but mold spores and dust/dried plant particles...

Why does pollen make people sneeze? In simple terms: pollen allergies are an immunological response to the proteins found in different types of pollen. This article, titled 'Allergies: The Radical Theroy of Sneezing' goes into much further detail. Also, um, hello?!!? That name???

🌱 FUN FACT: This paper is the first recorded medical description of 'hay fever.' In case you want to read it. For science, obviously.

A Selected List of the Sneeziest Plants

🌻 wildflowers + weeds

Asters, Daisies, Sunflowers (Members of the Asteraceae family) in general  Ragweed (members of the Ambrosia genus): specifically Common Ragweed (Ambrosia artemisiifolia) and Great Ragweed (Ambrosia trifida) Mugworts (members of the Artemisia genus) - particularly Common Mugwort (Artemisia vulgaris) Pigweed (members of the Amaranthus genus) Goosefoot (Chenopodium album)

💐 cultivated or cut flowers

Baby’s breath (Gypsophila paniculata) and its relatives in the same genus Chrysanthemums or 'Mums' (members of the Chrysanthemum genus) Asters, Daisies, Sunflowers (Members of the Asteraceae family), including: Dahlias (members of the Dahlia genus) Gerberas (members of the Gerbera genus) 

🌾 grasses

Timothy grasses (members of the Phleum genus) Sweet vernal grass (Anthoxanthum odoratum) Bermuda grass (Cynodon dactylon) Kentucky bluegrass (Poa pratensis) Ryegrass (members of the Lolium genus) Orchard grass (Dactylis glomerata) Bahia grass (Paspalum notatum)

🌳 shrubs/small trees

Common Sagebrush (Artemisia tridentata) Hazels (members of the Corylus genus) Juniper (members of the Juniperus genus) Cypress (members of the Cupressaceae family) Privet (members of the Ligustrum genus)

🌲 trees

Alder (members of the Alnus genus) Ash (members of the Fraxinus genus) Beech (members of the Fagus genus) Birch (members of the Betula genus) Cedar (members of the Cedrus genus) Elm (members of the Ulmus genus) Hickory (members of the Carya genus) Maple (members of the Acer genus) Mulberry (members of the Morus genus) Oak (members of the Quercus genus) Olive (members of the Olea genus) Sycamore (members of the Platanus genus) Poplar (members of the Populus genus)

🌱 FUN FACT: People who are allergic to the pollen of one plant species are more likely to also be allergic to species in the same plant family. For example, those who are Ash tree pollen may also be allergic to the pollen of Olives and Lilacs, as all three are members of the Oleaceae family.

🏅special mentions (plants that may or may not necessarily be allergenic but still deserve to be mentioned)

Highly fragrant plants (known to or most likely to trigger scent reactions) Lilies – particularly Asiatic hybrids such as Lilium orientalis (aka the Stargazer lily) Hyacinths (members of the Hyacinthus genus) Lilacs (members of the Syringa genus) Wisteria (members of the Wisteria genus) Lavender (members of the Lavandula genus) Jasmine (members of the Jasminum genus) Freesias (specifically the highly fragrant Antique White Freesia aka Freesia alba) Viburnums (Specifically the Burkwood Viburnum aka Viburnum × burkwoodii) Roses (members of the Rosa genus)* *There are certain types of hybrid Roses that have been bred specifically for traits like fragrance (eg. the variety known as “Mme Isaac Pereire”) but honestly...most of my knowledge pertains to wild rose species and I'm not researching this topic any further because people who grow cultivated/hybrid roses can be Extremely Serious about it and I’m genuinely a little scared of them. Small, fluffy seed heads (wind-distributed seeds that are very tiny and light and easy to breathe in...Do you see where i'm going with this? You see the vision?!) Dandelions (Taraxacum officinale): Willowherbs (members of the Epilobium genus) Cottongrasses (members of the Eriophorum genus) Asters (members of the Aster genus) Goldenrods (members of the Solidago genus) Pearly Everlasting (Anaphalis margaritacea) Hypoallergenic plants (these species tend to have thick/sticky pollen that does not become airborne, or needs to be intentionally disturbed by specialist polinators in order to disperse). A pollen allergy to any of the following plants would extremely unlikely, but an objectively hilarious affliction to give to a character. Orchids (members of the Orchidaceae family)Cactus (members of the Cactaceae family) Irises, Crocuses, and Freesias (members of the Iridaceae family) Columbines (members of the Aquilegia family)

🌱 FUN FACT: Many flowers have been cultivated (intentionally bred or hybridized to for specific traits) to produce less pollen. We call these varieties "cultivars." For allergy sufferers, hypoallergenic cultivars are great to grow in their garden (or to purchase at a florist). For pollinators who expend energy to search for a food source, it's not so great. It's even less great if these cultivars are native species which are subsequently planted or introduced into the wild, as it can compromise the genetic integrity of that species' wild populations, and negatively impact native pollinators.

💥 Sternutatory or Errhine plants Sternutatory (adjective): Also sternutative. causing or tending to cause sneezing Errhine (noun): a medicine to be snuffed up the nostrils to promote sneezing and increased discharges.

Important Disclaimer ⚠️ DO NOT TRY THESE AT HOME ( I cannot stress this enough). This is for information purposes only and should not be used as a how-to guide. Many plants, including some on this list and the resources at the end of this guide can be extremely toxic, dangerous – or even deadly – if used, consumed, or prepared incorrectly. Misidentification of plant species can also be deadly. Seriously, do not be silly in your pursuit of snz. Stick with chhinkni, folks.

Wait, so…plants can make you sneeze even without pollen? Heck yeah, friends! We've all heard about pepper as a snz trigger, of course...Well, Black Pepper is just the common name for the plant also known as Piper nigrum. Peppercorns are its dried fruit, and it's what we grind up to get black pepper seasoning! And chhinkni? It's all plant parts! We'll get into that later, too.

