wc:6.3k Gojo x Reader slight angst with a happy ending?
The first years at Tokyo Jujutsu High liked to joke that history repeated itself. Whenever they caught the four old classmates together, someone would inevitably whisper.
โThere they go again.โ
No matter how many years had passed, the formation never changed. Shoko walked beside Geto. You walked beside Gojo. It had been that way since you were sixteen.
Back then, the four of you were inseparable. Classes, missions, convenience store runs after late night exorcisms. Long train rides back to campus. If one of you was there, chances were the other three werenโt far behind. It wasnโt planned. It simply became normal.
โYouโre late,โ Shoko said one afternoon as you and Gojo wandered into the classroom several minutes after everyone else.
โWeโre exactly on time,โ Gojo replied.
โThe class started five minutes ago.โ Geto retorted from his seat, arms leaning over his desk.
โThen weโre fashionably on time.โ Gojo grinned.
Geto sighed. โYouโll never survive in society.โ
โSays who?โ
โSays society.โ
You laughed quietly as you slipped into the seat beside Gojo.
โYou do realize Principal Yaga is going to make us clean the training grounds again.โ Shoko complained.
Gojo shrugged. โHe was going to make us do that anyway.โ
โโฆYou have a point.โ You pondered, finger tapping your chin.
โThere she is.โ Gojo turned to you.
โWhat?โ
โMy favorite enabler.โ
โI am not enabling you.โ You give him a blank stare.
โYou literally just agreed with me.โ
โI agreed with one thing.โ
โGood enough for me.โ
The four of you walked back to the dorms together after sunset. Geto and Shoko had somehow wandered several steps ahead, talking about the mission report. Behind them, Gojo matched your pace without either of you thinking about it. He always did. When everyone stopped, he stopped beside you. When everyone started walking again, somehow the two of you fell into step together.
It wasnโt intentional. No one ever mentioned it. It was simply how things had always been. Shoko noticed first. She glanced over her shoulder before nudging Geto.
โTheyโre doing it again.โ
Geto followed her gaze. Gojo was saying something animatedly, his hands moving almost as much as his mouth. You listened with a smile that appeared so naturally you probably didnโt realize it was there.
โThey always do that,โ Geto responded. โTheyโre attached.โ
โThey donโt even notice.โ
โThey will eventually.โ
Shoko looked unconvinced. โโฆIโm not taking that bet.โ
Maybe everyone saw it before the two of you did or maybe everyone saw it except Gojo Satoru. It happened in early spring. The cherry blossoms had only just begun to bloom across campus, soft pink petals collecting along the stone paths between the dorms. You found him where you always did after afternoon training. Sitting on the steps outside the dormitory. One leg stretched out. The other bent lazily toward his chest. His sunglasses rested on top of his head, revealing eyes so impossibly blue that they almost blended into the evening sky. He looked up when he heard your footsteps.
โYouโre late.โ
โYou asked me to come.โ
โYeah, but I expected you to be early.โ
โYou make no sense.โ
โI know.โ
You laughed. For a second, everything felt painfully normal. Just you. Just him. Just another afternoon. Maybe thatโs what gave you the courage because if anyone asked when you started loving Gojo Satoru, you wouldnโt have an answer. There wasnโt a single moment. There were hundreds.
The way heโd always find you after missions. The way heโd save the seat beside him without realizing it. The way heโd look for you first whenever something exciting happened. Sometimes you caught him looking at you when he thought you werenโt paying attention. It was enough to make you wonder. Enough to hope. Enough to believe that mayb, just maybe he felt the same.
โโฆSatoruโ
โHm?โ
โI have something to tell you.โ
His usual grin softened. โWhat is it?โ
You took a slow breath. โI like you.โ
The breeze carried another shower of cherry blossoms between the two of you. You waited. Your heart hammered against your ribs. Gojo stared at you. Not surprised. Not uncomfortable. Just quiet. Long enough for hope to begin slipping through your fingers.
โโฆIโm sorry.โ
Two words. Spoken so gently they almost hurt more than if heโd laughed.
โI canโt.โ
Nothing else. No explanation. No excuse. JustโฆI canโt. You looked at him for another second before the corners of your lips lifted into a smile.
โโฆI figured.โ
He blinked.
โItโs okay.โ You laughed softly, rubbing the back of your neck. โI kind of expected that.โ
โโฆYou did?โ
โYou donโt have to worry.โ The smile came easier than you thought it would. โIโll get over it.โ
For the first time since youโd confessed, his shoulders relaxed.
โโฆThank you.โ He looked relieved.
Relieved.
You hated yourself for noticing.
โItโs not like we canโt still be friends.โ
โโฆYeah.โ
โWeโll be okay.โ
โโฆYeah.โ You smiled one last time before turning away. โIโll see you tomorrow.โ
He watched you leave. You never saw the way his hand tightened against the step beneath him until his knuckles turned white.
The next day, things were normal. Mostly. Gojo still joked during class. Still argued with Geto over nothing. Still complained whenever Yaga assigned them extra work. You still laughed. Still talked to him. Still walked with the group.
If someone looked from the outsideโฆnothing had changed. Except Gojo stopped throwing an arm over your shoulders. You stopped instinctively sitting beside him whenever there were empty seats. He no longer waited for you after class. You stopped looking for him after missions. There was never a discussion. Neither of you decided to put distance between yourselves. It simply happened. One tiny habit at a time. Until the space between you became something neither of you knew how to cross anymore.
Shoko noticed first. โTheyโre quieter.โ
Geto looked toward the training grounds. Gojo was laughing about something with Yaga. Across the courtyard, you were helping a younger student clean up cursed tools.
โโฆYeah.โ
โTheyโre avoiding each other.โ
โNo.โ
Geto watched as you and Gojo passed one another in the hallway.You smiled. He smiled back. Neither of you stopped walking.
โโฆTheyโre trying not to.โ
Shoko followed his gaze. The smile didnโt reach either of your eyes.
โโฆDid something happen?โ
Geto was silent for a long moment. โโฆI think they talked.โ
โAnd?โ
He exhaled quietly. โโฆI donโt think it went the way one of them hoped.โ
Neither of them asked. They knew that if either of you wanted to tell them, you would. So instead, the four of you kept moving forward. Only now, there was an invisible space between you and Gojo where there had never been one before.
Years passed.ย The four became three and then...even three felt like too many.ย The laughter that used to echo through the halls of Tokyo Jujutsu High disappeared so gradually that no one could remember the last time all of you had smiled together.
Geto was gone.ย Shoko buried herself in the infirmary.ย Gojo buried himself in work and you learned that grief wasn't always loud.ย Sometimes, it was simply the empty space beside you.
You rarely spoke about Suguru anymore because remembering him hurt.ย There were still moments when you'd walk past the old classroom and instinctively expect to hear him sighing at Gojo's latest antics.ย Sometimes, you'd catch yourself saving four drinks from the vending machine before quietly putting one back.ย Some habits were difficult to kill.ย Others never really left.
The years continued moving, whether any of you were ready or not.ย You became a Grade 1 sorcerer.ย Shoko became the school's doctor and Gojo Satoru became the strongest in every sense of the word.ย The title fit him.ย The loneliness did too.
When Principal Yaga asked if you'd consider teaching, you accepted almost immediately.ย The next generation deserved better.ย Better guidance.ย Better adults.ย Better endings.ย You taught the second years.ย Gojo taught the first years.
Your classrooms sat on opposite sides of the same hallway.ย Close enough that your students wandered between them constantly.ย Close enough that Satoru Gojo wandered in just as often.
"Borrowing whiteboard markers again?" You raised an eyebrow.
"I returned them." Gojo tilted his head.
"You returned one."
"I only borrowed one."
"You took four."
He smiled.ย "I don't remember that."
"You also don't remember giving them back."
"Sounds like a you problem."
You sighed, opening your desk drawer before handing him another marker.ย "You have your own."
"I like yours better."
"They're literally the same brand."
"They're emotionally different."
"...That's not a thing."
"It is now."ย He grinned, twirling the marker between his fingers before walking toward the door.ย Halfway out, he looked back.
"Oh.ย I bought kikufuku."
You looked up from the papers on your desk.ย "...You did?"
"Yeah.ย I got extra."ย He held up a small paper bag.ย "For no particular reason."
Your lips curved despite yourself.ย "You're unbelievable."
"I've been told."ย He left before you could thank him.
It was always little things.ย He'd leave your favorite drink on your desk without saying who it was from.ย You'd patch the tear in his uniform sleeve because he'd forgotten to.ย He'd linger in your classroom after meetings long after everyone else had gone home.ย You'd save him a seat during faculty briefings without even thinking.ย None of it meant anything.
At least that's what you kept telling yourself.ย Because you knew Gojo.ย You knew the boy who had once looked at your confession with heartbreak in his eyes before quietly saying
I'm sorry
Years hadn't changed that.ย If anything,ย losing Suguru had only reinforced whatever fear had lived inside him back then.ย Sometimes, your students would exchange knowing looks whenever Gojo stopped by your classroom.ย Sometimes they'd ask, with all the tact of teenagers,
"[name]-sensei... are you and Gojo-sensei dating?" Panda asks.
You laughed.ย "No."
"But he comes here every day."
"He bothers everyone."
"He doesn't bother Kusakabe-sensei."
"...He would throw him out."
"He doesn't bother Ieri-san either." Yuta adds.
You smiled to yourself.ย "No.ย He only bothers me."
Your students groaned dramatically.ย "That's even more suspicious!"
"Salmon!"
You waved them away, pretending not to notice the warmth blooming in your chest.ย They didn't understand.ย They couldn't.ย They saw the teasing.ย The lingering conversations.ย The way his eyes instinctively found yours whenever a meeting ended.ย The way the two of you slipped so naturally into each other's company that it looked effortless.ย They mistook familiarity for possibility.
But you knew better.ย You knew Gojo.ย If there had ever been the slightest chance that he loved you...he still wouldn't choose it.ย Not after everything he'd lost.ย Not after Suguru.ย So every smile he sent your way...every thoughtful gesture...every quiet moment shared after the students had gone home...you tucked them away exactly where they belonged.
Not as promises.ย Just memories.ย Because years ago, beneath a shower of cherry blossoms, he'd already given you his answer and you had promised yourself you would learn to live with it.
The mission had been routine. On paper, anyway. You could always tell when the reports lied. A "routine exorcism" didn't leave Gojo sitting alone on the steps outside the faculty building long after sunset. The campus had already quieted for the night. Most of the students were back in their dorms. The only sounds were the cicadas humming in the trees and the occasional breeze rustling through the leaves. Gojo sat with his elbows resting on his knees, sunglasses discarded beside him.
He wasn't looking at anything. Just staring. You slowed your pace.
"...Long day?"
He glanced up. The familiar grin found its way onto his face so quickly that anyone else would've believed it.
"Nah."
"You look like you've been sulking."
"I'm offended. I don't sulk."
"You absolutely sulk."
"I brood."
"That's worse."
He gasped dramatically. "I'll have you know I'm incredibly charming when I brood."
"You just called it brooding."
"I did, didn't I?"
You smiled despite yourself. For a moment, neither of you spoke. The silence wasn't awkward. It never had been.
"...Well," you said eventually. "I'll leave you to your brooding."
"Have fun."
"You too."
You turned toward the parking lot. Halfway there, you stopped. A couple minutes later, you returned carrying a small white paper bag. Gojo looked up as your footsteps approached again.
"I thought you left."
"I did." You held the bag out to him. "I came back."
He blinked. "...What's this?"
"Kikufuku."
His eyes dropped to the logo on the bag. "...From Sendai?"
"I had a mission there earlier and picked it up."
"You drove all the way back with these?"
"They're your favorite."
You said it so casually as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. Gojo didn't take the bag immediately. Instead, he looked at you. Not with his usual teasing smile. Nor with that effortless confidence he carried everywhere.
"You remembered."
The words came out softer than you expected. Almost disbelieving.
You frowned. "Of course I remembered."
His fingers finally closed around the paper bag. He stared at it for a long moment.
"...You really don't have to do things like this."
"I know."
"...Then why?"
You shrugged. "I wanted to."
His throat bobbed. For the first time in what felt like years, his smile disappeared completely.
"You always..." He paused, searching for words. "...You've always been like this."
There was something in his voice you hadn't heard since you were teenagers. Something tired. Something painfully honest.
"You make it..." He laughed quietly under his breath. "...Really hard sometimes."
Your heart skipped. "...Hard?"
His gaze lifted to meet yours. Blue eyes met yours in the fading evening light. There was no Infinity. No strongest sorcerer. No invincible Gojo Satoru. It was just Satoru. Looking impossibly exhausted.
"...To keep pretending..." he admitted so quietly you almost didn't hear it.
The words lingered between you. Then his eyes widened ever so slightly as if he'd only just realized what he'd said. The mask slipped back into place so fast it was almost seamless. He puffed out a laugh, waving the bag in the air.
"Wooowย free mochi!ย I should have bad days more often."
You blinked.ย "...That's your takeaway?"
"Absolutely." He reached into the bag immediately. "You know, if you keep spoiling me like this, people are gonna start talking."
"They already do."
"Oh?"
"They think we're dating."
He nearly choked on his first bite. "...What?"
"Mhm."
"Who started that rumor?"
"You."
"Me?"
"You keep wandering into my classroom."
"I do no such thing."
"You borrowed my markers three times this week."
"They're emotionally superior."
You laughed, shaking your head. "There he is."
"The devastatingly handsome Gojo Satoru?"
"The idiot."
"I'll take it." He smiled again. Bright and effortless.
As though the conversation from a minute ago had never happened. Anyone passing by would've thought he'd been like that the entire time but you knew better. You had seen it. Just for a second. The weight behind his smile. The exhaustion he never let anyone touch and the quiet confession he'd buried beneath a joke before either of you could acknowledge it.
You make it really hard sometimes.
You weren't sure what he'd meant. You weren't sure you wanted to know. So you smiled back. Pretending not to notice. Just as he pretended he'd never said it at all. That night, sleep never came. You lay in bed staring at the ceiling, replaying the conversation until every word blurred together.
You make it really hard sometimes.
What had he meant? You'd spent years teaching yourself not to wonder. Years convincing yourself that every thoughtful gesture, every lingering glance, every late night conversation was simply...Satoru. He was affectionate with everyone. Playful with everyone. Kind in ways most people overlooked.
It wasn't fair to yourself to mistake that kindness for something more. Not again and yet...that look. That split second where he'd forgotten to be Gojo Satoru. You'd never seen it before. Not since the cherry blossoms. You squeezed your eyes shut. No. You weren't seventeen anymore. You'd promised yourself you wouldn't do this again.
You wouldn't build castles out of maybes. You wouldn't let your heart cling to words he never intended to say. So you tucked the memory away. Right beside all the others. The next morning, everything was exactly as it always was. Gojo strolled into the faculty room twenty minutes late, carrying an empty kikufuku box.
"Tragic news."
Kusakabe didn't look up from his paperwork. "I don't care."
"My breakfast disappeared."
"You ate it."
"You have no evidence of that."
Shoko snorted into her coffee. "I do."
Gojo pointed accusingly at her. "Traitor."
"You left the box on the counter."
"I was framed."
"You were alone."
"Exactly."
Shoko looked at you. "He's getting worse."
Gojo grinned as he pulled out the chair beside yours without thinking. "Morning."
"Morning."
"You know..." He leaned his chin into his hand. "...That kikufuku yesterday?"
You looked up.
"It was really good."
"I'm glad."
"...Thanks."
There it was again. Just for a heartbeat. His smile softened. Not the one he wore for students. Not the one he used to irritate Nanami. The one that belonged only to quiet moments. Then he caught himself.
"A shame there were only six."
You stared at him. "There were eight."
"Were there?"
"Satoru."
"I plead the Fifth."
"That's an American law."
"I plead... diplomatic immunity."
"You don't have diplomatic immunity."
"I should."
"You absolutely should not."
Shoko watched the exchange over the rim of her coffee mug. Then she looked at Kusakabe.
"...See?"
He sighed. "I've seen it for years."
"They're hopeless."
"They're adults."
"Barely."
Gojo looked between the two of them. "What?"
"Nothing," Shoko answered smoothly. "You were just stealing food again."
"It's called appreciating thoughtful gifts."
"It's called being shameless."
He smiled, entirely unbothered. You smiled too. Just as naturally as you always had. Neither of you noticed that your chairs had drifted closer together. Shoko did. She always did.
As the conversation moved on, she quietly glanced toward you. Then toward Gojo. There was no confession. No lingering touches. No grand declaration. Just two people who had spent so many years orbiting each other that neither of them realized they were still caught in the same gravity. She wondered how much longer the two of you could keep pretending.
Deep down, she had a feeling the answer was: Not much longer.
Life continued. It always did.Missions came and went. Students complained about homework. Gojo still wandered into your classroom under increasingly ridiculous excuses.
"I lost my phone."
"You left it charging in your office."
"...How did you know that?"
"Because this is the fourth time."
"That's actually impressive."
"It really isn't."
He laughed. The sound echoed through the empty classroom as your students packed up for the day. One by one, they filed past the two of you.
"Bye, Gojo-sensei."
"See ya!"
"Don't keep our [name]-sensei too long!"
"I make no promises."
A chorus of groans followed him. When the room finally emptied, he leaned against your desk with that same easy smile he'd worn for years.
"So..."
"So?"
"You got any snacks?"
You stared at him. "You have an endless budget."
"I spent it."
"On?"
"...Desserts."
"Obviously."
You sighed, reaching into your desk drawer before tossing him a small packet of cookies. His reflexes caught it instantly.
"Acts of service."
"I gave you cookies."
"You remembered my favorite."
"I remembered because if I bought anything else, you'd complain."
"I would."
"I know."
For just a moment neither of you spoke. Gojo looked down at the cookies in his hand. Then back at you. His smile faltered slightly.
"...You remember a lot."
The words landed softly. So softly you almost missed them.
"I guess."
"You always have."
You smiled. "I've known you a long time."
"...Yeah."
A long time. Long enough to know exactly how he took his coffee. Long enough to notice when his smile reached his eyes. Long enough to hear the exhaustion hiding behind his jokes. Long enough to know when he was about to pull away.
He straightened. Clapped his hands together. "Well!" He slipped the cookies into his pocket. "I've successfully stolen today's snack quota."
"You didn't steal them."
"Then my work here is done." He pointed finger guns at you. "See ya."
The door slid shut behind him. Silence settled over the classroom. You looked at the empty doorway long after he'd left.
You remember a lot.
You did. You remembered everything. His favorite sweets. The way he hated bitter coffee. How he'd scratch the back of his neck whenever he lied. The birthdays he pretended not to care about. The anniversary of the day Geto left. The date he became a teacher. The way his smile changed depending on who he was looking at. You remembered all of it.
Maybe that was the problem. Because every little thing became another reason to hesitate. Another reason to wonder. Another reason to ask yourself what if? You were tired. Not of loving him. You didn't think you'd ever get tired of that.
You were tired of wondering. Tired of trying to decipher the things he never said. Tired of convincing yourself that maybe today meant something or maybe it didn't. You had spent years suspended between hope and acceptance. Unable to move forward. Unable to let go. As you locked your classroom and stepped into the hallway, you caught your reflection in one of the windows.
You smiled at yourself. It looked practiced. Almost convincing.
"...One more time."
The words escaped before you could stop them. One last confession. Not because you expected a different answer. Not because you thought he'd suddenly become someone else. But because you deserved an answer you could finally leave behind. If he rejected you again, you would accept it wholeheartedly and this time, you would let him go.
The rain came without warning. By the time classes had ended, the campus was wrapped in a steady downpour. Students rushed between buildings beneath borrowed umbrellas, laughing as they splashed through puddles.
You stayed behind to finish grading papers. By the time you finally closed the last folder, the faculty room was nearly empty. Shoko sat at the table near the window, absentmindedly stirring a cup of coffee gone cold. She glanced up when you walked in.
"Still here?"
"So are you."
She hummed.
You slipped your bag over your shoulder.ย "...Forgot my umbrella."
"I've got one."
"I'll just wait it out."
"You'll be here all night."
"Wouldn't be the first time."
Shoko watched you for a moment.ย "You're still in love with him."
It wasn't a question. Your hand froze around the strap of your bag. The rain filled the silence between you.
"...That obvious?"
"To me."
You let out a quiet laugh.ย "I thought I was getting better at hiding it."
"You are."ย She took another sip.ย "I've just known you too long."
You looked out the rain speckled window.ย "...I don't know what you're talking about."
"You've been saying that since you were seventeen."
"...Shoko."
"I'm serious."ย She set her mug down.ย "You still look at him the same way."
Your chest tightened.ย "I don't."
"You do."
Silence.
"You've just gotten better at looking away before he notices."
You swallowed.ย "...It doesn't matter."
"It matters to you."
You smiled.ย A tired one.ย "It used to."
Shoko studied your face.ย "No.ย It still does."
The room fell quiet again.
Outside, thunder rolled across the sky.
"...He hasn't changed," you murmured.
Shoko didn't answer.
"He still smiles the same way.ย He still pretends he's okay.ย He still thinks no one notices."ย A quiet laugh escaped you.ย "I notice.ย I always notice."
Your fingers tightened around your bag.ย "And that's exactly why I know."
Shoko tilted her head.ย "...Know what?"
"If..."ย You hesitated.ย "If there was even the smallest chance that Satoru loved me..."ย Your smile faltered.ย "...He'd never do anything about it."
The words sounded strangely peaceful.ย Like something you'd rehearsed a thousand times.
"That's just who he is.ย He'd convince himself I'd be better off without him.ย He'd call it protecting me and he'd believe it."
Better than anyone.ย Better than he'd probably ever realize.ย You knew every smile he wore.ย Every lie he told.ย Every burden he carried without asking for help.ย That was the cruelest part.ย Understanding him made it impossible to resent him.
"...So what now?" Shoko asked quietly.
You didn't answer right away.ย Instead, you watched the rain drip from the roof outside.
"I think..."ย You took a slow breath.ย "I owe it to myself."
Shoko waited.
"I'm going to tell him."
She blinked.ย "...Again?"
You nodded.ย "One last time."
Not because you expected him to choose you.ย Not because you believed years had somehow changed the answer he'd given beneath the cherry blossoms.ย But because...you were tired.
Tired of wondering if every almost confession meant something.ย Tired of asking yourself whether his kindness was just kindness.ย Tired of carrying feelings that had quietly followed you from sixteen into adulthood.ย You smiled.ย Small and gentle.
"If he says no..."ย Your voice didn't shake.ย "I'll finally let him go."
Shoko stared at you for a long time.ย Long enough that you wondered if she'd try to stop you.ย Instead,ย she stood, walked over, and wrapped an arm around your shoulders.ย It wasn't dramatic.ย It wasn't meant to be.ย Just comforting.
"You know," she said quietly.
"What?"
"I've always thought the two of you were idiots."
A laugh escaped you.ย "I know."
"But."ย She gave your shoulder a light squeeze.ย "I think you've been brave enough for the both of you."
Your smile wavered.ย For the first time in years,ย you wondered if bravery wasn't confessing.ย Maybe bravery was finally being ready to accept whatever answer came next.
The conversation with Shoko lingered in your mind for days.ย Not because she'd changed it but because she'd put words to something you'd been avoiding for years.ย You were tired.ย Not of loving him.ย You didn't think you'd ever grow tired of that.ย You were tired of waiting for a version of him that might never exist.
The next few days passed exactly as they always had.ย Gojo wandered into your classroom between periods, borrowed things he didn't need and left with snacks he hadn't brought.ย Your students groaned every single time.
"Gojo-sensei."
"Hm?"
"You know your office is on the other side of campus, right?" Panda leans his head on his palm over the table.
"I get lonely."
A chorus of dramatic sighs echoed through the room.
Yuta looked between the two of you.
"...Sensei."
You looked up from the papers you were grading.ย "Yes?"
"Can I ask you something?"
"As long as it's school appropriate."
He pointed shamelessly toward Gojo.ย "Is he why you're still single?"
The classroom fell silent.ย Even Gojo stopped mid bite.
"...Excuse me?" you laughed.
"I mean..."ย Yuta scratched the back of his neck.ย "I've seen couples act like this."
Maki chimed in.ย "Me too."
"Salmon."
"You guys already act married."
"Shut up."
"We're serious!"
You covered your face with one hand.ย "You all have too much free time."
Gojo, ever helpful, leaned back in his chair.ย "I know, right?"
The students stared at him.
"...So are you denying it?"
"Of course."
"So you're saying you've never liked [name]-sensei?" Maki asked with her eyebrow raised.
The question slipped out so innocently.ย The room went still.ย You felt your heart stop.ย Gojo laughed. Way too quickly.
"Your imagination's incredible."
The students groaned.ย "Boo."
"What a boring answer." Panda sighs.
"Bonito flakes."
One by one, they gave up and drifted back into their conversations.ย The classroom filled with noise again.ย As though nothing had happened.ย You looked back down at the paper in front of you.ย The red pen in your hand hovered over the page.
Somehow, the answer hurt more than you expected.ย Not because of what he'd said but because of how easily he'd said it.ย You should've been used to it by now.ย You'd heard your answer years ago.ย So why...why did a small part of your heart still hope?
That evening, after the students had gone home, you found yourself standing outside the empty training grounds.ย The same place where you and Gojo had once stayed after class to spar until sunset.ย The same place where he'd laughed after knocking your wooden sword from your hands.ย The same place where he'd reached out to help you up every single time.ย Some memories refused to fade.ย You closed your eyes.ย Then quietly exhaled.
"...Enough."
The word disappeared into the evening breeze.ย You smiled to yourself.ย Not because it was easy.ย Because it wasn't.ย Because maybe...loving Gojo Satoru would always be the easiest thing you'd ever done.
But waiting for himย was something you could finally choose to stop doing.ย Tomorrow.ย You'd tell him.ย One last time and whatever answer he gave, you'd finally let your heart rest.
The following afternoon found the campus unusually quiet.ย Most of the students had already left for the weekend.ย The halls that were normally filled with chatter sat empty, the afternoon sun spilling through the windows in long golden strips across the floor.ย You found him exactly where you'd expected, halfway through eating another box of sweets.ย He looked up when he heard your footsteps.
"There you are.ย I've been looking for you."ย You smiled.
"So have I."ย He patted the space beside him on the wooden floor.ย "C'mon."
You sat.ย For a while, neither of you spoke.ย Gojo finished the last bite of his mochi before dusting the sugar from his fingertips.
"...What's up?"
You looked out across the courtyard.ย The breeze stirred the leaves of the old cherry tree.
"I wanted to tell you something."
He hummed.ย
You laughed quietly.ย "I've said those exact words to you once before."
His hand stopped.ย Just for a fraction of a second.
"...You have.ย I remember."
"I know."
Silence settled between you.ย You drew in a slow breath.
"When we were students...I told you I liked you.ย You said..." You smiled faintly.ย "'I'm sorry...I can't.'"
Gojo didn't move.
"I always wondered what would've happened if I'd never said anything."ย Your fingers folded together in your lap.ย "but...I'm glad I did.ย Even if it hurt."
The breeze drifted through the courtyard again.ย You turned toward him.
"I never stopped."
His eyes met yours.
"I tried.ย I really did.ย I thought time would be enough.ย That eventually I'd wake up one day and realize I didn't love you anymore."ย A soft laugh escaped you.ย "Turns out I'm not very good at that."
Gojo's expression had gone completely still.ย Not surprised.ย Not uncomfortable.ย Just listening.
"I know what your answer was and I know..."ย You smiled.ย "I know you."ย The words came so gently they almost disappeared into the wind.ย "I know what you're like.ย You carry everything by yourself.ย You always have.ย You convince yourself it's kinder if no one gets too close.ย You'd rather break your own heart than risk breaking someone else's."
You shook your head.ย "I don't blame you for that anymore.ย I don't think I ever did."
Gojo opened his mouth.ย Nothing came out.
"So..."ย You let out one quiet breath.ย "I'm not here because I think you'll give me a different answer."
His eyebrows knit together.
"I'm here because..."ย You searched for the right words.ย "...I think a part of me has spent years waiting.ย Waiting for you to become someone who was ready."ย You let out a small smile.ย "And I finally realized...Maybe that's unfair...to you and to me."
The silence stretched.
"I still love you, Satoru."
The words came easier than they had when you were seventeen.ย Not because they meant less, because they had lived inside you for so long.
You laughed quietly to yourself.ย "But..."ย Your smile never wavered.ย "I'm not trying to change your mind."
He held his breath.
"If your answer is still noย I'll accept it and this time..."ย Your voice softened.ย "I'll let myself move on."
You looked towards him, his eyes were concealed behind the blindfold and his expression was unreadable.
"I justย didn't want to leave anything unsaid."
