;; { circus brat }

That optimism was learned from surrounding herself by Dick and his family. Rachel was never over optimistic, quite the opposite, really. It wasn’t until she saw the close dynamic of everyone in the circus, something she lacked in her childhood, did she begin to open up.

               That, and she became a lot more sarcastic being around Dick.

“Maybe you should take me there. I’ve been dying to see some real acrobatics.”

Joking aside, she wasn’t about to let him brush his feelings off with snarky remark. She moves from her spot on the floor to the edge of the bed instead, looking down at him. “Hey—- Everyone is going to make sure that doesn’t happen, including Jack. Including you—- you do those posts online, right? Between all that, they’ll have nothing to complain about”

It seemed as if the circus’s general optimistic outlook on life had rubbed off on Rachel... and that Dick had somehow inherited the leftover pessimism. Oh, well- at least Rach was more positive now than she ever had been. She had a decent home now and a family, and honestly, Dick was just thankful that she’d adjusted to it all as fast as she did.

“Oh, yeah?” He sat up a bit off the bed, an eyebrow raising at her. “Makes sense - haven’t been up to par with the fam since the whole Red Triangle-thing.” 

    Her eyes watch him intently, noting how he relaxes at the nickname. Good, she wants him to relax. She hates seeing him upset. Still, she doesn’t say anything, just lets him talk. Lets him get his fears out into the open. She understands, she may not know everything but she’s not dumb. She’s seen some of the shit they’ve gotten. She’s also aware that not every circus treats their animals right, not ever circus is like Haley’s.

   The pads of her thumbs trace light circles on his cheeks. If it helped once, then she’ll say it again, “Maahii, you know that the animals are loved and well cared for here. Maybe it is time to show the public some of the backstage happenings with the animals, ease their fears. Haley’s does not have anything to hide. There is no shame in our circus.” It feels weird, saying ours, though she supposes it is theirs since she’s joined up.

   She squirms a bit closer and presses her lips, tentatively, gently to his. “You ‘ave helped me plenty of times when I was a mess. I am here to help you now. Regardless of what happens, you ‘ave me. You are not alone.” She wants to tell him how much she likes him, but chickens out. It’s hard enough just attempting to comfort him. That’s so not in her comfort zone.

    “Maahii,” she repeats once more before kissing him again, allowing her hands to wander down to his shirt front. Her fingers curl into the fabric and tug him slightly closer. She only hopes he knows how much she likes him and how much he means to her. She hopes he knows she won’t leave his side, not when he needs her, not when he needs someone to lean on.

      He’s incredibly grateful to her, for letting him talk. Despite the circus crew being family to him, there are just some things you can’t turn to your family with. No, in this case, your girlfriend was a better option. In his mind, that’s what he’s labeled her as - his girlfriend. What other term was there for the relationship they had? The only other one he could think of would be something akin to “incredibly close friends with benefits,” but even that didn’t sum it up as neatly as he’d like.

      Our circus... If he were in a better mood, hearing that phrase fall from her lips would’ve made it impossible to wipe a smile from his face. But today, as he sat in front of her, tired and beaten-down both mentally and physically, it made the very corner of his mouth turn up. That was it.

      “I-I don’t...” Her kiss stops him. Exhaling through his nose, he feels his shoulders drop, the tension in his back lessens. It’ll take more than one kiss to get his mind off of the inevitable downfall he figured was coming, but in the moment, it made all the difference. “Thank you. If anything happens, you’re coming with us, okay? I don’t think... it’ll be anytime soon. But I just... I want to play it safe--”

“Anything you need to talk about.” See Cassie had a problem. She was always sticking her nose in other peoples business. Most people didn’t appreciate it, but that didn’t stop her.

“Are you worried this place will be next?” She moves her head so it too is on the bed, leaning against her spare hand. He may not be an open book, but Rachel has spent too much time alone with Dick to not know the signs he was portraying due to his emotions.

