&&..;; hey everyone!! i miss you all, but school tires me out and iâm kinda working two jobs at the moment. iâm not on here as much as i would like to be, but iâm not dead mmkay <3
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@circusbirdie
&&..;; hey everyone!! i miss you all, but school tires me out and iâm kinda working two jobs at the moment. iâm not on here as much as i would like to be, but iâm not dead mmkay <3

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thedarkempath:
That optimism was learned from surrounding herself by Dick and his family. Rachel was never over optimistic, quite the opposite, really. It wasnât until she saw the close dynamic of everyone in the circus, something she lacked in her childhood, did she begin to open up.
        That, and she became a lot more sarcastic being around Dick.
âMaybe you should take me there. Iâve been dying to see some real acrobatics.â
Joking aside, she wasnât about to let him brush his feelings off with snarky remark. She moves from her spot on the floor to the edge of the bed instead, looking down at him. âHeyâ- Everyone is going to make sure that doesnât happen, including Jack. Including youâ- you do those posts online, right? Between all that, theyâll have nothing to complain aboutâ
It seemed as if the circusâs general optimistic outlook on life had rubbed off on Rachel... and that Dick had somehow inherited the leftover pessimism. Oh, well- at least Rach was more positive now than she ever had been. She had a decent home now and a family, and honestly, Dick was just thankful that sheâd adjusted to it all as fast as she did.
âOh, yeah?â He sat up a bit off the bed, an eyebrow raising at her. âMakes sense - havenât been up to par with the fam since the whole Red Triangle-thing.âÂ
He sighed and shook his head, sitting up further and tugging his knees to his chest. âI have been, yeah. All these activists still donât like the whole âanimals in cagesâ things, no matter how hard I try tâshow them theyâre taken care of. âm sure that weâll be fine for a while, but âs just... Yikes, yâknow?â
hearstheearth:
  Her eyes watch him intently, noting how he relaxes at the nickname. Good, she wants him to relax. She hates seeing him upset. Still, she doesnât say anything, just lets him talk. Lets him get his fears out into the open. She understands, she may not know everything but sheâs not dumb. Sheâs seen some of the shit theyâve gotten. Sheâs also aware that not every circus treats their animals right, not ever circus is like Haleyâs.
  The pads of her thumbs trace light circles on his cheeks. If it helped once, then sheâll say it again, âMaahii, you know that the animals are loved and well cared for here. Maybe it is time to show the public some of the backstage happenings with the animals, ease their fears. Haleyâs does not have anything to hide. There is no shame in our circus.â It feels weird, saying ours, though she supposes it is theirs since sheâs joined up.
  She squirms a bit closer and presses her lips, tentatively, gently to his. âYou âave helped me plenty of times when I was a mess. I am here to help you now. Regardless of what happens, you âave me. You are not alone.â She wants to tell him how much she likes him, but chickens out. Itâs hard enough just attempting to comfort him. Thatâs so not in her comfort zone.
   âMaahii,â she repeats once more before kissing him again, allowing her hands to wander down to his shirt front. Her fingers curl into the fabric and tug him slightly closer. She only hopes he knows how much she likes him and how much he means to her. She hopes he knows she wonât leave his side, not when he needs her, not when he needs someone to lean on.
   Heâs incredibly grateful to her, for letting him talk. Despite the circus crew being family to him, there are just some things you canât turn to your family with. No, in this case, your girlfriend was a better option. In his mind, thatâs what heâs labeled her as - his girlfriend. What other term was there for the relationship they had? The only other one he could think of would be something akin to âincredibly close friends with benefits,â but even that didnât sum it up as neatly as heâd like.
   Our circus... If he were in a better mood, hearing that phrase fall from her lips wouldâve made it impossible to wipe a smile from his face. But today, as he sat in front of her, tired and beaten-down both mentally and physically, it made the very corner of his mouth turn up. That was it.