And then it was silence.ย No wind.ย No birds.ย Just the sound of your own heartbeat echoing in your ears.ย You waited.ย Just as you had all those years ago.ย Only this time, you weren't waiting for him to choose you.ย You were waiting to finally set yourself free.
The silence stretched.ย Long enough that it became familiar.ย Seventeen years old again.ย Cherry blossoms drifting between the two of you. You smiled.ย Not because it didn't hurt but because you had promised yourself this would be the last time.
"...I understand."ย Your voice was steady.ย "Thank you for listening."
You placed your hands on the floor beside you and pushed yourself to your feet.ย For just a moment, you looked at him.ย The afternoon sun caught against the edge of his blindfold.ย He hadn't moved.ย Hadn't spoken.
Maybe this was kinder.ย You bowed your head ever so slightly.
"I'll see you around, Gojo-sensei."
You turned.ย Your heart ached but strangelyย it also felt lighter.ย You had finally said everything you'd carried since you were sixteen.ย There was nothing left to wonder about.ย Nothing left unsaid.ย You could finallyโ
"...Don't."
Your footsteps stopped.ย It was so quiet you almost thought you'd imagined it.
"...Don't go."
You slowly turned around.ย Gojo was standing where you'd left him.ย Head lowered.ย One hand clenched tightly against his side.ย His shoulders rose and fell with an uneven breath.
"...Satoru?"
His fingers trembled.ย Just once.
"...I lied."
You frowned.ย "...What?"
He laughed.ย It wasn't amused.ย It sounded tired.
"...Back then." He let out another breath.ย "I lied."
Your heart began to pound.
"When you confessed..."ย His voice cracked so quietly it almost disappeared.ย "...I didn't say I couldn't because I didn't love you." He pulled his blindfold down and finally looked up.
"I said it..."ย He swallowed.ย "...Because I did."
Everything around you seemed to disappear.ย The courtyard.ย The wind.ย The distant chirping of birds.ย You could only hear him.
"I knew..." he whispered.ย "I knew what would happen if I let myself."ย His smile was painfully small.ย "I would've wanted all of it."
He let out another quiet laugh.ย "Dates, coming home together, holidays."
Growing old.
The words never left his mouth.ย They didn't have to.
"I wanted things I wasn't supposed to want."
Your eyes stung.
"So I thought..."ย He rubbed a hand over his face.ย "...If I rejected you...you'd hate me.ย You'd move on.ย You'd find someone who wasn't...Me."
You took one slow step toward him.ย "Satoru..."
"I kept waiting."ย He laughed again.ย "I kept thinking...'Maybe this year.Maybe she'll finally stop looking at me like that.'"ย His smile broke.ย "...and you never did."
You were standing in front of him now.ย Close enough to reach out.ย Neither of you moved.
"You remembered my favorite sweets.ย You remembered every birthday.ย You always knew when I was lying."ย His voice had become barely above a whisper.ย "and every time...you made it really hard to keep pretending."
The words hit you all over again.ย The ones he'd let slip a few days ago.ย You hadn't misunderstood.ย He'd meant them.ย He'd always meant them.ย Tears blurred your vision.
"You idiot."ย A watery laugh escaped you.ย "...You absolute idiot."
"I know."
"You broke your own heart..."ย Your voice trembled.ย "...for seventeen years."
He smiled sadly.ย "I thought I was protecting yours."
You shook your head.ย "You never asked what I wanted."
"I know."
For the first time since you'd known him,ย Gojo Satoru looked afraid.ย Not of curses.ย Not of death.ย He was afraid of you.ย Of what you might say next.
He lowered his gaze.ย "...If it's too late..."ย The words barely escaped him.ย "I'll understand."
You looked at the man in front of you.ย Not the strongest.ย Not the honored one.ย Justย Satoru.ย The boy who had loved you enough to convince himself he didn't deserve to.
You reached for him.ย Your fingers found his hand.ย Warm.ย Shaking.ย You intertwined them with yours.ย He held his breath.
"You know..."ย You smiled through your tears.ย "for someone who's supposed to be the smartest sorcerer alive..."ย You gave his hand the gentlest squeeze.ย "...you can be unbelievably stupid."
For the first time that afternoon he really smiled.ย Not the grin he showed his students.ย Not the teasing smile he wore to hide behind.
"...Does this mean..."
You stepped closer until your foreheads rested together.
"It means..."ย Your eyes slipped closed.ย "...I'm done waiting.ย So..."ย Another tiny smile.ย "You'll have to do the rest yourself."
For once in his life,ย Gojo didn't hesitate. His hand came up, fingers threading gently but firmly into your hair at the nape of your neck, tilting your face just enough. The breath he let out was shaky, half laugh, half surrender, before his lips met yours.
It wasnโt careful.
The first press was hungry, almost desperate, like heโd been holding back an ocean and the dam had finally cracked. His mouth moved against yours with a heat that made your knees weaken, soft at first, then deepening as you kissed him back. The taste of him was faintly sweet, mixed with something warmer, more electric.
A low sound rumbled in his chest when your hands fisted in the front of his shirt, pulling him closer. He angled his head, lips parting, tongue brushing yours in a slow, deliberate stroke that sent heat rushing through you. One of his arms wrapped around your waist, anchoring you against him as if he were afraid you might disappear.
When you finally broke apart for air, foreheads still touching, his breath ghosted across your lips. His eyes were half lidded, darker than youโd ever seen them.
โI love you...โ he murmured, voice rough, the corner of his mouth curving into a real, crooked smile. "So would you..." His thumb brushed your lower lip. โStay with me?โ
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summary: you've spent years convincing the bau that your love life is chaotic, casual, and completely detachedโwhile quietly dying every time aaron hotchner looks at you. but when your dating profile attracts the wrong kind of attention and your unit chief is forced to look a little closer, it turns out there are very few things more dangerous than being profiled by the man you're hopelessly in love with.
notes: i've been a little conflicted about posting lately, but... it's my birthday, and i want aaron hotchnerโso here you go! i've been working on this for a while and had a very very smart friend help me with the "profiling" parts (especially reid) so i hope y'all enjoy! i also really wanted to actually write the smut, but this fic hit the block limit so hard and fast it actually hurt. as always, please please let me know what you think!
warnings: swearing / cursing, blushing, italics, reader wears a skirt (and heels), reader has a cat, implied age gap, best friend!reid, some pretentious ranting, horny thoughts, likely incorrect behavioural and psychoanalytical information, likely incorrect technical information (sorry garcia), canon-typical themes (homicide, etc. referred to off page), stalker / stalking behaviour, ambiguous use of "online dating" (because i tried to keep it vaguely around s6/s7 era), kind of rushed ending? and... fade to black / implied sex (iโm so sorry) 18+ only still, mdni.
word count: 19001
MONDAY 9:25AM
Working for the FBI means having secrets is difficult. Working with the BAU makes it downright impossible.
Not because your colleagues are nosyโno, theyโre justโฆ perceptive. Which means if you want to keep something to yourself, you need to know how to manipulate their perception. Even if it doesnโt work on all of themโyou glance at Reid, already seated at the round table with his nose buried in a bookโat least it works on most of them.
At least, it works on Aaron Hotchner.
Your boss. Your unit chief. The man who absolutely cannot find out about your big, fat, massively inconvenient, deeply inappropriate crush on him.
Reid glances up from his book as you drop into the seat beside him. โYouโre wearing a skirt.โ
You cross your legs and lean back. โExcellent observation, Reid.โ
โItโs impractical,โ he says simply. โEspecially with heels. Your centre of gravity shifts forward by almost fifteen degrees, which shortens your stride length and reduces balance recovery time. Youโre significantly more likely to trip while running.โ
You roll your eyes. โGood thing Iโm not planning on fleeing the scene of a crime today.โ
โIgnore boy genius, baby girl,โ Morgan says as he steps into the room, heading straight for the espresso machine. โYou look good.โ
You flash him a grin. โSee? Somebody appreciates me.โ
Reid hums as he glances back down at his book. โInteresting how your clothing choices become statistically less practical in direct correlation to Hotchโs proximity.โ
Your stomach flips. โSpence.โ
He lifts one shoulder. โWhat? Heโs not listening.โ
You glance back at Morgan, whose eyes are glued to his phone, brow furrowed just slightly as he waits for the whirring coffee machine to fill his cup.
โThatโs not the point, Spencer,โ you mutter, turning back to him. โYou need toโโ
The conference room door swings open again and Hotch walks inโfiles tucked under one arm, the rest of the team trailing behind him.
โMorning,โ he says, dropping the files on the table. โHope everyone had a good weekend.โ
Morgan snorts. โWhat weekend?โ
โYeah,โ Prentiss mutters, dropping into the seat beside Reid. โI was here until five on Saturday finishing geographical profiles.โ
โThatโs because you alphabetise your paperwork,โ you point out.
She gives you a look. โI enjoy being proficient.โ
โWell,โ you say lightly, leaning back in your chair โsome of us managed to finish our paperwork on Friday and still have a very enjoyable weekend.โ
Garcia gasps dramatically as she falls into the last empty chair, coffee in hand. โOoh, look at you. Was there a man involved?โ
You shrug one shoulder, biting back a smile. โIโm choosing to plead the fifth.โ
Morgan points across the table. โThat means yes.โ
โOr,โ Reid says without looking up from his book, โit means she enjoys making people speculate.โ
โAw, Spence,โ you tease. โDonโt sound so bitter.โ
He finally looks up from his book and fixes you with a look so flat it borders on threateningโbecause he knows what youโre doing. Itโs what you always do. Itโs how you manipulate their perception. How you keep your secret.
You perform.
You scroll through dating profiles, talk about men, brag about your weekends without ever being too specific. You flirt with almost everyone on the teamโReid more than the rest, because heโs your scapegoat... and your best friend.
Heโs the only one who can see through the charade. Not because heโs emotionally perceptive, but because he did the math. He noticed the pattern. He realised very quickly that every time Hotch walks into a room or says your name, you react in a way that can only mean one thing:
Hotch is the secret youโre trying so hard to hide.
Because if you give a team of profilers an easy explanationโharmless flirting with a messy dating life and a weakness for attentionโthey wonโt notice the way your entire body betrays you whenever your infuriatingly gorgeous boss gets too close.
Hotch clears his throat. โWell, lucky for all of you, itโs a quiet week.โ
Reid shuts his book and sets it on the table.
โNo active cases as of this morning,โ Hotch continues. โWhich means weโll be catching up on consults, court reports, and the mountain of paperwork everyoneโs apparently been neglecting.โ
His eyes meet yours for the briefest second, and your pulse skitters.
โIโm bored already,โ Morgan sighs, leaning back in his chair.
Hotch ignores him. โWeโve got two local consult requests from Fairfax County and a follow-up review from the Richardson case. Dave, Iโll need your notes finalised by this afternoon.โ
Rossi nods once. โYouโll have them.โ
โGarcia,โ Hotch continues, โthe Milwaukee office wants that digital forensic review by Wednesday.โ
Garcia gasps softly, pressing a hand to her chest. โBut I already colour-coded my entire week. That review wasnโt supposed to be due for another fortnight.โ
Morgan blinks. โYou colour-code your schedule?โ
โObviously,โ Garcia says. โHow else would I maintain my sparkling personality under crushing institutional pressure?โ
Reid straightens. โTechnically, organising information activates the same reward pathways asโโ
โDonโt,โ Prentiss says immediately.
Reid frowns slightly. โI was just going to say gambling.โ
You snort softly before you can stop yourself, covering it quickly with your hand. Reid shoots you a look. Prentiss just shakes her head. And when your eyes finally flick back to the front of the room, Hotch is already watching you.
Not the team. You.
Your stomach twists.
That signature Hotchner scowl should not be as hot as it is. It shouldnโt make you cross your legs a little tighter or make your heart race the way it does. You should be used to that scowl by now. Youโre on the receiving end of it often enoughโwhenever you crack a poorly timed joke or flirt a little too hard with Morgan.
Yet somehow, you still feel like you canโt breathe until his gaze finally shifts.
โMoving on,โ he says evenly, โJJ will forward the consult details after the meeting.โ
He spends the next thirty minutes briefing the team on consults and court appearances while you do your best to stay focusedโbut itโs hard. Itโs hard because every time you look at him, your gaze drops to his mouth and your mind fills with all sorts of filthy ideas. Then he starts moving his hands as he explains something and you canโt help but wonder what they might feel like wrapped around your waist, your thighs, your throat.
His voice is a low rumble at the back of your mind, warm and firm, but you have no idea what heโs actually saying. All you can do is think about how that voice might sound, wrecked and rough, telling you how pretty you look when youโ
โThe briefing ended three minutes ago,โ Reid says.
You blink hard. โWhat?โ
He closes his notebook with a sigh. โThe meetingโs over. You can stop internally monologuing now.โ
You frown. โIโm notโโ
He gives you a look.
โUgh,โ you groan. โYouโre so annoying.โ
You push up from your chair and walk out of the conference room without waiting for him, but youโre not surprised that heโs right behind you by the time you reach the bullpen. You drop down at your desk with another indignant huff, watching Reid do the same from the corner of your eye.
Everyone else is already settled at their desksโkeyboards clicking, pens scribblingโand thereโs a fresh stack of files next to your computer with a sticky note on top that reads: Fairfax files. Prioritize pages 12โ18. โ Hotch.
You want to laugh at the little sign-off, as if anyone else would have put these files on your desk. Your fingers trace over the note once before you peel it off and stick it to the bottom corner of your computer screen.
Reid snorts. โYou know most people throw those away, right?โ
You glance sideways at him. โI donโt want to forget the page numbers.โ
He hums. โSure.โ
โYou know,โ you say, turning your chair to properly face him, โyouโre being particularly judgemental today. Whatโs your problem?โ
He stares at you for a moment, then glances back at the sticky note still attached to your monitor.
โIโm experiencing prolonged second-hand embarrassment,โ he says plainly. โAnd repeated exposure tends to increase irritability.โ
You roll your eyes. โYeah, wellโyouโre increasing my irritability.โ
โExactly,โ he says, already turning back to his computer.
You glare at the side of his head for a long moment, searching for a comebackโbut your mind is completely blank. So with another irritated sigh, you turn back to your own screen, scoot your chair into the desk a little harder than necessary, and settle in for whatโs shaping up to be a very boring Monday.
The next two hours pass by in a blur of interview transcripts, witness statements, and crime scene photos. The Fairfax County PD files detail the death of a woman in her late thirties who accidentally overdosed in her Reston home early last week. No prior history of substance abuse, financial instability, or high-risk behaviourโuntil forty-eight hours before her death.
In just two days, she withdrew a large amount of money, missed work without explanation, visited several bars sheโd never been to before, and bought herself thousands of dollarsโ worth of expensive jewellery and lingerie.
To anyone else, it might look like some sort of breakdownโan impulsive spiral that led to the kind of recklessness you canโt come back from. But to you, the behaviour feels too... artificial. As if someone is trying to construct the narrative of a troubled womanโchecking all the right boxes to give investigators an easy explanation for a tragic overdose.
Only there isnโt enough concrete evidence to support your instinct. No stalker. No ex. No clear unsub who could have orchestrated this kind of ruse to cover what might actually be homicide.
You sigh. โReid.โ
โHm?โ
โTell me if Iโm overthinking this.โ
Reid pushes back from his desk and scoots across the narrow stretch of carpet between your workstations. He doesnโt stop until his chair bumps the side of your desk, causing your pen cup to topple over and spill across the files youโve got carefully laid out.
โOops,โ he says absently, pushing the pens aside.
You roll your eyes and start gathering them while he scans the files.
โThe behavioural shift feels manufactured,โ you say, dropping the pens back into their cup. โBut thereโs enough legitimate stressors here that I canโt tell if Iโm forcing a pattern because itโs too clean.โ
Reid examines the highlighted timeline for another few seconds.
โYouโre focusing too much on the existence of the stressors,โ he says. โStress explains escalation. It doesnโt explain inconsistency.โ
You frown slightly.
โShe suddenly becomes impulsive socially, financially, and sexually, but her organisational habits never change.โ He taps the timeline. โShe still pays bills early. Still meal preps. Still attends a dentist appointment two days before her death. Real behavioural deterioration isnโt usually selective.โ
Your brows lift. โSo, Iโm right?โ
Reid nods, leaning back in his chair. โYouโre right.โ
โWhatโs she right about?โ
You nearly jump at the sound of Hotchโs voiceโlow and even, a little rough around the edges in that way that always makes your stomach tighten.
โShe thinks the behavioural shift is staged,โ Reid says. โAnd I agree.โ
He scoots back slightly as Hotch leans in, one hand braced on the back of your chair while the other pulls the file closer so he can read it properly. His tie falls forward, brushing lightly against your thighโand suddenly, you canโt breathe.
Heโs close. Way too close. You can feel the heat of his breath on your skin. Smell the bitterness of coffee beneath his cologne. Hear the quiet creak of leather from his belt as he leans in further.
โItโs too compartmentalised,โ Reid says, his voice more distant than it was just a second ago. โReal behavioural spirals usually bleed into every aspect of a personโs routine. Sleep disruption, missed payments, changes in grooming habits, social withdrawalโsomething.โ
Hotch lifts his hand off the desk and presses his thumb to the tip of his tongueโthen flips the page.
Your pulse jumps so hard it almost hurts. Heat crawls up the back of your neck. Your whole body feels too hot, your clothes suddenly too tight, the bullpen too smallโbut you canโt move. Not with Hotchโs hand still on the back of your chair.
โBut this is curated,โ Reid goes on, tapping the timeline with the end of his pen. โThe impulsive behaviour escalates while the foundational routines stay completely intact, which suggests intentional narrative construction.โ
Hotch turns his head just slightly, dark eyes finding yours. โYou caught that?โ
You clear your throat. โI just... thought the escalation pattern felt off.โ
โHer behavioural analysis is spot on, actually,โ Reid says. โI canโt find a flaw in it.โ
Hotch hums quietly as his eyes move back over the file.
โGood girl,โ he says absently.
Your entire nervous system short-circuits.
โKeep it up,โ he adds, smoothing his tie as he straightens.
You donโt say anything as he turns and walks away. You couldnโt even if you wanted to.
Reid just sits there, hands folded in his lap as he watches Hotch disappear into his office before slowly turning back toward you.
โYou know,โ he says thoughtfully, โthe age-gap preference is actually more interesting than the authority fixation.โ
You finally blink. โWhat?โ
โBecause the authority thing makes perfect sense. High-pressure careers tend to reinforce attraction to competence, decisiveness, emotional restraintโespecially in workplace environments where leadership qualities become psychologically linked with safety and stability over long periods of exposure.โ
You frown. โWhat are youโโ
โBut the older man preference is statistically more complicated because you donโt actually display the attachment markers usually associated with paternal absence or instability.โ
Your eyes go wide. โSpencerโโ
โYou have a healthy relationship with your father, no documented authority issues, and relatively secure interpersonal attachment patterns, which suggests the preference is less psychologically compensatory and more rooted in behavioural reinforcement.โ
โReid.โ
โFor example,โ he goes on, ignoring you completely, โyou spent your formative professional years surrounded almost exclusively by older men in positions of intellectual and behavioural authority. Gideon, Rossi, Hotchโwhich likely created a reinforcement pattern where emotional competence became unconsciously associated with attraction, arousal, and sexual interest.โ
You freeze. โReid, I swear toโโ
โYou donโt react this strongly to older men generally,โ he continues. โYou react strongly to Hotch because heโs emotionally controlled, professionally authoritative, intellectually intimidating, andโโ
He pauses, tilting his head.
โVery obviously your type.โ
You glance frantically around the bullpen, scanning the desks for the rest of your team.
Morgan has his headphones on, completely focused on whatever report heโs typing. JJโs desk is empty, as usualโsheโs probably with Garcia. And Prentiss is only halfway back from the kitchen, still stirring her fresh cup of coffee.
Your gaze cuts back to Reid. โYou are so lucky no one heard that, Spencer.โ
He shrugs. โWouldnโt matter if they did.โ
Your brows pull together. โWhatโs that mean?โ
โYouโre good at redirecting attention,โ he says, slowly pushing his chair back toward his desk. โYouโre less good at hiding physiological responses.โ
Your hand flies up to your cheek, palm pressing flat against the burning skin.
โWhatever,โ you mutter. โItโs warm in here.โ
Reid glances around the bullpen. โItโs sixty-eight degrees.โ
โI hate you.โ
โNo you donโt.โ
You shoot him one last glare before turning back toward your computer, aggressively waking up the monitor with your mouse.
You stay chained to your desk for the next few hours, finishing up the victimology report for the Fairfax files before taking them to Rossi for final review. Then you head out with JJ to grab a late lunch from the deli down the street, and when you get back, thereโs a brand-new stack of files on your deskโonly this time, with a tall takeaway cup of coffee set on top.
โHotch got dragged into some last-minute Section Chief meeting across town,โ Morgan says, pushing his headphones down. โSaid he needs those cross-referenced before tomorrow morning.โ
โGreat,โ you mutter, dropping into your chair.
Morgan chuckles softly as he pulls his headphones back up, turning back to his own pile of reports.
You grab the coffee from the top of the files and find a sticky note stuck beneath itโwritten quickly but still in his unmistakable handwriting: I owe you one. โ Hotch.
Your stomach flips.
God. Thatโs pathetic.
You peel the note off and drop it into the top drawer of your desk, not wanting another psychoanalytic lecture from Reid if he were to spot that note stuck to your monitor.
The rest of the day passes the way every other caseless Monday afternoon does. JJโs the first to head outโnot long after fiveโtaking advantage of the slow week to spend a little extra time with Henry. Rossi leaves about an hour later, announcing to the bullpen that heโs got a date with a bottle of wine and reruns of his favourite medical drama. Morgan manages to clear the files on his desk before seven, finally putting his headphones away before bidding the rest of the team farewell.
Prentiss and Reid linger until nearly nine, and only when the motion sensor lights blink out does Prentiss finally glance up, realising how late it is. She gathers her things and nudges Reid, whoโs been firmly stuck in hyperfocus mode despite the rest of the world quietly slowing down around him.
โYou coming?โ he asks, adjusting the strap of his satchel.
You look up slowly, your brain buffering as it untangles itself from the files spread across your desk.
โNot yet,โ you reply, blinking tiredly. โHotch needs these by morning.โ
Reid tilts his head. โWant me to wait?โ
You wave a hand. โNah, go ahead. Iโll get security to walk me to my car.โ
โAlright,โ he says, already turning away. โJust remember that positive reinforcement loses effectiveness when the subject becomes emotionally dependent on it.โ
You glare at his back. โIโm reporting you to HR.โ
โYouโd have to explain the context,โ he calls over his shoulder.
You roll your eyes as you turn back to the last file on your desk, taking a deep breath and flipping it open.
With the bullpen almost completely silent and the promise of sleep so close you can taste it, you manage to get through it in record time. You even give it a quick second pass to make sure you didnโt miss anything glaringly obvious in your tired stateโbut youโre used to working through sleep deprivation, and by ten p.m., you finally start packing up.
You organise the files back into a neat pile, then open the top drawer of your desk for Hotchโs note. You stick it to the top file and grab a pen, scribbling just below the words he wrote: Dangerous thing to promise me.
And, just as he did, you sign off with your name.
Then you gather the whole stack in your arms and cross the bullpen toward his office. Unlocked, as usual. You nudge the door open with your foot, warm lamplight casting an orange glow over the quiet space. It smells faintly like coffee and his cologneโenough to make your heart start racing the second you step inside.
You set the files neatly on his desk, trying not to linger on the quiet traces of him scattered throughout the room.
Thereโs still half a mug of cold coffee abandoned beside some paperwork, and the cashmere sweater heโd been wearing beneath his jacket this morning is draped haphazardly over the back of his chair. Quiet evidence of just how suddenly heโd been called away.
It makes you feel a little better knowing you really have helped him out.
You adjust the files until theyโre perfectly straight, then take the sweater from the back of his chair and fold it neatly before setting it on the chest of drawers beside his desk. You hesitate for just a second before grabbing the mug of cold coffee and heading out of his office, straight for the break room. You empty it, wash it, dry it, then return to his office, placing it back on his desk exactly where you found it. Then you switch the lamp off on your way out, pulling the door most of the way shut behind youโthe way itโd been before you stepped inside.
It doesnโt take long for you to gather your things, head down to security, and badge out. One of the guards escorts you to the parking garage, waiting until youโre safely inside your car with the engine running before he takes the elevator back up.
Once home, you quickly feed the yowling Leiaโyour cat, whoโs very unimpressed by your late arrivalโtake a quick shower, change into your comfiest, threadbare sleep shirt, then crawl into bed with your laptop balanced on your knees. You know you should just try to get some sleep, but youโve been ignoring a few personal messages and emails for a couple days now, and you know that if you donโt get to them soon, youโll start to feel guilty.
You open your emails, reply to a couple, then pull up a new browser tab and type in the login address for the dating site Garcia set you up for. Not that you couldnโt have set up your own profile if youโd really wanted to.
Noโthis profile is just the unintentional byproduct of your ongoing attempt to redirect attention.
One slow Thursday evening in the bullpen, while youโd been loudly complaining about how impossible it was to meet men with a job like yours, Morgan had the brilliant idea of making you a dating profile. Garcia immediately lit up at the idea, pulling the site up on her computer while Reid launched into a rambling statistical analysis about the probability of finding genuine compatibility online.
Hotch hadnโt contributed to the conversation, but youโd known he was listening.
That had been the whole point. You always perform a little harder when Hotch can hear.
The site finally loads and you type in your credentials, waiting a few seconds for your profile to pop up.
Twelve notifications.
You click on the โmessagesโ tab and start scrolling. There are a few old conversations that fizzled out and youโve long since decided not to reply to. There are a couple of messages from people you never intend on starting a conversation with. Then there are two new messagesโones youโd seen pop up on your phone but couldnโt be bothered to engage with over the weekend.
After all, youโre not actually looking to date anyone.
But one of the messages catches your eye.
DCRunner00: You seem like the kind of person whoโs either very funny or very mean. Iโm willing to risk it.
You snort, then type out a reply.
You: Unfortunately for you, those traits arenโt mutually exclusive.
Just as you hit enter, Leia leaps up onto the bed.
โHey, sassy girl,โ you coo, moving your laptop to reach for her.
Your fingers graze her soft coat, and she gives you an incredibly disapproving look.
You roll your eyes. โAlright. Sorry for loving you.โ
You settle back against the pillows as she makes her way to the other side of the bed, curling up as far as she can possibly get from you.
Ping! Ping! Two more messages pop up.
DCRunner00: Thatโs probably the best possible answer you couldโve given.
DCRunner00: So whatโs your worst personality trait? I feel like thatโs more interesting than hobbies.
That answer comes a little too easily.
You: Workaholic. You?
DCRunner00: I get bored easily.
DCRunner00: Which usually means I either start running or annoying people for entertainment.
You: Sounds like a public safety issue.
DCRunner00: Depends who you ask.
DCRunner00: You should probably get some sleep, Workaholic. Itโs late.
You glance over at Leia as she rolls onto her side, stretching her front legs, and only then do you realise you were actually smiling at your screen.
You shake your head, typing quickly.
You: Yeah, I should.
You: Night, Running Man.
Then you shut your laptop before he can send another message.
TUESDAY 9:50AM
โMorgan, youโre with me at district court this afternoon,โ Hotch says, closing the file in front of him. โThe defence attorneyโs pushing back on the Richardson testimony, so weโll need to review our timeline before the hearing.โ
Heโs wearing a grey suit today.
You can never think straight when heโs wearing a grey suit.
Morgan sighs dramatically. โNothing says excitement like four hours in a courthouse basement.โ
Hotch ignores him completely.
โJJ, I want the media requests filtered through Straussโs office before lunch. Reid, finish the geographic overlays from the Fairfax case and send them to Rossi when youโre done.โ
He glances once around the table.
โIf anything urgent comes in, youโll be notified. Otherwise, continue using this downtime to catch up on reports.โ
Then he gathers the files into a neat stack and stands, turning toward the door.
The rest of the room starts moving slowly. Morgan mutters something to JJ about the court hearing, Prentiss turns to Reid, asking something about a case you donโt quite catch, and Garcia is already explaining something on her laptop to Rossi, whoโs watching the screen with quiet concentration.
Which leaves you to shamelessly stare at your bossโ ass as he walks out of the room.
โYou should probably blink.โ
Your head snaps toward Reid, frown already forming. โIโll blink when I want to blink.โ
He presses his lips together to keep from laughing, and you know heโs fighting the urge to launch into some deeply unwanted psychoanalysis of your behaviourโbut thankfully, the rest of the team is still too close for him to risk it.
Eventually, everyone starts filing out of the conference room and back into the bullpen. You end up being the last to leave, behind Reid and Garcia who are chatting animatedly about some new phone app theyโre both obsessed with.
Youโre just about to pass Hotchโs office door whenโyou hear your name.