 “I can’t tell you it definitely won’t happen, but….. I think there’s a good chance this place will be around for a long time.” She cracks a smile, “Besides, all of those customers are going to need somewhere to go, and I happen to know of a place,”

“Jack’s been able to protect us from a lotta shit, Rach. Falcone, Zucco, Red Triangle...” Each of those names bring back bitter memories, ones that he really hated looking back on. Dick’s eyes drift over to her, and he shakes his head slowly. “Ringling has been our competitor for as long as we’ve been in the business. If animal rights advocates and threats got to them, then we’re bound to be next.”

     She slips off her shoes and lies down next to him as soon as he makes room. She’s always so drawn into him. His eyes, his voice, his touch. No one had ever made her feel the way Dick did and if she can give that back to him, even a little bit, she wanted to.

     Her hands reach up to gently cup his face. “Maahii,” she breaths, a slight rosy tint to her cheeks as she does so. She hadn’t exactly meant for that particular word to slip out. She’s just thankful she’s fairly certain Dick has no idea what she just said. “Talk to me.”

   Just pour out your heart to her and let her listen. She won’t know what to say but she can listen. She can also just lay here, she’s content to do that. Or if Dick needs a distraction in more physical ways, well, to say she’d be unwilling was a lie. She’s just shit at making the first move. ( Though the kisses on her cheek throughout the day were always reassuring, even if they caused her face to flush each time. )

    “Everyone else seems happy and you are…upset. I do not understand. Should you not be happy as well?”

      Her hands are refreshingly cold against his skin, and he finds himself leaning into her palms, cupping one of her hands with his own. Though he can’t understand the word, he believes he knows the context- an affectionate term, a pet name, perhaps, with the infliction she gave to it. The thought relaxes him enough to relief the tension in his shoulders, but the worried knot in his stomach and the fear of what was to come still lingered. 

      “I-I--” There’s a pause as he collects himself, and he takes a shaking breath before beginning to speak again. “I’m worried, Jinx. With the new th-that came out today, I just... Ringling was our biggest competitor,” he explains. He makes eye contact with her for a brief second before looking back down at the bed. The whole affair just drives him up a wall; he can’t believe how nervous the past day has made him.

      “And they’re just... GONE. We’ve been getting shit from animal rights advocates left and right, just like they have. Who’s to say that we aren’t next?” Dick shakes his head, biting his lip, his eyes squinting shut. It physically pains him to think about everything that would happen were the circus to shut down, and he’s certain that’s obvious.

“Well… Do you want to talk about it?” Her fingers move to brush the hair from his face before landing on his own hand, giving it a squeeze.

 She knows better than to just accept that as an answer. If Dick started to over-think things, it could end up a lot more stressful than it needed to be. Not to mention the fact that it wasn’t healthy for him to be holding it in in the first place. “Does it have anything to do with the news we just got?”

“...Eh.” If he were standing, there would have been a shrug to accompany that sound, but laying down doesn’t allow that much freedom of movement. Plus, he doesn’t really care to be that active at the moment; his entire body just feels... heavy. Sluggish.

        “ Hey – there’s no need to be so tense.           Is everything okay? ”           Annie offers a gentle smile. When they           see a person discomfort they’re naturally           drawn to try and help them. They remember           Dick from a brief encounter months ago and           hoped that he’d see them as a friendly face.         “ Don’t make me pull out my funny jokes to           cheer you up. ”

      ...Annie. He remembers them.

      “H-Hey... Uh... Well, um... Define       the term “okay,” and then maybe       I can answer that.”

      Dick really hates to be so cryptic,       but that’s just how he gets when       he’s upset. 

“What happened?” Cassie asked. She knew he was upset, frustrated, or both. She put her hand on his shoulder tenthly.

The hand on his shoulder made him jump, but he slowly took a step away from the  girl, hopefully not offending her. He wasn’t big on physical contact with those he didn’t know in trying moments.