Indigenous peoples around the world have been using plants medicinally for millennia. Traditionally, sternutatory (yes, that is the fancy scientific word for ‘sneeze-inducing’) plants were used to treat or cure the common cold, headaches, or in some cases as a stimulant. Are you writing a fic with a character who is an herbalist, traditional medicine practitioner, healer, witch/wizard, etc? Perhaps they would be familiar with some of the following plants:

Sneezeweed (Helenium autumnale) - [crushed dried leaves and flower heads] Sneezewort (Achillea ptarmica)  - [dried powdered roots; possibly leaves?] Sneezewood (Ptaeroxylon obliquum) - [powder from wood, bark] Spreading Sneezeweed (Centipeda minima) - [squeezed flower heads] Kentucky coffeetree (Gymnocladus dioicus) - [dried crushed roots; dried crushed pods] Spanish chamomile (Anacyclus pyrethrum) - [powdered roots] Leopard’s Bane (Arnica montana) - [freshly crushed flowers; whole plant; dried/powdered] Scarlet Creeper (Ipomoea hederifolia) - [roots] Redberry (Deeringia amaranthoides) [powdered roots] Cypress vine (Quamoclit pennata) - [powdered roots] Ipecacuanha (Cephaelis ipecacuanh) - [dried roots and rhizomes] Southern Wax Myrtle (Myrica cerifera) - [powdered root bark] and its relatives Box Myrtle (Myrica Esculenta) and Swamp Bayberry (Myrica caroliniensis) Yopo (Anadenanthera peregrina) - [dried pulverized seeds] Mouse-ear hawkweed (Pilosella officinarum) - [leaves] Lemon balm (Melissa officinalis) - [powdered] Betony (Betonica officinalis) - [powdered herb/dried leaves] Rosemary (Rosmarinus officinalis) - [dried powdered leaves often added to snuff powders]Bee Balm aka Wild Bergamont (Monarda fistulosa) - [dried tops of the plants] Pasque Flower (Pulsatilla vulgaris) [dried roots] Horse Chestnut (Aesculus hippocastanum) - [powder of the dried nuts] Sage, Marjoram, and Tobacco [referenced here as a “gentle” sternutative]

🌱 FUN FACT: Mugwort is considered one of the most important herbs ("the mother of herbs") in traditional medicine (and witchcraft, allegedly). It is both a sternutatory plant and a highly-allergenic plant. It sure would be a shame if your herbalist/healer/witchy character had to both grow/harvest it and prepare/pulverize it...

Okay, but how and why exactly do these plants make us sneeze? Excellent question, so let's get into it! Come on over to...

The Chhinkni Corner

Ever wondered why Chhinkni works? Why it's so effective? What the ingredients are? Exactly how/why these ingredients make us sneeze? Let's dive into some plant + snz science (Snience)!

First, let's break down the ingredients of Chhinkni:

Skimmia laureola [leaf, powdered] Box Myrtle (Myrica Esculenta) [bark, powdered] Indian sandalwood (Santalum album) [wood, powdered] Camphor tree (Cinnamomum camphor) [extract] Peppermint (Mentha piperita) [extract] Southern Blue Gum (Eucalyptus globulus) [oil]

Well, we know from the list of (some of the known) sternutatory plants above that the root bark of Myrica species is sternutatory, so that makes sense! But what about the others on this list? Let's get back to that important question:

What about these specific plants/plant parts make us sneeze? It all has to do with Transient receptor potential channels (TRP channels). TRP channels are primarily located on the plasma membrane of our cells. They detect environmental stimuli and translate this exposure into sensations of chemesthesis (irritation, burning, cooling, tingling) pressure, taste, and smell. There are six main categories of specialized TRP channels, which play different roles throughout our body. Here's a chart that helps visualize each category:

Woah, this is getting a little overwhelming. What the heck does this have to do with snz? Or plants?! Everything, my friend! Everything! Many TRP channels are heavily expressed in the epithelial cells of nasal mucosa. Each TRP channel is activated by different things (with some overlaps) including different chemicals found in specific plant families. Let's look at some of these TRP channels (and what activates them) and things will start to make a lot more sense:

TRPV is activated by: --- Capsaicin (found in Chili Pepper), Piperine (found in Black Pepper), Carvacrol (found in Bee Balm), Camphor (primarily found the Camphor tree, but also found in plants like Rosemary), Menthol, Cannabis, Incense, Ginger, Menthol (mint). TRPA is activated by: --- Mustards (mustard, radish, horseradish, wasabi), Cinnamaldehyde (cinnamon), Tobacco, Cannabis, Wintergreen oil (aka what gives mint candies/gum its flavor), Shogaols (found in Ginger and Sichuan peppers) TRPM is activated by: --- Eucalyptol (oils from Eucalyptus plants), Menthol (mints),  --- Cold temperatures

Hmm...does anything on this list sound familiar in a snz context??!?!?!?!

Wait, is this why things like pepper, cold temperatures, mint, spices, and strong smells make people sneeze? It sure is! When certain TRP channels are activated, they send signals to your body that trigger protective reflexes (eg. sneezing and coughing) to get rid of the irritant. Everyone's cellular make-up is as unique as they are, and we all react and respond to external stimuli in different ways. Some people might only get a runny nose when exposed to cold temperatures, while for others it might trigger sneezing.

🌱 FUN FACT: There have been studies examining TRP channels in the nasal cavity and the role they might play in allergic rhinitis. There have also been studies on specific TRP receptors in the nasal mucosa comparing patients with and without allergenic rhinitis. There is even this study on the nasal effects of camphor, eucalyptus, and menthol!

Learning Tools and More Resources

See where plants grow on a map: Want to know where specific plants grow? Input the plant species (or the genus or family -- now that you know what that is!) into the search bar, and it will show you its global distribution range based on user-submitted data. You can also narrow results down to a specific area. Note: This data is compiled through user-submitted data and may be erroneous. For best results, filter search results using the “Research Grade Observation” option. While the results don’t provide insight on historical range, native vs. introduced species, it’s a great tool to get you started! Pollen Allergen Tool: An interactive chart that shows common allergenic proteins and which plants produce pollens containing them. Repeated Disclaimer ⚠️ The following resources are shared for information purposes only. Many plants, including some on these lists are extremely toxic, dangerous – or even deadly – if used, consumed, or prepared incorrectly. Sternutatory Plants: A list of sternutatory plant species compiled by the USDA Sternutatory Plants: A second list, compiled using various data sources. This paper published in 2021 on the use of sternutatory plants in herbal medicine, TRP activity. and this banger of a quote: "Sneezing had great significance and value throughout history; it exerted a strange fascination on humans" I protest the use of past-tense, but alas. Folks, this paper is Snience (Snz Science) in action. If the following excerpt is any indication:

The End!!

