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Neil has had to lie to stay alive. He is good at reading people, he is good at faking and masking and tricking and manipulating when he is in need. But he is not in need any more.
Neil Josten is the real person who blossomed from a lie when he was given a safe space and people that cared. #10 Fox from PSU is the most real he has ever been able to be. And he knows it.
Neil Josten is a horrible liar because he loves not needing to lie. He is able to lie. He will if needed without missing a beat. But when there's no need? He is deliberately bad at it.
He doesn't try being good at playing amongst us, or werewolf (mafia? How is this game called in English speaking countries??)
He comes up with extremely obnoxious lies that are imposible to mistake with the truth when he doesn't want to answer a question:
Neil breaking into Wymack apartment because he is having a bad night and he is paranoid:
Wymack, still half asleep: Neil? What are you doing here?
Neil: I don't know how to tell you this, but I'm actually a werewolf and there's full moon outside so I can't go back to campus until it's daytime.
Wymack, sighs: does your werewolf form need to talk it out or just being away from moonlight?
Neil: no moonlight is enough...?
Wymack: ... I'm making us coffee.
With the variation of gaslighting media:
Intervier: Neil, what are your thoughts on your teammate Kevin Day and Thea Muldani being named couple of the year?
Neil (who knows it's a fake relationship), looking straight into the camera, the most confused he's ever been: who?
Interviewer: eh... Thea Muldani?
Neil: nono, I know who Thea Muldani is. Who the fuck is Kevin Day?
Interviewer, pointing at the poster behind Neil where Kevin and him are possing together: him.
Neil, stares at it for a good 30seconds before looking back into the camera and whispering: I've never seen him before in my life. Pretty sure that's photoshopped.
In my hc about Neil making up reasons why the character he randomly selects is the murderer in the book Andrew's reading, Neil is wrong in his guesses. If he wanted, he could know the killer without missing a beat, but he doesn't want to. He selects his suspect completely randomly when he doesn't have enough information. It's not about being able to read people or being right. It's precisely the contrary. He likes being wrong. He likes making up shit that he knows makes no sense. He likes not needing to recognise threats correctly because it reminds him his life doesn't depend on it anymore.
i’ve seen people talk about the idea of andrew having to scare off people that are hitting on neil while he’s completely oblivious and okay but—
did you forget when neil absolutely HUMILIATED that woman who was trying to ask him out???? and he didn’t even pick up on the romantic connotations, he did that thinking she just wanted to be FRIENDS.
HUMILIATED.
andrew has nothing to worry about. in fact he’d probably find it hilarious to watch neil mortify some strangers.
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I'm rewatching that time I got reincarnated as a slime, and I can't help but think how pissed Shen Qingqiu and Shang Qinghua would be knowing that Rimuru has a system that helps and supports him, meanwhile Shen Qingqiu's and Shang Qinghua's systems always put their lives in peril
Shang Qinghua: My system always gives me the mission 'survive', and nothing else
Shen Qingqiu: My system saved my and my husband's life once, but I don't think it makes up for that time it tortured me
Rimuru: Mine is called Great Sage and it revived all my dead friends plus it is constantly giving me new abilities
Neil who never lets Andrew carry his own bag through an airport or out of a stadium, even though Andrew is inarguably bigger and more muscled than him. Who always keeps the freezer stocked with ice cream no matter the circumstances. Who keeps a bubble of space around Andrew when they’re walking through thick crowds, always a bicep or an elbow in the way to stop people from getting too close. Who gets his wallet out every time they get dinner like Andrew doesn’t make 80% more than him. Always free shoulder and feet massages, post-game and in-bed and whenever, without Andrew ever having to ask. He always washes Andrew’s hair first in the shower, always cups the water away from his face so soap doesn’t get in his eyes.
Neil who is always down to do Anything Andrew Wants, Ever. Andrew wants to go on a drive in the middle of the night? Or an impromptu road trip in the off season? Sure, Neil’s grabbing the keys. On the road they pass a pungent, fresh-made bakery and Neil turns the car around without uttering a word. Neil, who, after years, always answers the phone when Andrew calls on the very first ring — who turns his full-attention to Andrew when he calls his name, even in the most crowded room. Who does pretty much anything Andrew asks of him and anticipates dozens of other wants and needs. Who always goes out of his way to make Andrew’s life easier. Neil, who puts Andrew above anything and everything else.
