see ya, good boy

imagine being a homosapien pre fire and seeing lightning strike a deer

Shit imagine seeing that now

Bless me father, for I have sinned. I know you see me at mass every Sunday, as well as at evensong and bible studies and outreach ministries during the week. You might think that I'm a man of great faith, a virtuous, upstanding Catholic with an unflagging love for the mother church, but, well, that isn't true. I'm not even trying to convince anyone of that, either, it's just kind of something they all assumed about me. The real reason I'm in here so often is because of the water cooler in the social room. It's culturing some kind of greenish-black mold that gives me, like, an insane buzz. It started to get to the point where I'd be really pissy and irritable on Saturday night because I was in, like, withdrawal, and I just wanted to go hit the mold and feel alive again. So yeah, not really sure if that's a mortal or a venal sin, but thought I'd bring it up to be safe. By the way if you clean out the water cooler I'm probably going to immediately apostasize and dedicate myself to combining PCP analogues with Russian benzodiazepines to try to recreate whatever it is that Basilica mold is doing to my brain.

All my haters become traitors when I appoint myself dictator

I do apologize for referring to your 8 year old as a “churlish young lout”. I find that epithet to accurately portray his conduct but I understand why I must show restraint in expressing my true opinions in his presence. Remove that infernal iPad from his grasp, I implore you.

yeah, well. I bet that bitch in the other room couldn't pass the mirror test either

If she’s my girl then why she laid up in bed with another man in another state in another time zone in another country in another continent huh and why’s there dogs outside my home barking and clawing at the loose siding

Scratching your vaginer through your baggy jeans pocket #yes

Oh you went to the pedantry competition and no one even knew me? Can I see those numbers? Do you think it’s honest statistical analysis to represent 97.6% of attendees as 100%? Because to me it reads as hyperbole and half truths bandied about. Not because they’re factually sound and your primary concern is being precise and accurate but because you’re willing to fudge your accuracy and precision in the name of exaggeration to try to win an argument