Mostly Sunny

If you were really my friend you’d do this highly unethical experimental surgery on me

Some is better than none. Some is better than none. Some is better than none. Walking for three minutes, is better than nothing. Drinking a glass of water and eating a snack, is better than nothing. Wiping down the counter, is better than nothing. Small things are not nothing. Small things are not nothing. Small things are not nothing. You don’t have to achieve grand things if all you’re capable of right now is the smaller things. They are still achievements. Don’t do nothing just because you don’t think you’re capable of doing bigger things, just do something you’re capable of today. 

I have every word ever blocked. I could be mutuals with axe murderers and I wouldn't know because I have "#axe murdering" in my blocked tags. it's so peaceful here (hears a noise behind me) (doesn't turn around)

rb to bonk prev with an empty paper towel roll

I Give Good Head Also I Am Nice

Great resume summary. Follow me for more career advice.

It's nuts how common it is to not allow children to be angry, even (especially) in households where adults are angry all the time. As a child I knew my own anger was unacceptable--not just expressing it outwardly but feeling it at all. So now as an adult my immediate reaction to my own anger is often to feel guilt instead of like. Noticing when someone is being rude or unfair or my boundaries are being violated or whatever. fucked up.

you guys have to actually buy this book or my publisher's going to be mad at me

i'm sorry i don't actually like romance novels i just like seeing you post about spider dick

BUT YOU CAN READ ABOUT SPIDER DICK!!!! and about lovingly stroking a hairy carapace! and gripping a set of pedipalps like they're the handlebars of a bicycle! and if there's some tender emotion towards the spider in question......would that be so wrong?

imagine dealing w an international crisis involving precious artifacts and someone is like ‘don’t worry I know a guy’ and it’s a dorky connecticut college professor named henry who slips into his slutsona and suddenly he’s capable of saving the world w the power of his whip & fedora

you don’t know where the guy is. you don’t know where the guy is going. but you do know he’s on the case w a 98% success rate and his tits are out

#this man gets uncomfortable and overwhelmed when 20 y/o college girls hit on him #but take off his glasses #put on his fedora #and this man is ready to find Atlantis in three to eight business days (via @sansakenobi​)

It’s impossible to argue with anything above.

previous tags are on point: #hat ON archeology APPLIED tits OUT

Honestly, a slutsona that you only slip on when you're not talking to students is a slutsona that's being appropriately applied.

I saw a dude with an American flag tattoo on his arm (there were a LOT of boyfriends of bisexual women at this event) and I said "is that an American flag tattoo?" and he was like "yeah" and I was like "...why?" and he was like "I had 16 cousins die serving this country" lollll

clowngirl getting an orchiectomy and the surgeon just keeps removing ball after ball after ball after ball after

clown nurse standing by solemnly adding each successive ball to the ones she's already juggling

wound dressings and bandages are lingerie for the enlightened pervert