THANK YOU for reading if you got this far, and congrats on making it to the end of this post! I hoped you learned as much as you horned (if not more) and I hope this little guide can come in handy one way or another.

As I mentioned at the beginning of this post, if you ever have any questions on any of these topics, please feel free to reply to this post (or send me an ask if you prefer to be anonymous) and I'll do my best to answer! 💚🌿

She withdrew a foil from her hip, and with a wave of it, a ring of faint rose gold arcana helped to sort some of the scrolls into a neat bundle which floated in front of them. When she pointed it, they fluttered to her desk to be sorted. 

“My apologies. Quite a hefty workload,” Phillip answered. He smoothed his hair back and adjusted the button on his collar. A half-elven man, the appointed royal wizard, as close to one as they could get in this time and age. No, the age of kings had long passed, but the name Everheart belonged to the last monarch and with it came prestige and expectation. Something that Phillip was still figuring out as he scrambled to reorder all his bobbles, “You’d requested components for your study, yes? And a ward for the tourney, if I recall.”

He took out a quill from his pocket and made a scratch on to a small pad of parchment sticking out of a book secured at his belt. 

“Yes, I had…one of these? This parchment?”

“I’m sure it is. Nobody else ordered scrolls.”

“Wouldn’t it pay off to organize things into a folio of some kind…?” Courtney sighed. Taking up the practice of wizardry as a spellblade, she was being very careful to keep track of each new cant and component she came across. Why anyone would leave things up to this level of chaos was beyond her. Elanos hid a faint laugh, something only she noticed. 

“Mind if we take this outside? If something spills…” She started, but left the sentence there. Phillip only nodded after a second and hastily gathered up his things. 

The walls of house Everheart were beautifully dark, a deep slate. In the dimness, one could make out lush rugs that lined the floors, tapestries of military histories and conquests, and displays of the family’s history of arms, while somewhere within, a bunk's worth of guards was milling about, in their off-time. The eldest child, Courtney’s ever-proud and talkative brother, Ambrose, was likely mulling over a game of chess with his father. Dinner was being prepared too, and everyone knew the kitchen staff would soon call for a gathering. Quite a proud family, eager with strategy. It was why this tournament was so important, and Elanos, being forged to be an exemplar of knighthood, was expected to represent in full. 

“I think it’s a death ward, that’s correct? They should issue those standardly,” Phillip was saying as he made his way down the steps. Courtney stayed at the landing ahead, watching him rifle through the papers, “A-and, what? Healing potions…absolutely cost a fortune. It’s one of these.”

“Components?” She reminded. 

“Yes, of course— oh-!”

A satchel of something slipped from his grasp as he tried to find said components. Typical stuff, like crushed gems or special chalks. He knelt to pick it up as a few bottles rolled forward at a dangerous angle. 

“Stop-“ Elanos’ voice came up abruptly, and stop he did, “I’ll get it.”

“Yes, of course. Thank you.”

The knight approached with a friendly yet studious stride and quickly snagged the pouch. 

“Thank you-“

Phillip hurriedly righted himself. Perhaps a moment too quick, as the next step he took missed by everything past his heel. Something tumbled out of his grasp, then a bottle, careening down the stairs in a frantic bounce. The glass was withheld for three steps, just quick enough for Elanos’ reflexes to spring up and snag it before it hit the landing. 

His metal gauntlet made contact in a display of stunning accuracy. Though he should have pulled his strength. 

It shattered. 

The thin glass was scattered across the landing. All three jolted as the liquid inside turned into a violent puff of swirling purple fog. 

Courtney recoiled. Phillip grabbed onto the banister. 

“I’d…meant to catch it-“ Elanos muttered. The purplish miasma around him suddenly stuck to his lungs like powder, and he forced out a cough with what air he had left in that breath. Waving it away seemed to dissipate the haze, though he could feel it as a dry coating in his airways. 

“Oh, gods, now which one was that?” Phillip hurried down the rest of the way to look at the pieces of glass. There was no label, just the colour and remnants of the vial. He bent down, immediately looking for any remnants of identification. 

“Excuse me!” Elanos’ brows furrowed, and he wrangled up the wizard by his shoulders. Courtney watched him pull him up like he was made of straw. Phillip Nortello, the royal mage, shrank, “Will you get yourself together? That nearly shattered directly on her! If not the magic, then at the very least the glass!”

“Yes! Yes, of course, I must apologize-“ Phillip laughed nervously, “Oh, ah, but not to worry! They’re minor buffs at most! Or hexes…how…do you feel, exactly?”

His voice was getting mousy, and part of Elanos’ scrutinizing expression implied annoyance. He wrinkled his nose and lowered him. 

“Fine for now…” He stood back and cleared his throat, “I’m…sorry. I didn't mean to speak out of turn.”

“No, no, not at all,” Courtney tilted her head. She stepped back towards the rest of the way from the landing. A piece of glass crunched beneath her heeled boot, “I’ll see to it that it gets tidied. I’m sure Daena is around…” One of the maids, “Are you sure you feel alright?”

Elanos returned to her side with a frown. Both of them were staring, one with concern, one with possibly a mixture of fear and curiosity. 

“My— uhm, ahem! My throat is a little dry.”

“That could be from the powdered form. Mm, usually they’re not meant to be struck with force, and the reaction to air is likely- or perhaps it was one of two things. I'll have to check my notes. Er, did it taste like anything?”

“No…not really…perhaps a bit minty?”

Elanos stood back up at attention after shaking his head with a somewhat curious expression while Phillip inspected him. 

“That’s probably something that has to take effect in an hour or two. We’ll keep watch,” He said finally, sighing. Elanos scratched at his cheek and nodded. 

In one of the hallways, by the courtyard, Courtney and Phillip mulled over the various scrolls she would soon be adding to her own spellbook. A neatly organized display box of components was handed off as well, for experimenting. These were labelled, thankfully, and Phillip took great pains in explaining each one, where they were collected and the various uses, which she made note of to translate. It was an enriching conversation, and all was tidied up in time for dinner. Courtney had them brought upstairs with the utmost care, put away in a trunk for study at a different time. 

