Proot

It’s weird because I know I’m not alone. I know there are millions of people out there with the same or similar problems as me. I know they’re suffering like I am. I’m aware that some people, like me, simply cannot escape their depression or anxiety, nor can they explain it. I hear and see people talking about it all the time. I see people who have overcome suicidal tendencies, who are still fighting, or who have lost the battle. I know there’s people out there who are willing to help. I can’t open up to my family, they simply don’t understand. But my friends know about me, as do several therapists and doctors. They tried to help. 

And yet, I feel alone.

In utter isolation. I feel no sense of community amongst the depression/anxiety blogs here on Tumblr, nor do I feel comfort in the self-help groups surrounding me. I don’t want to talk to my friends about it because I don’t want to bother them. Music no longer helps. Neither does reading or writing or watching movies. Reading other people’s stories of their journey through depression or anxiety doesn’t fill me with hope. Knowing other people feel the same no longer comforts me. Even therapy didn’t help. My depression and anxiety are apparent all the time. There is no way out.

I’ve gone past the point of suicide and instead just fantasise about it. About never having existed in the first place. About the pain ending, and never having to worry about anything ever again. Never waking up with anxiety-induced stomach cramps, or sobbing myself to sleep. Never cracking under the smallest of pressures. Never holding back tears while walking down the street or sitting in a cafe. But I wont do it. I refuse to leave a path of destruction behind for those who love me to pick up after. They do not deserve that, and I love them far too much.

People tell me they love me and that they want to help. But I can’t hear them. My illness wont let me. These relentless beasts are not whimsical creatures that reside within a person’s mind, making them more “interesting” or “mysterious”. I do not feel interesting or mysterious. I feel sad. Empty. Confined from those who love me, and who I love back. For me, they do not bring people together. I don’t belong anywhere. I don’t feel understood. I refuse to feel loved. 

also there is the dick joke one 

and the one they made in response to people misinterpreting the emoji one 

2 tablespoons of spice you have never heard of

1 can of a food that does not come in a can in your country, wtf America why is everything in cans??

1 stalk pf something that has a totally different name where you are from and you have to google what it is

2 ounces of this liquid … what the fuck is an ounce??

Preheat oven to some temperature that sounds like it is as hot as the sun

Turn on a broiler. Find out what a broiler is. 

2 pounds, dammit where is my calculator, of this product that seems to be plentiful in America but non existence in your country. Google how to get it on some shady black market.

me:

My name is Angie. I’m a 20 year old woman, and I’m bed bound with a serious neurological injury. I’m stuck in my room for months at a time, and unable to lift my head off the bed without hurting my spine.

My previous landlord evicted me for my disability, and I’m forced to pay for more expensive housing. This has left me constantly on the verge of running out of money and becoming homeless. I am applying for government services, but this involves a long, stringent assessment. In the meantime, I desperately need help to pay for medical consultations, paramedic transport, rent, and home nursing [link].

My friend Tahira is now offering commissions as rewards for donating. There are more artwork examples and full details of the commissions process at this link. Commissions full body illustrations, headshots, canvas paintings, and full sized cosplay props (depending on the donations amount).

UPDATE:

I have a neurology consultation on 24th September which will cost $480 upfront, with a $224 Medicare rebate. I will also most likely need an RN to advocate for me on the day, the cost isn’t set yet but it will probably be around the $150 mark. My funds are almost depleted at the moment,so I would really appreciate any small donations people can offer to assist. Please, please reblog if you cannot donate. Thank you for your support.