You turn your head, and he gestures for you to come in.
Reid glances briefly over his shoulder, an irritatingly knowing look on his face as you turn and step into Hotchโs office.
You clear your throat, stopping a few feet from the desk. โSir?โ
โHow late were you here last night?โ he asks.
You lift a shoulder. โAbout ten.โ
His jaw shifts as he leans back in his chair. โThatโs late.โ
โMorgan said you needed them done by the morning.โ
โI didnโt mean first thing,โ he says, smoothing the end of his tie. โYou couldโve finished the rest before lunch.โ
You blink. โOh.โ
His gaze holds yours for a second too long.
โYou donโt need to stay late to impress me.โ
Your eyes widen slightly before you force out a small, awkward laugh. โOhโuhโgood to know.โ
He glances briefly at the navy-blue cashmere sweater still folded neatly on the chest of drawers.
โStill,โ he says, lower this time. โI appreciated it. The files, andโฆ everything else.โ
Your breath catches softly in your throat.
โAnytime, sir,โ you manage.
He nods once, then drops his gaze back to the paperwork on his desk.
You donโt need any more of a dismissal than that, so you turn quickly and step out, pulling the door shut behind you. He prefers it closed, even if he wonโt admit it because he doesnโt want the team to think heโs shutting them out. Heโs just more comfortable in privateโit helps him focus.
By the time you get back to your desk, everyone else is already settled and working quietly. Not even Reid glances up or offers a teasing remark.
You drop into your chair and wriggle your mouse, grabbing your phone while you wait for the screen to wake up.
Two new messages from DCRunner00.
DCRunner00: Running Man?
DCRunner00: Great book. Slightly concerning nickname, though.
You canโt help yourself, so you type out a quick reply.
You: Better than โWorkaholicโ.
You: You read Stephen King?
โHey, you busy?โ
You glance over at Reid. โArenโt we all?โ
He tilts his head. โYouโre on your phone.โ
โI could be working.โ
โAre you?โ
โNo.โ
โGood,โ he says, shuffling the files on his desk. โHotch wants us to prep the full geographic and timeline package for the Fairfax files in case it turns into an active investigation.โ
You sigh, already pushing back from your desk. โAnd by โusโ you mean...?โ
โI could use your help.โ
โFine,โ you mutter, setting your phone down.
He scoots over as you roll your chair toward his desk, settling in beside him. The files are all laid out, including your victimology report with Rossiโs few annotations. There are crime scene reports, autopsy summaries, witness statements, geographic overlays, and mapsโeverything needed to justify escalating the case into a full BAU investigation.
โWhere do you want to start?โ
โIโm trying to rebuild the geographic timeline digitally,โ he says, โbut half the field reports were logged out of sequence and now the movement patterns donโt align.โ
You nod. โOkay, walk me through where it stops making sense.โ
Three hours later, you feel like your eyeballs are bleeding. Youโve read the same witness statement at least twenty times now, but with every pass it only makes less sense. How could Annabelle Hutton possibly be placed in two different counties less than forty minutes apart?
โItโs physically impossible,โ you mutter, rubbing your eyes.
โWell, depending on traffic conditions, inaccurate timestamp reporting, and the reliability of eyewitness memory retention, there are at least four scenarios where the timeline could still technically work.โ
You sigh, leaning back in your chair and staring up at the ceiling. โIf you know so much, then why canโt you figure this out?โ
He still doesnโt turn away from his screen. โI will. Eventually.โ
You groan softly, dragging both hands down your face just as a familiar voice cuts through the quiet bullpen.
โNo, listen to me carefully.โ
Both you and Reid glance up automatically.
Hotch is walking slowly past the desks with his phone pressed to his ear, expression calm but impossibly stern in a way that immediately makes heat crawl beneath your skin.
โYou donโt need to explain the problem again,โ he says evenly. โYou need to tell me how youโre fixing it.โ
He pauses briefly beside Reidโs desk, listening.
โThen prioritise the transfer first,โ he says. โIf the paperwork isnโt filed before opposing counsel reviews discovery, the timeline becomes vulnerable and the entire testimony gets picked apart.โ
He rests a hand on the partition between the desks, gaze fixed somewhere distant as he listens to the person on the other end.
โNo,โ he says after a moment, voice lower now. โIโm not asking you to stay late. Iโm telling you this needs to be finished tonight.โ
Your stomach flips.
This absolutely should not be as hot as it is.
โGood,โ he says calmly into the phone, straightening again. โCall me when itโs done.โ
Then he keeps walking, cutting through the bullpen before turning sharply toward his office.
You stare after him, the thought slipping out before you can stop it. โDo you think he talks you through it?โ
โProbably,โ Reid says, turning back to his screen. โHigh-control personalities usually prefer maintaining verbal direction in intimate situations because it reinforces predictability and compliance dynamics.โ
You go still. You hadnโt actually expected an answer.
โSomeone like Hotch would probably place a pretty high psychological value on responsiveness,โ Reid continues. โThe immediate compliance aspect reinforces authority, which means verbal direction would likely become part of the overall intimacy dynamic rather than just communication.โ
Your face heats.
โEspecially because heโs not impulsive enough to rely on unpredictability. Heโd want constant awareness of how the other person is responding emotionally and physically, so talking them through things would help maintain control of the situation while also reinforcing trust.โ
Oh my God.
โAnd honestly,โ Reid goes on, โpeople with highly structured leadership personalities usually develop pretty strong positive associations with obedience because it confirms stability, attentiveness, emotional investmentโโ He pauses briefly. โWhich means heโd probably find it disproportionately attractive when someone follows instructions immediately or responds well to praise because it validates both the authority dynamic and the emotional trust beneath it, so statistically speaking heโdโโ
He stops.
Then slowly turns toward you.
โ...I crossed a social boundary somewhere in there, didnโt I?โ
You nod slowly, your voice coming out unnaturally high. โJust a couple.โ
He sighs, dropping his chin slightly as he turns back to his screen.
You huff out a breathless laugh and lean back in your chair again. You need a minute to recover from that, because now youโre hot all over and the only thing you can think about is your boss hovering over you, praising you in that low, steady voice while his hand settles around your throatโ
Fortunately, it doesnโt take Reid long to start rambling about geographic overlays again. You do your best to focus on what heโs saying, but after another hour of scrutinising the timeline inconsistencies, you decide you need an actual break.
You grab your phone and your jacket and head out of the office, sending a quick text to the team chat asking if anyone else would like a coffee from the cafe down the road. Itโs a thousand times better than break room coffee.
When you step out of the elevator on the ground floor, you bring up your messages with DCRunner00. Youโre not sure why, because normally you only check your profile when you feel like you need to keep up the act, but something about this guy keeps making you want to reply.
DCRunner00: Iโve read a few.
DCRunner00: What does a workaholic do for fun?
You type your reply as you step out of the building.
You: Work, mostly.
You: And sleep.
By the time you return to the office with a tray of four coffees, you have two new messagesโbut you canโt reply to them until you set the tray down at your desk.
โThanks, pretty girl,โ Morgan says as he takes one, flashing you a grin.
You smile back. โAnything for you, gorgeous.โ
Then you pull your phone out of your pocket and bring up the message thread.
DCRunner00: Whatโs your schedule even like?
DCRunner00: You strike me as an โanswers emails at midnightโ type of person.
You: Nah. Thatโs my boss.
You: My schedule is chaos, though.
โThanks,โ Reid says as he takes his coffee, leaving only two.
You set your phone down and take the last two coffees out of the tray, leaving one at your desk before taking the other to Hotchโs office. You can see through the window that heโs not on the phoneโfor onceโso you knock twice on the slightly ajar door before stepping inside.
He glances up, his brows pulling together slightly. โI didnโt ask for coffee.โ
โI know,โ you say quickly. โBut itโs almost three, and you always need another coffee around three, and I figured you probably didnโt answer the team message because you still feel bad about me staying so late last night, which you shouldnโt, by the way.โ
He straightens, brows drawing tighter.
โAnd I know youโve got court with Morgan this afternoon, and youโre going to try to leave early, but someoneโs definitely going to call at the last second and derail that plan, so youโll only have enough time to get to the courthouseโnot enough time to stop for coffee.โ
You set the cup down in front of him.
โSo,โ you tilt your head, โcoffee.โ
He leans back in his chair, studying you for a second.
โThatโs some pretty solid profiling, Agent.โ
Your face heats instantly.
โWell,โ you say, backing slowly toward the door, โmaybe now you owe me two.โ
The corner of his mouth lifts, just slightly, but itโs enough for the butterflies in your stomach to explode. You canโt help but grin as you turn away, slipping quickly out the door before your lungs forget how to work entirely.
You spend the rest of the day at Reidโs desk, finishing the case package for the Fairfax files and complaining about unreliable witnesses. Hotch and Morgan head off to court just after three, announcing to the rest of the team that they wonโt be back. JJ is the first to head home again around five, followed by Prentiss, then Rossiโthen you and Reid finally decide to call it a day just after six.
Which is also when you finally check your messages again.
DCRunner00: Chaos how?
You type a quick reply while you wait for your carโs AC to warm up.
You: Long hours.
You: Weird hours.
You: And a deeply unhealthy relationship with caffeine.
Then you tuck your phone away and head out of the parking garage.
Leia is already yowling by the time you step through your apartment door. Sheโs always hungry, even though she has an automatic feeder for dry foodโbut apparently that isnโt good enough. She prefers the wet stuff.
You quickly peel open a packet of fishy-smelling chicken jelly sludge and drop it into her bowl before washing your hands and moving into your bedroom. You flip the ensuite light on and start the shower, pulling your phone out of your pocket while you wait for the water to warm.
DCRunner00: Ah. So youโre one of those people.
You: Rude.
He replies almost immediately.
DCRunner00: Accurate, though?
You: Unfortunately.
You drop your phone on the bed and start undressing.
Ping!
DCRunner00: What do you actually do?
You hesitate. Itโs not like you can just say youโre in the FBI. Contrary to what some people might think, real FBI agents canโt just go around bragging about their highly classified work status. Itโs dangerous.
You: Mostly admin.
You: Governmental stuff.
You toss your phone back onto the bed and turn into the steamy ensuite. You shower quickly, dry off, run product through your damp hair, then pull on a shirt and a pair of sweatpants before heading back out into the kitchen.
Youโre not in the mood to cook tonight, so you grab a protein bar out of the cupboard and start boiling the kettle while you check your phone for what feels like the hundredth time.
DCRunner00: Sounds boring.
DCRunner00: Do you get days off, though?
You drop a teabag into your mug before typing out a reply.
You: Sort of.
You: But if my boss calls, I answer.
He replies instantly again.
DCRunner00: Iโm starting to think you secretly enjoy being overworked.
You: I think Iโd get bored otherwise.
You pour the boiling water into your mug and watch his next reply pop up.
DCRunner00: That sounds suspiciously unhealthy.
You: Probably.
What about you? What do you do?
You tuck your phone into your pocket, then grab your tea and protein bar and head to the couch. Thereโs nothing youโre really interested in watchingโsince you donโt usually have the time to keep up with any showsโso you turn on the nightly news before grabbing your laptop and pulling up a new browser.
Heโs already replied by the time you log in.
DCRunner00: Run.
DCRunner00: Read.
DCRunner00: Annoy people professionally.
You: That sounds made up.
You open your protein bar.
DCRunner00: It mostly is.
DCRunner00: So your boss actually calls you outside work hours?
You hesitate at the sudden redirection. Most men on dating apps prefer talking about themselves. Their jobs, hobbies, gym routines, childhood dogsโwhatever makes them seem interestingโbut this guy seems far more interested in observing than being observed.
You type out a vague response.
You: Sometimes.
You: Occupational hazard, I guess.
DCRunner00: And you always answer?
You: Pretty much.
You: Heโd only call if it mattered.
His next reply takes almost two minutes to come through.
DCRunner00: Hm.
DCRunner00: Iโm starting to think your boss gets more attention than I do.
You almost choke on your tea.
Thatโs... weird.
Maybe you have mentioned your boss a little more than strictly necessary, but heโs the one asking all the questions about your job. Itโs a little hard not to mention your boss when your life practically revolves around himโin more ways than you care to admit.
You: Jealous already, Running Man?
DCRunner00: Should I be?
You sit up straighter, suddenly a little nauseous.
You: I think youโre spending too much time talking to strangers online.
DCRunner00: Maybe.
DCRunner00: You still replied, though.
โOkay,โ you say, startling Leia who was half-asleep on the other end of the couch. โThatโs enough.โ
You: Iโm going to sleep.
You: Try not to spiral while Iโm gone.
His last message pops up just before you shut your laptop.
DCRunner00: No promises.
WEDNESDAY 8:10AM
โCome on,โ you mutter, mashing the elevator button for the doors to close.
Youโre a whole thirty minutes earlier than usual this morning. You didnโt even make a coffee in your travel mug before running out the door. You just woke up, brushed your teeth, checked your messagesโand decided you needed to talk to Garcia immediately.
โHeyโwoah.โ Reid steps out of your way as you rush into the bullpen. โYouโre early.โ
You drop your bag on your desk and quickly shrug off your jacket.
โIs Garcia in yet?โ
He frowns slightly. โI think so. Why?โ
You pull your laptop out of your bag.
โI justโI need her.โ
Youโre already walking away before he can press any further, moving back through the bullpen with your laptop hugged against your chest. Youโre just about to round the corner toward the elevators whenโ
โHeyโโ Hotch stops short just as you nearly run into him. โSlow down. You alright?โ
His hand is hovering near your waistโnot quite touching, but close enough for you to feel its warmth.
You blink up at him. โSorry. Yeah. Uhโtotally fine. Just going to see Garcia about... a case.โ
His brows pull together slightly.
โAlright, well, Garciaโs not going anywhere,โ he says evenly. โTake a breath.โ
You nod slowly, already stepping around him.
โRight,โ you mutter. โBreathing. Got it. Sorry, sir.โ
You can almost swear you see the corner of his mouth liftโbut then the elevator dings behind you, and you have to hurry to slip through the doors before they slide shut.
It feels like an eternity before they finally open again, but once they do you practically sprint down the hall to Garciaโs lair and burst through the door without warning.
She startles so hard she nearly drops her coffee. โSweet mother of encryption, knock first!โ
โSorry,โ you say, breathless. โI need you.โ
โWell, obviously,โ she mutters, checking her shirt for any spills. โIโm the backbone of this entire operation.โ
You drop down into the spare chair and open your laptop, setting it on her desk.
โYou cannot judge me for what Iโm about to show you.โ
She glances up, brows lifting. โOh. So this is serious?โ
You grimace. โI donโt know.โ
โOkay,โ she says slowly. โSlightly less reassuring than I was hoping for. Tell me whatโs happened.โ
You take a deep breath, then let it out in a rush.
โYou remember the dating profile you set up for me?โ
She nods.
โAlright, so, I wonโt lie, I havenโt really met anyone on there yet, but I check the messages occasionally. When Iโve got time, you know? And I donโt have a whole lot of ongoing conversations, but this one guy sent me something that was kind of funny, so I responded, and the conversation was pretty normal for the most part. I couldnโt reply all that quickly, but he didnโt seem to mind.โ
You shift awkwardly, scooting your chair closer to her desk.
โNothing really felt out of place untilโwell, he wouldnโt talk about himself much, which is strange because most people on dating apps are usually more interested in presenting themselves than gathering information. He kept asking questions about my job, actually. Not that my job is on my profile, but he was really curious about my schedule, orโI guessโlack of schedule.โ
You wince.
โSo now that I think about it, that was probably the second sign something might be off. Or maybe he just wanted to meet up, I donโt know.โ
You hesitate.
โBut then he sent me this message at like... two a.m.โ
She squints at the screen.
DCRunner00: Bet you answer your boss faster than you answer anyone else.
โMmm. Nope. Donโt love that,โ she says, shaking her head. โThat is not a normal amount of emotional investment for a stranger.โ
You sink back in your chair. โThatโs what I thought.โ
She starts scrolling back through the messages.
โHave you told Hotch?โ
โNope.โ
She glances at you from the corner of her eye. โYou answered way too fast for that to be a normal response.โ
โBecause the answer is no,โ you say firmly, leaning forward again.
โMm-hm.โ She keeps scrolling. โOkay, well... technically this could still be nothing. He could just be some lonely basement cryptid with Wi-Fi and poor social skills.โ
You groan, dragging both hands over your face.
โYou do mention Hotch kind of a lot.โ
Your head snaps up. โHeโs my boss.โ
Garcia gives you a long look.
โOkay,โ she says slowly. โSure.โ
โGarcia.โ
โIโm just saying, if a man talked about a woman this much online, weโd all be making faces.โ
You point at the screen. โFocus.โ
โRight. Yes. Creepy internet man. Sorry.โ
Her expression settles into something more focused as she turns back toward her array of monitors.
โOkay. Hereโs what weโre going to do. Donโt block him yet.โ
You sigh. โI donโt love that idea.โ
โNeither do I, babycakes, but if heโs routing through the website normally, I might be able to pull connection data if we keep him talking long enough.โ
You frown. โIn English?โ
She gives you another look. โTimestamps, login patterns, regional pings, possible VPN usage, device signatures if he slips upโbasic digital stalking fun.โ
โOh, of course,โ you say sarcastically. โNormal stuff.โ
โFor me, it is normal.โ She points toward the laptop. โNow reply to him. Something casual. I want to see if he responds immediately again.โ
Your fingers hover over the keys for a second before you type out your reply.
You: I thought I told you not to spiral.
He replies so fast that even Garcia flinches.
DCRunner00: Relax. It was a joke.
DCRunner00: Mostly.
She stares at the screen. โOkay, I officially donโt like him.โ
You lean back in your chair again, nausea twisting low in your gut. โI feel sick.โ
Garciaโs expression softens slightly. โMaybe you should tellโโ
โNo.โ
She sighs quietly. โOkay. Fine. Can you keep replying from your phone?โ
You nod.
โGood. Donโt overdo it, just enough to keep him engaged.โ Her fingers start flying across the keyboard. โIโll work my magic down here and call you if I find anything.โ
You push yourself out of the chair, clutching your phone a little tighter.
โYouโre the best, Pen.โ
โI know.โ She waves a hand without looking away from her screens. โNow go pretend to be emotionally stable upstairs.โ
By the time you get back to your desk, almost everyone is already in the conference room ready for the morning briefing. You drop your phone beside your keyboardโtoo anxious to have it with you during the meetingโthen quickly unpack your things and grab a notebook before making your way up.
Reid nods at you from his usual seat, gesturing to the empty one beside him.
โHey,โ you mutter as you drop down next to him.
His brows pull together. โEverything alright?โ
You nod. โYeah. Fine. Iโll explain later.โ
Hotch keeps the morning briefing quick. He goes over yesterdayโs court hearing, outlines the Fairfax briefing package in case it escalates into an active investigation, then gets JJ to run through the highest priority consultation requests.
You spend most of it toying with a loose thread on the cuff of your blouse. Youโre pretty sure itโs the first briefing in years where you havenโt spent at least part of it staring at Hotch instead of your notesโand when the room finally relaxes and everyone starts to filter out, Reid turns to you.
โOkay, now Iโm concerned,โ he says.
You glance at him. โWhy?โ
โYou didnโt look at Hotch once during that entire meeting.โ
You roll your eyes. โSpenceโโ
โSomething must be seriously wrong.โ
You let out a long exhale, glancing briefly around the almost empty room. Only Morgan and Rossi are left, halfway to the door, deep in discussion about something that happened at the court hearing yesterday afternoon.
โOkay,โ you say quietly, turning back to Reid. โIโm having some... trouble, I guess, with a guy.โ
His brows shoot up. โA guyโโ
โOnline,โ you add quickly.
He tilts his head. โIโm confused again.โ
You sigh. โRemember that dating profile Garcia set up for me?โ
โYou mean the profile you allowed Garcia to create as part of your increasingly unsustainable performative dating strategy?โ
You glare at him. โYes. That one.โ
โThen yes, I remember it very clearly.โ
โWell,โ you mutter, pinching the bridge of your nose, โI had this guy message me a couple days ago. It was normal at first but now itโs gotten... weird. So, Iโm getting Garcia to look into it.โ
His forehead creases. โHave you toldโโ
โNo.โ
โMaybe you shouldโโ
โI said no.โ
โAlright.โ He raises both hands in surrender. โOkay. Iโm dropping it. Itโs justโฆโ
You narrow your eyes at him.
โWell, statistically speaking, the majority of uncomfortable online interactions donโt escalate into actual stalking behaviour. Most people displaying premature emotional fixation online are socially isolated rather than violent.โ
You lift a brow, waiting for the punchline.
โHowever,โ he adds, โcyberstalking offenders also tend to develop parasocial attachments disproportionately quickly because the perceived emotional intimacy bypasses a lot of normal social barriers, which means escalation patterns can become highly personalised in a very short period of time.โ
You stare at him.
โIn cases where the fixation becomes grievance-oriented, the offender is usually highly organised rather than impulsive, so the behaviour tends to be significantly more deliberate and psychologically targeted.โ
He pauses, frowning faintly.
โThat was supposed to be reassuring.โ
โโฆThanks, Reid,โ you mutter, turning away from him slowly. โNow I feel so much better.โ
When you get back to your desk, you decide itโs time to reply again. You grab your phone and bring up the messages, taking a minute to think about what to typeโknowing Garcia will be seeing the conversation too.
You type out the only mildly casual response you can think of.
You: Youโre weird.
He replies just as fast as usual.
DCRunner00: You disappear a lot.
You: Workaholic, remember.
You: I told you my schedule was chaos.
Youโre about to turn your phone over on your desk when a different notification pops upโfrom Garcia.
Garcia: If this is your version of flirting, baby girl, I think I just figured out why youโre still single.
You snort softly, typing out a quick reply.
You: Trust me, thatโs not the reason.
Garcia: So there IS a reason?
You: Shh. Iโm working.
Garcia: Boo!
You huff another quiet laugh as you turn your phone over, nudging it toward the edge of your desk in the hopes that you might be able to focus on work rather than creepy internet man for at least a few hours.
It doesnโt work.
Barely half an hour later, you lift your phone to check for another notificationโbut thereโs nothing there. You pull up the message thread again and scroll up, checking the timestamps to see if heโs ever gone quiet on you beforeโbut he hasnโt. Not really. So you type another message.
You: You went quiet. Should I be concerned?
Itโs a calculated move. If heโs paying attention to response patternsโand at this point youโre pretty sure he isโthen following up first helps maintain the illusion that nothing has changed. No sudden distance. No obvious discomfort. No reason for him to think youโre pulling away.
If he is dangerous, the last thing you want is for him to feel rejected.
An hour later, Rossi drops a legal pad onto your desk, asking you to take another look at a witness timeline that doesnโt feel rightโwhich keeps you occupied for a good forty-five minutes. Then Morgan leans over the partition between your desks, asking if you can translate Reid into English. That takes up another hour of your day, and by the time you grab your first afternoon coffee, youโve got three notifications.
One is a missed call from Garcia. The other two are from creepy internet man.
DCRunner00: Depends. Are you worried about me?
DCRunner00: Blue looks good on you, by the way.
Your stomach drops. โOh my God.โ
You immediately call Garcia back.
She answers on half a ring. โAre you wearing blue?โ
โYou saw me this morning.โ
โI canโt remember,โ she says. โAre you?โ
You drag a hand through your hair. โYes.โ
โHoly shit,โ she whispers. โYouโve got to tellโโ
โNo.โ
โAre you insane?โ
โMaybe, butโโ You squeeze your eyes shut for a second. โOkay, justโhear me out. Blue is a statistically safe guess. Itโs a neutral professional colour with high frequency in workplace attire, especially in government buildings.โ
Garcia goes quiet for a second.
โAnd does this unsub know you work in a government building?โ
โDonโt call him that,โ you snap. โAndโwell, kind of. I didnโt tell him exactly, but I said... government adjacent.โ
โI swear to God,โ she mutters, โif I have to identify your body next week, Iโm going to kill you.โ
You press your free hand against your forehead.
โYou wonโt,โ you say firmly. โAlright? Weโre getting ahead of ourselves.โ
Garcia scoffs loudly.
โSeriously,โ you insist. โIt could still be nothing. A weird coincidence, maybe an awkward guy with boundary issues and too much free time. We deal with actual predators every day. I can handle a few creepy messages.โ
The line goes quiet againโthen she sighs.
โWhy are you so against telling Hotch?โ
โBecause I donโt want to bother him,โ you say quickly. โWeโve got a quiet week, he finally seems slightly less stressed, and I donโt want to cause a whole fuss over something that might turn out to be nothing.โ
She sighs again, louder this time. โFine. I wonโt go to Hotch.โ
Your shoulders sag. โThank you.โ
โOn one condition,โ she adds. โIโm sleeping over tonight.โ
You nearly choke. โWhat?โ
โNon-negotiable.โ
โPenelope, thatโs insane.โ
โNo,โ Garcia says firmly, โwhatโs insane is you trying to casually explain away potential stalking behaviour while actively refusing to inform your unit chief.โ
โHe is not stalking me,โ you protest, keeping your voice low.
โMm-hm.โ
โYouโre overreacting.โ
โAnd yet,โ Garcia says, โif you die, I become morally complicit because I knew about creepy internet man and failed to intervene.โ
You frown. โโฆMorally complicit?โ
โAccessory to murder-adjacent,โ she corrects. โAnd my guilty conscience requires eight hours of sleep minimum, so congratulations. Weโre having a slumber party.โ
You let out a long sigh. โOkay. Fine.โ
She hums, satisfied.
โI need to reply to him again.โ
โWell, donโt ask me,โ she mutters. โYouโre the one whoโs apparently fluent in creepy internet freak.โ
You laugh despite yourself. โThanks, Pen.โ
โMm-hm. And just so weโre clear, tonight we are watching wholesome romantic comedies and eating enough sugar to kill a Victorian child.โ
โI was actually thinking psychological thriller marathon.โ
โAbsolutely not.โ
You smile faintly, leaning back in your chair. โFine. Romantic comedies it is.โ
โGood,โ Garcia says firmly. โNow hang up before I change my mind and march upstairs to Hotchโs office myself.โ
You roll your eyes as you hang up, then open the message thread again. You donโt have to think too hard about what to type. You donโt want to escalate or accuse him, but you need him to stay engaged. You want him to explain himself to see how he reframes the behaviour.
You: Lucky guess.
The next few hours slip by in a strange blur of routine tasks and fragmented conversations.
At about three oโclock, Prentiss drops a file on your desk and asks if you can double-check a victim timeline while sheโs stuck on the phone with Chicago. Then Rossi calls you into his office to sanity-check a profile theory heโs working through out loudโwhich means fifteen minutes of listening to him argue with himself while you sit there trying not to focus on Hotchโs voice through the wall.
When you finally get back to your desk, Reid spends twenty minutes walking you through a probability model nobody asked for but everyone somehow ends up listening to anyway. He only stops when Hotch appears, carrying a stack of files from the Richardson case he wants Morgan to look over before he signs them offโand for the first time in God knows how long, you donโt stare shamelessly at his ass as he walks out of the bullpen.
By six p.m., JJ and Rossi are gone, Prentiss is helping Morgan with the Richardson files, and Reid is building a tiny tower out of paperclips while he reads over a file Rossi dropped on his desk before he left.
At exactly six-fifteen, your desk phone rings.
โHello?โ
โPack your things, baby girl. Your government-issued sleepover is about to begin.โ
You snort softly. โAlright. Iโll see you soon.โ
You hang up the phone and start clearing your desk, organising paperwork into piles and packing away stationery while you wait for your computer to shut down.
โSee who soon?โ Reid asks.
You glance at him. โGarcia.โ
He tilts his head.
โSheโs staying over tonight.โ
His brows lift. โBecause of your stalkโโ
โGirlโs night,โ you interrupt, eyes widening. โThatโs all.โ
His gaze narrows. โShould I be worried?โ
You scoff. โAbout me? Never.โ
You slide your arms into your jacket then finally pick up your phone, finding two new notifications from creepy internet man waiting for you.
โReally?โ Reid asks, turning his chair to face you. โBecause youโve spent most of the day staring at your phone like itโs a bomb, you spent most of Rossiโs profile discussion peeling the label off your water bottle instead of contributing, and you reorganised the same stack of paperwork three separate times.โ
You pause mid-motion.
โAlso,โ he continues, โyou usually correct Morgan when he misquotes case statistics and today you let him do it twice, which honestly might be the most concerningโโ
โOkay!โ you cut in quickly, slinging your bag over your shoulder. โGood talk. Love the observational skills. Bye.โ
He doesnโt say anything else as you walk away, murmuring goodbyes to Morgan and Prentiss as you pass, but you can still feel him watching you. Youโre just about to press the button for the elevator whenโ
โAgent.โ
You stop automatically, turning to find Hotch with a file tucked under one arm and that signature frown etched between his brows. Only this time it isnโt frustrated or disapprovingโitโs curious.