Meanwhile, in the corner of her eye, Elanos was shifting around, glancing outside, making the faintest sound as if he was about to say something, but didn’t when asked. He tilted his head up once or twice, noticing something, but she was too preoccupied to take note. 

“Is something the matter, my dear knight?” She whispered jokingly as Phillip began to tidy his things. 

“I feel a little…funny.”

“Funny good? Or funny wrong?”

“Just a bit off. My eyes are watering. I feel like I have to cough, I’m afraid something will happen.”

Like a bout of wild magic. Which, while startling, was hardly ever dangerous. She understood why he was keen to do so. 

“Nortello wouldn't be so bold as to walk around with potions of fire-breathing," She reasoned, "Go on ahead. Perhaps then we will finally figure out what that magic did…”

She saw his hesitance, but after a nod, he dipped his head towards his fist and let out a single cough. It echoed off the walls as any cough would in a barren castle. Sounded a bit stuffy, but no visual effects. 

“Don’t you have a ledger of all your potions, Phillip?” Courtney huffed after another second of silence. Impatience ran in noble blood; she was guilty, though she didn’t always recognize it, “Surely it is a way to at least narrow it down.”

“Well, yes, but on quick runs like this, I don’t carry it with me! It’s a rather large book! Let’s see, I knew I was making deliveries to you, the kitchens, some of the staff wanted cleaning supplies, your brother asked for something…”

“Well, that can’t be any good…”

“I don’t know what to say! I could identify it if you hadn’t waved it away—“

“HHaA’tsSSCHhhihww!!”

The volley of accusations came to an abrupt stop as they both turned to Elanos, who was standing somewhat hunched over. His eyes blinked wide, and he raised a gauntlet cautiously to his nose before sniffing back up a watery drip. 

“…Nothing good at all, you’re right,” Nortello mumbled, “You wouldn’t happen to have a sort of…ticklish feeling between your eyes, do you?”

Elanos gave his nose another quick upwards swipe before folding his hands behind his back at attention. 

“I…may. Is this a bad thing?”

“No! No? I’d think it’s probably a less severe outcome, if anything, um…a minor casting of contagion made to be material in potion form, it shouldn’t be so bad. It was a gag, one of the minor hexes.”

Elanos’ eyes darted to Courtney as if to align his opinion with hers. Sometimes she wished he would just voice his own, but in a business setting, fine. She, however, found herself hesitating instead. The words brought a flush to her cheeks. 

“I-I still find it highly irregular,” She said, looking between them. Elanos’ face suddenly seemed very pink. Maybe she wasn’t keeping an eye out for it before, and now that she was, she could see a faint redness around his eyes, even past the dark rims. Yes, now that she really inspected him, he had an airy way about his expression, lips parted, brows a bit too furrowed. His nose was red. And running. She quickly glanced away, “But if it isn’t any danger, then…good. You can take it off?”

“I don’t think I can,” Phillip seemed antsy, “It’s a cold, nothing more, but— I can’t cure it. Nobody can. I doubt the infirmary could either.”

“If it’s a cold, I’ll manage,” Elanos put a hand up, as if to reassure her directly, “I’m just glad it is only that.”

“Surely there must be something,” She fussed, “The tournament-!”

“It won’t affect my performance then, I assure you.”

Elanos straightened himself even further by slightly lifting his head, which gave her an unfortunate, clear view of the itchy redness that was just past the tip of his nose. Now her mouth felt dry.

Of course, of course. Maybe she was fretting over nothing. The man was trained like a weapon, physical attributes quite literally optimized. He, with a cold, was probably on par with the competitors at their best. Nothing to worry about. 

“Ehh—excuUh-hHUDT’tsscHHHihww! Excuse me— hhHP’nXSCHhhh!! I’m so sorry.”

Oh, but at the same time…she couldn’t ignore it. Though he was trying to be discreet, the sound rang like an alarm in her head. The heavy breaths, the sniffling that was quickly sounding thicker and more congested. He exhaled at the end of each sneeze and she could hear the numbing sounds of cold in the back of his throat. 

“We should return upstairs!” She said quickly. Her face- gods, she wished it was invisible to him, but as her guard, Elanos watched everything like a hawk, “I think if this is the case, you should be in bed!”

“In bed—? But! I-it is barely time for dinner,” Elanos’ brows furrowed upwards, giving him the painful complexion of a scolded puppy. Courtney bit her lip. Getting him accustomed to eating at the table with the family was a learning curve when he'd been given knighthood, like coaxing a stray into the house. Now to deny him that felt like putting a dagger into her heart. The stirring in her stomach at the sight and sound of him, after consideration, would brew up a different kind of hunger and she just could not have that while in the presence of the noble court. It would be too distracting! 

“I’m afraid I’ll have to bring it to you then. If…it is a hex of c-contagion, it is likely contagious,” She quickly added. Phillip looked like he was about to speak up, but his wits finally kicked in and he kept quiet, “It would be as if you had some time off. Wouldn't that be nice?”

Elanos looked reluctant to leave, but she knew he’d never refuse her request. 

“I’ll make sure you have plenty of provisions. Tea, dinner, extra blankets.”

“That’s not necessary, I can sleep just fine with my bedding as is.”

“Indulge in a bit, won’t you?” She put her hand on his back, feeling the cool metal on her fingertips. Guiding him upstairs felt intimate as he undid the buckles of his gauntlet and gloves to feel his own forehead, “You don’t have to be so modest. It’s one of the upsides of being under the weather.”

“If you insist,” He answered with another sniffle. They reached the top of the stairs. 

——————

“…Are you listening, Courtney? The hunting trip?”

She was not listening. Not until Ambrose had addressed her at the table with his candid, wine-sipping, eye-rolling laissez-faire lean towards her. 

“The hunting trip…” She repeated. It took a moment, but her eyes lit up with recognition, “Oh yes, fine. Tomorrow?”

“I was asking where your blade was? You said I could have him come along, remember? He’s usually here.”

Her eyes fell to the empty seat beside her. A plate set but no dinner upon it. They were having mutton, carrots, seasoned potatoes and red wine. Though, honestly, she wouldn’t have noticed if they served her cherry jam with pickle water. Her mind was on other things. Elanos…Elanos all feverish in bed…in a bath…

Those sorts of things. Like the ones in her novels that she gets specially bound for discretion. She mused over the thought of asking for his obedience in a more direct way…

“Hello? Have you dunked your head into a pit of intellect devourers?” 

