#chirpyblues

does the world blur out a little for you too whenever you realise that we are not us anymore?

do you lose your footing too?

I randomly start crying

sometimes the tears don't come

your voice is a physical thing

so is all of your face,

your eyes, your smile

I realise I love with too much of me

I find out that I don't hate that about me

what I do hate is having to talk to you in my mind

I think I'm rambling by now

the gist here is I miss you too much

the anger exists

but the pain consumes me

the hollow echoes too loud

as you already know

there are too many voices of my head

and now you're another one of them

just know that it hurts me too

i will always punish myself

more than i could ever punish you

feelings pouring out but it's rain on a grey pavement, not flowerbed

how does one heart stop calling out to another?

how do we tell the souls that the brains have decided to break apart?

you're not just in my thoughts but in my heart, my soul

I can logic you out of my life but my heart still made a mansion worth of space for you

what do i do? it's just an empty house now

I'm alone on a Wednesday at lunch hour with people all around

I'm alone on Saturday in a pub with clink of glasses and too much laughter

I'm alone on Monday, watching rain pour and change the colour of everything

all my heart can do is reach out for you

but you can't stay in my heart if you're out of my life

I won't allow you to dictate it anymore

I suffer in my yearning and yearn in my suffering

you'll go on to live in this same universe, just not my universe

I'll go on to keep missing you, hoping one day it hurts less

today, I'll let it kill me again but that mansion will remain empty

because you found another before leaving mine fully

because you stepped out and in of it and I let you, out of love

because you found another place to crash first and crashed my heart next

the mansion I made for you will remain empty

no matter how much the loneliness of it all empties me

my heart, all of its pieces and wounds

amazing how you explained the meaning of pull the rug from under my feet so literally

my mind is a kaleidoscope of our memories

your smile kissing mine

your hands on my back

your voice breathing promises of love and forever

how do I stop this broken record that keeps replaying

how do I stop it when I love what I can see

why am I remembering all our happy moments when you burnt it all in the end?

I gave you my heart that I had put together despite this thing called life

you gave me back the same heart with so many wounds it took me time to recognise it's mine

I miss you and I want you back in my life but all that's left is ashes now

maybe I'll find the phoenix in me soon

or has melancholy made me her new showpiece to display?

am I ever going to feel joy in my tummy again?

the kind you used to make me feel

am I ever going to laugh for real and not just be a laughing mask?

will the sun shine again with love for me?

I'm drowning in questions, way too many

the worst of them all still remains, "how are you?"

even when I know I won't be wondered about

what I have reaped, I know I didn't sow

my one golden truth throughout my life

cross my heart, hold my neck to a knife

my honesty is in the goodness of my heart

I was broken again and again since the start

here I exist, a phoenix in the ashes

meanwhile my broken heart, it thrashes

every country has been an enemy in war

but the one, out of all, that I most abhor

is the nation that chose to take its strike

when I had finally trusted us to be alike

the dagger was sharp, the wound is deep

but not a day more than one did I weep

I am a warrior with a heart fully honest

on this note, dear reader, my case will rest

I will rise and shine because it's in my blood

the history shall coin my enemy the coward

and one thing about being a survivor always

is that winning in life becomes your only race

I am slowly becoming my own friend now,

it may just be the best one yet