    âI-I donât...â Her kiss stops him. Exhaling through his nose, he feels his shoulders drop, the tension in his back lessens. Itâll take more than one kiss to get his mind off of the inevitable downfall he figured was coming, but in the moment, it made all the difference. âThank you. If anything happens, youâre coming with us, okay? I donât think... itâll be anytime soon. But I just... I want to play it safe--â
   Dick finds himself loving her pet name for him more and more every time she uses it. Her fingers grab his shirt, gently pulling him closer, and he obeys, willingly as always. Heâs able to fully reciprocate the kiss this time, a hand reaching to the small of her back to bring her flush against him, deciding it best to put what was left of his energy into being with Jinx. Living in the moment - wasnât that was this lifestyle was about?
cassies-comics:
âAnything you need to talk about.â See Cassie had a problem. She was always sticking her nose in other peoples business. Most people didnât appreciate it, but that didnât stop her.
âAhh...â Dick wasnât sure whether or not it would be a good idea to answer that question. He simply shook his head, deciding it wasnât worth it to give himself even worse anxiety over telling a stranger circus secrets. âItâs nothing, Iâm fine.â
thedarkempath:
âAre you worried this place will be next?â She moves her head so it too is on the bed, leaning against her spare hand. He may not be an open book, but Rachel has spent too much time alone with Dick to not know the signs he was portraying due to his emotions.
 âI canât tell you it definitely wonât happen, butâŚ.. I think thereâs a good chance this place will be around for a long time.â She cracks a smile, âBesides, all of those customers are going to need somewhere to go, and I happen to know of a place,â
âJackâs been able to protect us from a lotta shit, Rach. Falcone, Zucco, Red Triangle...â Each of those names bring back bitter memories, ones that he really hated looking back on. Dickâs eyes drift over to her, and he shakes his head slowly. âRingling has been our competitor for as long as weâve been in the business. If animal rights advocates and threats got to them, then weâre bound to be next.â
A smirk crosses his face- he canât help but smile at the thought sheâs put into his head -and he runs both hands through his hair. Sheâs become so good at looking at the bright side of things; somehow Rachel has actually evolved into one of the most optimistic of them all, only rivaled by Dickâs mother and Sophia. âOh, yeah? Would that be Cirque de Soleil? Because Iâve heard that showâs EXCELLENT--â

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hearstheearth:
   She slips off her shoes and lies down next to him as soon as he makes room. Sheâs always so drawn into him. His eyes, his voice, his touch. No one had ever made her feel the way Dick did and if she can give that back to him, even a little bit, she wanted to.
   Her hands reach up to gently cup his face. âMaahii,â she breaths, a slight rosy tint to her cheeks as she does so. She hadnât exactly meant for that particular word to slip out. Sheâs just thankful sheâs fairly certain Dick has no idea what she just said. âTalk to me.â
  Just pour out your heart to her and let her listen. She wonât know what to say but she can listen. She can also just lay here, sheâs content to do that. Or if Dick needs a distraction in more physical ways, well, to say sheâd be unwilling was a lie. Sheâs just shit at making the first move. ( Though the kisses on her cheek throughout the day were always reassuring, even if they caused her face to flush each time. )
   âEveryone else seems happy and you areâŚupset. I do not understand. Should you not be happy as well?â
   Her hands are refreshingly cold against his skin, and he finds himself leaning into her palms, cupping one of her hands with his own. Though he canât understand the word, he believes he knows the context- an affectionate term, a pet name, perhaps, with the infliction she gave to it. The thought relaxes him enough to relief the tension in his shoulders, but the worried knot in his stomach and the fear of what was to come still lingered.Â
    âI-I--â Thereâs a pause as he collects himself, and he takes a shaking breath before beginning to speak again. âIâm worried, Jinx. With the new th-that came out today, I just... Ringling was our biggest competitor,â he explains. He makes eye contact with her for a brief second before looking back down at the bed. The whole affair just drives him up a wall; he canât believe how nervous the past day has made him.
    âAnd theyâre just... GONE. Weâve been getting shit from animal rights advocates left and right, just like they have. Whoâs to say that we arenât next?â Dick shakes his head, biting his lip, his eyes squinting shut. It physically pains him to think about everything that would happen were the circus to shut down, and heâs certain thatâs obvious.
