ImperfectlyChloe

people who don’t own cats: cats are so aloof… they just keep to themselves and don’t care that you even exist

So true…usually also accompanied by…

I moved into summerstock housing tonight and a friendly orange cat immediately greeted my kitties to the neighborhood (he actually climbed into my damn car). 

parents: ugh newborns are awful i havent slept in weeks and they cost so much

My dad told me a story recently about how he was in Boy Scouts or something and they went on a hike and were each given a rifle and one single bullet to practice shooting with (idk, it was the 70s or whatever). One of his friends, whom I’ll refer to as Steel Balls for reasons that will soon become clear, beckons my dad to a part of the woods and points to a giant hornets nest up in a tree. SB announces that he’s going to shoot it, waits for my dad to take cover (as one should in this situation), and fires off his only round into the nest. Sure enough, a swarm of pissed off hornets descend upon SB, who stands stoically and perfectly still at the base of the tree. Dad maintains that, despite their buzzing right around him, none of the hornets stung his friend, and they soon calmed down and returned to their newly renovated nest. SB turns back to face my dad and imparts this chunk of wisdom: “That’s the secret to dealing with hornets, Jim. They don’t know humans make rifle shots; they don’t know where the noise came from. You gotta stand still and don’t move, and they won’t chase you. If you run, they know you’re guilty.” Apparently dad was so awed he gave up his single bullet so SB could shoot the nest a second time, with the same results.

You must excuse me if I say stupid things, but my brain has gone to pieces.

Also like, not everyone finds that at all useful or cathartic.