“Ambrose, if you stopped talking at me for two seconds, I could respond to you!” 

He sighed. 

“I apologize," Spoken exactly how one would expect, "I have been asking you for three tries now.”

“And I do try so hard in turn to ignore you. But I relent. Elanos is resting. He will not be accompanying you tomorrow; he is ill.”

“What? Since when?”

“Since about a half-hour ago!”

Ambrose pinched between his brows. 

“That’s hardly fair…you aren’t even going anywhere, and- how sick could he possibly be?”

There was a hint of concern there. One that she could relate to. 

“It’s a cold. But I prefer him not to be out and about too much. He’ll probably be of no use to you.”

“You did promise me, though, and a cold is not so much of a hazard to him as it would be to you!”

“What is that supposed to mean? That I am weak?”

“Well I didn’t ask you to go hunting with me, did I?”

She narrowed her eyes and sipped on her wine. Well, technically, he didn’t ask Elanos either. The smart thing to do was to stop responding, but gods, sometimes, intelligence was a curse. Ambrose treated Elanos like a show dog, which she didn’t appreciate. 

Because he really should be treated like a guard dog. A very well respected and loyal guard, an asset, not an accessory.

She could’ve gone in that moment and talked his ear off. Instead, her response was short. 

“Don’t bother my knight. He is resting.”

As was his. 

“Oh, you are such a spoilsport…”

—————

Somewhere further up in the manor’s chambers, Elanos was bleary-eyed, lying in bed. The reduced portion of dinner he was served was eaten, and the wine was barely tasted in favour of a cup of tea. 

It had gotten exponentially worse. Tragically, awfully, dramatically worse. 

He felt like he’d just been beaten over the head with his gauntlet, as if the plague thought him lying down on the bed would be the right place to strike. He'd broken his nose once, when he was still training. Felt like someone had rebroken it, and now all he could do was breathe through his mouth. It wasn’t so bad, he figured, but one only appreciated breathing when they could no longer do so comfortably.

His throat felt raw, too dry for inhaling through his mouth. He had gotten a fever once his armour was off, the sweat on his forehead was making him feel cold, and damn it all, he could not stop sneezing. It felt like every thirty seconds his body had realized he hadn’t sneezed in a while and urged him to do so, as if to fill some devilish quota to the first and fourth horsemen. 

His forehead was clammy, and his eyelids were burning. It was cruel to wake him up. And yet…

“Get up, knight! You are supposed to be hunting with me this morning! Oh, Sir Elanos! Sir Elanos, don’t you want to go out into the woods and get some fresh air?”

“Ambrose, will you quiet down? For goodness sake, what is wrong with you?”

The door was open. He had forgotten to lock it. 

Elanos lifted his head in a groggy blink, now painfully aware of the pounding headache he had and the pressure that had built up on the right side of his face overnight. He was still in his nightclothes. Was he supposed to be out? Oh, he must be…for someone to be calling for him…

He sniffled with a weak cough, which caught the attention of the two outside his door. It opened fully. 

“You’re going to come hunting with me,” Ambrose Everheart announced. The leather he was wearing was suitable, and he had a bow on his back. His chestnut hair was brushed, and he had on a pair of well-tended boots, a simple but warm doublet and a belt, “Your horse is being readied. Don’t wear plate, it'll be too loud. Get dressed.”

“He absolutely does not have to do that! Elanos, you are more than welcome to stay in bed, because it is what a person of right mind would recommend!” Courtney Everheart argued. She shouldered past her brother in a manner not befitting a lady. The two struggled to get past the doorway. 

Elanos pinched his brows. It was much too early for any of this. 

“I-I can go hunting,” He mumbled. To save Courtney the headache, “If…if my lord requests it of me.”

“Ha! See?” Ambrose gloated then sighed, tossing around his silky locks back, “Only because it is a favour to my darling baby sister, I’m sure, you and your white knighting. You rarely get to go on adventures anymore, I am here to bring that joy back.”

“Yes, of course. I just need to get…dressed…” He muttered. Oh…his head. His nose was running. It had been in his sleep, how embarrassing. His ears felt plugged. Gods, when was the last time he even felt so incapacitated? He didn’t get sick often- in fact, at a certain point, he wasn’t even sure he could! Elanos sneezed. 

“Gods, bless you! You do have a cold. Here I thought Courtney was being greedy.”

“Ugh! Unbelievable…”

“I am happy to…to come with. I can assure you,” Elanos added. His voice was grainy, slow with sleep and thick with congestion, “Excuse me—hhHSSChhh!!IDt’sschhh!!”

Damn, stifling was hard when just waking up. His head was overflowing. He quickly grabbed a handkerchief to blow his nose into as the door finally shut and he was left to change in peace. The two were still bickering behind the door.

A cursory glance out the window gave him shivers. It was cold enough for wool, but he worried he would sweat. Gambeson, for sure, armour seemed…a bit much. Riding on a horse would require riding pants and boots. Handkerchiefs, of course. His neck felt comfortably warm, the clothes forming a bubble of heat fueled by a fever  

Ever the tactician, he got ready in a vague haze. Many, many mornings of his time as a guard and soldier were spent readying himself in half-consciousness before the sun was even up. The only difference now is that he had the luxury of waking past dawn. Or…maybe there was one other difference. Usually, he could muster through a cold. Right now, it was very annoying and he was struggling to focus. Had he grown soft living it up in his knighthood? He could feel his whole nose with every breath, it really itched. 

“HuUH-YSSChhihww!! My gods…”

He blinked, seeing the remnants of spray settling onto his gambeson. There should be none of that while hunting, he ought to get a handle on things. Elanos quickly brushed out his hair and knotted a thin ribbon around it to hold it off his neck before stepping outside — Ambrose was gone but Courtney remained. He turned to her with a faint bow and she reached up to fix the ragged strands of hair he had missed. 

“I promise this is- iHHs…but a small outing. I am still your humble knight, Lady Courtney.”

“Oh, and the very bravest, no doubt. Don’t let him bully you into anything stupid…”

He lifted her hand and mimed a kiss on her knuckles. For once, he couldn’t bring himself to do it, his nose all wet and such. She looked slightly disappointed as he pulled away. 