Spoiled-as-fuck Andrew, and he knows it, and he carries that comfort and security with him everywhere.
most men have two fuckable holes. some men have three. but, against all odds, julius caesar (100 BC to 44 BC) managed to amass an astounding 25 holes by the time of his death
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so i just learnt about that reddit tifu story where the guy spent 2 years fucking his gf to the beat of a song and even after she told him she hated it and banned him from putting it on during sex, he would still thrust to the tune playing in his head (and she recognised it)
naturally, my mind immediately went to cumplane
imagine. they were secretly friends with benefits in their first life when they were both in college (pre-pidw days). xiang fei would put this song on every time they fucked until shen yuan flat out told him he hated it and xf's taste in music sucked and the song's rhythm isn't even good to papapa to. devastated, xiang fei, a child of the 21st century, complained about it on socmed (wholeheartedly believing that with china's vast population and him posting from an anonymous account, there was 0 chance anyone they both knew in real life would recognise it)
unfortunately for him, shen tang, a fan of "today i fucked up" stories and frequent visitor of the forum xiang fei had posted on, immediately recognised the song as that really obscure one her brother's college friend mentioned when he came for dinner a couple of weeks ago. the ages and other details from the post also matched everything about her brother and his friend
naturally, shen yuan is incredibly flustered their definitely-not-gay fwb relationship is now out, breaks up with xiang fei and blocks him everywhere. xiang fei is heartbroken, and it's only years later - when he starts writing a stallion novel - that he finally, kind of, moves on from shen yuan. thankfully, a particular hatereader of his novel is a pretty entertaining distraction from ruminating about his past fuckups
cue transmigration, peak lord meeting. yue qingyuan is giving a particularly dull speech (something about health and safety, probably). xf!shang qinghua doesn't even notice when he starts to tap that song's melody on the table's surface with his fingers as his mind drifts back to his very first crush from college....
"XIANG FEI?!"
it's been years since their fwb relationship ended but sy!shen qingqiu could not mistake that rhythm for anything else! how many people in the world had THAT bad of a taste in music AND would tap that tune out when they were bored? he only knew one!
There are plenty of posts about how similar Shang Qinghua/Luo Binghe and Shen Yuan/Mobei-Jun are
So how about a crack cumplane fic where Shang Qinghua transmigrates into Luo Binghe and Shen Yuan into Mobei-Jun
SY!MBJ falls for SQH!LBH, and it's all Airplane's fault!! He's the one who made the protagonist into a peerless beauty, second to none!
Meanwhile SQH!LBH falls for SY!MBJ, but he can't help it!! That's his ideal man right there, even if he's now his fave anti fan! He just wants to fall into his tatas!!
And if I tell y'all about my mocumplane au that tears Bing-ge a new one, will y'all still love me? No? Okay, great
So, the idea is like mid-canon for PIDW, starts at pre-Bingge v. Bingmei extra.
Shen Yuan is reborn as a bird demon prince, his system is like, 'hey, try to make Binghe happy, good luck!' and low-key let's him go wild. Which he does.
When Binghe finally shows up in the demon realm and starts establishing himself as emperor, Shen Yuan is quick to establish himself as an ally by writing numerous letters to him choke full of advice. Binghe is grateful and is a little infatuated with the writer of the letters.
However, Shen Yuan only manages to convince his parents to officially offer a alliance with Binghe after the realms are united and Cang Qiong falls upon Yue Qingyuan's death. Binghe is happy to accept said alliance and asks for Shen Yuan's hand in order to solidify the alliance.
Shen Yuan's parents are low-key overprotective and aren't entirely for it but Shen Yuan is all like, "well, Binghe deserves everything he wants and if he wants me, he should get me (tooootally not into Binghe myself, no sir, you can't prove it)" so his parents allow it.
Unfortunately for Shen Yuan and his kingdom, he looks eerily similar to Shen Qingqiu, to Binghe at least. Liu Mingyan and Ning Yingying don't notice it because of the demon features but Luo Binghe very much does and he is pissed. Trauma/Xin Mo kicks in and convinces Binghe that Shen Yuan is probably a lot like his former master and he can't trust a bunch of letters or an alliance or anything about him.