You force a small smile. โSir.โ
His eyes move over your face briefly. โYou alright?โ
You nod once. โOf course.โ
He takes a step forward, his voice dropping lower. โYou sure?โ
Your breath catches.
Heโs close now. Too close. You have to tilt your head back to meet his eyes. You can smell his cologne, feel his warmth, count the beauty marks dotted across his cheek.
โYouโve seemed distracted today,โ he says.
You swallow hard. โUhโno. No. Sorry, I justโI didnโt get much sleep last night.โ
His brows draw a little tighter, and he opens his mouth as if heโs about to say something elseโpress harder, maybeโbut then seems to think better of it.
โAlright,โ he murmurs. โGet some rest tonight.โ
Then he nods once and steps back, his jaw tightening for just a second before he turns away.
You donโt move immediately. You canโt. Your mind is reeling, your pulse is still hammering, and your breath is caught somewhere between your ribs while your lungs try to remember how to work.
โHello?โ Garcia calls from behind you. โI cannot hold these doors forever, babycakes.โ
You shake your head. โShit. Sorry.โ
You turn and hurry into the elevator, slipping in beside her just before the doors slide shut.
For a moment, neither of you says anything.
Thenโ
โSo, that thing you said earlier about there being a reason youโre still singleโฆโ
You shut your eyes. โPenelope.โ
โIโm just saying,โ she continues lightly, โunless I hallucinated whatever just happened in that hallway, Iโm starting to develop theories.โ
You ignore her, watching the numbers on the elevator slowly descend like counting down the days you have before the entire team figures out your secret. Because if this guy really is a creep, if you do have to tell Hotch, then itโs only a matter of time before the BAU are dissecting your dating life and realising what a ruse it really is.
And you know better than anyone that once these profilers start looking too closely at something, they rarely stop until theyโve pulled it apart completely.
The second you step through the door to your apartment, Garcia rushes past you to sweep the place. Leia startles almost immediately, running from the couch to your bedroom while Garcia complains about the fact that Leia is the only cat sheโs ever met that doesnโt like her.
โLeia hates everyone,โ you tell her, kicking your shoes off by the door. โEven me.โ
Garcia just rolls her eyes, continuing from room to room to check the window locks and balcony doors.
Once sheโs satisfied that everything is secure, she sets her laptop up on your kitchen counter and starts running a program that looks like hieroglyphics to you.
โHave you seen his latest messages?โ she asks.
You shake your head, setting your phone on the counter. โNo.โ
She opens your laptop and logs into the dating siteโbecause apparently she knows your password now.
DCRunner00: Maybe.
DCRunner00: Or maybe youโre just easier to read than you think.
You type out the first response you can think of, not wanting to seem like youโre overanalysing this.
You: Or maybe Iโm just not trying so hard to be mysterious.
Garcia then spends the next ten minutes trying to explain her process to you in terms that almost make sense. So far sheโs managed to narrow him down to a general region through login patterns and routing behaviour, but she still canโt lock onto a direct IP address. Not because she canโtโapparently that part would actually be pretty easyโbut because doing it properly would mean running requests through systems that leave a trail. And right now, this definitely isnโt an official investigation.
โThe second I start pulling the fun federal strings,โ Garcia says, typing furiously, โthereโs paperwork, access logs, oversight, and approximately twelve thousand ways for this to become a whole thing.โ
You lean against the counter. โWe donโt want that.โ
โNot yet.โ Her expression sharpens slightly. โAlso, if creepy internet man is more sophisticated than he seems, thereโs always a chance heโs monitoring for targeted tracing attempts. If he realises someoneโs looking too closely at him before we know who he is, he could disappear completely.โ
Your stomach twists. โOr escalate.โ
You spend the next couple of hours keeping creepy internet man engaged while Garcia rambles tech jargon that makes less sense the longer the night wears on. At some point, you order pizza, then you migrate to the couch, and eventually you both end up sitting through the credits of Two Weeks Notice while waiting for one last reply in the hopes that he might finally answer something about himself.
DCRunner00: Refreshing
DCRunner00: Most people hide too much.
You: Depends what theyโre trying to hide.
DCRunner00: What are you trying to hide?
You: Besides the fact that Iโm exhausted? Nothing.
DCRunner00: You seem distracted tonight.
You: Long day.
DCRunner00: I noticed.
You: How was yours?
You wait until almost midnight before finally deciding to call it a night.
Garcia checks all the windows and doors again while you brush your teeth and change into pyjamas. When you step back out of your bedroom to say goodnight, Garcia is trying her hardest to lure Leia onto the couch with her, but Leia is very stubbornly curled up beneath the TV unit.
โNight, Pen,โ you murmur, rubbing your eyes. โThanks again... for everything.โ
โNight, gorgeous,โ she calls, peering over the back of the couch. โWake me up if you hear literally anything suspicious. Or if Leia finally decides itโs my time.โ
You laugh softly, blinking slowly as you turn back into your room and fall face first into bed.
THURSDAY 6:45AM
Youโre not sure whether to be relieved or concerned when you wake up to no new messages from creepy internet man. He hasnโt gone quiet for this long beforeโbut if he is just a normal, slightly awkward guy with boundary issues and an internet connection, well... itโs not that hard to believe he might just be sleeping.
Garcia is already up making coffee by the time you step out of your room, trying to bribe Leia out from under the couch with a tube of tuna paste.
The second she sees you, she jumps up and launches into another long-winded explanation about login activity and movement patterns across different access points. Apparently, creepy internet man logged in from three different geographical locations over the course of a few hours last nightโwhich is normal, right? That means he was out doing normal human things, not just lurking in his motherโs basement, stalking women online.
Garcia isnโt entirely convinced that him moving locations is enough to get him off the hook as the BAUโs next unsub, but it at least shuts her up until youโre both back at the office.
โHey,โ Reid says as soon as you walk into the bullpen. โYou havenโt been murdered.โ
You frown slightly. โGood morning to you too, Spence.โ
Morgan glances up from the file on his desk. โUhโwhy are we getting murdered?โ
Reid gestures vaguely in your direction. โBecause sheโs potentially being cyberstalked by aโโ
โOh, wow, look at the time,โ you interrupt, glaring at Reid. โWouldnโt it be such a shame if we all started minding our own business right about now.โ
Prentiss turns in her chair, brows raised. โCyberstalked?โ
โNobody is cyberstalking anybody,โ you say as you drop into your chair. โAnd nobodyโs getting murderedโbut great start to the morning, everyone. Love the energy. Now leave me alone.โ
Morgan chuckles quietly. โDamn. Thought you said you got laid last weekend.โ
Your hands slip off the desk as you try to pull yourself closer.
โTechnically,โ Reid says, โshe only implied it by refusing to answer Garciaโs question during Monday morningโs briefing.โ
โAh.โ Morgan leans back in his chair. โI knew this was a drought issue.โ
You scowl at him. โA drought issue?โ
โStatistically speaking,โ Reid adds, โpeople experiencing prolonged romantic or sexual dissatisfaction often display lower frustration tolerance and increased agitation in familiar social environments.โ
Morgan looks at him. โMan, just say she needs to get laid.โ
โOh my God,โ you snap. โI do not need to get laid. I am having a completely normal amount of sex already, thank you very muchโand frankly I think itโs deeply inappropriate that youโre all this invested in whether or not Iโm orgasming regularly.โ
Reid tilts his head. โYouโre having sex?โ
Morganโs brows shoot up, Prentiss chokes on her coffee, and you open your mouth to fire back at him whenโ
Someone clears their throat behind you.
Heat crawls violently up your neckโbut you donโt turn around. You canโt.
โBriefing room. Five minutes,โ Hotch says, his voice dangerously even. โJJโs got an update on the custodial interview with Wallace.โ
Morgan presses a fist against his mouth, tryingโand failingโto smother the strangled sound of laughter.
Very slowly, you turn in your chair.
Hotch is standing at the edge of the bullpen with a coffee in one hand and a file in the other. His expression is almost perfectly composed, but thereโs something dangerous lurking beneath itโsomething suspiciously close to amusement in the tightness of his mouth.
โBe right there, sir,โ you blurt, lifting two fingers to your forehead in the most ill-timed attempt at a salute the FBI has ever seen.
Hotch just looks at you, the muscle in his jaw jumping once before he turns away.
You want to die.
The second his office door clicks shut behind him, Morgan drops his fist and smacks his palm flat against the desk with a choked laugh.
โOh, you are never recovering from that,โ Prentiss mutters, smirking behind her coffee cup.
Morgan leans back in his chair, grinning. โBaby girl, that was painful to watch.โ
You drop your head into your hands.
โYou somehow escalated the situation at every possible opportunity,โ Reid says thoughtfully.
โI hate you all,โ you mumble into your palms.
You spend the next half hour with your nose buried in your notebook, avoiding eye contact with the entire team while JJ explains the month-long back-and-forth that it took to finally get approval for the Wallace interview.
Apparently, the prison is limiting the interview to a single hour and reserving the right to terminate it early if the inmate becomes uncooperativeโwhich Rossi thinks is less about policy and more about Wallace trying to dictate the terms of the interaction.
Itโs not ideal, especially considering you were the one who convinced Hotch to push for the interview before Wallace is transferred to death row. His case was one of the first you ever studied during the BAU training programme, and there isnโt much you wouldnโt give to pick the sociopathโs brains. One hour with him feels dangerously shortโthat is, assuming Hotch actually picks you to be in the interview with him.
โWe donโt have enough time to waste managing personalities in the room,โ Hotch says, gathering the files in front of him. โIโll decide on a second agent and send out the interview schedule later today.โ
Chairs start scraping back almost immediately, files and notebooks snapping shut as everyone gathers their things and starts filtering out of the roomโbut you donโt move. You stay firmly planted in your seat, chewing thoughtfully on the inside of your cheek while you debate whether to follow Hotch into his office and ask to be part of the interview. You donโt even have to be asking the questions, you just want to be there. You were the one pushing for it in the first place.
But then your brain very helpfully reminds you that Aaron Hotchner heard you say the word orgasming less than an hour ago and suddenly, being on death row yourself feels infinitely preferable to making eye contact with your unit chief.
You sigh heavily, finally closing your notebook. โYep. Just thinking about how Iโll probably have to fake my own death and change my name after this morning.โ
He shrugs. โHotch probably isnโt even thinking about it anymore.โ
You glance up at him hopefully.
โMorgan definitely is, though.โ
You roll your eyes, letting out another resigned sigh as you stand up and follow him out of the briefing room.
The rest of the morning manages to pass without incident. You stay chained to your desk, reviewing reports and processing any files that come your way while very deliberately not glancing up any time Hotch steps out of his office. At around eleven, Morgan and JJ head out to the cafe down the street and come back with coffees for the whole team. Then thereโs a printer jam that gives the rest of the office a rare glimpse at just how angry Emily Prentiss can get when frustrated.
It isnโt until just before midday that you finally get up to go to the bathroom, and when you return to your desk, thereโs one new notification in your inbox.
From: Aaron Hotchner
Subject: Wallace Interview
Youโre with me next Thursday. We leave at 0700.
Your stomach flips.
โWow,โ Reid says, suddenly standing right beside your desk. โHe picked you pretty quickly.โ
You shoot him a warning look. โSpence.โ
โIโm just saying, he usually deliberates longer.โ
You glance back at the screen, rereading the first five words that make your pulse skip a little faster.
โYou and Hotch do work unusually well together in confined conversational environments,โ Reid adds.
You turn back to him, frowning.
He tilts his head. โThat sounded more suggestive than I intended.โ
You open your mouth to tell him how deeply unhelpful heโs being when your phone buzzes twice against your deskโlike it does several times a day, but something about it feels different this time. Wrong.
You reach for it slowly, your stomach twisting tighter as you turn it over.
Two new notifications from creepy internet man. The first since last night.
You open the message threadโand your stomach drops.
DCRunner00: [Image attachment]
DCRunner00: Did you and your friend have fun last night?
The image is of your apartment building. Itโs grainy, slightly crooked, clearly taken from somewhere across the streetโbut your living room windows are unmistakable. Warm light glowing through the glass. The blurred silhouette of someone inside.
Ice floods your bloodstream.
You stop breathing.
โIs that... your apartment?โ Reid asks, leaning over your shoulder.
You donโt answer him. You canโt.
The bullpen dissolves into white noise around you.
Untilโ
โIโm done!โ Garciaโs voice cuts through the static. โI canโt do this anymore!โ
Sheโs marching right toward you, your laptopโthat sheโd still been monitoringโtucked under one arm.
Reid gasps. โWait. Is thatโโ
Morgan straightens in his chair. โWhatโs happening?โ
โHotchโs office,โ Garcia says, her expression dangerously stern as she stops beside your desk. โNow.โ
You nod slowly, your shoes almost slipping against the carpet as you push your chair back. Reid steps aside just enough to let you stand, but before he can get too far, you reach out and wrap your fingers around his wrist, silently dragging him with you as you follow Garcia back through the bullpen.
Hotch glances up the second Garcia pushes open his office door.
โWhatโs going on?โ
His tone is calm, automatic, already slipping into that low, calculated cadence he uses when heโs trying to talk someone down from the ledge. His gaze moves from her to youโand something in his expression shifts. Hardens. That muscle in his jaw ticking just once before he turns back to Garcia.
โWhat happened?โ he asks, sharper now.
Garcia crosses the room quickly, opening your laptop and sitting it on his desk while you hover uselessly in the doorway with Reid still caught in your grip.
Hotch glances at the screen, his eyes flicking through the messages.
Then he looks back upโright at youโand something unreadable settles across his face. Something dangerous.
โWho sent this?โ
Garcia spends the next five minutes explaining the entire situation at hyper speed while you just... stand there, leaning slightly against Reid like the whole world has tilted on its axis.
Itโs funny how you can spend years building a career around finding bad people. Thinking like them. Predicting them. Profiling them. But the moment something happens to youโsomething realโthatโs when all the theory suddenly stops feeling theoretical. And maybe itโs because you know exactly what people like this are capable of, or how quickly situations like this can escalate once someone decides theyโre emotionally invested in you.
Or maybe itโs just the horrifying realisation that some part of you knew where this was heading all along. And you still didnโt do anything about it until now. Not until you put yourselfโand your friendโin danger.
โGet everyone in the briefing room,โ Hotch says the second Garcia finishes. โNow.โ
Garcia nods once before slipping back out the door, and only then do you finally let go of Reidโs wristโmaking a mental note to apologise later for the excessive physical contact.
Hotchโs eyes drop down briefly, following the movement almost automatically. Something tightens in his expression for half a second before his attention snaps back to the laptop still open in front of him.
โReid,โ he says. โPrint the entire message history and document everything. Full timeline, screenshots, attachmentsโall of it. I want copies ready for the team in ten.โ
You swallow hard. โTheโthe entire message history?โ
Fifteen minutes later, youโre back in the briefing room with the entire team flipping through printed copies of your dating profile and messages. It almost feels like an out-of-body experience. Like one of those mortifying dreams where you watch everything unfold from above without any real ability to stop it.
โOkay,โ Prentiss says. โWhere do we start?โ
โVictimology,โ Morgan answers immediatelyโthen he glances at you. โSorry, baby girl.โ
You wave him off. โReidโs been profiling me all week. Go for it.โ
Thereโs a quiet ripple of laughter around the table, but Hotch barely blinks. Heโs sitting on the opposite side, between Prentiss and JJ, with his arms folded tightly across his chest and gaze fixed on the copies spread out in front of him like heโs trying very hard not to look directly at you.
โWe need to be careful building a victimology this early,โ he says evenly. โEspecially considering how well we know the victim. Personal familiarity creates bias.โ
Reid tilts his head. โNormally, yes. But stalking crimes are often highly individualised.โ He starts flipping through the printed messages as he talks. โStatistically speaking, stalking victims are usually targeted for a very specific reason. The motivation is generally rooted in either resentment, fixation, revenge, or romantic obsession.โ
You grimace. โFantastic.โ
โMost victims also know their stalkers,โ Reid continues. โApproximately seventy-five percent of stalking cases involve some form of prior relationship or perceived emotional connection.โ
โOkay,โ JJ says carefully, looking toward you. โIs there anyone you can think of who might hold a grudge against you? Someone you arrested, rejected, testified againstโanything like that?โ
You snort quietly. โDoes every criminal Iโve ever interviewed count?โ
The room goes still for half a second.
โWait,โ Prentiss says, sitting forward slightly. โActually, that makes sense.โ
Hotchโs eyes flick up as Prentiss pushes one of the printouts into the middle of the table, tapping the page.
โThis escalation happened fast. Less than a week. Thatโs not somebody slowly building emotional trust from scratchโthatโs somebody who already came into this interaction emotionally invested.โ
โOr angry,โ Morgan adds.
โExactly,โ Prentiss says. โHe doesnโt lash out until she has Garcia over. Thatโs jealousy. Possessiveness.โ
You sink lower in your chair.
โAnd he starts reacting every time she brings up her boss,โ Rossi says, flipping through the printouts. โThatโs territorial behaviour. Heโs fixating on a prominent male figure in her life.โ
โNot the only one fixating on him,โ Reid murmurs beside you.
You elbow him immediately.
โOw.โ
Hotch glances up sharply. โSomething to add, Reid?โ
Reid straightens. โUhโno. No, I think Rossi covered it.โ
Hotchโs eyes narrow slightly, like he knows thereโs something heโs missing, but he lets it go.
โGarcia,โ he says instead, โtell me you found something useful.โ
โOh, I found things,โ Garcia says immediately, the rapid clacking of her keyboard echoing loudly through the conference room speaker. โDeeply unsettling things. Our creepy little internet goblin has been very busy.โ
Prentiss frowns slightly, mouthing โinternet goblinโ across the table to JJ.
โOkay, soโprofile was created nine days ago using a burner email and a VPN bouncing between three different states, which normally would make me want to set my computer on fire, but our boy got sloppy.โ
Hotch leans forward slightly. โHow sloppy?โ
โSloppy enough that one login pinged off a public Wi-Fi network less than six blocks from her apartment last night,โ she says. โAnd before anybody asks, yes, Iโm already pulling traffic cams.โ
Hotch nods once, already shifting into command mode.
โMorgan, Prentissโstart canvassing within a ten-block radius of her apartment. Garcia will feed you anything useful from the traffic cams. JJ, coordinate with local PD and see if thereโve been any complaints of suspicious activity in the area. Peeping, prowlers, stalking complaintsโanything that fits this escalation pattern. Rossi, start pulling names from old cases. Anybody with a history of fixation, stalking behaviour, or inappropriate attachment to investigators. Garcia, keep digging and keep me posted.โ
Everyone starts moving immediately, papers shuffling and chairs scraping back as the room shifts into motion.
โI want to help,โ you say suddenly. โThis is my mess, let me fix it.โ
โYou can help,โ he says evenly, โby going home, locking your doors, and staying there until we know exactly what weโre dealing with.โ
You open your mouth to argue.
โI mean it,โ he adds, voice low.
โIโll take her,โ Reid offers immediately.
โNo,โ Hotch says, gathering the printouts into one neat pile. โYou go with Morgan and Prentiss.โ
Then his eyes flick up, meeting yours.
โIโm taking her home.โ
The next hour is one of the strangest of your life.
Hotch tells you to take your laptop back down to Garcia, whoโs already in full FBI investigation modeโher screens covered in maps, metadata, CCTV stills, and enlarged screenshots of your own dating profile staring back at you in horrifying definition. When you finally make it back to your desk, Rossi spends twenty straight minutes walking you through every violent offender youโve interviewed in the last three years, forcing you to revisit dozens of interactions youโd long since filed away as routine.
Somewhere in the middle of it all, Morgan drops a schematic of your apartment building onto your desk and starts questioning you about entrances, exits, blind spots, and security cameras while Reid quietly replaces the coffee you forgot existed an hour ago. It isnโt until Morgan leaves and JJ immediately takes his place beside you that you realise nobody has let you out of their sight for more than a few minutes at a time.
Then, finally, Hotch steps out of his officeโfiles in one hand and his go-bag in the other, like he fully intends on staying the night if necessary.
โReady?โ he asks, stopping beside your desk.
You stare at the go-bag for one long, deeply horrified second.
โYep,โ you manage, voice tight as you slowly push out of your chair.
Hotch drives. You donโt even try to argue. You just sit in the passenger seat with your knees pressed together and your heart beating out of your chest. Itโs not like you havenโt been in the car with him before. You have, plenty of times. This just feels... different.
Neither of you speak until he cuts the engine in the parking garage of your building, and you have to try very hard not to dwell on the fact that he hadnโt asked for directions the whole way here.
โWait,โ he mutters before climbing out of the car.
He grabs his bag from the back, then moves around the car and opens your door.
It takes an embarrassingly long time for you to unbuckle your seatbeltโyour hands are shaking and your pulse is still pounding hard enough to make you dizzyโbut once you finally do, you slip out of the car and lead him toward the fire stairs.
He never leaves more than a foot of distance between you. Never checks his phone. Never glances down. He stays glued to your side like a real protection detail. And thanks to your avid and wildly inappropriate imagination, youโve already mentally written an entire bodyguard romance plot starring Aaron Hotchner and yours truly by the time you finally reach your apartment door.
โIโuhโwasnโt really expecting company,โ you say as you push the door open. โSorry.โ
The second you step inside, Leia leaps off the couch with a loud, rumbling trillโprobably wondering why youโre home before dark for the first time in years.
Hotch pauses, his brow furrowing slightly. โYou have a cat.โ
You glance back at him as you kick your shoes off and nudge them out of the way. โIs that really the most surprising thing youโve learned about me today?โ
He watches Leia for another second before glancing back at you. โItโs unexpected.โ
You roll your eyes, trying to ignore the way your heart skips when he quietly toes off his shoes beside the door without even asking. Like he already expects to stay awhile.
Leia chirrups again as she pads through the living room toward you, no doubt about to demand an early dinnerโuntil she catches sight of Hotch and abruptly stops short. Her ears flicker, her tail waving from side to side as she assesses the new man in her apartment.
Hotch crouches slightly, holding one hand out toward her.
โOh, she doesnโt really like people,โ you say quickly. โSo donโt take it personally if sheโโ
Leia immediately walks straight up to him. She sniffs his hand once before pressing directly into his palm with a loud purr rumbling through her entire body.
Your eyes go wide.
Traitor.
Hotchโs mouth twitches faintly as Leia leans harder into his hand.
Oh my God. Are you jealous of your cat right now?
He gives Leia one final scratch behind the ears before straightening, the softness in his expression fading almost immediately as he slips back into work mode. He scans the apartment briefly before setting the files down on your tiny dining table and shrugging his jacket off, draping it over the back of a chair.
You stand there for a second longer than you probably should, watching him move through your apartment with the same calm focus he brings to crime scenes and briefing rooms and interrogation tables. He checks the windows, the balcony doors, glances brieflyโthank Godโinto your bedroom, then double-checks the locks on the front door.
The whole thing feels weirdly surreal. Youโve imagined Aaron Hotchner inside your apartment a thousand times in a thousand different waysโjust not like this. And nothing you imagined could have possibly prepared you for the reality of it. The way everything feels so much smaller. Warmer. More exposed.
Every object in every room suddenly feels mortifyingly personal.
If he lingers long enough in your kitchen, heโs going to notice the unusually empty trash can and realise you survive almost entirely on caffeine and convenience. If he looks too closely at your bookshelf, heโs going to find an unhealthy collection of romance novels with more trigger warnings than plot points. And if he looks into your bedroom again and turns his head just a little more to the right, heโs going to see your vibrator sitting on the nightstandโand then youโll actually have to fake your own death.
Because youโve spent years carefully curating a version of yourself that keeps people from looking too closely. Flirty. Casual. Detached enough to joke about bad dates and hookups and sex without anybody ever realising that none of it means anything. Itโs easier that way. Easier to let everyone assume your attention is scattered in every direction instead of fixed very specifically on the one person you absolutely cannot have.
But this?
This feels dangerously close to being found out.
The next couple of hours pass in strange, uneven waves of normalcy and low-grade psychological torture.
Hotch sits at your tiny dining table without complaint, dwarfing it as he hunches over files and asks careful questions about your routines, your neighbours, and whether anyone in the building has seemed overly interested in you recently. His phone rings a lot, which isnโt unusual, and every time he answers it you spend almost the entire conversation staring unashamed at the way his shirt pulls tight across his back when he reaches for another printout.
Which is wildly inappropriate considering the circumstances, but you canโt really help it. Youโre strung out, on edge, and, as Morgan so helpfully pointed out this morning, severely under-fucked.
And Leia, unfortunatelyโbut not unsurprisinglyโremains no help whatsoever.
By seven oโclock sheโs fully abandoned you in favour of draping herself across Hotchโs lap while he reviews new data from Garcia, completely oblivious to the fact that you havenโt been able to breathe normally since he walked through the door.
โAre you hungry?โ you ask eventually, moving back into the kitchen as if you have anything in there to offer.
Hotch glances up from his laptop, one hand resting absently against Leiaโs back while she purrs in his lap.
โIโm fine.โ
You lean a hip against the kitchen counter, folding your arms tightly across your chest. โAny updates?โ
He glances back down at his screen. โGarcia narrowed the traffic footage down to three vehicles that stayed in the area longer than they should haveโMorgan and Prentiss are running the plates now. And Rossiโs pulling relatives connected to your previous cases. Family members who attended trials, sentencing hearings, interviews. Anyone who mightโve had access to your name outside the official reports.โ
You nod slowly, silence settling again for a moment before you exhale sharply.
โAre you sure sitting here doing absolutely nothing is really the best use of me right now?โ
His eyes flick back up, that signature Hotchner scowl set between his brows.
โYou think this is nothing?โ
His voice stays calm, but thereโs something firmer underneath it now.
โYouโve spent the last four days being threatened, surveilled, and followed by someone we still havenโt identified,โ he says. โMorgan, Prentiss, and Reid are out chasing leads because somebody targeted you. Rossiโs pulling case files because somebody targeted you. Garciaโs been at her desk for six straight hours because somebody targeted you.โ
His jaw tightens slightly.
โMy job right now is making sure nothing happens to you,โ he says quietly. โLet me do that.โ
Your breath catches, something warm and uncomfortably familiar twisting in your chest as Aaron Hotchner just sits there watching you like he hasnโt said anything unusual at all.
Which, to him, maybe he hasnโt.
Heโs just doing his job. Looking out for his team. Heโs not here because he wants to be. Heโs here because someone threatened one of his agents.
Thatโs all.
You clear your throat, pushing away from the counter before the silence stretches too long. โIโmโuhโIโm just going to shower quickly. If thatโs alright.โ
He nods once. โWant me to clear theโโ
โNo,โ you say immediately. โGod, no. No. Itโs fine. Totally fine.โ
His brows pull together slightly, confusion flickering briefly across his face before you turn and hurry into your bedroom, shutting the door a little harder than necessary behind you.
Then you take the longest shower known to mankind. You stand beneath the scalding spray for at least ten minutes before even touching anything. Then you scrub, exfoliate, shave, condition, rinse twice, and stand there for just a little longer before finally gathering the courage to step out. All the while trying desperately not to think about the fact that your unit chief is only two thin walls away while youโre dripping wet and completely naked.
You rummage through your dresser until you find an oversized sweater that isnโt totally threadbare and a clean pair of pyjama shorts. Technically, theyโre just striped flannel pants you cut into shorts, but at least theyโre not as short as the rest of your pyjama collection that definitely needs replacing.
If only you actually had time for things like shopping... and emotional stability.
โNo, wait for Morgan before you approach,โ Hotch says as you step quietly back into the living room, phone pressed against his ear while he paces slowly beside the dining table. โIf the registrationโs fake, I donโt want you making contact until we know exactly whoโs inside.โ
He pauses, expression sharpening slightly.
โAlright. Keep me updated.โ
He lowers the phone slowly before looking over at you for the first time since you re-emergedโand for half a second, he visibly loses his train of thought. Itโs only tiny. Barely there. Just a brief pause before his expression shutters back into place.
โGarcia tracked one of the vehicles from the traffic footage to a motel outside Arlington,โ he says, glancing back down at the files scattered across the table. โThe driverโs been masking his activity through multiple VPNs, so she couldnโt pull a clean trace from the motel Wi-Fi, but only one room in the motel was actively using the network.โ
Your stomach tightens.
โThe name on the reservation was fake,โ he continues, โbut the room was paid for using a credit card belonging to Daniel Mercer.โ
The name hits you immediately.
โEthan Mercerโs brother,โ you say quietly.
Hotch nods. โRossi confirmed it about twenty minutes ago. Morgan and Prentiss are waiting for local PD before they move in.โ
You nod slowly, your pulse fluttering anxiously in your throat as you move toward the kitchen. Not because you actually need anything in there, but because standing still feels almost impossible right now.
