no limit

i’m standing in line at Walgreens for my concerta. I thought of you on the way here.

i’m at my new address now. I haven’t been to this Walgreens in close to a month. I passed the Little Caesars on the way here and it tossed a stone at me.

on your birthday in November we walked to that Little Caesars and walked back to my place and we ate dinner and cake and then I sent you home cuz i was overstimulated. Hahah. I wish I hadn’t. Why’d I send you home? I want more of you and every day I’m shocked when I come up with less.

My new place is so different. It’s smaller but friendlier i think. I’m listless there cuz I don’t have wifi. There’s so much to do. There’s so many boxes. I’m glad to be roommates with a friend but I miss the porch of my old place. And that beautiful wood trim.

i thought it would be funny to come back this way but i didn’t think it would be emotional. I miss you. I hate that I sent you home that night. The night was ending anyway. It probably would’ve gotten stale. But I still wish I’d kept you longer. Just a little longer? There’s so much time that I sacrificed.

this walgreens line is soooo long. It smells bad in this store today. I want to cry in this line. I hate this. Saski is going home in July so I’ll be alone for three weeks. What will I do then? I want to hang out with you. Ahhhh. 🫠.

if i could talk to you right now you’d know what to do. I’d feel less listless and crazy. I want to go to the beach and read fanfiction with you and sleep on your arm. Ahhh!!!

okay that actually might make me cry. Goodness. Too many realizations. Why’d i give up fanfiction when I could’ve stayed close to you?!?! Good god. I miss you. I want that right now. You were so refreshing. You still are, honestly. Every time I write to you I feel like I’m looking down a cavernous metal tunnel. There’s a translucent blue on the other side. It’s light like maybe there’s sun, maybe there’s water, but I’m not quite close enough yet. It’s so small and so far away.

every time I don’t write I see nothing but those wooden clouds and bushes they use for scenes in plays. They’re reversible and equally fake.

bands and things. I feel bad for not feeling bad, and then suddenly something shifts and i feel bad. A song plays. A window opens. I think i see your name in an Instagram comment.