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FIJMU News 7-2-26 by Bill Lasphemy

The religious world is in shock today as a previously ignored bible passage from Exodus was reexamined in light of new terminology. The passage (4:11) was usually translated as follows:

“Then the LORD said to him, ‘Who hath created thy mouth? Who can make thee speak or not speak? It is I alone, I the LORD.”

The actual Hebrew however says more literally:

“Then sayeth the LORD, ‘I can absolutely rewrite that for you to sound more like it was said by God, using proper diction for a divine entity.”

Though most bible translators ignored this wording, modern language demanded a revisitation and the results suggest two possibilities- That the bible was written using an AI, or that the bible was correct but God used an AI to sound so godly.

Boone drawing!!

Not sure if I totally love it or not, but it’s about time I committed to the Boone artist canon event of drawing him aiming his rifle

coffee with the doctor

it turns out the uploader is in fact the woman in the photo (she's uploaded a few other pictures of herself to other articles) and she ran an extremely web 1.0 site on the topic of bondage

this was apparently a long-standing fantasy of hers and she in fact did an entire video plus accompanying photoshoot about it, which was run in a bondage magazine in the 90s and did in fact take place on an abandoned train track. they committed to the bit hard enough that there's even a shot of the sinister villain looming over her with a big document labeled DEED and a pen

the best part is that according to this page, there were two "villains" involved (the woman's two partners, apparently), and the other one was dressed as a gorilla. sadly there are no images of the gorilla kidnapper because that sounds like. even funnier.