โEthan barely spoke during the trial,โ you murmur, folding your arms as you lean back against the counter. โI donโt think I ever even met his brother.โ
โYou wouldnโt need to,โ Hotch says, already gathering the files into a neat pile. โPeople build attachments to investigators without ever interacting directly. Especially when theyโre looking for someone to blame.โ
Your skin prickles. โYou really think itโs him?โ
โIt fits,โ Hotch replies evenly. โEstablished emotional investment, personal motive, no prior record. Which explains the inconsistency. The escalation without follow-through. The long gaps between contact attempts. He knows enough to be cautious, but not enough to stay controlled.โ
He straightens, turning back toward youโand for the briefest second, his eyes drop to your bare legs before snapping back up to your face almost immediately.
He clears his throat. โThis probably isnโt something heโs done before. But his brother has.โ
The apartment falls quiet again after that. Hotch returns to collecting files while you stare absently toward the dark balcony doors, your pulse still refusing to settle beneath your skin.
โWell,โ you mutter eventually, gripping the edge of the counter to hoist yourself up. โOn the bright side, I still think Iโve dated worse.โ
The joke leaves your lips lightly enough, the same way they always doโeasy, detached, halfway between genuine and ironic so nobody ever pauses long enough to look too closely.
Except this time Hotch does pause.
โWhy do you do that?โ
You frown. โDo what?โ
โDeflect.โ He straightens again, one hand still holding a stack of printouts. โEvery time something gets too serious, you make a joke. Or you flirt. Or you say something just inappropriate enough to throw people off balance.โ
You lift a shoulder. โMaybe Iโm just charming.โ
โNo.โ His eyes narrow slightly, brows pulling together. โNo, because it changes depending on the situation.โ
Your pulse stutters.
โWith Morgan itโs competitive,โ he continues, setting the papers back on the table. โYou tease him because he pushes back and it keeps conversations superficial. Garcia gets exaggerated stories because she responds emotionally instead of analytically. Half the things you say to Reid are specifically designed to make him flustered enough to stop examining what you actually mean.โ
โWow,โ you murmur, shifting your weight against the countertop. โStarting to feel a little attacked here.โ
But Hotch doesnโt seem to hear you.
โThe dating profile doesnโt fit,โ he says, almost to himself. โNeither does the apartment.โ
Your stomach twists as his gaze moves briefly across the room. The bookshelves. The carefully organised clutter. Leia now curled up asleep on the couch.
โYou project someone impulsive. Social. Sexually confident. But nothing in here supports that.โ His eyes flick back toward you again. โYou live like someone who protects their space carefully. Even the cat.โ
โLeave Leia out of this.โ
โShe doesnโt like strangers.โ
โShe likes you.โ
The words slip out too quickly, and something in his expression shifts.
โYou keep people at a distance,โ he continues slowly, close enough now that you can hear the quiet rasp beneath his voice. โEven the team. You let people think they know you because it keeps them from looking closer.โ He hesitates, brow furrowing. โExcept Reid.โ
Your fingers tighten instinctively around the edge of the counter.
โYou trust him,โ Hotch says. โNot just socially. Behaviourally. You anchor yourself to him when youโre stressed. Physical proximity. Eye contact. Redirecting conversations through him.โ He pauses, watching you carefully now. โAnd earlier you said heโd been profiling you all week.โ
Oh God.
โWhich means Reid already noticed the pattern.โ
He goes quiet for a moment, his expression tightening almost imperceptibly as he looks back over the last few monthsโyearsโin real time. You can practically see it happening behind his eyes. Every interaction. Every joke. Every look you thought youโd hidden quickly enough.
โYou track me.โ
The words come quieter now. Less certain. Like heโs still realising them.
โYou know my routines,โ he continues slowly. โYou anticipate questions before I ask them. You look up when you hear my office door open even when you canโt see me.โ He steps closer again. โYou know when I need coffee before I do. You watch my reactions before anyone else in the room.โ
Your breath stutters.
And Hotch notices immediately.
His expression shifts slightly as his eyes flick across your face, your posture, your hands still locked around the edge of the counter hard enough that your knuckles have gone pale beneath the kitchen lights.
โYour breathing changes when I get too close to you,โ he says quietly.
He takes another slow step forward, close enough now that you have to tilt your head back slightly to keep looking at him.
โYou stop fidgeting,โ he continues. โYou go completely still.โ His gaze drops briefly to your hands before lifting again. โLike youโre afraid movement alone is going to give you away.โ
Your heart is beating so hard now youโre half-convinced he can hear it.
โYou lose verbal fluency,โ he says, voice lower now. โYou trip over words you normally wouldnโt. Your pupils dilate. Your heart rate increases. And every single time I get close to noticing itโโ
His eyes lock onto yours.
โYou redirect.โ
You can barely breathe now.
Heโs standing right in front of you, close enough that the heat rolling off him sinks straight into your skin, close enough that one more step would put him between your knees where youโre perched on the counter.
And somehow the worst part is that he still sounds calm. Thoughtful. Like Aaron Hotchner is profiling you with the same careful focus heโd bring to an unsubโexcept this time the thing heโs slowly uncovering is the fact that youโve been hopelessly in love with him this entire time.
You swallow hard, your gaze catching just briefly on his mouth before you drag it back up to his eyes, pulse hammering so hard you can barely think straight.
โFigured it out yet, Agent Hotchner?โ you ask softly.
He goes still for half a second, something unreadable flickering across his face as his eyes drop to your mouth before lifting back to your eyes again.
The apartment suddenly feels oppressively quiet.
His throat shifts slightly.
And thenโ
His phone rings.
He steps back immediately, his expression shuttering back into something careful and unreadable.
โHotchner,โ he says, pressing his phone against his ear.
You donโt hear much after that. Not really. You recognise Morganโs muffled voice, but you canโt quite hear what heโs saying. Not while Hotch slowly paces your living room. You catch fragments of the conversation. Questions. Short answers. The low, steady cadence of his voice slipping effortlessly back into work mode while your own nervous system continues actively collapsing in on itself.
Because holy fuck.
Holy fuck.
What the hell just happened?
โThey got him.โ
Your head snaps up. โThey what?โ
Hotch moves back to the dining table and starts gathering his things.
โIt was him. Daniel Mercer,โ he says. โMorgan and Prentiss found him in the motel room with multiple burner phones, printed screenshots from the dating profile, and enough surveillance material to establish intent.โ
โOh.โ
โLocal PD recovered notebooks too,โ he continues. โNames, schedules, work addresses. Everyone connected to Ethan Mercerโs conviction. Judges, prosecutors, witnesses. You were first because you were the arresting agent.โ
A cold shiver slips down your spine.
โGarcia also confirmed the motel Wi-Fi matched the same VPN chain used to access the dating profile,โ Hotch adds. โOnce Mercer realised the Bureau was involved, the direct contact stopped. After that he shifted to surveillance. Morgan said the room was covered in trial material. Photos. Notes. Newspaper clippings. Heโd been building the grievance for months.โ
He pauses, then looks at you.
โBut they got him.โ
โGood,โ you say quietly.
Hotch nods once before turning back to the dining table, slipping his laptop into his bag with careful efficiency before gathering every file and printout into one neat pile.
โLocal PD will hold Mercer overnight until federal transport clears,โ he says, sliding the papers into his bag. โGarciaโs already started coordinating with the U.S. Attorneyโs Office. Youโll need to give an additional statement tomorrow regarding the dating profile.โ
You nod. โOkay.โ
Hotch reaches for his jacket, draping it over one arm.
โThereโll still be additional officers patrolling the area tonight,โ he says. โAnd if you donโt want to be alone, I can have Reid or Garcia stay here.โ
โIโll be fine,โ you mutter, glancing down at the kitchen tiles. โYou can stop babysitting me now.โ
Hotch stills.
Then slowly, deliberately, sets his jacket on the table.
โBabysitting?โ he repeats.
โYou know what I mean.โ
He steps toward you, brows drawn. โI donโt think I do.โ
โYou solved the case,โ you mutter, heat crawling up the back of your neck. โYou profiled me. Thoroughly. So congratulations, I guess. You figured out the whole sad little secret, the weird avoidance issues, the entire personality disorder cocktailโโ You let out a short, humourless laugh. โYou can go back to pretending none of this ever happened now.โ
He closes the distance between you before you even fully realise heโs moving, stopping directly in front of the counter again. Exactly where heโd been when you asked him if heโd figured it out. Close enough that you can feel his warmth. Close enough that you can see the day-old shadow of stubble lining his jaw.
โYouโre being deliberately provocative now because youโre embarrassed,โ he says. โBut embarrassment isnโt actually your primary response here.โ
His gaze drops to your mouth again, and your pulse stumbles.
โIf it was,โ he adds quietly, โyou wouldnโt still be looking at me like that.โ
Your breath catches in your throat.
You want to say something. Anything. Another joke. Another deflection. Something sharp enough to cut through the tension in the air and stop him looking at you like this. Exposing you like this.
But you canโt.
All you can do is stare at him. At the steady intensity in his eyes. At the way his tie has loosened slightly over the course of the night. At the slow rise and fall of his chest beneath the white shirt youโve spent an embarrassing number of years picturing on your bedroom floor.
You swallow hard, and he notices. Of course he does.
Something shifts in his expression then. Something softer. Less guarded.
His hand comes up beneath your jaw, his thumb pressing gently into your chin as he pulls you closer. You fall forward without hesitation, and he leans in, dark eyes still searching yours as if he isnโt entirely sure he has permission yet.
Then he kisses you.
Itโs not rushed. Not messy. If anything, the first press of his mouth against yours feels almost unbearably controlled, like heโs still holding himself back even now.
But the restraint doesnโt last long.
Your hand catches his tie, tugging him closer, and something rough slips from the back of his throat as he steps in, his hips slotting between your thighs. His hand slides from your jaw into your hair, fingers tightening just enough to tilt your head back exactly as far as he wants it.
Your lips part against his with a broken sound, and he deepens it slowly, his tongue moving against yours like he has all the time in the world. Tasting you. Learning you. Mapping every small sound and ragged exhale with the same focused intensity he brings to everythingโand somehow thatโs what undoes you the most. Not urgency. Attention.
His breath mingles with yours, hot and uneven, and when his teeth catch your bottom lip itโs deliberate, measuredโa sharp little spark shooting straight through your spine. Your hips roll toward him without permission, and his answering groan rumbles through his chest, vibrating beneath your palm and making you ache everywhere youโve been starving for him.
Then he pulls back just enough to look at you properly again. His hand still tangled in your hair. Thumb dragging once across your jaw. His eyes move over your face with the same intensity he uses in every debrief, every case, every crisis, except right now you are the thing heโs making sure of.
Like he needs to be absolutely certain this is real.
โAaronโโ
โBedroom,โ he says immediately, voice low and rough enough to send heat crashing straight through you. โNow.โ
FRIDAY 6:15AM
Your alarm blares somewhere beside the bed, startling you awake hard enough that your heart immediately starts pounding. You reach for it blindly, determined to silence it before it wakesโ
Oh God.
The second your hand hits the snooze button, you freeze.
Your heart is beating faster now, your pulse thrumming in your throat as you turn slowlyโso slowlyโtoward the other side of the bed, where Aaron fucking Hotchner stirs sleepily.
Your stomach swoops.
You slept with your boss last night.
With a shallow, shaky breath, you carefully start to move. His arm is heavy at your waist, but you manage to slip out from underneath it without fully waking him. You shove the covers off and shiver at the sudden exposure, leaning over the side of the bed to find your discarded sweater. You pull it over your head before quietly padding toward the ensuite, refusing to glance back at your very hot, very naked unit chief still tangled in your sheets.
You only just make it around the other side of the bed before something tugs at the back of your sweater. You stop, glancing back to find Hotch half-awake, eyes half-lidded with one hand caught at the hem of your sweater.
โDo you really get up this early?โ he asks, voice rough with sleep.
โYeah,โ you murmur. โMost days.โ
His brows pull together slightly. โWhy?โ
You let out a small, breathless laugh. โBecause my boss is kind of a hard ass about punctuality.โ
Something that almost resembles amusement flickers across his face.
โSounds like a terrible boss,โ he murmurs.
Then he tugs on your sweater againโhard enough this time that you let out a startled laugh as you stumble backward onto the mattress and into him. He catches you easily, one arm wrapping around your waist before you can even fully recover, pulling you back against the warmth of his chest.
โYeah,โ you murmur, laughing softly as his mouth brushes beneath your ear. โHeโs awful. Very demanding.โ
He hums, breath warm against your skin.
โHeโs really hot, though,โ you add, smiling despite yourself. โSo I like having time to put in a little effort, you know? Hope he notices.โ
โOh, he notices.โ
Your stomach flips. โReally?โ
โMhm.โ
His arm tightens around your waist. โHe notices the skirts.โ
Heat floods your face. โAaronโโ
โHe notices the tights.โ His mouth brushes against the nape of your neck. โThe ones with the seam up the back.โ
โOh my God.โ
You try to turn your face into the pillow, but he just holds you tighter, pressing his lips firm against your neck.
โAnd the red bra,โ he murmurs.
Your breath catches.
โNoticed that so much I had to wait until everyone left the conference room before I could get up.โ
You let out a strangled sound, squirming in his arms, but itโs no use. His chest vibrates against your back, something suspiciously close to laughter.
โMy washing machine broke that week,โ you whine. โIt wasnโt my fault.โ
โMm, sure.โ
You twist around immediately. โIโm not lying.โ
The corner of his mouth twitches, like he doesnโt quite believe you, but before you can protest againโhe kisses you. Warm, slow, sleep-soft. His mouth moves against yours almost lazily, his hand tightening slightly at your waist when a pathetic little whimper slips out before you can stop it.
โCareful,โ you murmur, breathless against his mouth. โDonโt want to be late.โ
You feel his lips curve.
โGood thing Iโm the boss.โ
10:35AM
You made it to work well on time. Even after three orgasms, a shower, and an awkward attempt at a โWhat Now?โ conversationโthat ended in the aforementioned third orgasm. Because fortunately for your rapidly fraying nervous system, Hotch hadnโt even hesitated when youโd finally asked what happens next. In fact, heโd answered a little too quickly.
The first thing heโd asked was whether youโd be comfortable keeping things quiet for a while. Not because heโs worried about the team finding outโhe trusts them. Trusts you. The concern is Strauss, and the Bureau, and keeping you in the BAU while he figures out exactly how much trouble the two of you have just created for yourselves. At some point heโd even started muttering about reporting structures and supervisory chains, half-thinking out loud while pulling on his tie. Something about possibly moving your reporting line over to Rossi. Something else about needing to review the Bureauโs fraternisation policies before making any moves.
That was when you kissed himโeffectively, and very quickly, kicking off round three.
Because heโd clearly been thinking about this for a while, which means Aaron Hotchner has been noticing a lot more than just short skirts and inappropriately coloured underwear. It means that the second he decided to kiss you in your apartment last night, heโd already known exactly what he was getting himself into.
โAlright, gorgeous,โ Morgan says, startling you as he raps a knuckle against your desk. โTheyโll be ready for you downstairs in ten.โ
You glance up at him, brows drawnโand it takes an embarrassingly long second for you to figure out what heโs talking about.
โOh.โ You blink. โRight. Yeah, Iโll head down soon. Thanks.โ
Prentiss looks over from her desk. โYou gonna be okay?โ
You lift a shoulder. โSure. Whatโs another case report?โ
Morgan frowns, dropping into his chair. โItโs not exactly every day youโre the victim, baby girl.โ
โYeah, but nothing really happened.โ
Morgan and Prentiss both stare at you.
โBecause of the team,โ you add quickly. โYou guys caught him before he actually did anything. So... you know, nothing bad happened.โ You plaster on a smile that feels reasonably convincing. โThanks for that, by the way.โ
Prentiss narrows her eyes, but before she can say anything else, Reid appears.
โYouโre in a remarkably good mood for someone who was being actively cyberstalked twelve hours ago,โ he says, stirring his second coffee of the day.
You turn back to your screen, trying to ignore the heat creeping into your cheeks. โMaybe I just have a newfound appreciation for life.โ
Reid studies you for a moment, clearly unconvincedโbut he doesnโt push. He just moves slowly back toward his desk, setting his coffee down with unnecessary care while the rest of the team turn away, finally deciding to mind their own business.
You force your attention back to the report in front of you, determined to at least look productive for the next ten minutesโwhen a familiar voice cuts through your concentration.
โRossiโs taking Wallace with you next week,โ Hotch says, setting the file down on your desk.
You blink up at him. โI thought you were leading the interview.โ
โI was.โ
Something in his expression tightens briefly before he lowers his voice.
โWallace has a long history of using sex, intimidation, and emotional targeting to destabilise people during interviews,โ he says. โEspecially women.โ
You frown. โHotch, Iโโ
โAnd if he says something to you in that room,โ he continues evenly, โor looks at you the wrong way, I need to know the agent sitting beside you is still capable of thinking objectively.โ
Your stomach flips as his eyes meet yoursโsteady, intense, devastatingly honest.
โRight now,โ he says quietly, โIโm not sure thatโs me.โ
Then heโs gone. Moving through the bullpen back toward his office like he hasnโt just set your pulse racing and your head spinning. You watch after him for a moment before shaking your head, glancing back at your computer screen as if youโd been focused on it at all in the first place.
โโฆHuh.โ
You turn toward the sound and find Reid staring at you again. Not rudely. Just watching with the same focused curiosity heโd been wearing since your suspiciously cheerful comment about cyberstalking.
Summary: You have been Aaron Hotchner's nanny, taking care of Jack, for over a year when someone looking for revenge breaks into the house while Aaron is away on a case.
5.3 K nanny!reader
Warnings: break in, attack, stalking, blood, violence
-
Most days being Aaron Hotchnerโs nanny were simple. Get Jack to school, using the occasional cereal bribery. Make sure all of his homework was done and in his backpack. Keep the house from looking like Aaron wasnโt actually gone half the month for cases. Answer the occasional late night call while heโs away so he can hear about his sonโs day.ย
You had taken over the guest room, half of your apartment has made its way over at this point. Any time Aaron was pulled away on a case you would stay at the house. It helped Jack have as normal of a routine as possible. Aaron would deny it if anyone asked, but he liked seeing your things around the house.ย
Youโve been with them for just over a year now. It only took a few months for it to feel a lot less like work and dangerously close to home. The two Hotchner men had quickly taken over your world and you wouldnโt change a thing.ย
Jack liked you right away. Somewhere between the dramatic lightsaber battle and the joke about transformers and he was sold.ย
Aaron, on the other hand, had taken longer. He was always polite and respectful, but he was also rigid. He moved like he was always bracing for impact. He trusted carefully in measured doses, and time and time again you proved yourself.ย
โYouโre still awake.โ His voice comes through right after you hit answer.ย
You smile and bite back the yawn youโve been fighting.ย
โSo are you.โ You comment, โThatโs not good.โย
โNo, it isnโt.โย
โYouโre profiling a serial killer, and Iโm trying to profile whether Jack actually brushed his teeth or not.โย
He lets out an exhale that is as close to a laugh as you can get while heโs on a case. You know thereโs a small smile with it too.ย
โSomething like that.โย
โJack informed me when you get back he needs you to know dinosaurs would definitely beat sharks in a fight.โย
He hums, โSo he came to a conclusion?โ
โHe said sharks lose because they canโt climb stairs.โย
โSolid logic.โย
You snort out a laugh.ย
โThank you.โ He says softly after your laughter has slowed.ย
โFor what?โ You ask.ย
โFor this. For being there.โย
Your chest tightens in the way it always did when Aaron let the walls slip a little.ย
โYou donโt have to thank me, Aaron.โย
A pause.ย
โI know.โย
You hear a soft unmistakable click of the back door in the kitchen. You straighten instantly, sucking in a breath of air. Aaron notices the change immediately.ย
โWhat is it?โย
You slowly stand from the couch and take quiet steps back towards the stairs.ย
โI-I think someoneโs in the house.โ You whisper.ย
Silence.ย
Aaron breaks it with no trace of softness left.ย
โY/n, get to Jack and lock yourselves in his room. Right now.โย
You grip the phone tighter in your hand, your heart racing. Your instincts are screaming at you, but part of you wonders if you really heard it. Did your mind make it up? The house has been silent ever since.ย
โI-โ You hesitate.ย
โNo,โ His voice turning sharp before you can hear him shout to someone close by, โGarcia get the police to my house immediately. Someoneโs in the house and Y/n and Jack are there.โ
Your eyes are laser focused on the kitchen, taking a half step back toward the stairs. Then a shadow moves and your stomach drops.ย
โAaron-โย
A man lunges forward and you race for the stairs. You make it up the first three before his hand catches your shoulder. It sends the phone clattering against the hardwood floor.ย
Aaron is hundreds of miles away, forced to listen. The sound of the phone hitting the floor echoes like a gunshot.ย
โY/n!โ Aaron shouts your name, pacing the conference room of the Tennessee police department. Against his true desires, he puts it on speaker so the rest of the team can hear this and understand whatโs going on.ย
His voice tears through the line, but itโs useless and frantic. He could hear everything. Furniture scraping violently against the hardwood. Your cries and sharp gasps. The sickening sound of someone being thrown down on the stairs. Aaronโs entire body went cold.ย
โGarcia, how far away is the unit?โ Aaron asks, clutching the table in front of him. The sounds just continue to go on.ย
โIโm on it, Iโm on it!โ She stutters, clearly distracted by the other phone on the line, โThe closest patrol is three minutes away.โย
Might as well be three hours away.ย
Aaron could still hear you fighting.ย
โGet the hell off of me!โ You shout, the unsub snarls something the phone doesnโt quite pick up.ย
Then suddenly footsteps running upstairs.ย
โNo!โ You shout.ย
Because Jack is upstairs. You knew it and he knew it too. Everyone can hear the pure desperation in the way you shout. Thereโs more crashing, following by the awful sound of bodies colliding. You manage to throw yourself at him, taking both of you down to the bottom of the stairs.ย
Aaronโs grip on the table grows so tight his knuckles start to burn. He could hear the sharp cry when the unsub yanked you back down to the floor hard enough to make JJ physically flinch. But youโre fighting like hell, kicking and scratching, anything purely for survival at this point.ย
A small voice from far away calls out.ย
โY/n?โย
Everything stopped.ย
You look up to the top of the stairs and see Jack standing there in his pajamas. He has one hand on the bannister, but his eyes widen with fear when he sees the reality of whatโs going on.ย
โJack!โ You cry, โHide! Run!โ
Your voice is clear and cuts through the chaos like a whip.ย
โNow!โย
Aaron could hear the shift. The moment you started to fight harder, you could feel it too. The fear was gone, now youโre running off of protective fury. A sharp kick connects hard enough for the unsub to curse loudly and roll over onto his side on the floor.ย
You pull yourself toward the stairs, managing to stand after using the railing for leverage. The unsub groans, slowly rising from the floor. You try to move faster, but he drags you back down again. You scream again but never stop fighting.ย
Sudden sirens take over the neighborhood. Loud and close, the bright red and blue lights shining in the living room windows. The unsub freezes. He shoves you back again, hard, before taking off for the kitchen and you hear the back door again.
You crawl up the stairs to where Jack is hiding somewhere.ย
โJack?โ You call, โItโs okay! Heโs gone, the police are here.โย
Your voice is shaking now, pain starting to catch up to the adrenaline. Small footsteps bound down the hall, you sit on the top step unable to move any closer. You hold your arms open for him and he collapses into you instantly.ย
โItโs okay, Iโm here.โ You sigh, running your hand over the back of his head, โWeโre okay.โย
You repeat it over and over until the police break down the front door.
โTheyโre safe, Hotch.โ Morgan places a cautious hand on his shoulder.ย
Aaron canโt answer. He canโt answer because youโre hundreds of miles away, helpless and terrified, and all he could do was listen. Again.ย
-
The jet was silent. It was heavy in a way that only happened when something was personal. This was a direct attack in Aaronโs home against you and his son.ย
โGarcia said the officers think the unsub knew the house layout.โย
Hotch stares straight ahead.ย
โHe did.โ
He didnโt need the officer's report to know that.ย
โHe knew where the backdoor was and he moved like he had been there before. He went upstairs.โ
Toward Jack. No one said it, no one had to.ย
Rossi leans closer, โWeโll find him.โ
Hotch gives him one short nod, but his expression remains the same.ย
The unsub isnโt the only thing weighing on his mind, he canโt get over the guilt pulling at this throat. Heavy and sharp. He heard it all happen, he listened to you fight for his son while he was useless. And you had nearly been killed because of it.ย
The jet landed just after dawn and no one bothered with going home, they just went straight to the hospital. Garcia had already texted that she was in the waiting room and would stay until they got there.ย
She jumps up from her chair when she sees them walking together down the hall and walks straight up to Hotch.ย
โShe has a dislocated shoulder, bruised ribs, stitches along her hairline, and enough bruising to make everyone working this floor visibly wince when they leave her room.โ Penelope spits the words out quickly, Aaronโs face remaining the same.ย
They slow as they approach your room, through the open door they can all see you. Youโre asleep and carefully propped against white pillows. Bruises in ugly shades of purple and blue litter you, with one arm secured in a sling. The other arm is wrapped around Jack and resting on his back. Heโs tucked against your side, out cold.ย
Morgan swore quietly under his breath and JJ had to look away. Rossi, who has seen enough violence for ten lifetimes, stood there without speaking.
It was undeniable and written all over your body that you had but yourself between danger and Jack without hesitation and fought like hell. Aaron stood in the doorway like the air had been knocked out of him.ย
Rossi gives him one firm nod before stepping back, โWeโve got the rest. Go be here.โ
Aaron stepped into the room alone, shutting the door halfway. For a long moment he just stood there and watched the two of you taking steady breaths. He pulls a chair close to your bedside, sitting carefully like a sudden moment would have you both jump. Maybe it would.ย
He doesnโt know how much time passes where he just enjoys the consistent sound of your breathing. Long enough that he notices the second it changes and you shift a little. Your eyes open slowly, heavy with pain medication and exhaustion.ย
โAaron?โ Your voice comes out rough.ย
He nods first because it takes him a second to trust his own voice.ย
โHi.โย
A small smile curls on the edge of your mouth.ย
โYou look terrible.โ
A surprised laugh escapes him.ย
โIt's okay, I look terrible too. I think my face scared Jack earlier. But heโs used to having you around, so he managed.โ
You try to lighten the mood, anything to ease the deep frown and heaviness all over his face. Youโve seen him after some terrible cases, but youโve never seen him like this. He looks defeated.ย
Silence settles between the two of you. You glance down at Jack, sleeping soundly against your side.ย
โHe finally crashed a little bit ago. He refused to leave.โย
Aaron looks over his son, then back to you.ย
โHe stayed because he knew you were safe.โ
You swallow.