“Suppose this’ll find its way back to me somehow but-“ She withdrew a handkerchief from a hidden pocket in her dress and tucked it nearly beneath the collar of his breastplate, “There. Should you need it.”

“I will.”

“Don’t worry me like that,” She sighed, putting a hand to his forehead. He swore she had grown three shades pinker since this conversation started, “I’ll prepare a bath for you when you’re back. Don’t get caught out there.”

“Very appreciated…” He answered finally. 

—————

The morning sun had a blinding presence on the semi-melted snow. It made for a layer of fog that swirled around the horse’s legs as he pulled himself up and joined Ambrose at the edge of the estate. A longbow, rope, and quiver adorned both their backs as the ride began. 

“You know I’d usually bring one of the baron's sons with me…” Ambrose spoke almost immediately as they set off. He was heading towards a small entrance to the woods, framed by lush pine that still gleamed amidst the late winter weather, “I’m glad to have you here. I worry your skills in the field may have dulled, spending so much time hanging around Courtney while she reads or talks nonsense.”

“Not tihH-…to worry, my lord. I do drills regularly…” Elanos mumbled. He was spoken to first, so to answer was not out of place, though he’d have to watch what he said. It was nice that Ambrose wasn’t bothered by his agreement, and was more than happy to talk through the silence. 

“Well, consider this outing my diagnosis to see if you are up to par.”

“I will do my best to impress…” 

“Good luck, oh, knight.”

Elanos sniffed. He watched the back of Ambrose’s head. He wasn’t sure how much training this man had done himself. Combat was not the same as hunting for sport or hunting for survival, for that matter. Best keep those opinions for later, for when Courtney wants to gossip. He rubbed his nose and winced at how cold his nose felt with the moisture. 

Whatever it was that Ambrose actually wanted out of him, he wasn’t stupid enough to jeopardize himself. May as well make the best of this, right? Some fresh air might do him some good, he could only hope. He patted the sides of his horse and rode steadily behind the man. 

Now if one were to ask for Ambrose's opinion...

—————

Impress. Sure. Who does this guy think he is?

Ambrose rode ten paces ahead and tried to ignore the sounds behind him of the poorly hidden sniffling and the offhand cough. 

He wanted to bite through his leather reins. The occasional bump of the trail they were riding through was wreaking havoc on the pressure against his tight riding pants. 

The slight glimpse of fogging breath and crystalline spray was enough to ruin him. Elanos should learn to cover his mouth. He’d seen it when the man went to get his horse, unaware of the eyes peering in from afar. He couldn’t stop thinking of tearing the gambeson from his person and having him beg for his clothes due to the chill, all red-faced and sniffly. 

Helpless on the ground, shivering…gods. He wanted to make him beg. 

“HHIh—hh!hpPt’xssch!!…phew…”

“Will you pipe down? You’re going to frighten off any creatures within our radius.”

“There won’t be many this shallow into the woods, my Lord…”

“It’s good practice for you to quiet down anyway,” Ambrose muttered between gritted teeth. He pulled on his reins and steered his horse to a fork in the road. There was a post where he’d usually keep them tied, then they’d proceed on foot, off the path. He motioned for Elanos to stop not too far from him before dismounting his horse and drawing his bow. It was quickly mirrored, and he left the knight to secure their steeds. 

“What are you planning on catching…?” Elanos walked towards him, stopping at a respectable distance. 

‘A cold, if I’m lucky’ Ambrose’s conscience nagged. 

He could hear the sleep still clinging to his voice and realized that maybe he should have given him time to eat. Ambrose undid a satchel of jerky and nuts from his belt and tossed it his way. 

“I’d like to bring back a stag. A hare, maybe. I’m here without hounds, but I think catching a larger creature would hardly be an issue. How about a dire wolf?”

“You will need to do a lot of hiking for a dire wolf. And a stag will be hard to carry on horseback. I advise the hare…” 

Ambrose watched Elanos speak with his head tilted forward to hide a runny nose. He tossed a few dried berries into his mouth and waited for a response. 

“Fine.”

The walk into the underbrush was quiet. Most of the trees’ branches only started a few feet over their heads, leaving ample space between the canopy of bushes and the cover from above. The sound was muffled with the snow and thicket, and each step or crunch sounded distant. 

“HhDSSCHHHhhihw!!…snff…”

Was his— the knight even paying attention? Ambrose didn’t need a guard, no, he could very well fend for himself out here. So he told himself. That’s probably why he didn’t get a knight. No other reason. 

He glanced back to see a pale pink handkerchief being drawn up from his collar, used, before being tucked away. Something that felt like a punch to his gut. 

“Tracks…” He mumbled for a moment, letting Elanos stop to observe, “Enough for a den, perhaps.”

“No fun hunting a den. Too docile.”

“Exactly. I think we shall look for a quick one, more impressive. Maybe out towards the fields.”

“Whatever you see fit.”

“We shall sit and wait.”

That was his favourite part about hunting trips, the moments of quiet. Growing up, he was able to enjoy nature, take it in, without the stagnancy of the castle’s bureaucrats breathing down his neck. Made him feel like a man. He was standing on dirt, he was hunting. Now, if Elanos could just remain completely silent, it might be easier. 

Elanos didn’t speak as he sat down on the wet earth, looking up to Ambrose, who had his bow at the ready. Every so often, he’d cast his eyes across the woods, blink, then retrieve the handkerchief again to wipe his nose. The poor man. He sounded winded. Not something he heard often; usually, he was a paragon of health. A thick crackling cough made Ambrose wince. 

“Have you taken anything for that?”

“Just the regular tea and honey.”

“What the hells happened? You were fine yesterday.”

“Mishap. You can ask Nortello.”

“Nortello? The bespeckled twit?”

“The very same…”

Good to know Elanos’ sense of humor was still intact. He sneezed rather violently, and Ambrose pretended not to see the mess clinging to his knee. He turned away. 

Another ten minutes passed. Then fifteen. The waiting stretched on and on, and with each sniffled answer to Ambrose’s questions, he only felt himself growing more impatient. 

Just as Elanos took the handkerchief out for the third time, a stirring in the distance made the knight snap his head. Ambrose froze out of fright but quickly recovered. Sure, he heard that too. Elanos silently gestured a finger in the direction, and Ambrose could make out a little grey fuzz from behind a bush. It stood out against a small patch of open field just behind. 