Shen Yuan doesn't know why Binghe looked so horrified and then furious when they finally met. He is completely unprepared for Luo Binghe to suddenly start treating him like an enemy or prisoner. He's ordered to keep his face hidden at all times while treated worse than a servant, his kingdom destroyed and his family slain for treason. Luo Binghe doesn't even allow Shen Yuan an official wedding.
Some of the wives are sympathetic and Shen Yuan tries to strike up a friendship with them but it just goes. poorly. Luo Binghe sees a man trying to make the best out of a bad situation and gets really pissed (because he hates himself lol) and forbids Shen Yuan from speaking to any of the other wives about anything other than chores or emergencies.
Shen Yuan makes his home inside the library, no one really comes in there and if they do, he can easily keep an eye on them and avoid them. He gets along fine with the workers but there's only so much they can do to help him. He doesn't understand how things went so badly and Bingzu/the System is horrified it's happened at all. They give you a pristine free-will Shen Yuan and abuse him?! They're halfway to revoking the protagonist halo.
Meanwhile, Xiang Fei was reborn as a outer disciple of a little sect, barely noticeable in comparison to some of the other sects. Well, until Binghe either consumes or destroys the other sects. It's very anti-demon, which Xiang Fei is NOT on board for, he doesn't want his son to show up and kill him!
He decides to offer his services to Mobei-Jun, who is lacking a... secretary after OG! Shang Qinghua's death. Mobei-Jun accepts, honestly because he low-key misses the cat and mouse game he and Shang Qinghua use to play. Except. Xiang Fei is actually useful? And helpful? And cares about him, like as a person? and drags his uncle's corpse to him as a birthday gift?
Yeah, Xiang Fei might fall first but Mobei-Jun falls HARD. (no, system/Bingzu is not jealous that moshang is sailing while Binghe is fucking up binggeyuan, shut up)
Unfortunately, Xiang Fei's sect finds out and is like pissed and move to execute him. Mobei-Jun panics and wants to rescue Xiang Fei but Xiang Fei is like no wait. I can work with this.
So, Xiang Fei gets executed but, thanks to an artifact Xiang Fei begs Mobei-Jun to retrieve for him, he's just reborn as a flower/plant demon and can safely run away with Mobei-Jun. (Mobei-Jun slaughters his former sect and presents the severed heads to Xiang Fei while actually managing to confess. He's had years of LBH near him teaching him how to court but he still struggles on certain things. Xiang Fei does accept and they actually have the worst sex imaginable right next to the severed heads. Love wins.)
Now, Mobei-Jun does spend some time in the Underground Palace, as Luo Binghe's general, but not a lot, he doesn't like how crowded it is in there and how warm it is all the time. Thus, he kinda misses the whole Shen Yuan drama, except for going, 'oh, we have a new librarian who actually likes books and doesn't just eat them? How useful.'
But then he ends up going there more and more often, Shen Yuan helping him with one thing or another because God bless Xiang Fei, he just doesn't remember his own damn book. Over time, Mobei-Jun finds himself... not quite in love with Shen Yuan, yet, but definitely developing some feelings.
He panics and tells Xiang Fei and Xiang Fei hears about this male-wife of Luo Binghe's, who somehow knows everything yet can't give an easily accessible source and goes, wait a minute.
So Xiang Fei and Shen Yuan meet and have a Spider-Man point moment after figuring out they're both transmigrators. Both Xiang Fei and Mobei-Jun start spending a lot of time in the Underground Palace and Luo Binghe side eyes them at first before going, eh, they're gay, they won't steal what's mine. (Somewhat forgot he married a man.)
Shen Yuan, on the other hand, is struggling because he still loves Luo Binghe and he still has the mission to make Binghe happy. (The only reason Xiang Fei's system isn't trying to stop mocumplane from happening is they're trying to use jealousy as a motivator to realize how precious Shen Yuan is.)
Sure, Luo Binghe hates him and threatens him and killed his family and kingdom and only touches him in order to keep his wings trimmed too short to fly with and only remembers he exists when he wants to torment Shen Yuan... but that's just because he's lonely and unhappy! Shen Yuan can fix him!