โIโm sorry.โ
His eyes widen with surprise, โFor what?โ
โFor not stopping it sooner, for scaring Jack-โ
โY/n.โ He interrupts, his voice cracking. That actually makes you stop. He leans forward with his elbows on his knees and his hands clasped tight like he had to physically hold himself together.ย
โYou have absolutely nothing to apologize for.โ He shakes his head, โYou protected my son.โย
The next words were lower and less steady.ย
โYou put yourself between him and a man you knew could kill you, and you're apologizing?โ
Tears flood your vision, but you still canโt pull your gaze from Aaronโs.ย
โI couldnโt let him get to Jack.โย
โI know.โย
His voice was softer now.ย
โI heard it. I heard it all.โ
He heard it all. You had forgotten he was on the phone when the stranger broke in, which is likely what saved you. He got police to you within minutes. Everything could have been so different if you hadnโt stayed up waiting for his call. But he had heard it all. The fight. The fear. Jack.ย
You lift your hand carefully from Jackโs back and reach out for Aaron to take. He looks at it for a second before using both of his hands to completely envelope yours. He stares at them for a minute while he gathers his thoughts.ย
โI was on the other end of that phone listening to someone hurt you, and I couldnโt do anything about it.โย
โAaronโ You start.ย
โIโve only felt that helpless once before, and I never wanted to feel like this again.โย
His hands tighten around yours.ย
โAaron.โ Your voice calm, pulling his focus back on you, โYou got the police to us in minutes, Jack is okay, and Iโm okay. You donโt get to carry blame or guilt over a man choosing to do something horrible.โย
He wants to look away, but he knows he wonโt get away with that. Jack shifts, mumbling something in his sleep and both of you instinctively look down at him. The room stays quiet like that for a few minutes before Aaron looks back again.ย
Thereโs something in his expression now that had been there for months but neither of them had dared to touch. It was also part of why you waited for your late night call. They had started as a way for him to say goodnight to his son, but had evolved to at least twenty minutes with you each night.ย
โI donโt know what I would do without you.โ He admits and your breath catches.ย
Aaron Hotchner does not say things he doesnโt mean.ย
โIโm not going anywhere.โย
-
By late afternoon, the hospital had reluctantly signed discharge papers. Aaron was given strict instructions to follow for three different pain medications and that you canโt lift anything heavier than a pillow. Hotch nodded along like he was taking an oath.ย
You borrowed extra sweats from Aaronโs emergency overnight bag, and were entirely unimpressed with the mandatory wheelchair escort all the way to the car. The car ride to the house was quiet, Jack hardly making a peep as they got closer to the house.ย
Aaron parks in the driveway and from here you can see the caution tape over the door. The wood is splintered where they kicked down the front door to get to you. You donโt make a move to get out of the car and neither does Jack. Aaron turns from the driverโs seat to face you.ย
โThe two of you wait in the car. Iโm gonna run in and get our stuff, weโre not staying here.โ
You blink, โWeโre not?โ
โItโs not safe to stay here until we know who weโre looking for. Weโre going to go in to Quantico.โ
โThe BAU?โ
โItโs secure. Garciaโs there and JJ is bringing enough snacks for Jack to qualify as a federal offence. Until we know who did this, Iโm not leaving either of you alone. Iโm sorry.โ
You frown, โDonโt apologize for that.โย
He looks back at Jack and he gives him a thumbs up. Aaron gets out quickly and races inside, it doesnโt take him long to pack go bags for all three of you.ย
โI get to see Uncle Reid!โ Jack says excitedly.ย
โAgent Reid.โ Hotch corrects.ย
โNo,โ Jack shakes his head, โUncle Reid.โย
Aaron sighs, โApparently Iโve lost control of professional boundaries.โย
You dare a smirk.ย
โLong ago.โ
For the first time since the attack you see the ghost of a real smile from him.ย
The team was waiting when you arrived, Garcia launching herself at you before remembering your injuries. She settles for a cautious hug that you hide a wince for.ย
โOh my god, look at your face!โย
โIโm okay.โ You laugh softly.ย
Rossi leans in next to press a careful kiss on your cheek, โHeโs gonna give you a really good raise after this.โ
You laugh and look back at Aaron. You missed it, but Rossi gives Aaron a look behind your back that says โyouโre in love with your nanny and everyone knows itโ. Aaron ignores him with practiced precision.ย
They set you up in the conference room with ice packs and coffee, Garcia is watching Jack in Aaronโs office. Everyone is sitting around the table, far from their typical victim interview but this was far from a typical case.ย
This was personal.ย
The hospital did pull DNA from under your fingernails, but whoever the unsub was, he wasn't in the system so it turned up nothing.
โStart from the beginning. Anything you remember matters, even if itโs small.โ Hotch manages to keep his voice steady, staring directly at you.ย
You nod slowly, setting down your coffee down on the table.ย
โThe back door first. The house was quiet, but I heard the click. He knew how to get in without making much noise.โย
Reid starts taking notes.ย
โHow tall was he?โ Morgan asks.
โAt least a head taller than me. Strong. He knew exactly where he was going, he didnโt hesitate.โย
You swallow.ย
โHe never looked around, he moved like he already knew the house.โย
The room fell to a still. Reidโs pen stopped moving and everyone looked up.ย
โHe was there for Jack.โ Aaron states.ย
You nod, agreeing with the theory.ย
โAnd for you.โ Rossi nods toward you.ย
You look at him, โWhat?โ
โPeople who target families like this arenโt improvising. Itโs personal. They want fear, and they want the message to last.โย
โHe couldโve killed me if he really wanted to.โ You shake your head, โHe kept trying for the stairs for Jack-โ
โHe probably wanted you to be scared.โ Morgan clears his throat, โHe was getting off on your fear.โย
The stuns you into silence.
Emily sets down her pen, โDid he say anything to you?โ
You frown again, โHe saidโฆโHe should know what it feels likeโ.โย
Aaronโs jaw tightens instantly because that isnโt random at all. That sounds like revenge, which confirms his biggest fear. Yet again his job is putting the people he cares most about in harm's way.ย
-
The team had scattered to run more leads, but you stayed in the conference room. You find yourself standing in front of the evidence board for the case. Crime scene shots, the staircase, the broken bannister. Your blood on the hardwood. The photographs from the hospital that are so clinical and detached you donโt even recognize yourself.ย
The woman in the picture looks like someone else.ย
โYou really shouldnโt do that.โย
You turn and see JJ in the doorway.ย
โI know.โ
She steps into the room and stands next to you, turning her attention to the same photographs. For a solid minute neither of you speak. Finally, you exhale.ย
โIt just feels like if I stop trying to remember something thatโll actually helpโฆ like heโs winning somehow.โย
JJ nods, โI get that.โย
โI hate that Iโm scared of his house. That his house is crime scene photos again.โย
You know that this isnโt the same house he had with Haley, but itโs still been his home with Jack for years now.ย
โY/n, you were attacked. Being scared doesnโt make you weak.โ JJ insists.ย
โIt feels like it does.โย
โNo,โ Her voice firm now, โwhat you did was beyond brave. You kept Jack safe and saved yourself.โย
You blink, โI was terrified.โย
โExactly.โ She finally smiles, โAnd you still did it. Bravery typically looks like that.โย
That hits you harder than you had expected. JJ softens even more when she realizes none of this has done anything to ease your concern.ย
โFor what itโs worth, Aaron is barely functioning.โ She smiles knowingly, โHeโs trying very hard to look like Unit Chief Aaron Hotchner, but the rest of us have eyes.โย
You let out a warm laugh.ย
โHe cares about you. A lot, honestly. I think heโs been trying not to for months.โย
Her words make you go completely still, eyes darting to his office on the other side of the room. JJ simply shrugs.ย
โWe all see the way he looks for you first when he walks in, and the way Jack talks about you. Hotch hasnโt been the same since you came into his life, and I mean that as a good thing.โย
โWhy are you telling me this?โ You look back at her finally.ย
โBecause I donโt like wasting time. Or seeing people I care about hurt without each other.โ She reaches out a hand carefully for your shoulder before leaving the room.ย
Maybe JJ is right. Maybe everyone already knew.ย
-
You softly knock on the doorframe before letting yourself into Aaronโs office. He looks up from his desk instantly. You're wearing a spare FBI hoodie, but you're still wearing his sweats that are too long. You look as cozy as you can while wearing an arm sling.ย
Jack peeks his eyes open, he had been faking sleep over on the couch for nearly a half an hour.ย
โThere you are!โ He sits up.ย
You smile at Hotch before making your way over to him. You sit on the edge of the couch and smooth a hand over his hair, gentle and automatic. Jack shifted so you had more room and he could tuck himself against your side. Within minutes, his breathing slowed. Sleep finally won.ย
โHe couldnโt sleep without you.โ Aaron says softly, unable to take his eyes off the two of you.ย
Eventually you look up, daring to meet his gaze. The bullpen is still a blur, but itโs warm and quiet here in the office. Safe.ย
โHeโs scared youโll leave again.โย
His eyes dart down to his son.ย
โI know.โย
โHe doesnโt blame you,โ You continue, โhe is so proud of what you do. He just knows something bad happened when you were gone.โย
โAgain.โ He answers, โSomething bad happened when I was gone, again. Iโm supposed to be the person who keeps him safe.โย
You frown, โYou are.โ
โI wasnโt there.โย
The guilt is still there. How could he not still feel guilty? Here you are trapped at the FBI for your safety, covered in bruises, and heโs sure you still canโt take a full breath with your ribs.
โYou got the police to us immediately and came home.โ You offer a teary smile, โHe knows you love him so much.โย
โSometimes that doesnโt feel like enough.โย
You shake your head.ย
โIt's enough.โ You disagree, โAnd you canโt blame yourself for something some lunatic decided to do.โย
He leans back in his chair, you can finally see the exhaustion that JJ was talking about. He looks tired in a way that sleep canโt even fix.ย
โI canโt get it out of my head.โ You shake your head, mostly saying it to yourself but Aaron is hanging on every word, โWho is capable of doing that to a family?โ
Aaronโs eyes flash with recognition.ย
โWhat?โ You question, seeing the idea that just hit him.ย
He steps out to the bullpen where the team is still there. You ease yourself carefully off the couch not to wake Jack and lean against the door frame. You watch him go down the steps toward the desks.ย
โGarcia, look into Karl Arnoldโs recent activity. I want to know everything that has gone on at his prison, any of his visitors, and all of his mail.โย
Morganโs head snaps up, โThe Fox?โ
โOn it, sir!โ She begins rapidly typing on her laptop and youโre just as puzzled as you were thirty seconds ago.ย
โWho is Karl Arnold?โ You ask, pulling all eyes on you. Everyone hesitates in their answer, save for the youngest member of the team.ย
โKarl Arnold killed entire families-โ
โReid.โ Emily warns, effectively cutting him off.ย
โHe fixated on me during the case.โ Aaron explains, โPersonal resentment and control issues. He blamed law enforcement for his capture.โ
โYou think itโs connected?โ Rossi asks.ย
Aaron nods, โThe one and only time Iโve seen him since then he was passing along a message for Foyet.โย
Garcia starts typing even faster at this realization.ย
โOkay, digging into everyoneโs favorite horrifying family annihilator. Prison records, visitor logs, and communications, give meโฆ uh oh.โย
โWhat?โ Aaron stops in his tracks.ย
โKarl Arnold has had the same visitor for the past three months. Every Tuesday, his younger brother Daniel Arnold.โ
Morgan crosses his arms, and Garcia connects her laptop with the big screen. A large picture of a white man in his mid-forties pops up. Your grip in the doorframe tightens to steady yourself. The second you see the picture, all of the color drains from your face.ย
โThatโs him.โย
No one moved right away.ย
โHe wasnโt just sending a message, he was trying to continue the work.โ Morganโs voice is low and careful.
Youโre unable to pull your gaze from the screen. The same dark eyes from last night staring right back at you through the screen.ย
โIf heโs following Karlโs methodology, he was watching the house for weeks.โย
That makes you sick to your stomach, you slowly turn back into Aaronโs office and settle carefully back onto the couch with Jack. You donโt want to hear the rest.ย
The bullpen was still moving fast, Garcia discovered Daniel has a storage unit in the area and a rental car that has been reported missing for nearly five weeks.ย
โOkay, Mr. Creepy Brother also has a very concerning purchase history including lock picks and burner phones, because apparently subtlety is dead.โ Garciaโs typing doesnโt falter for a second.ย
Morgan checks his weapon, the rest of the team gearing up.ย
โGot an address, mama?โ Morgan looks at her.ย
โThereโs an apartment in Arlington.โ
โSplit up.โ Aaron instructs, โMorgan, JJ, and Reid go to the storage unit. Prentiss and Rossi go to the apartment. Bring Anderson too.โย
He looks over the team one more time.ย
โIโm not going.โย
โWhat?โ Garcia blinks.ย
Morgan looks up too, surprised. Rossi simply nods and pats his shoulder before walking toward the elevator. Rossi understood first, but the rest were not far behind. Family first.ย
"We've got this." Emily nods, following the rest of them out.
The bullpen felt quieter immediately with the team gone and Garcia returning to the lair. You flinch when Aaron opens his office door, not expecting anyone to be here.ย
โYouโre not going?โ You ask softly, glancing down at Jack once more before looking up at Aaron. He doesnโt move back toward his desk, he just takes slow heavy steps and lands in the chair right next to the couch.ย
โNo.โ he sighs, โYou were right.โ
You frown, โAbout what?โ
He looks down at Jack before coming back to you.ย
โYou said heโs scared Iโll leave again.โย
โAaronโฆโ
โI spend so much time trying to protect him by doing that job that sometimes I forget he also needs me to stay.โย
The honesty makes your chest ache.ย
โI need to be here when he wakes up.โย
A beat passes while he studies you. You hate that. The advantage he has to every conversation and moment. Youโve gotten good at reading him over the past year, but it was nowhere near his capabilities.ย
โYou donโt need to be out there with your team?โ You question carefully.ย
โEverything I need is right there.โ He reaches out to take your hand in his. Itโs warm.ย
โReally?โ You smile.ย
โMhm.โ He barely cracks a grin.ย
โYou know, for a profiler, youโre being surprisingly unclear.โย
That actually earned you a quiet laugh.ย
โProbably because Iโm very aware Iโm saying this to the woman who was attacked in my house while protecting my son twenty-four hours ago.โย
You squeeze his hand.ย
โYeah, probably not your smoothest timing.โย
โDefinitely not.โย
You look down at Jack again for a second, then back up.ย
โI care about him.โย
Aaron nods once.ย
โI know.โ
โAnd I care about you.โ
It was out there. No taking it back.ย
You bite back a nervous smile, โSee? Very brave of me. Your turn.โ
His thumb starts to stroke back and forth on the back of your hand. You can tell heโs being extremely careful, like it all truly mattered to him.ย
โI care about you too,โ He swallows, โMore than I should have let myself.โ
Your breath catches.ย
โBut I did anyway, and I donโt regret it.โย
โGood.โ You whisper.ย
โGood.โ He agrees.ย
You sit up, letting him pull you closer to him. His kiss is soft, still careful but it still feels like relief for both of you. Like coming home.ย
A mischievous giggle escapes from behind you on the couch. You both pull away and turn to Jack. He has one eye squinting shut, like he could still be asleep.ย
โHey!โ You tease, turning on him to tickle at his sides.ย
His giggles start instantly and Aaron is quick to jump up and join in. Jackโs laughs only get louder.ย
โOkay! Okay!โ Jack sits up, out of breath from his laughter. Aaron sits in the space it opens, all three of you squeezing together.
Youโre confident neither of you wanted him to know about this quite yet. Maybe a trial run before letting the eight year old know that they liked each other.ย
โI saw you kiss Y/n.โ Jack grins.ย
โI did.โ Aaron admits, eyes checking in on you for a second before focusing back on his son, โWhat do you think about that?โ
โWould you be home more?โ Jack turns to look at you.ย
You nod, โYeah, it would be more time with your dad and I both at home. At the same time.โย
He nods eagerly, causing both of you to chuckle. Aaronโs phone rings on his desk, causing all three of you to look at it. He gets up to answer it, pausing for a second before saying โHotchnerโ.ย
He looks up after a few seconds, his eyes narrowing on you. He replies with โokayโ several times before ending the call with a โGood work. Thanks, Morganโ and sets the phone back down. He turns to face the two of you.ย
โMorgan has Daniel in custody.โย
You let out a breath of relief and itโs visible in your shoulders. You close your eyes briefly, itโs finally over. Aaron comes back to the couch, pulling the two of you closer to him. Jack sits on his lap, and you lean against his side.ย
For the first time in days, the danger was gone and there was a new future ahead for each of you. It finally feels like everything really could be okay.ย
-
an// ok kind of cheesy ending but you guys why did i lowkey scare myself while writing this LMAO?! I shouldโve waited for my roommates to get homeโฆ it was 11pm when I was setting up the break in and it had me shaking in my own boots! But seriously I loved writing nanny!reader so I might have to do that again. Please let me know your thoughts!!
summary: you've spent years convincing the bau that your love life is chaotic, casual, and completely detachedโwhile quietly dying every time aaron hotchner looks at you. but when your dating profile attracts the wrong kind of attention and your unit chief is forced to look a little closer, it turns out there are very few things more dangerous than being profiled by the man you're hopelessly in love with.
notes: i've been a little conflicted about posting lately, but... it's my birthday, and i want aaron hotchnerโso here you go! i've been working on this for a while and had a very very smart friend help me with the "profiling" parts (especially reid) so i hope y'all enjoy! i also really wanted to actually write the smut, but this fic hit the block limit so hard and fast it actually hurt. as always, please please let me know what you think!
warnings: swearing / cursing, blushing, italics, reader wears a skirt (and heels), reader has a cat, implied age gap, best friend!reid, some pretentious ranting, horny thoughts, likely incorrect behavioural and psychoanalytical information, likely incorrect technical information (sorry garcia), canon-typical themes (homicide, etc. referred to off page), stalker / stalking behaviour, ambiguous use of "online dating" (because i tried to keep it vaguely around s6/s7 era), kind of rushed ending? and... fade to black / implied sex (iโm so sorry) 18+ only still, mdni.
word count: 19001
MONDAY 9:25AM
Working for the FBI means having secrets is difficult. Working with the BAU makes it downright impossible.
Not because your colleagues are nosyโno, theyโre justโฆ perceptive. Which means if you want to keep something to yourself, you need to know how to manipulate their perception. Even if it doesnโt work on all of themโyou glance at Reid, already seated at the round table with his nose buried in a bookโat least it works on most of them.
At least, it works on Aaron Hotchner.
Your boss. Your unit chief. The man who absolutely cannot find out about your big, fat, massively inconvenient, deeply inappropriate crush on him.
Reid glances up from his book as you drop into the seat beside him. โYouโre wearing a skirt.โ
You cross your legs and lean back. โExcellent observation, Reid.โ
โItโs impractical,โ he says simply. โEspecially with heels. Your centre of gravity shifts forward by almost fifteen degrees, which shortens your stride length and reduces balance recovery time. Youโre significantly more likely to trip while running.โ
You roll your eyes. โGood thing Iโm not planning on fleeing the scene of a crime today.โ
โIgnore boy genius, baby girl,โ Morgan says as he steps into the room, heading straight for the espresso machine. โYou look good.โ
You flash him a grin. โSee? Somebody appreciates me.โ
Reid hums as he glances back down at his book. โInteresting how your clothing choices become statistically less practical in direct correlation to Hotchโs proximity.โ
Your stomach flips. โSpence.โ
He lifts one shoulder. โWhat? Heโs not listening.โ
You glance back at Morgan, whose eyes are glued to his phone, brow furrowed just slightly as he waits for the whirring coffee machine to fill his cup.
โThatโs not the point, Spencer,โ you mutter, turning back to him. โYou need toโโ
The conference room door swings open again and Hotch walks inโfiles tucked under one arm, the rest of the team trailing behind him.
โMorning,โ he says, dropping the files on the table. โHope everyone had a good weekend.โ
Morgan snorts. โWhat weekend?โ
โYeah,โ Prentiss mutters, dropping into the seat beside Reid. โI was here until five on Saturday finishing geographical profiles.โ
โThatโs because you alphabetise your paperwork,โ you point out.
She gives you a look. โI enjoy being proficient.โ
โWell,โ you say lightly, leaning back in your chair โsome of us managed to finish our paperwork on Friday and still have a very enjoyable weekend.โ
Garcia gasps dramatically as she falls into the last empty chair, coffee in hand. โOoh, look at you. Was there a man involved?โ
You shrug one shoulder, biting back a smile. โIโm choosing to plead the fifth.โ
Morgan points across the table. โThat means yes.โ
โOr,โ Reid says without looking up from his book, โit means she enjoys making people speculate.โ
โAw, Spence,โ you tease. โDonโt sound so bitter.โ
He finally looks up from his book and fixes you with a look so flat it borders on threateningโbecause he knows what youโre doing. Itโs what you always do. Itโs how you manipulate their perception. How you keep your secret.
You perform.
You scroll through dating profiles, talk about men, brag about your weekends without ever being too specific. You flirt with almost everyone on the teamโReid more than the rest, because heโs your scapegoat... and your best friend.
Heโs the only one who can see through the charade. Not because heโs emotionally perceptive, but because he did the math. He noticed the pattern. He realised very quickly that every time Hotch walks into a room or says your name, you react in a way that can only mean one thing:
Hotch is the secret youโre trying so hard to hide.
Because if you give a team of profilers an easy explanationโharmless flirting with a messy dating life and a weakness for attentionโthey wonโt notice the way your entire body betrays you whenever your infuriatingly gorgeous boss gets too close.
Hotch clears his throat. โWell, lucky for all of you, itโs a quiet week.โ
Reid shuts his book and sets it on the table.
โNo active cases as of this morning,โ Hotch continues. โWhich means weโll be catching up on consults, court reports, and the mountain of paperwork everyoneโs apparently been neglecting.โ
His eyes meet yours for the briefest second, and your pulse skitters.
โIโm bored already,โ Morgan sighs, leaning back in his chair.
Hotch ignores him. โWeโve got two local consult requests from Fairfax County and a follow-up review from the Richardson case. Dave, Iโll need your notes finalised by this afternoon.โ
Rossi nods once. โYouโll have them.โ
โGarcia,โ Hotch continues, โthe Milwaukee office wants that digital forensic review by Wednesday.โ
Garcia gasps softly, pressing a hand to her chest. โBut I already colour-coded my entire week. That review wasnโt supposed to be due for another fortnight.โ
Morgan blinks. โYou colour-code your schedule?โ
โObviously,โ Garcia says. โHow else would I maintain my sparkling personality under crushing institutional pressure?โ
Reid straightens. โTechnically, organising information activates the same reward pathways asโโ
โDonโt,โ Prentiss says immediately.
Reid frowns slightly. โI was just going to say gambling.โ
You snort softly before you can stop yourself, covering it quickly with your hand. Reid shoots you a look. Prentiss just shakes her head. And when your eyes finally flick back to the front of the room, Hotch is already watching you.
Not the team. You.
Your stomach twists.
That signature Hotchner scowl should not be as hot as it is. It shouldnโt make you cross your legs a little tighter or make your heart race the way it does. You should be used to that scowl by now. Youโre on the receiving end of it often enoughโwhenever you crack a poorly timed joke or flirt a little too hard with Morgan.
Yet somehow, you still feel like you canโt breathe until his gaze finally shifts.
โMoving on,โ he says evenly, โJJ will forward the consult details after the meeting.โ
He spends the next thirty minutes briefing the team on consults and court appearances while you do your best to stay focusedโbut itโs hard. Itโs hard because every time you look at him, your gaze drops to his mouth and your mind fills with all sorts of filthy ideas. Then he starts moving his hands as he explains something and you canโt help but wonder what they might feel like wrapped around your waist, your thighs, your throat.
His voice is a low rumble at the back of your mind, warm and firm, but you have no idea what heโs actually saying. All you can do is think about how that voice might sound, wrecked and rough, telling you how pretty you look when youโ
โThe briefing ended three minutes ago,โ Reid says.
You blink hard. โWhat?โ
He closes his notebook with a sigh. โThe meetingโs over. You can stop internally monologuing now.โ
You frown. โIโm notโโ
He gives you a look.
โUgh,โ you groan. โYouโre so annoying.โ
You push up from your chair and walk out of the conference room without waiting for him, but youโre not surprised that heโs right behind you by the time you reach the bullpen. You drop down at your desk with another indignant huff, watching Reid do the same from the corner of your eye.
Everyone else is already settled at their desksโkeyboards clicking, pens scribblingโand thereโs a fresh stack of files next to your computer with a sticky note on top that reads: Fairfax files. Prioritize pages 12โ18. โ Hotch.
You want to laugh at the little sign-off, as if anyone else would have put these files on your desk. Your fingers trace over the note once before you peel it off and stick it to the bottom corner of your computer screen.
Reid snorts. โYou know most people throw those away, right?โ
You glance sideways at him. โI donโt want to forget the page numbers.โ
He hums. โSure.โ
โYou know,โ you say, turning your chair to properly face him, โyouโre being particularly judgemental today. Whatโs your problem?โ
He stares at you for a moment, then glances back at the sticky note still attached to your monitor.
โIโm experiencing prolonged second-hand embarrassment,โ he says plainly. โAnd repeated exposure tends to increase irritability.โ
You roll your eyes. โYeah, wellโyouโre increasing my irritability.โ
โExactly,โ he says, already turning back to his computer.
You glare at the side of his head for a long moment, searching for a comebackโbut your mind is completely blank. So with another irritated sigh, you turn back to your own screen, scoot your chair into the desk a little harder than necessary, and settle in for whatโs shaping up to be a very boring Monday.
The next two hours pass by in a blur of interview transcripts, witness statements, and crime scene photos. The Fairfax County PD files detail the death of a woman in her late thirties who accidentally overdosed in her Reston home early last week. No prior history of substance abuse, financial instability, or high-risk behaviourโuntil forty-eight hours before her death.
In just two days, she withdrew a large amount of money, missed work without explanation, visited several bars sheโd never been to before, and bought herself thousands of dollarsโ worth of expensive jewellery and lingerie.
To anyone else, it might look like some sort of breakdownโan impulsive spiral that led to the kind of recklessness you canโt come back from. But to you, the behaviour feels too... artificial. As if someone is trying to construct the narrative of a troubled womanโchecking all the right boxes to give investigators an easy explanation for a tragic overdose.
Only there isnโt enough concrete evidence to support your instinct. No stalker. No ex. No clear unsub who could have orchestrated this kind of ruse to cover what might actually be homicide.
You sigh. โReid.โ
โHm?โ
โTell me if Iโm overthinking this.โ
Reid pushes back from his desk and scoots across the narrow stretch of carpet between your workstations. He doesnโt stop until his chair bumps the side of your desk, causing your pen cup to topple over and spill across the files youโve got carefully laid out.
โOops,โ he says absently, pushing the pens aside.
You roll your eyes and start gathering them while he scans the files.
โThe behavioural shift feels manufactured,โ you say, dropping the pens back into their cup. โBut thereโs enough legitimate stressors here that I canโt tell if Iโm forcing a pattern because itโs too clean.โ
Reid examines the highlighted timeline for another few seconds.
โYouโre focusing too much on the existence of the stressors,โ he says. โStress explains escalation. It doesnโt explain inconsistency.โ
You frown slightly.
โShe suddenly becomes impulsive socially, financially, and sexually, but her organisational habits never change.โ He taps the timeline. โShe still pays bills early. Still meal preps. Still attends a dentist appointment two days before her death. Real behavioural deterioration isnโt usually selective.โ
Your brows lift. โSo, Iโm right?โ
Reid nods, leaning back in his chair. โYouโre right.โ
โWhatโs she right about?โ
You nearly jump at the sound of Hotchโs voiceโlow and even, a little rough around the edges in that way that always makes your stomach tighten.
โShe thinks the behavioural shift is staged,โ Reid says. โAnd I agree.โ
He scoots back slightly as Hotch leans in, one hand braced on the back of your chair while the other pulls the file closer so he can read it properly. His tie falls forward, brushing lightly against your thighโand suddenly, you canโt breathe.
Heโs close. Way too close. You can feel the heat of his breath on your skin. Smell the bitterness of coffee beneath his cologne. Hear the quiet creak of leather from his belt as he leans in further.
โItโs too compartmentalised,โ Reid says, his voice more distant than it was just a second ago. โReal behavioural spirals usually bleed into every aspect of a personโs routine. Sleep disruption, missed payments, changes in grooming habits, social withdrawalโsomething.โ
Hotch lifts his hand off the desk and presses his thumb to the tip of his tongueโthen flips the page.
Your pulse jumps so hard it almost hurts. Heat crawls up the back of your neck. Your whole body feels too hot, your clothes suddenly too tight, the bullpen too smallโbut you canโt move. Not with Hotchโs hand still on the back of your chair.
โBut this is curated,โ Reid goes on, tapping the timeline with the end of his pen. โThe impulsive behaviour escalates while the foundational routines stay completely intact, which suggests intentional narrative construction.โ
Hotch turns his head just slightly, dark eyes finding yours. โYou caught that?โ
You clear your throat. โI just... thought the escalation pattern felt off.โ
โHer behavioural analysis is spot on, actually,โ Reid says. โI canโt find a flaw in it.โ
Hotch hums quietly as his eyes move back over the file.
โGood girl,โ he says absently.
Your entire nervous system short-circuits.
โKeep it up,โ he adds, smoothing his tie as he straightens.
You donโt say anything as he turns and walks away. You couldnโt even if you wanted to.
Reid just sits there, hands folded in his lap as he watches Hotch disappear into his office before slowly turning back toward you.
โYou know,โ he says thoughtfully, โthe age-gap preference is actually more interesting than the authority fixation.โ
You finally blink. โWhat?โ
โBecause the authority thing makes perfect sense. High-pressure careers tend to reinforce attraction to competence, decisiveness, emotional restraintโespecially in workplace environments where leadership qualities become psychologically linked with safety and stability over long periods of exposure.โ
You frown. โWhat are youโโ
โBut the older man preference is statistically more complicated because you donโt actually display the attachment markers usually associated with paternal absence or instability.โ
Your eyes go wide. โSpencerโโ
โYou have a healthy relationship with your father, no documented authority issues, and relatively secure interpersonal attachment patterns, which suggests the preference is less psychologically compensatory and more rooted in behavioural reinforcement.โ
โReid.โ
โFor example,โ he goes on, ignoring you completely, โyou spent your formative professional years surrounded almost exclusively by older men in positions of intellectual and behavioural authority. Gideon, Rossi, Hotchโwhich likely created a reinforcement pattern where emotional competence became unconsciously associated with attraction, arousal, and sexual interest.โ
You freeze. โReid, I swear toโโ
โYou donโt react this strongly to older men generally,โ he continues. โYou react strongly to Hotch because heโs emotionally controlled, professionally authoritative, intellectually intimidating, andโโ
He pauses, tilting his head.