   His hand falls tiredly away from hers and onto the bed for support, fingers tightly gripping the sheet beneath him. âI-I... Jackâs already saved us from a lotta shit, but he canât... Iâm just really worried, yeah? B-But even though I donât want everyone else t-- to think that way, I-I...â He stops again, gazing back up at her, almost pleading for something, anything, that would help him avoid those thoughts. âI-Iâm sorry, Iâm... Iâm a total mess.â
thedarkempath:
âWell⌠Do you want to talk about it?â Her fingers move to brush the hair from his face before landing on his own hand, giving it a squeeze.
 She knows better than to just accept that as an answer. If Dick started to over-think things, it could end up a lot more stressful than it needed to be. Not to mention the fact that it wasnât healthy for him to be holding it in in the first place. âDoes it have anything to do with the news we just got?â
â...Eh.â If he were standing, there would have been a shrug to accompany that sound, but laying down doesnât allow that much freedom of movement. Plus, he doesnât really care to be that active at the moment; his entire body just feels... heavy. Sluggish.
Of course sheâs figured it out; she knows him entirely too well. But there are many times he appreciates that. Heâs yet to pinpoint whether or not this is one of those moments. âWell... a little. Rach, Iâm just-- E-Everyone thinks this is such a great thing,â he stammers. âI-I... It feels like the beginning of the end to me. I-- I donât... Y-- Yeah...â
wondcrkid:
     â Hey â thereâs no need to be so tense.      Is everything okay? â      Annie offers a gentle smile. When they      see a person discomfort theyâre naturally      drawn to try and help them. They remember      Dick from a brief encounter months ago and      hoped that heâd see them as a friendly face.      â Donât make me pull out my funny jokes to      cheer you up. â
   ...Annie. He remembers them.
    âH-Hey... Uh... Well, um... Define    the term âokay,â and then maybe    I can answer that.â
   Dick really hates to be so cryptic,    but thatâs just how he gets when    heâs upset.Â
    âI-Iâm... Iâm sorry. Iâm not really    all that great, at the moment.    Rough day, yâknow?â
cassies-comics:
âWhat happened?â Cassie asked. She knew he was upset, frustrated, or both. She put her hand on his shoulder tenthly.
The hand on his shoulder made him jump, but he slowly took a step away from the girl, hopefully not offending her. He wasnât big on physical contact with those he didnât know in trying moments.
Though, he did appreciate the thought.
    âOh, uh... Nothing. Iâm fine, honest. Just    had a rough day.â
hearstheearth:
  Sheâs been watching Dick closely. Heâs been a bitâŚoff since the news that Ringling Brothers shut down. She doesnât entirely understand it. Everyone else seemed happy, rejoicing. Jinx didnât really care one way or another. It was just another circus and sheâd really only joined up because of the draw of the animals ( and maybe because of a small crush on a certain boy. )
   Though, she hadnât had a chance to talk to him, both of them being kept busy. Often they worked in different departments, Jinx being adept at the high wire and trapeze and costumes while Dick was more physical labor and pulled every which way. Both of them enjoyed and were good at working with the animals, but alas their paths didnât cross that day. Even when they did, they hadnât much time to talk or there were other people around. She didnât want to pry while others were around, Dick seemed more like a private person, even if the circus was his family.
   âDick,â she calls, entering into his train car. Her footsteps are light, trying to avoid too many creaky floorboards. âDickâŚare youâŚalright?â Sheâs not good at this whole comforting thing. Heâs better at it than she is, but still, she wants to try, for him.Â
    She pokes him in the side to try and get him to move over. She wants to curl up against him. No oneâs around to see, so he shouldnât mind, right? âTalk to me, please.â Please donât shut her out.