Yes, he's starting to fall for stoic but sincere and romantic Mobei-Jun and genius but silly Xiang Fei but... well, he can't just give up on Binghe.
Then, one of the wives poisons herself and a few others in order to start an orgy and slip Shen Yuan some too, just as a prank.
Shen Yuan doesn't realize he's been drugged until it starts getting reaaally bad and Mobei-Jun scoops him up and rushes him to Luo Binghe. Luo Binghe is getting ready for his sevensome and is like, eh, I'll treat him later. However, that could end up killing Shen Yuan so Mobei-Jun decides to do something risky. Could someone else dual cultivate with Shen Yuan in that case?
Luo Binghe is like. sure. I don't care. And goes to fuck the seven women who he's using and are using him.
Shen Yuan is heartbroken, he wasn't going to force Luo Binghe to cure him, he deserves better than that, but to be so apathetic...? Ouch. Mobei-Jun, on the other hand, is kind of pleased. He rushes Shen Yuan back to his and Xiang Fei's chambers.
Mobei-Jun and Xiang Fei cure Shen Yuan, assuring him he is valuable and loved and if Binghe can't see that, well, they'll show him, in their own fucked up little way. Shen Yuan finally agrees to leave with them.
The system is pisssssed at Binghe and revoke the protagonist halo as soon as he's finished curing those women. Luo Binghe goes to bed, unaware how fucked up things are about to become for him.
Mobei-Jun challenges Luo Binghe for his wife's hand (he doesn't tell Binghe which one) and Luo Binghe accepts because he's an asshole and bored. Mobei-Jun whips the floor with him. Turns out! When one person is getting funneled a bunch of magic buffing ingredients and training constantly! and the other guy doesn't have the power of God and anime on his side with an overwhelming ego! it's easy to kick his ass!
Mobei-Jun and Xiang Fei take Shen Yuan and go and Binghe is just like, oh, okay, well, that's fine, even if it was humiliating. It's fine.
And then Bingge vs Bingmei extra happens. Binghe gets back and starts his search for someone like SY!Shen Qingqiu but it was already going to be an impossible search with the protagonist halo, it's more than impossible without it.
But then Binghe sees his ex-wife afterwards, hanging out in Mobei-Jun's palace, and is like. oh. Oh shit that's the kind Shizun I've been looking for. Fuck.
thinking about neil telling andrew that he would only look out for himself in a life or death situation with andrew responding “incorrect, you’re the martyr no one asked for” and neil’s internal dialogue being like “yeah right i know what i’m about” only to IMMEDIATELY go with his father’s people to save the foxes.
while he was on the run, Neil had far too much free time and absolutely no idea what to do with himself. as a result, he picked up a number of strange and surprisingly useless talents, one of which was learning how to tie a knot in a piece of string using nothing but his tongue. Andrew Minyard had never been more grateful for one of Neil’s bizarre hobbies than the day he realized exactly where that particular skill might come in handy.
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Neil is a cat shifter who gets picked up by Katelyn and cared for by both her and Aaron because he's injured and stuck in his cat form
Aaron lowkey dotes on him as a cat because Katelyn likes Neil as a cat, and his thought process is: Katelyn likes cat > cat likes me > Katelyn spends time with me and cat > Katelyn and me happy!
So Aaron buys expensive tuna and introduces Neil to his twin and becomes a REALLY good cat dad. He buys premium tuna (that Neil never actually eats), tucks Neil in between him and Katelyn when they have a movie date (Neil squirms out and away. Aaron thinks it's because Neil doesn't trust him after being a 'stray' but Neil just doesn't want to watch them make out), he brings Neil to practice with him and keeps an eye on him at all times (he stays surprisingly cooperative, and Aaron swears he's watching the game. Andrew knows he 100% is but he says Neil isn't just to fuck with Aaron)
When Neil shifts back, he's horrified. THIS is what I've been spending all my time on??????? And when Neil gets with Andrew he's even MORE horrified because what the fuck my cat is a human and now he's dating my brother???? Who barely shows physical interest in anyone???? And now he's dating my cat????? Who's actually a guy who's the son of a mafia boss WHO'S ON THE RUN FROM RIKO MORIYAMA?????? He's absolutely horrified.
Maybe he should've seen the signs
Aaron has a lot to say to Bee at their next session
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