“Where did you get that damn thing?” Ambrose muttered under his breath. He drew his bow with a near-silent exhale and could see the handkerchief in his peripheral, “Rooting around drawers?” 

“It was given to me. Of course.”

“I know, gods, I’m teasing.”

“—hhPNNGxxsh!!…hah…”

“Shh!”

His arm strained slightly as the hare lifted its head. It must have heard them and began a quick scamper. The string of the bow was let go with a snap, and the arrow shot to the ground in a spray of dirt that frightened the hare off. 

Without a word, Ambrose hurried after it. 

He was running for a good three seconds before turning around to find Elanos wasn’t there. Nearly fell headfirst into a tree trying to find him! 

The man was fast, faster even still, somehow dipping in and out of shadows. A bit of arcane nonsense, he had to guess. Bells and whistles. Elanos apparated with his own bow drawn in front of the hare, which bolted immediately away from him. 

The man had a perfect shot! Why give it up!?

Didn’t matter! 

Ambrose found a stretch of clearing, a good three seconds of tailing before an arrow quickly put the hare to an end. 

“—aptsscHHSHIHhhhww!…ghh—hhDSSCHhhuhww!-sschHHihw!!-adTTschiihww!…”

Gods. 

“Bind it up. Your reflexes are not as honed as they should be.”

“Good shot, my lord…”

“You were right in front of it.”

Elanos nodded halfheartedly before dipping his head back into the handkerchief. That thing was soaked. Ambrose felt a twinge of irritation. Why did he feel like he was being condescended to? Entertained? Humoured, even? 

“It’s hard hitting a moving target, I think perhaps a stationary one will make the playing ground even out...if you’re too faint of heart to kill. What do you say to that?”

“I agree…” 

Was it possible for a man to be too agreeable? 

“Ugh. Then, how about…there? That tree with the eye in it about shoulder level? I’ll mark it with my dagger, and we will get three shots each.”

“From how far?”

“Let’s do 120 paces.”

“Alright.”

“I will go first. Hesitance is not something I’d reward in the field, El.”

“You can call me Sir, it’s alright…”

“Spare me the formalities, I’m not doing that.”

He watched as Elanos withdrew a bit of twine from his pack and knelt down to remove the arrow from the hare. A dagger made quick work of the blood, and soon it was tied up, read its rites, the whole bit. 

Meanwhile, an X was carved into the knot of the tree. Some snow packed it in, and from a distance away, it was made quite visible. 

“See it there?” He asked, rolling his head back and nocking an arrow. Once he was given affirmation, Ambrose drew the bow back and made for a shot. 

Elanos sniffled. Maybe a second before he let go, but enough to weaken his grip. The arrow stuck further down the trunk of the tree. 

“Apologies…”

“Don’t. Don’t apologize. That would not be enough to distract me. I have a steel resolve,” Ambrose answered sharply. His fingers felt tingly, “…damn you, sneeze right now so you don’t do so when I am shooting.”

He could see the half-focused face crumple. 

“—aahD’tsschhuhhww!!…excuse me. Please- snf! Please, go ahead.”

Elanos lifted his arm. It was to lick at his bottom lip in privacy. Ambrose hurriedly looked away, thankful that his coat reached his mid-thigh. Goddamn knight. He was rock hard out here, and this moron was still sniffling nonstop. 

The second arrow landed in the snow. It had hit a stray branch on the way there. Good gods, what is wrong with him? Too horny to make a shot? Don’t miss, this would be so insanely humiliating he might just have to call for Elanos’ termination as a witness. 

Relax. Breathe…

Ambrose arched his back and strained as he pulled the arrow back. 

The woodsy thunk that followed was well rewarded. He breathed out in relief and watched his breath fog in the cold winter air. That’s how it was meant to be done. Dead centre, in fact.

“Well…let’s see you go.”

Elanos wiped his hands in the snow and got up to where he’d been standing. His own bow was drawn out, arrow nocked in one smooth motion. Practiced. Under the gambeson, his muscles were flexed. Beautiful form. 

There was a graininess in his breath. Ambrose could hear it despite the rustling of the trees. Watching Elanos felt voyeuristic. The way he…just kept blinking. All the tears fogging his vision. His breath held. The fuzz of sickness over his skill was amusing to watch. His nose wrinkled. Like a hare. 

The arrow whistled through the air and pierced the knot in the wood with a splintering crack. 

Ambrose glanced back. 

“I win,” Elanos said flatly. 

“What?”

“We get three shots. You in three. I in one. I win.”

“But your aim is-! You landed over mine, and I’m closer to the target.”

“I’m still within range. A difference in space of that little would kill an animal eihH-! Ei-either way-“ Elanos exhaled, and his posture sank for a moment. He turned in one motion to duck behind a bent arm, “sohHrey-HHSSCHHhuhw!!”

“You got lucky. I think I’d best you in most cases, a-and! Perhaps when you’re not drowning in your own sickness, we shall have a rematch.”

“If you insist…”

That pissed him off. He was sick. He literally looked like he was going to start coughing any second with his lips parted like that. The faint sweatiness of a fever, with the cold bite of winter air. What he would do to take those lips to his own. Ambrose watched his breath fog as he hitched again and delivered another sneeze into the handkerchief. 

Seriously!? He couldn’t land a shot over a guy like this?! 

“Gods, you are annoying! You think you’re better than me-? For winning one shot?”

Elanos’ brows lifted, but his eyes remained half lidded. There was something deeply irritating about his pride. His knight’s ‘valour or whatever they have going for them. His eyes drifted towards the arrows, then back to Ambrose: he didn’t need to affirm his statement; the proof was sticking out of a tree. 

“That’s so not fair,” Ambrose grumbled, wrangling loose another arrow from his quiver. Securing it, he quickly pulled his arm back to shoot again. 

“You should secure your stance.”

“Don’t talk back to me, dog. I know what I’m doing.”

Ambrose yelped as something hooked around his leg and slid it back a few inches. Elanos’ leather boot. He could have kicked him, that righteous posture, hands behind his back. The way the head guards would discipline their men if they did something foolish or fell short. How dare he look at him like that. Like a- a squire or something...!