Though, he did appreciate the thought.

    She’s been watching Dick closely. He’s been a bit…off since the news that Ringling Brothers shut down. She doesn’t entirely understand it. Everyone else seemed happy, rejoicing. Jinx didn’t really care one way or another. It was just another circus and she’d really only joined up because of the draw of the animals ( and maybe because of a small crush on a certain boy. )

     Though, she hadn’t had a chance to talk to him, both of them being kept busy. Often they worked in different departments, Jinx being adept at the high wire and trapeze and costumes while Dick was more physical labor and pulled every which way. Both of them enjoyed and were good at working with the animals, but alas their paths didn’t cross that day. Even when they did, they hadn’t much time to talk or there were other people around. She didn’t want to pry while others were around, Dick seemed more like a private person, even if the circus was his family.

     “Dick,” she calls, entering into his train car. Her footsteps are light, trying to avoid too many creaky floorboards. “Dick…are you…alright?” She’s not good at this whole comforting thing. He’s better at it than she is, but still, she wants to try, for him. 

        She pokes him in the side to try and get him to move over. She wants to curl up against him. No one’s around to see, so he shouldn’t mind, right? “Talk to me, please.” Please don’t shut her out.

      He’s been running non-stop all day - with almost the whole circus off celebrating, it seems like he’s been the only one handling most of the chores. Outside of Wilhelm, Sophia, and Zee, of course. Oh, Zee-- Thinking about seeing her helps with the crushing weight of everything he had realized earlier, but it doesn’t totally abolish it. He had seen her throughout the day, offered her a smile every time he passed by, a brief peck on the cheek when he’d catch her unawares. 

      This day has him utterly flustered and torn apart from his head to his toes, and now that he’s allowed himself to think about her being next to him, comforting him, he can’t stop. At this point, anything to prevent himself from the downward spiral of depressing thoughts and “what-ifs” that threatened to drown him would be a blessing. He grabs the pillow beneath his head and squeezes it, eyes squinting tightly shut, teeth gritting together. Stop it, stop it, stop it--

“Dick...”

      Her voice is absolute music to his tired ears, and he rolls over when she pokes his shoulder, looking up at her longingly. He’d give anything for a hug, a kiss, anything to keep his mind in one piece. “Hey... I’m, uh... not-- not doing so hot right now,” he confesses, rubbing the back of his neck. 

“Dick?” Of course she heard the news, everyone in the entire company had heard it. From what she could tell, they were even planning on partying tonight, in response to their biggest competitor. Rachel wasn’t much for celebrations, but if Dick were going, then she supposed she could last a few hours of socializing. “Why aren’t you—-?”

 She stops in her tracks, and instead moves to the bottom of the bed, kneeling down so she’s eye level with what would be his head, were he facing her. “Hey–” Her hand goes to his back, smoothing out the wrinkles in his shirt. “Hey—- what’s wrong?”

His eyes open halfway, but he doesn’t turn his head to her. At least it’s Rachel walking in on him instead of John or Wilhelm or the twins. Dick can only imagine the heckling that would come with one of them finding him alone in his room. He sighs heavily upon hearing her come in, body seeming to deflate in defeat.

      “Oh, f.....uck.”

But despite this seemingly good news, a nightmarish thought lingered in the backs of everyone’s minds: “What if we’re next?” Animal rights activists had begun to protest their elephant shows; the demand for them to release their other animals into sanctuaries was at an all-time high. The empty threats that came pouring in had suddenly begun to bear weight, so much so that Dick had picked up blogging about the specialized care each animal received. It had staved off most people, but PETA was still on their asses.

After a long day of work, Dick had gone straight to his bunk instead of celebrating with the rest of the crew, who were undoubtedly out getting drunk. Normally he would have joined them, but today he just wasn’t... feeling it. This didn’t seem like a reason to celebrate; it was more like a reason to buckle down and brace for the worse, the storm that was to come.