Ruminate I wish I could pull the plug Lay off my plug who supplies me with a peace of mind that thrives in empty spaces. Bitches pay thousands to run in Jouboutins not knowing the race I’m competing in. Here I go putting on my cape to lay everyone’s burdens to rest leaving mine to grow and ruminate. Mirrors are a reflection of ourselves but I don’t recognize the woman glaring back at me. She is unkempt, bleeding lifetimes of traumas and insecurities. Petrified because I always remain poise even if I’m hurting, but everyone has their breaking point right? So here I am. Spiraling out of control. Allowing my thoughts to fly like doves in the wind leading to conclusions down the path of mass destruction. Justifying my actions as intuition because my birth right to exist was null and void. My arrangements with mercury empowers my pokerface to thrive over my mental demise, because image is everything. God is everything, but I refuse to let my everything lie in the hands of cis-het milk of magnesia man who equates trauma to tribulation. Loyal to my notions, they guide through my trials. Leading me to the dark alleyway of fear, somehow I find comfort here. Relief of autonomy and accountability for fear is my everything. The God I worship and the leech that feasts of my experiences. Allowing me to only feel love when intimate with the idea of serenity, until fear finds their way back home leaving me to pick up the pieces after a horrific blow. The body of a broken child resurfaces after years of abandonment. She is my everything. The reason I’m still breathing, but it’s so tiring to just not….to pull the plug
Cleo Phoenix