“I’m helping you better your technique! Do you want me here or not?”

“Not to get smart with me!” Ambrose dropped his bow and turned to grab Elanos’ collar. The bastard was tall, and it looked stupid, which only infuriated him more. He pushed him back towards a tree, up against the bark, and watched the thinly veiled frustration on the knight’s face momentarily give. 

A mixture of surprise, then fury. Enough self-respect to know this was nonsense, but too much respect for his position to bare his fangs. He saw his nostrils flare briefly, whether in anger or from irritation. 

Fuck, he was so—

“You forget who you are an underling to. My sister is too softhearted to speak with authority, but I am not!” He barked, “You aren’t to rub it in my face just for a small victory, especially when you’re so clearly incapacitated. Stroke of luck! Admit it!”

“You forget yourself, Lord Ambrose,” Elanos’ gloves scraped against the bark. He wasn’t pushing back, though his physique could lend itself well. 

Come on. Do it. Push back. Bite.

This chivalrous devotion complex was sickening.

“You need to move,” Elanos added dryly, turning his head, “I am incapacitated, yes, and I am going to sneeze very soon, whether you move or not. You should.”

Ambrose all but pulled his top off as he dropped his grip. He grabbed his bow with a huff.  

“That cold of yours is annoying.”

“To you?” 

“Yes.”

He could hear Elanos hitching. That scuffle probably ruined whatever discretion they had. After a moment, Elanos ducked down below a cupped hand towards the disturbed snow. 

“HhDd’HHSChhhhww!! HrSSCHHhihww!!…excuse me…”

And he sniffled. Sounded all slobbery and disgusting. 

Ambrose’s jaw clenched harder. 

“Fuck! I hate you, I hate this. Take your pants off.”

“You’re weak-willed, my lord.”

“Shut up! Shut up, shut up, I cannot focus. You’re throwing me off.”

There was a frantic unclasping of buckles and leathers. His face felt like it was on fire as he staggered close to the tree where Elanos’ back was up against and pulled down his riding pants. Sweeping aside the gambeson, he let the knight do the same and greedily took both of them in his hands. To his delight, Elanos whimpered. 

“I’m not going to take this backtalk from you. You follow my orders, don’t you forget it.”

“I haven’t. I assure you…”

Elanos was warm to the touch, a thrumming energy of something divine that he couldn’t put his finger on. His insanely high metabolism was likely to blame for this heat. Damn. At the very, very least, Ambrose got a kick out of knowing he was bigger. 

“H-haah…d-did I do something to warrant this?” Elanos mumbled. His stuffy voice was like warm mead. Ambrose shook his head. 

“Can’t I ask for your service and devotion on a whim? Damn-“

“It’s like a reward, then? HiHH—IIH-ysscHHHihwww!!…mmnh….”

“Ugh—ffuck. Sure, fine, whatever.”

The bark on the tree crumpled a little beneath Elanos’ firm grasp. The spray settled a little on their exposed legs, and Ambrose felt warmth spreading quickly over his hands. Fuck. A short-lived mutual jack in the woods. Like he's never done worse...

His eyes squeezed shut as he eagerly pumped his hands. Heat filled the space between them, heavy breath, the sounds of half-muffled grunts and groans. 

Embarrassing.

Amateurishly soon, he came. Elanos was quick to follow, probably by thinking whatever fantasy he had in his head rather than genuine attraction. For all he knew, Elanos was off fuck-fantasizing that maid he hung around so much. 

They stood there panting for a moment. The silence was painfully long before Elanos had the notion to withdraw his own personal handkerchief, an off-white, and clean himself up. Didn’t bother to offer one to Ambrose first. Guess chivalry had died there. 

Whatever. He had his own. 

“I would like to head back,” Elanos slurred breathily, “I don’t feel too well. A little lightheaded…”

It would be the ultimate act of putting him in his place to keep him out here, wouldn’t it? But Ambrose figured, weighing this, that to drag Elanos’s body back would be more trouble than it was worth. Dragging him back, or dragging a cleric out. And knowing Courtney would have a litany of things to say in retaliation-

“We’ll head back. Go get our arrows.”

“Can I sit for a moment?”

“Fine. Do that.”

Ambrose stood around, looking at the arrows in the tree. More hurt than anything was his pride, though he wasn’t about to admit it out loud. Not to Elanos anyway. He was slumped down on the tree with his hands on his knees and a dazed look in his eyes. 

“Are you…alright?”

He nodded. 

An overwhelming sense of concern flooded Ambrose’s stomach. Maybe it was worry or gods forbid, empathy. The idea of Elanos coming back injured or passed out was frightening for both the situation itself and the reprimand. Like returning something lent, broken. 

“Maybe you should drink some water. Eat a little more…” He muttered stiffly. Hells, he’d do it himself. Undoing the stopper on Elanos’ waterskin, he raised it to his mouth and let him take a few sips. His skin felt warm, now especially, through a faint mist and drizzle. He looked a bit feverish, and a small sliver of drool hung on his lip before he closed his mouth and swallowed. 

“Let’s go. Before it rains. Can you get up?”

Ambrose offered a hand, and the look of surprise on Elanos’ face was not missed. He took it with a shivery grasp and was pulled up. 

“Arrows…yes, of course…” He sighed finally. The rabbit in one hand and his bow over his back, he quickly wrangled up the stray arrows and gestured to head back to their horses. He’d caught up with Ambrose just as the path cleared up again. 

“Not a word of that to anyone, though I…figured it would be implied.”

“Already uhH…understood…snfff-“

“Is there anything you could do to temper that?” 

“Wh-whadt? Gh—hIIIYSChhihww!…adtSSCHhhh!!”

“Gods! Watch it! I felt that in my hair!” Shouted, out of surprise, lust or disgust. Ambrose felt his face burn seeing the droopy-eyed look Elanos gave him. 

Had…had he done it on purpose?!

“Are you trying to be intentionally disgusting? Learn some manners!” He yelped. To his surprise, Elanos knocked him with his shoulder. Sick or not, the man was lean muscle all the way, and Ambrose staggered into a snowbank. Elanos stood and watched, giving one very pointed sniffle. 

“I won’t breathe a word of it to anyone…” The knight mumbled. Was that a smile? It might’ve been, “I swear.”

“You snake…”