   Heâs been running non-stop all day - with almost the whole circus off celebrating, it seems like heâs been the only one handling most of the chores. Outside of Wilhelm, Sophia, and Zee, of course. Oh, Zee-- Thinking about seeing her helps with the crushing weight of everything he had realized earlier, but it doesnât totally abolish it. He had seen her throughout the day, offered her a smile every time he passed by, a brief peck on the cheek when heâd catch her unawares.Â
   This day has him utterly flustered and torn apart from his head to his toes, and now that heâs allowed himself to think about her being next to him, comforting him, he canât stop. At this point, anything to prevent himself from the downward spiral of depressing thoughts and âwhat-ifsâ that threatened to drown him would be a blessing. He grabs the pillow beneath his head and squeezes it, eyes squinting tightly shut, teeth gritting together. Stop it, stop it, stop it--
âDick...â
   Her voice is absolute music to his tired ears, and he rolls over when she pokes his shoulder, looking up at her longingly. Heâd give anything for a hug, a kiss, anything to keep his mind in one piece. âHey... Iâm, uh... not-- not doing so hot right now,â he confesses, rubbing the back of his neck.Â
    âCâmere, huh?â Dick moves over a little closer to the wall and pats the spot on the mattress beside him. âItâs been a long day...â

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thedarkempath:
âDick?â Of course she heard the news, everyone in the entire company had heard it. From what she could tell, they were even planning on partying tonight, in response to their biggest competitor. Rachel wasnât much for celebrations, but if Dick were going, then she supposed she could last a few hours of socializing. âWhy arenât youâ-?â
 She stops in her tracks, and instead moves to the bottom of the bed, kneeling down so sheâs eye level with what would be his head, were he facing her. âHeyââ Her hand goes to his back, smoothing out the wrinkles in his shirt. âHeyâ- whatâs wrong?â
His eyes open halfway, but he doesnât turn his head to her. At least itâs Rachel walking in on him instead of John or Wilhelm or the twins. Dick can only imagine the heckling that would come with one of them finding him alone in his room. He sighs heavily upon hearing her come in, body seeming to deflate in defeat.
Itâs not like he can ignore her- heâs never been able to and wasnât about to start now. Rolling over onto his back, hands folded over his chest, he lets out a huff that sends his nearly too long bangs flying as he stares up at the bunk above him. âHey, babe... Nothing, really. Iâm proâlly jusâ... overthinking things.â
    âOh, f.....uck.â
Heâs a little on edge, but isnât he always? Maybe you should see if you can calm him down; he seems like he needs some comfort... or a very stiff drink.
The coming of the daily newspaper was both a godsend and a death sentence rolled up into one incredible headline: RINGLING BROTHERS CIRCUS SHUTS DOWN AFTER 146 YEARS. Members of the Halyâs Circus crew rejoiced; with their toughest competitor out of the way, the title of the âWorldâs Greatest Showâ was theirs without any end in sight. It was an unbelievable situation, and chances were that members of the failed circus troupe would come flocking to Halyâs. Maybe now they would actually be able to afford to take them in.
But despite this seemingly good news, a nightmarish thought lingered in the backs of everyoneâs minds:Â âWhat if weâre next?â Animal rights activists had begun to protest their elephant shows; the demand for them to release their other animals into sanctuaries was at an all-time high. The empty threats that came pouring in had suddenly begun to bear weight, so much so that Dick had picked up blogging about the specialized care each animal received. It had staved off most people, but PETA was still on their asses.
After a long day of work, Dick had gone straight to his bunk instead of celebrating with the rest of the crew, who were undoubtedly out getting drunk. Normally he would have joined them, but today he just wasnât... feeling it. This didnât seem like a reason to celebrate; it was more like a reason to buckle down and brace for the worse, the storm that was to come.Â
He collapsed onto the bed, face first, the newspaper he had been holding discarded next to his ratty tennis shoes on the battered floor of the train car. Nothing about this felt right. Nothing at all...
&&..|| yes hello friends i am back but my dick is distraught i will explain why v soon but first college things are calling me <3

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non-lip kisses are my absolute favorite. absentmindedly kissing the back of someoneâs palm as you hold hands. chaste forehead kisses and brushes against their cheek. silly boops on the nose. kissing fluttering eyelashes. neck kisses that barely touch skin but are no less passionate. kisses on collar bones or exposed tummies. sloppy kisses at the corners of someoneâs mouth. kissing each and every fingertip with a delicate touch.
Please come to bed and let me see you and feel you.
Ernest Hemingway, The Garden Of Eden (via thelovejournals)