Captain, There's a Left Boob in Sight

i am scouring the internet like the victorians scoured and destroyed all trace of joy and color from stolen relics for the LOST NAME OF THE ANCIENT PROCESS of textile-creation akin to knitting/crocheting/nålebinding that at least one academic/crafter used to recreate the leggings on this Glorious Motherfucker:

Archer statue from the Temple of Aphaia (ca. 480 BC) next to a reconstruction of its original paint job:

The leggings and sleeves would have created using a method called SPRANG which predates knitting and is over 3,000 years old. What's even sexier is modern artisans managed to recreate the entire outfit using the original method!

Mmm-HMM, love me a shapely thigh in harlequin hosiery. Put👏men👏in👏clingy-ass👏clothing👏again👏👏👏

Unfortunately english sources are hard to find, partly because Google's a shithole, but also because this textile project comes from a German museum, in Germany, where people tend to speak (and publish) in German. That said, the original link is to a short-but-sweet article I would have had no problem finding in 30 seconds a mere few years ago. fortunately i have clever beautiful insane people following me, but alas not everyone has such luxury. thanks to everyone in the notes who shoved themselves down this rabbithole with me!

The good news is that I've completed the full manuscript for John Rich & The Big Picture, formatted it and killed some darlings, and have sent it to my agent. What started out as a practice novel has become, truly, A Regular Novel. That practice worked—I learned so much! You guys taught me so much. With your gasps, groans, and laughter, you showed me what hit and what didn't. Thank you.

The inconvenient news—I will be closing this Tumblr in the next few days. This is, yes, for #publishing reasons. You will only be able to read John Rich & The Big Picture at the dedicated website for the foreseeable future.

Tumblr is where I got my start sharing stories. I love how I can, like, post 400 words of smut and have that up for 48 hours. I can type up a random thought on the current chapter I'm working on. I can rant. Or drop a poll about whether or not you think John is inspired by John Mulaney. (For legal reasons, he's not. Why would you even think that?) Tumblr is a great place to build community, but not the ideal place potential publishers wants certain stories to exist. (That gay hockey comic is an anomaly.)

Chapter 19 and all subsequent chapters will be up on okjohnrich.site. You'll read the ending there. That site, too, will have to be taken down at some point, but I'll let the finale breathe before putting it under lock and key. This means your friends should start reading now before they have to buy the eBook for the price of two Manhattan lattes.