โVery obviously your type.โ
You glance frantically around the bullpen, scanning the desks for the rest of your team.
Morgan has his headphones on, completely focused on whatever report heโs typing. JJโs desk is empty, as usualโsheโs probably with Garcia. And Prentiss is only halfway back from the kitchen, still stirring her fresh cup of coffee.
Your gaze cuts back to Reid. โYou are so lucky no one heard that, Spencer.โ
He shrugs. โWouldnโt matter if they did.โ
Your brows pull together. โWhatโs that mean?โ
โYouโre good at redirecting attention,โ he says, slowly pushing his chair back toward his desk. โYouโre less good at hiding physiological responses.โ
Your hand flies up to your cheek, palm pressing flat against the burning skin.
โWhatever,โ you mutter. โItโs warm in here.โ
Reid glances around the bullpen. โItโs sixty-eight degrees.โ
โI hate you.โ
โNo you donโt.โ
You shoot him one last glare before turning back toward your computer, aggressively waking up the monitor with your mouse.
You stay chained to your desk for the next few hours, finishing up the victimology report for the Fairfax files before taking them to Rossi for final review. Then you head out with JJ to grab a late lunch from the deli down the street, and when you get back, thereโs a brand-new stack of files on your deskโonly this time, with a tall takeaway cup of coffee set on top.
โHotch got dragged into some last-minute Section Chief meeting across town,โ Morgan says, pushing his headphones down. โSaid he needs those cross-referenced before tomorrow morning.โ
โGreat,โ you mutter, dropping into your chair.
Morgan chuckles softly as he pulls his headphones back up, turning back to his own pile of reports.
You grab the coffee from the top of the files and find a sticky note stuck beneath itโwritten quickly but still in his unmistakable handwriting: I owe you one. โ Hotch.
Your stomach flips.
God. Thatโs pathetic.
You peel the note off and drop it into the top drawer of your desk, not wanting another psychoanalytic lecture from Reid if he were to spot that note stuck to your monitor.
The rest of the day passes the way every other caseless Monday afternoon does. JJโs the first to head outโnot long after fiveโtaking advantage of the slow week to spend a little extra time with Henry. Rossi leaves about an hour later, announcing to the bullpen that heโs got a date with a bottle of wine and reruns of his favourite medical drama. Morgan manages to clear the files on his desk before seven, finally putting his headphones away before bidding the rest of the team farewell.
Prentiss and Reid linger until nearly nine, and only when the motion sensor lights blink out does Prentiss finally glance up, realising how late it is. She gathers her things and nudges Reid, whoโs been firmly stuck in hyperfocus mode despite the rest of the world quietly slowing down around him.
โYou coming?โ he asks, adjusting the strap of his satchel.
You look up slowly, your brain buffering as it untangles itself from the files spread across your desk.
โNot yet,โ you reply, blinking tiredly. โHotch needs these by morning.โ
Reid tilts his head. โWant me to wait?โ
You wave a hand. โNah, go ahead. Iโll get security to walk me to my car.โ
โAlright,โ he says, already turning away. โJust remember that positive reinforcement loses effectiveness when the subject becomes emotionally dependent on it.โ
You glare at his back. โIโm reporting you to HR.โ
โYouโd have to explain the context,โ he calls over his shoulder.
You roll your eyes as you turn back to the last file on your desk, taking a deep breath and flipping it open.
With the bullpen almost completely silent and the promise of sleep so close you can taste it, you manage to get through it in record time. You even give it a quick second pass to make sure you didnโt miss anything glaringly obvious in your tired stateโbut youโre used to working through sleep deprivation, and by ten p.m., you finally start packing up.
You organise the files back into a neat pile, then open the top drawer of your desk for Hotchโs note. You stick it to the top file and grab a pen, scribbling just below the words he wrote: Dangerous thing to promise me.
And, just as he did, you sign off with your name.
Then you gather the whole stack in your arms and cross the bullpen toward his office. Unlocked, as usual. You nudge the door open with your foot, warm lamplight casting an orange glow over the quiet space. It smells faintly like coffee and his cologneโenough to make your heart start racing the second you step inside.
You set the files neatly on his desk, trying not to linger on the quiet traces of him scattered throughout the room.
Thereโs still half a mug of cold coffee abandoned beside some paperwork, and the cashmere sweater heโd been wearing beneath his jacket this morning is draped haphazardly over the back of his chair. Quiet evidence of just how suddenly heโd been called away.
It makes you feel a little better knowing you really have helped him out.
You adjust the files until theyโre perfectly straight, then take the sweater from the back of his chair and fold it neatly before setting it on the chest of drawers beside his desk. You hesitate for just a second before grabbing the mug of cold coffee and heading out of his office, straight for the break room. You empty it, wash it, dry it, then return to his office, placing it back on his desk exactly where you found it. Then you switch the lamp off on your way out, pulling the door most of the way shut behind youโthe way itโd been before you stepped inside.
It doesnโt take long for you to gather your things, head down to security, and badge out. One of the guards escorts you to the parking garage, waiting until youโre safely inside your car with the engine running before he takes the elevator back up.
Once home, you quickly feed the yowling Leiaโyour cat, whoโs very unimpressed by your late arrivalโtake a quick shower, change into your comfiest, threadbare sleep shirt, then crawl into bed with your laptop balanced on your knees. You know you should just try to get some sleep, but youโve been ignoring a few personal messages and emails for a couple days now, and you know that if you donโt get to them soon, youโll start to feel guilty.
You open your emails, reply to a couple, then pull up a new browser tab and type in the login address for the dating site Garcia set you up for. Not that you couldnโt have set up your own profile if youโd really wanted to.
Noโthis profile is just the unintentional byproduct of your ongoing attempt to redirect attention.
One slow Thursday evening in the bullpen, while youโd been loudly complaining about how impossible it was to meet men with a job like yours, Morgan had the brilliant idea of making you a dating profile. Garcia immediately lit up at the idea, pulling the site up on her computer while Reid launched into a rambling statistical analysis about the probability of finding genuine compatibility online.
Hotch hadnโt contributed to the conversation, but youโd known he was listening.
That had been the whole point. You always perform a little harder when Hotch can hear.
The site finally loads and you type in your credentials, waiting a few seconds for your profile to pop up.
Twelve notifications.
You click on the โmessagesโ tab and start scrolling. There are a few old conversations that fizzled out and youโve long since decided not to reply to. There are a couple of messages from people you never intend on starting a conversation with. Then there are two new messagesโones youโd seen pop up on your phone but couldnโt be bothered to engage with over the weekend.
After all, youโre not actually looking to date anyone.
But one of the messages catches your eye.
DCRunner00: You seem like the kind of person whoโs either very funny or very mean. Iโm willing to risk it.
You snort, then type out a reply.
You: Unfortunately for you, those traits arenโt mutually exclusive.
Just as you hit enter, Leia leaps up onto the bed.
โHey, sassy girl,โ you coo, moving your laptop to reach for her.
Your fingers graze her soft coat, and she gives you an incredibly disapproving look.
You roll your eyes. โAlright. Sorry for loving you.โ
You settle back against the pillows as she makes her way to the other side of the bed, curling up as far as she can possibly get from you.
Ping! Ping! Two more messages pop up.
DCRunner00: Thatโs probably the best possible answer you couldโve given.
DCRunner00: So whatโs your worst personality trait? I feel like thatโs more interesting than hobbies.
That answer comes a little too easily.
You: Workaholic. You?
DCRunner00: I get bored easily.
DCRunner00: Which usually means I either start running or annoying people for entertainment.
You: Sounds like a public safety issue.
DCRunner00: Depends who you ask.
DCRunner00: You should probably get some sleep, Workaholic. Itโs late.
You glance over at Leia as she rolls onto her side, stretching her front legs, and only then do you realise you were actually smiling at your screen.
You shake your head, typing quickly.
You: Yeah, I should.
You: Night, Running Man.
Then you shut your laptop before he can send another message.
TUESDAY 9:50AM
โMorgan, youโre with me at district court this afternoon,โ Hotch says, closing the file in front of him. โThe defence attorneyโs pushing back on the Richardson testimony, so weโll need to review our timeline before the hearing.โ
Heโs wearing a grey suit today.
You can never think straight when heโs wearing a grey suit.
Morgan sighs dramatically. โNothing says excitement like four hours in a courthouse basement.โ
Hotch ignores him completely.
โJJ, I want the media requests filtered through Straussโs office before lunch. Reid, finish the geographic overlays from the Fairfax case and send them to Rossi when youโre done.โ
He glances once around the table.
โIf anything urgent comes in, youโll be notified. Otherwise, continue using this downtime to catch up on reports.โ
Then he gathers the files into a neat stack and stands, turning toward the door.
The rest of the room starts moving slowly. Morgan mutters something to JJ about the court hearing, Prentiss turns to Reid, asking something about a case you donโt quite catch, and Garcia is already explaining something on her laptop to Rossi, whoโs watching the screen with quiet concentration.
Which leaves you to shamelessly stare at your bossโ ass as he walks out of the room.
โYou should probably blink.โ
Your head snaps toward Reid, frown already forming. โIโll blink when I want to blink.โ
He presses his lips together to keep from laughing, and you know heโs fighting the urge to launch into some deeply unwanted psychoanalysis of your behaviourโbut thankfully, the rest of the team is still too close for him to risk it.
Eventually, everyone starts filing out of the conference room and back into the bullpen. You end up being the last to leave, behind Reid and Garcia who are chatting animatedly about some new phone app theyโre both obsessed with.
Youโre just about to pass Hotchโs office door whenโyou hear your name.
You turn your head, and he gestures for you to come in.
Reid glances briefly over his shoulder, an irritatingly knowing look on his face as you turn and step into Hotchโs office.
You clear your throat, stopping a few feet from the desk. โSir?โ
โHow late were you here last night?โ he asks.
You lift a shoulder. โAbout ten.โ
His jaw shifts as he leans back in his chair. โThatโs late.โ
โMorgan said you needed them done by the morning.โ
โI didnโt mean first thing,โ he says, smoothing the end of his tie. โYou couldโve finished the rest before lunch.โ
You blink. โOh.โ
His gaze holds yours for a second too long.
โYou donโt need to stay late to impress me.โ
Your eyes widen slightly before you force out a small, awkward laugh. โOhโuhโgood to know.โ
He glances briefly at the navy-blue cashmere sweater still folded neatly on the chest of drawers.
โStill,โ he says, lower this time. โI appreciated it. The files, andโฆ everything else.โ
Your breath catches softly in your throat.
โAnytime, sir,โ you manage.
He nods once, then drops his gaze back to the paperwork on his desk.
You donโt need any more of a dismissal than that, so you turn quickly and step out, pulling the door shut behind you. He prefers it closed, even if he wonโt admit it because he doesnโt want the team to think heโs shutting them out. Heโs just more comfortable in privateโit helps him focus.
By the time you get back to your desk, everyone else is already settled and working quietly. Not even Reid glances up or offers a teasing remark.
You drop into your chair and wriggle your mouse, grabbing your phone while you wait for the screen to wake up.
Two new messages from DCRunner00.
DCRunner00: Running Man?
DCRunner00: Great book. Slightly concerning nickname, though.
You canโt help yourself, so you type out a quick reply.
You: Better than โWorkaholicโ.
You: You read Stephen King?
โHey, you busy?โ
You glance over at Reid. โArenโt we all?โ
He tilts his head. โYouโre on your phone.โ
โI could be working.โ
โAre you?โ
โNo.โ
โGood,โ he says, shuffling the files on his desk. โHotch wants us to prep the full geographic and timeline package for the Fairfax files in case it turns into an active investigation.โ
You sigh, already pushing back from your desk. โAnd by โusโ you mean...?โ
โI could use your help.โ
โFine,โ you mutter, setting your phone down.
He scoots over as you roll your chair toward his desk, settling in beside him. The files are all laid out, including your victimology report with Rossiโs few annotations. There are crime scene reports, autopsy summaries, witness statements, geographic overlays, and mapsโeverything needed to justify escalating the case into a full BAU investigation.
โWhere do you want to start?โ
โIโm trying to rebuild the geographic timeline digitally,โ he says, โbut half the field reports were logged out of sequence and now the movement patterns donโt align.โ
You nod. โOkay, walk me through where it stops making sense.โ
Three hours later, you feel like your eyeballs are bleeding. Youโve read the same witness statement at least twenty times now, but with every pass it only makes less sense. How could Annabelle Hutton possibly be placed in two different counties less than forty minutes apart?
โItโs physically impossible,โ you mutter, rubbing your eyes.
โWell, depending on traffic conditions, inaccurate timestamp reporting, and the reliability of eyewitness memory retention, there are at least four scenarios where the timeline could still technically work.โ
You sigh, leaning back in your chair and staring up at the ceiling. โIf you know so much, then why canโt you figure this out?โ
He still doesnโt turn away from his screen. โI will. Eventually.โ
You groan softly, dragging both hands down your face just as a familiar voice cuts through the quiet bullpen.
โNo, listen to me carefully.โ
Both you and Reid glance up automatically.
Hotch is walking slowly past the desks with his phone pressed to his ear, expression calm but impossibly stern in a way that immediately makes heat crawl beneath your skin.
โYou donโt need to explain the problem again,โ he says evenly. โYou need to tell me how youโre fixing it.โ
He pauses briefly beside Reidโs desk, listening.
โThen prioritise the transfer first,โ he says. โIf the paperwork isnโt filed before opposing counsel reviews discovery, the timeline becomes vulnerable and the entire testimony gets picked apart.โ
He rests a hand on the partition between the desks, gaze fixed somewhere distant as he listens to the person on the other end.
โNo,โ he says after a moment, voice lower now. โIโm not asking you to stay late. Iโm telling you this needs to be finished tonight.โ
Your stomach flips.
This absolutely should not be as hot as it is.
โGood,โ he says calmly into the phone, straightening again. โCall me when itโs done.โ
Then he keeps walking, cutting through the bullpen before turning sharply toward his office.
You stare after him, the thought slipping out before you can stop it. โDo you think he talks you through it?โ
โProbably,โ Reid says, turning back to his screen. โHigh-control personalities usually prefer maintaining verbal direction in intimate situations because it reinforces predictability and compliance dynamics.โ
You go still. You hadnโt actually expected an answer.
โSomeone like Hotch would probably place a pretty high psychological value on responsiveness,โ Reid continues. โThe immediate compliance aspect reinforces authority, which means verbal direction would likely become part of the overall intimacy dynamic rather than just communication.โ
Your face heats.
โEspecially because heโs not impulsive enough to rely on unpredictability. Heโd want constant awareness of how the other person is responding emotionally and physically, so talking them through things would help maintain control of the situation while also reinforcing trust.โ
Oh my God.
โAnd honestly,โ Reid goes on, โpeople with highly structured leadership personalities usually develop pretty strong positive associations with obedience because it confirms stability, attentiveness, emotional investmentโโ He pauses briefly. โWhich means heโd probably find it disproportionately attractive when someone follows instructions immediately or responds well to praise because it validates both the authority dynamic and the emotional trust beneath it, so statistically speaking heโdโโ
He stops.
Then slowly turns toward you.
โ...I crossed a social boundary somewhere in there, didnโt I?โ
You nod slowly, your voice coming out unnaturally high. โJust a couple.โ
He sighs, dropping his chin slightly as he turns back to his screen.
You huff out a breathless laugh and lean back in your chair again. You need a minute to recover from that, because now youโre hot all over and the only thing you can think about is your boss hovering over you, praising you in that low, steady voice while his hand settles around your throatโ
Fortunately, it doesnโt take Reid long to start rambling about geographic overlays again. You do your best to focus on what heโs saying, but after another hour of scrutinising the timeline inconsistencies, you decide you need an actual break.
You grab your phone and your jacket and head out of the office, sending a quick text to the team chat asking if anyone else would like a coffee from the cafe down the road. Itโs a thousand times better than break room coffee.
When you step out of the elevator on the ground floor, you bring up your messages with DCRunner00. Youโre not sure why, because normally you only check your profile when you feel like you need to keep up the act, but something about this guy keeps making you want to reply.
DCRunner00: Iโve read a few.
DCRunner00: What does a workaholic do for fun?
You type your reply as you step out of the building.
You: Work, mostly.
You: And sleep.
By the time you return to the office with a tray of four coffees, you have two new messagesโbut you canโt reply to them until you set the tray down at your desk.
โThanks, pretty girl,โ Morgan says as he takes one, flashing you a grin.
You smile back. โAnything for you, gorgeous.โ
Then you pull your phone out of your pocket and bring up the message thread.
DCRunner00: Whatโs your schedule even like?
DCRunner00: You strike me as an โanswers emails at midnightโ type of person.
You: Nah. Thatโs my boss.
You: My schedule is chaos, though.
โThanks,โ Reid says as he takes his coffee, leaving only two.
You set your phone down and take the last two coffees out of the tray, leaving one at your desk before taking the other to Hotchโs office. You can see through the window that heโs not on the phoneโfor onceโso you knock twice on the slightly ajar door before stepping inside.
He glances up, his brows pulling together slightly. โI didnโt ask for coffee.โ
โI know,โ you say quickly. โBut itโs almost three, and you always need another coffee around three, and I figured you probably didnโt answer the team message because you still feel bad about me staying so late last night, which you shouldnโt, by the way.โ
He straightens, brows drawing tighter.
โAnd I know youโve got court with Morgan this afternoon, and youโre going to try to leave early, but someoneโs definitely going to call at the last second and derail that plan, so youโll only have enough time to get to the courthouseโnot enough time to stop for coffee.โ
You set the cup down in front of him.
โSo,โ you tilt your head, โcoffee.โ
He leans back in his chair, studying you for a second.
โThatโs some pretty solid profiling, Agent.โ
Your face heats instantly.
โWell,โ you say, backing slowly toward the door, โmaybe now you owe me two.โ
The corner of his mouth lifts, just slightly, but itโs enough for the butterflies in your stomach to explode. You canโt help but grin as you turn away, slipping quickly out the door before your lungs forget how to work entirely.
You spend the rest of the day at Reidโs desk, finishing the case package for the Fairfax files and complaining about unreliable witnesses. Hotch and Morgan head off to court just after three, announcing to the rest of the team that they wonโt be back. JJ is the first to head home again around five, followed by Prentiss, then Rossiโthen you and Reid finally decide to call it a day just after six.
Which is also when you finally check your messages again.
DCRunner00: Chaos how?
You type a quick reply while you wait for your carโs AC to warm up.
You: Long hours.
You: Weird hours.
You: And a deeply unhealthy relationship with caffeine.
Then you tuck your phone away and head out of the parking garage.
Leia is already yowling by the time you step through your apartment door. Sheโs always hungry, even though she has an automatic feeder for dry foodโbut apparently that isnโt good enough. She prefers the wet stuff.
You quickly peel open a packet of fishy-smelling chicken jelly sludge and drop it into her bowl before washing your hands and moving into your bedroom. You flip the ensuite light on and start the shower, pulling your phone out of your pocket while you wait for the water to warm.
DCRunner00: Ah. So youโre one of those people.
You: Rude.
He replies almost immediately.
DCRunner00: Accurate, though?
You: Unfortunately.
You drop your phone on the bed and start undressing.
Ping!
DCRunner00: What do you actually do?
You hesitate. Itโs not like you can just say youโre in the FBI. Contrary to what some people might think, real FBI agents canโt just go around bragging about their highly classified work status. Itโs dangerous.
You: Mostly admin.
You: Governmental stuff.
You toss your phone back onto the bed and turn into the steamy ensuite. You shower quickly, dry off, run product through your damp hair, then pull on a shirt and a pair of sweatpants before heading back out into the kitchen.
Youโre not in the mood to cook tonight, so you grab a protein bar out of the cupboard and start boiling the kettle while you check your phone for what feels like the hundredth time.
DCRunner00: Sounds boring.
DCRunner00: Do you get days off, though?
You drop a teabag into your mug before typing out a reply.
You: Sort of.
You: But if my boss calls, I answer.
He replies instantly again.
DCRunner00: Iโm starting to think you secretly enjoy being overworked.
You: I think Iโd get bored otherwise.
You pour the boiling water into your mug and watch his next reply pop up.
DCRunner00: That sounds suspiciously unhealthy.
You: Probably.
What about you? What do you do?
You tuck your phone into your pocket, then grab your tea and protein bar and head to the couch. Thereโs nothing youโre really interested in watchingโsince you donโt usually have the time to keep up with any showsโso you turn on the nightly news before grabbing your laptop and pulling up a new browser.
Heโs already replied by the time you log in.
DCRunner00: Run.
DCRunner00: Read.
DCRunner00: Annoy people professionally.
You: That sounds made up.
You open your protein bar.
DCRunner00: It mostly is.
DCRunner00: So your boss actually calls you outside work hours?
You hesitate at the sudden redirection. Most men on dating apps prefer talking about themselves. Their jobs, hobbies, gym routines, childhood dogsโwhatever makes them seem interestingโbut this guy seems far more interested in observing than being observed.
You type out a vague response.
You: Sometimes.
You: Occupational hazard, I guess.
DCRunner00: And you always answer?
You: Pretty much.
You: Heโd only call if it mattered.
His next reply takes almost two minutes to come through.
DCRunner00: Hm.
DCRunner00: Iโm starting to think your boss gets more attention than I do.
You almost choke on your tea.
Thatโs... weird.
Maybe you have mentioned your boss a little more than strictly necessary, but heโs the one asking all the questions about your job. Itโs a little hard not to mention your boss when your life practically revolves around himโin more ways than you care to admit.
You: Jealous already, Running Man?
DCRunner00: Should I be?
You sit up straighter, suddenly a little nauseous.
You: I think youโre spending too much time talking to strangers online.
DCRunner00: Maybe.
DCRunner00: You still replied, though.
โOkay,โ you say, startling Leia who was half-asleep on the other end of the couch. โThatโs enough.โ
You: Iโm going to sleep.
You: Try not to spiral while Iโm gone.
His last message pops up just before you shut your laptop.
DCRunner00: No promises.
WEDNESDAY 8:10AM
โCome on,โ you mutter, mashing the elevator button for the doors to close.
Youโre a whole thirty minutes earlier than usual this morning. You didnโt even make a coffee in your travel mug before running out the door. You just woke up, brushed your teeth, checked your messagesโand decided you needed to talk to Garcia immediately.
โHeyโwoah.โ Reid steps out of your way as you rush into the bullpen. โYouโre early.โ
You drop your bag on your desk and quickly shrug off your jacket.
โIs Garcia in yet?โ
He frowns slightly. โI think so. Why?โ
You pull your laptop out of your bag.
โI justโI need her.โ
Youโre already walking away before he can press any further, moving back through the bullpen with your laptop hugged against your chest. Youโre just about to round the corner toward the elevators whenโ
โHeyโโ Hotch stops short just as you nearly run into him. โSlow down. You alright?โ
His hand is hovering near your waistโnot quite touching, but close enough for you to feel its warmth.
You blink up at him. โSorry. Yeah. Uhโtotally fine. Just going to see Garcia about... a case.โ
His brows pull together slightly.
โAlright, well, Garciaโs not going anywhere,โ he says evenly. โTake a breath.โ
You nod slowly, already stepping around him.
โRight,โ you mutter. โBreathing. Got it. Sorry, sir.โ
You can almost swear you see the corner of his mouth liftโbut then the elevator dings behind you, and you have to hurry to slip through the doors before they slide shut.
It feels like an eternity before they finally open again, but once they do you practically sprint down the hall to Garciaโs lair and burst through the door without warning.
She startles so hard she nearly drops her coffee. โSweet mother of encryption, knock first!โ
โSorry,โ you say, breathless. โI need you.โ
โWell, obviously,โ she mutters, checking her shirt for any spills. โIโm the backbone of this entire operation.โ
You drop down into the spare chair and open your laptop, setting it on her desk.
โYou cannot judge me for what Iโm about to show you.โ
She glances up, brows lifting. โOh. So this is serious?โ
You grimace. โI donโt know.โ
โOkay,โ she says slowly. โSlightly less reassuring than I was hoping for. Tell me whatโs happened.โ
You take a deep breath, then let it out in a rush.
โYou remember the dating profile you set up for me?โ
She nods.
โAlright, so, I wonโt lie, I havenโt really met anyone on there yet, but I check the messages occasionally. When Iโve got time, you know? And I donโt have a whole lot of ongoing conversations, but this one guy sent me something that was kind of funny, so I responded, and the conversation was pretty normal for the most part. I couldnโt reply all that quickly, but he didnโt seem to mind.โ
You shift awkwardly, scooting your chair closer to her desk.
โNothing really felt out of place untilโwell, he wouldnโt talk about himself much, which is strange because most people on dating apps are usually more interested in presenting themselves than gathering information. He kept asking questions about my job, actually. Not that my job is on my profile, but he was really curious about my schedule, orโI guessโlack of schedule.โ
You wince.
โSo now that I think about it, that was probably the second sign something might be off. Or maybe he just wanted to meet up, I donโt know.โ
You hesitate.
โBut then he sent me this message at like... two a.m.โ
She squints at the screen.
DCRunner00: Bet you answer your boss faster than you answer anyone else.
โMmm. Nope. Donโt love that,โ she says, shaking her head. โThat is not a normal amount of emotional investment for a stranger.โ
You sink back in your chair. โThatโs what I thought.โ
She starts scrolling back through the messages.
โHave you told Hotch?โ
โNope.โ
She glances at you from the corner of her eye. โYou answered way too fast for that to be a normal response.โ
โBecause the answer is no,โ you say firmly, leaning forward again.
โMm-hm.โ She keeps scrolling. โOkay, well... technically this could still be nothing. He could just be some lonely basement cryptid with Wi-Fi and poor social skills.โ
You groan, dragging both hands over your face.
โYou do mention Hotch kind of a lot.โ
Your head snaps up. โHeโs my boss.โ
Garcia gives you a long look.
โOkay,โ she says slowly. โSure.โ
โGarcia.โ
โIโm just saying, if a man talked about a woman this much online, weโd all be making faces.โ
You point at the screen. โFocus.โ
โRight. Yes. Creepy internet man. Sorry.โ
Her expression settles into something more focused as she turns back toward her array of monitors.
โOkay. Hereโs what weโre going to do. Donโt block him yet.โ
You sigh. โI donโt love that idea.โ
โNeither do I, babycakes, but if heโs routing through the website normally, I might be able to pull connection data if we keep him talking long enough.โ
You frown. โIn English?โ
She gives you another look. โTimestamps, login patterns, regional pings, possible VPN usage, device signatures if he slips upโbasic digital stalking fun.โ
โOh, of course,โ you say sarcastically. โNormal stuff.โ
โFor me, it is normal.โ She points toward the laptop. โNow reply to him. Something casual. I want to see if he responds immediately again.โ
Your fingers hover over the keys for a second before you type out your reply.
You: I thought I told you not to spiral.
He replies so fast that even Garcia flinches.
DCRunner00: Relax. It was a joke.
DCRunner00: Mostly.
She stares at the screen. โOkay, I officially donโt like him.โ
You lean back in your chair again, nausea twisting low in your gut. โI feel sick.โ
Garciaโs expression softens slightly. โMaybe you should tellโโ
โNo.โ
She sighs quietly. โOkay. Fine. Can you keep replying from your phone?โ
You nod.
โGood. Donโt overdo it, just enough to keep him engaged.โ Her fingers start flying across the keyboard. โIโll work my magic down here and call you if I find anything.โ
You push yourself out of the chair, clutching your phone a little tighter.
โYouโre the best, Pen.โ
โI know.โ She waves a hand without looking away from her screens. โNow go pretend to be emotionally stable upstairs.โ
By the time you get back to your desk, almost everyone is already in the conference room ready for the morning briefing. You drop your phone beside your keyboardโtoo anxious to have it with you during the meetingโthen quickly unpack your things and grab a notebook before making your way up.
Reid nods at you from his usual seat, gesturing to the empty one beside him.
โHey,โ you mutter as you drop down next to him.
His brows pull together. โEverything alright?โ
You nod. โYeah. Fine. Iโll explain later.โ
Hotch keeps the morning briefing quick. He goes over yesterdayโs court hearing, outlines the Fairfax briefing package in case it escalates into an active investigation, then gets JJ to run through the highest priority consultation requests.
You spend most of it toying with a loose thread on the cuff of your blouse. Youโre pretty sure itโs the first briefing in years where you havenโt spent at least part of it staring at Hotch instead of your notesโand when the room finally relaxes and everyone starts to filter out, Reid turns to you.
โOkay, now Iโm concerned,โ he says.
You glance at him. โWhy?โ
โYou didnโt look at Hotch once during that entire meeting.โ
You roll your eyes. โSpenceโโ
โSomething must be seriously wrong.โ
You let out a long exhale, glancing briefly around the almost empty room. Only Morgan and Rossi are left, halfway to the door, deep in discussion about something that happened at the court hearing yesterday afternoon.
โOkay,โ you say quietly, turning back to Reid. โIโm having some... trouble, I guess, with a guy.โ
His brows shoot up. โA guyโโ
โOnline,โ you add quickly.
He tilts his head. โIโm confused again.โ
You sigh. โRemember that dating profile Garcia set up for me?โ
โYou mean the profile you allowed Garcia to create as part of your increasingly unsustainable performative dating strategy?โ
You glare at him. โYes. That one.โ
โThen yes, I remember it very clearly.โ
โWell,โ you mutter, pinching the bridge of your nose, โI had this guy message me a couple days ago. It was normal at first but now itโs gotten... weird. So, Iโm getting Garcia to look into it.โ
His forehead creases. โHave you toldโโ
โNo.โ
โMaybe you shouldโโ
โI said no.โ
โAlright.โ He raises both hands in surrender. โOkay. Iโm dropping it. Itโs justโฆโ
You narrow your eyes at him.
โWell, statistically speaking, the majority of uncomfortable online interactions donโt escalate into actual stalking behaviour. Most people displaying premature emotional fixation online are socially isolated rather than violent.โ
You lift a brow, waiting for the punchline.
โHowever,โ he adds, โcyberstalking offenders also tend to develop parasocial attachments disproportionately quickly because the perceived emotional intimacy bypasses a lot of normal social barriers, which means escalation patterns can become highly personalised in a very short period of time.โ
You stare at him.
โIn cases where the fixation becomes grievance-oriented, the offender is usually highly organised rather than impulsive, so the behaviour tends to be significantly more deliberate and psychologically targeted.โ
He pauses, frowning faintly.
โThat was supposed to be reassuring.โ
โโฆThanks, Reid,โ you mutter, turning away from him slowly. โNow I feel so much better.โ
When you get back to your desk, you decide itโs time to reply again. You grab your phone and bring up the messages, taking a minute to think about what to typeโknowing Garcia will be seeing the conversation too.
You type out the only mildly casual response you can think of.
You: Youโre weird.
He replies just as fast as usual.
DCRunner00: You disappear a lot.
You: Workaholic, remember.
You: I told you my schedule was chaos.
Youโre about to turn your phone over on your desk when a different notification pops upโfrom Garcia.
Garcia: If this is your version of flirting, baby girl, I think I just figured out why youโre still single.
You snort softly, typing out a quick reply.
You: Trust me, thatโs not the reason.
Garcia: So there IS a reason?
You: Shh. Iโm working.
Garcia: Boo!
You huff another quiet laugh as you turn your phone over, nudging it toward the edge of your desk in the hopes that you might be able to focus on work rather than creepy internet man for at least a few hours.
It doesnโt work.
Barely half an hour later, you lift your phone to check for another notificationโbut thereโs nothing there. You pull up the message thread again and scroll up, checking the timestamps to see if heโs ever gone quiet on you beforeโbut he hasnโt. Not really. So you type another message.
You: You went quiet. Should I be concerned?
Itโs a calculated move. If heโs paying attention to response patternsโand at this point youโre pretty sure he isโthen following up first helps maintain the illusion that nothing has changed. No sudden distance. No obvious discomfort. No reason for him to think youโre pulling away.
If he is dangerous, the last thing you want is for him to feel rejected.
An hour later, Rossi drops a legal pad onto your desk, asking you to take another look at a witness timeline that doesnโt feel rightโwhich keeps you occupied for a good forty-five minutes. Then Morgan leans over the partition between your desks, asking if you can translate Reid into English. That takes up another hour of your day, and by the time you grab your first afternoon coffee, youโve got three notifications.
One is a missed call from Garcia. The other two are from creepy internet man.
DCRunner00: Depends. Are you worried about me?
DCRunner00: Blue looks good on you, by the way.
Your stomach drops. โOh my God.โ
You immediately call Garcia back.
She answers on half a ring. โAre you wearing blue?โ
โYou saw me this morning.โ
โI canโt remember,โ she says. โAre you?โ
You drag a hand through your hair. โYes.โ
โHoly shit,โ she whispers. โYouโve got to tellโโ
โNo.โ
โAre you insane?โ
โMaybe, butโโ You squeeze your eyes shut for a second. โOkay, justโhear me out. Blue is a statistically safe guess. Itโs a neutral professional colour with high frequency in workplace attire, especially in government buildings.โ
Garcia goes quiet for a second.
โAnd does this unsub know you work in a government building?โ
โDonโt call him that,โ you snap. โAndโwell, kind of. I didnโt tell him exactly, but I said... government adjacent.โ
โI swear to God,โ she mutters, โif I have to identify your body next week, Iโm going to kill you.โ
You press your free hand against your forehead.
โYou wonโt,โ you say firmly. โAlright? Weโre getting ahead of ourselves.โ
Garcia scoffs loudly.
โSeriously,โ you insist. โIt could still be nothing. A weird coincidence, maybe an awkward guy with boundary issues and too much free time. We deal with actual predators every day. I can handle a few creepy messages.โ
The line goes quiet againโthen she sighs.
โWhy are you so against telling Hotch?โ
โBecause I donโt want to bother him,โ you say quickly. โWeโve got a quiet week, he finally seems slightly less stressed, and I donโt want to cause a whole fuss over something that might turn out to be nothing.โ
She sighs again, louder this time. โFine. I wonโt go to Hotch.โ
Your shoulders sag. โThank you.โ
โOn one condition,โ she adds. โIโm sleeping over tonight.โ
You nearly choke. โWhat?โ
โNon-negotiable.โ
โPenelope, thatโs insane.โ
โNo,โ Garcia says firmly, โwhatโs insane is you trying to casually explain away potential stalking behaviour while actively refusing to inform your unit chief.โ
โHe is not stalking me,โ you protest, keeping your voice low.
โMm-hm.โ
โYouโre overreacting.โ
โAnd yet,โ Garcia says, โif you die, I become morally complicit because I knew about creepy internet man and failed to intervene.โ
You frown. โโฆMorally complicit?โ
โAccessory to murder-adjacent,โ she corrects. โAnd my guilty conscience requires eight hours of sleep minimum, so congratulations. Weโre having a slumber party.โ
You let out a long sigh. โOkay. Fine.โ
She hums, satisfied.
โI need to reply to him again.โ
โWell, donโt ask me,โ she mutters. โYouโre the one whoโs apparently fluent in creepy internet freak.โ
You laugh despite yourself. โThanks, Pen.โ
โMm-hm. And just so weโre clear, tonight we are watching wholesome romantic comedies and eating enough sugar to kill a Victorian child.โ
โI was actually thinking psychological thriller marathon.โ
โAbsolutely not.โ
You smile faintly, leaning back in your chair. โFine. Romantic comedies it is.โ
โGood,โ Garcia says firmly. โNow hang up before I change my mind and march upstairs to Hotchโs office myself.โ
You roll your eyes as you hang up, then open the message thread again. You donโt have to think too hard about what to type. You donโt want to escalate or accuse him, but you need him to stay engaged. You want him to explain himself to see how he reframes the behaviour.
You: Lucky guess.
The next few hours slip by in a strange blur of routine tasks and fragmented conversations.
At about three oโclock, Prentiss drops a file on your desk and asks if you can double-check a victim timeline while sheโs stuck on the phone with Chicago. Then Rossi calls you into his office to sanity-check a profile theory heโs working through out loudโwhich means fifteen minutes of listening to him argue with himself while you sit there trying not to focus on Hotchโs voice through the wall.
When you finally get back to your desk, Reid spends twenty minutes walking you through a probability model nobody asked for but everyone somehow ends up listening to anyway. He only stops when Hotch appears, carrying a stack of files from the Richardson case he wants Morgan to look over before he signs them offโand for the first time in God knows how long, you donโt stare shamelessly at his ass as he walks out of the bullpen.
By six p.m., JJ and Rossi are gone, Prentiss is helping Morgan with the Richardson files, and Reid is building a tiny tower out of paperclips while he reads over a file Rossi dropped on his desk before he left.
At exactly six-fifteen, your desk phone rings.
โHello?โ
โPack your things, baby girl. Your government-issued sleepover is about to begin.โ
You snort softly. โAlright. Iโll see you soon.โ
You hang up the phone and start clearing your desk, organising paperwork into piles and packing away stationery while you wait for your computer to shut down.
โSee who soon?โ Reid asks.
You glance at him. โGarcia.โ
He tilts his head.
โSheโs staying over tonight.โ
His brows lift. โBecause of your stalkโโ
โGirlโs night,โ you interrupt, eyes widening. โThatโs all.โ
His gaze narrows. โShould I be worried?โ
You scoff. โAbout me? Never.โ
You slide your arms into your jacket then finally pick up your phone, finding two new notifications from creepy internet man waiting for you.
โReally?โ Reid asks, turning his chair to face you. โBecause youโve spent most of the day staring at your phone like itโs a bomb, you spent most of Rossiโs profile discussion peeling the label off your water bottle instead of contributing, and you reorganised the same stack of paperwork three separate times.โ
You pause mid-motion.
โAlso,โ he continues, โyou usually correct Morgan when he misquotes case statistics and today you let him do it twice, which honestly might be the most concerningโโ
โOkay!โ you cut in quickly, slinging your bag over your shoulder. โGood talk. Love the observational skills. Bye.โ
He doesnโt say anything else as you walk away, murmuring goodbyes to Morgan and Prentiss as you pass, but you can still feel him watching you. Youโre just about to press the button for the elevator whenโ
โAgent.โ
You stop automatically, turning to find Hotch with a file tucked under one arm and that signature frown etched between his brows. Only this time it isnโt frustrated or disapprovingโitโs curious.
You force a small smile. โSir.โ
His eyes move over your face briefly. โYou alright?โ
You nod once. โOf course.โ
He takes a step forward, his voice dropping lower. โYou sure?โ
Your breath catches.
Heโs close now. Too close. You have to tilt your head back to meet his eyes. You can smell his cologne, feel his warmth, count the beauty marks dotted across his cheek.
โYouโve seemed distracted today,โ he says.
You swallow hard. โUhโno. No. Sorry, I justโI didnโt get much sleep last night.โ
His brows draw a little tighter, and he opens his mouth as if heโs about to say something elseโpress harder, maybeโbut then seems to think better of it.
โAlright,โ he murmurs. โGet some rest tonight.โ
Then he nods once and steps back, his jaw tightening for just a second before he turns away.
You donโt move immediately. You canโt. Your mind is reeling, your pulse is still hammering, and your breath is caught somewhere between your ribs while your lungs try to remember how to work.
โHello?โ Garcia calls from behind you. โI cannot hold these doors forever, babycakes.โ
You shake your head. โShit. Sorry.โ
You turn and hurry into the elevator, slipping in beside her just before the doors slide shut.
For a moment, neither of you says anything.
Thenโ
โSo, that thing you said earlier about there being a reason youโre still singleโฆโ
You shut your eyes. โPenelope.โ
โIโm just saying,โ she continues lightly, โunless I hallucinated whatever just happened in that hallway, Iโm starting to develop theories.โ
You ignore her, watching the numbers on the elevator slowly descend like counting down the days you have before the entire team figures out your secret. Because if this guy really is a creep, if you do have to tell Hotch, then itโs only a matter of time before the BAU are dissecting your dating life and realising what a ruse it really is.
And you know better than anyone that once these profilers start looking too closely at something, they rarely stop until theyโve pulled it apart completely.
The second you step through the door to your apartment, Garcia rushes past you to sweep the place. Leia startles almost immediately, running from the couch to your bedroom while Garcia complains about the fact that Leia is the only cat sheโs ever met that doesnโt like her.
โLeia hates everyone,โ you tell her, kicking your shoes off by the door. โEven me.โ
Garcia just rolls her eyes, continuing from room to room to check the window locks and balcony doors.
Once sheโs satisfied that everything is secure, she sets her laptop up on your kitchen counter and starts running a program that looks like hieroglyphics to you.
โHave you seen his latest messages?โ she asks.
You shake your head, setting your phone on the counter. โNo.โ
She opens your laptop and logs into the dating siteโbecause apparently she knows your password now.
DCRunner00: Maybe.
DCRunner00: Or maybe youโre just easier to read than you think.
You type out the first response you can think of, not wanting to seem like youโre overanalysing this.
You: Or maybe Iโm just not trying so hard to be mysterious.
Garcia then spends the next ten minutes trying to explain her process to you in terms that almost make sense. So far sheโs managed to narrow him down to a general region through login patterns and routing behaviour, but she still canโt lock onto a direct IP address. Not because she canโtโapparently that part would actually be pretty easyโbut because doing it properly would mean running requests through systems that leave a trail. And right now, this definitely isnโt an official investigation.
โThe second I start pulling the fun federal strings,โ Garcia says, typing furiously, โthereโs paperwork, access logs, oversight, and approximately twelve thousand ways for this to become a whole thing.โ
You lean against the counter. โWe donโt want that.โ
โNot yet.โ Her expression sharpens slightly. โAlso, if creepy internet man is more sophisticated than he seems, thereโs always a chance heโs monitoring for targeted tracing attempts. If he realises someoneโs looking too closely at him before we know who he is, he could disappear completely.โ
Your stomach twists. โOr escalate.โ
You spend the next couple of hours keeping creepy internet man engaged while Garcia rambles tech jargon that makes less sense the longer the night wears on. At some point, you order pizza, then you migrate to the couch, and eventually you both end up sitting through the credits of Two Weeks Notice while waiting for one last reply in the hopes that he might finally answer something about himself.
DCRunner00: Refreshing
DCRunner00: Most people hide too much.
You: Depends what theyโre trying to hide.
DCRunner00: What are you trying to hide?
You: Besides the fact that Iโm exhausted? Nothing.
DCRunner00: You seem distracted tonight.
You: Long day.
DCRunner00: I noticed.
You: How was yours?
You wait until almost midnight before finally deciding to call it a night.
Garcia checks all the windows and doors again while you brush your teeth and change into pyjamas. When you step back out of your bedroom to say goodnight, Garcia is trying her hardest to lure Leia onto the couch with her, but Leia is very stubbornly curled up beneath the TV unit.
โNight, Pen,โ you murmur, rubbing your eyes. โThanks again... for everything.โ
โNight, gorgeous,โ she calls, peering over the back of the couch. โWake me up if you hear literally anything suspicious. Or if Leia finally decides itโs my time.โ
You laugh softly, blinking slowly as you turn back into your room and fall face first into bed.
THURSDAY 6:45AM
Youโre not sure whether to be relieved or concerned when you wake up to no new messages from creepy internet man. He hasnโt gone quiet for this long beforeโbut if he is just a normal, slightly awkward guy with boundary issues and an internet connection, well... itโs not that hard to believe he might just be sleeping.
Garcia is already up making coffee by the time you step out of your room, trying to bribe Leia out from under the couch with a tube of tuna paste.
The second she sees you, she jumps up and launches into another long-winded explanation about login activity and movement patterns across different access points. Apparently, creepy internet man logged in from three different geographical locations over the course of a few hours last nightโwhich is normal, right? That means he was out doing normal human things, not just lurking in his motherโs basement, stalking women online.
Garcia isnโt entirely convinced that him moving locations is enough to get him off the hook as the BAUโs next unsub, but it at least shuts her up until youโre both back at the office.
โHey,โ Reid says as soon as you walk into the bullpen. โYou havenโt been murdered.โ
You frown slightly. โGood morning to you too, Spence.โ
Morgan glances up from the file on his desk. โUhโwhy are we getting murdered?โ
Reid gestures vaguely in your direction. โBecause sheโs potentially being cyberstalked by aโโ
โOh, wow, look at the time,โ you interrupt, glaring at Reid. โWouldnโt it be such a shame if we all started minding our own business right about now.โ
Prentiss turns in her chair, brows raised. โCyberstalked?โ
โNobody is cyberstalking anybody,โ you say as you drop into your chair. โAnd nobodyโs getting murderedโbut great start to the morning, everyone. Love the energy. Now leave me alone.โ
Morgan chuckles quietly. โDamn. Thought you said you got laid last weekend.โ
Your hands slip off the desk as you try to pull yourself closer.
โTechnically,โ Reid says, โshe only implied it by refusing to answer Garciaโs question during Monday morningโs briefing.โ
โAh.โ Morgan leans back in his chair. โI knew this was a drought issue.โ
You scowl at him. โA drought issue?โ
โStatistically speaking,โ Reid adds, โpeople experiencing prolonged romantic or sexual dissatisfaction often display lower frustration tolerance and increased agitation in familiar social environments.โ
Morgan looks at him. โMan, just say she needs to get laid.โ
โOh my God,โ you snap. โI do not need to get laid. I am having a completely normal amount of sex already, thank you very muchโand frankly I think itโs deeply inappropriate that youโre all this invested in whether or not Iโm orgasming regularly.โ
Reid tilts his head. โYouโre having sex?โ
Morganโs brows shoot up, Prentiss chokes on her coffee, and you open your mouth to fire back at him whenโ
Someone clears their throat behind you.
Heat crawls violently up your neckโbut you donโt turn around. You canโt.
โBriefing room. Five minutes,โ Hotch says, his voice dangerously even. โJJโs got an update on the custodial interview with Wallace.โ
Morgan presses a fist against his mouth, tryingโand failingโto smother the strangled sound of laughter.
Very slowly, you turn in your chair.
Hotch is standing at the edge of the bullpen with a coffee in one hand and a file in the other. His expression is almost perfectly composed, but thereโs something dangerous lurking beneath itโsomething suspiciously close to amusement in the tightness of his mouth.
โBe right there, sir,โ you blurt, lifting two fingers to your forehead in the most ill-timed attempt at a salute the FBI has ever seen.
Hotch just looks at you, the muscle in his jaw jumping once before he turns away.
You want to die.
The second his office door clicks shut behind him, Morgan drops his fist and smacks his palm flat against the desk with a choked laugh.
โOh, you are never recovering from that,โ Prentiss mutters, smirking behind her coffee cup.
Morgan leans back in his chair, grinning. โBaby girl, that was painful to watch.โ
You drop your head into your hands.
โYou somehow escalated the situation at every possible opportunity,โ Reid says thoughtfully.
โI hate you all,โ you mumble into your palms.
You spend the next half hour with your nose buried in your notebook, avoiding eye contact with the entire team while JJ explains the month-long back-and-forth that it took to finally get approval for the Wallace interview.
Apparently, the prison is limiting the interview to a single hour and reserving the right to terminate it early if the inmate becomes uncooperativeโwhich Rossi thinks is less about policy and more about Wallace trying to dictate the terms of the interaction.
Itโs not ideal, especially considering you were the one who convinced Hotch to push for the interview before Wallace is transferred to death row. His case was one of the first you ever studied during the BAU training programme, and there isnโt much you wouldnโt give to pick the sociopathโs brains. One hour with him feels dangerously shortโthat is, assuming Hotch actually picks you to be in the interview with him.
โWe donโt have enough time to waste managing personalities in the room,โ Hotch says, gathering the files in front of him. โIโll decide on a second agent and send out the interview schedule later today.โ
Chairs start scraping back almost immediately, files and notebooks snapping shut as everyone gathers their things and starts filtering out of the roomโbut you donโt move. You stay firmly planted in your seat, chewing thoughtfully on the inside of your cheek while you debate whether to follow Hotch into his office and ask to be part of the interview. You donโt even have to be asking the questions, you just want to be there. You were the one pushing for it in the first place.
But then your brain very helpfully reminds you that Aaron Hotchner heard you say the word orgasming less than an hour ago and suddenly, being on death row yourself feels infinitely preferable to making eye contact with your unit chief.
You sigh heavily, finally closing your notebook. โYep. Just thinking about how Iโll probably have to fake my own death and change my name after this morning.โ
He shrugs. โHotch probably isnโt even thinking about it anymore.โ
You glance up at him hopefully.
โMorgan definitely is, though.โ
You roll your eyes, letting out another resigned sigh as you stand up and follow him out of the briefing room.
The rest of the morning manages to pass without incident. You stay chained to your desk, reviewing reports and processing any files that come your way while very deliberately not glancing up any time Hotch steps out of his office. At around eleven, Morgan and JJ head out to the cafe down the street and come back with coffees for the whole team. Then thereโs a printer jam that gives the rest of the office a rare glimpse at just how angry Emily Prentiss can get when frustrated.
It isnโt until just before midday that you finally get up to go to the bathroom, and when you return to your desk, thereโs one new notification in your inbox.
From: Aaron Hotchner
Subject: Wallace Interview
Youโre with me next Thursday. We leave at 0700.
Your stomach flips.
โWow,โ Reid says, suddenly standing right beside your desk. โHe picked you pretty quickly.โ
You shoot him a warning look. โSpence.โ
โIโm just saying, he usually deliberates longer.โ
You glance back at the screen, rereading the first five words that make your pulse skip a little faster.
โYou and Hotch do work unusually well together in confined conversational environments,โ Reid adds.
You turn back to him, frowning.
He tilts his head. โThat sounded more suggestive than I intended.โ
You open your mouth to tell him how deeply unhelpful heโs being when your phone buzzes twice against your deskโlike it does several times a day, but something about it feels different this time. Wrong.
You reach for it slowly, your stomach twisting tighter as you turn it over.
Two new notifications from creepy internet man. The first since last night.
You open the message threadโand your stomach drops.
DCRunner00: [Image attachment]
DCRunner00: Did you and your friend have fun last night?
The image is of your apartment building. Itโs grainy, slightly crooked, clearly taken from somewhere across the streetโbut your living room windows are unmistakable. Warm light glowing through the glass. The blurred silhouette of someone inside.
Ice floods your bloodstream.
You stop breathing.
โIs that... your apartment?โ Reid asks, leaning over your shoulder.
You donโt answer him. You canโt.
The bullpen dissolves into white noise around you.
Untilโ
โIโm done!โ Garciaโs voice cuts through the static. โI canโt do this anymore!โ
Sheโs marching right toward you, your laptopโthat sheโd still been monitoringโtucked under one arm.
Reid gasps. โWait. Is thatโโ
Morgan straightens in his chair. โWhatโs happening?โ
โHotchโs office,โ Garcia says, her expression dangerously stern as she stops beside your desk. โNow.โ
You nod slowly, your shoes almost slipping against the carpet as you push your chair back. Reid steps aside just enough to let you stand, but before he can get too far, you reach out and wrap your fingers around his wrist, silently dragging him with you as you follow Garcia back through the bullpen.
Hotch glances up the second Garcia pushes open his office door.
โWhatโs going on?โ
His tone is calm, automatic, already slipping into that low, calculated cadence he uses when heโs trying to talk someone down from the ledge. His gaze moves from her to youโand something in his expression shifts. Hardens. That muscle in his jaw ticking just once before he turns back to Garcia.
โWhat happened?โ he asks, sharper now.
Garcia crosses the room quickly, opening your laptop and sitting it on his desk while you hover uselessly in the doorway with Reid still caught in your grip.
Hotch glances at the screen, his eyes flicking through the messages.
Then he looks back upโright at youโand something unreadable settles across his face. Something dangerous.
โWho sent this?โ
Garcia spends the next five minutes explaining the entire situation at hyper speed while you just... stand there, leaning slightly against Reid like the whole world has tilted on its axis.
Itโs funny how you can spend years building a career around finding bad people. Thinking like them. Predicting them. Profiling them. But the moment something happens to youโsomething realโthatโs when all the theory suddenly stops feeling theoretical. And maybe itโs because you know exactly what people like this are capable of, or how quickly situations like this can escalate once someone decides theyโre emotionally invested in you.
Or maybe itโs just the horrifying realisation that some part of you knew where this was heading all along. And you still didnโt do anything about it until now. Not until you put yourselfโand your friendโin danger.
โGet everyone in the briefing room,โ Hotch says the second Garcia finishes. โNow.โ
Garcia nods once before slipping back out the door, and only then do you finally let go of Reidโs wristโmaking a mental note to apologise later for the excessive physical contact.
Hotchโs eyes drop down briefly, following the movement almost automatically. Something tightens in his expression for half a second before his attention snaps back to the laptop still open in front of him.
โReid,โ he says. โPrint the entire message history and document everything. Full timeline, screenshots, attachmentsโall of it. I want copies ready for the team in ten.โ
You swallow hard. โTheโthe entire message history?โ
Fifteen minutes later, youโre back in the briefing room with the entire team flipping through printed copies of your dating profile and messages. It almost feels like an out-of-body experience. Like one of those mortifying dreams where you watch everything unfold from above without any real ability to stop it.
โOkay,โ Prentiss says. โWhere do we start?โ
โVictimology,โ Morgan answers immediatelyโthen he glances at you. โSorry, baby girl.โ
You wave him off. โReidโs been profiling me all week. Go for it.โ
Thereโs a quiet ripple of laughter around the table, but Hotch barely blinks. Heโs sitting on the opposite side, between Prentiss and JJ, with his arms folded tightly across his chest and gaze fixed on the copies spread out in front of him like heโs trying very hard not to look directly at you.
โWe need to be careful building a victimology this early,โ he says evenly. โEspecially considering how well we know the victim. Personal familiarity creates bias.โ
Reid tilts his head. โNormally, yes. But stalking crimes are often highly individualised.โ He starts flipping through the printed messages as he talks. โStatistically speaking, stalking victims are usually targeted for a very specific reason. The motivation is generally rooted in either resentment, fixation, revenge, or romantic obsession.โ
You grimace. โFantastic.โ
โMost victims also know their stalkers,โ Reid continues. โApproximately seventy-five percent of stalking cases involve some form of prior relationship or perceived emotional connection.โ
โOkay,โ JJ says carefully, looking toward you. โIs there anyone you can think of who might hold a grudge against you? Someone you arrested, rejected, testified againstโanything like that?โ
You snort quietly. โDoes every criminal Iโve ever interviewed count?โ
The room goes still for half a second.
โWait,โ Prentiss says, sitting forward slightly. โActually, that makes sense.โ
Hotchโs eyes flick up as Prentiss pushes one of the printouts into the middle of the table, tapping the page.
โThis escalation happened fast. Less than a week. Thatโs not somebody slowly building emotional trust from scratchโthatโs somebody who already came into this interaction emotionally invested.โ
โOr angry,โ Morgan adds.
โExactly,โ Prentiss says. โHe doesnโt lash out until she has Garcia over. Thatโs jealousy. Possessiveness.โ
You sink lower in your chair.
โAnd he starts reacting every time she brings up her boss,โ Rossi says, flipping through the printouts. โThatโs territorial behaviour. Heโs fixating on a prominent male figure in her life.โ
โNot the only one fixating on him,โ Reid murmurs beside you.
You elbow him immediately.
โOw.โ
Hotch glances up sharply. โSomething to add, Reid?โ
Reid straightens. โUhโno. No, I think Rossi covered it.โ
Hotchโs eyes narrow slightly, like he knows thereโs something heโs missing, but he lets it go.
โGarcia,โ he says instead, โtell me you found something useful.โ
โOh, I found things,โ Garcia says immediately, the rapid clacking of her keyboard echoing loudly through the conference room speaker. โDeeply unsettling things. Our creepy little internet goblin has been very busy.โ
Prentiss frowns slightly, mouthing โinternet goblinโ across the table to JJ.
โOkay, soโprofile was created nine days ago using a burner email and a VPN bouncing between three different states, which normally would make me want to set my computer on fire, but our boy got sloppy.โ
Hotch leans forward slightly. โHow sloppy?โ
โSloppy enough that one login pinged off a public Wi-Fi network less than six blocks from her apartment last night,โ she says. โAnd before anybody asks, yes, Iโm already pulling traffic cams.โ
Hotch nods once, already shifting into command mode.
โMorgan, Prentissโstart canvassing within a ten-block radius of her apartment. Garcia will feed you anything useful from the traffic cams. JJ, coordinate with local PD and see if thereโve been any complaints of suspicious activity in the area. Peeping, prowlers, stalking complaintsโanything that fits this escalation pattern. Rossi, start pulling names from old cases. Anybody with a history of fixation, stalking behaviour, or inappropriate attachment to investigators. Garcia, keep digging and keep me posted.โ
Everyone starts moving immediately, papers shuffling and chairs scraping back as the room shifts into motion.
โI want to help,โ you say suddenly. โThis is my mess, let me fix it.โ
โYou can help,โ he says evenly, โby going home, locking your doors, and staying there until we know exactly what weโre dealing with.โ
You open your mouth to argue.
โI mean it,โ he adds, voice low.
โIโll take her,โ Reid offers immediately.
โNo,โ Hotch says, gathering the printouts into one neat pile. โYou go with Morgan and Prentiss.โ
Then his eyes flick up, meeting yours.
โIโm taking her home.โ
The next hour is one of the strangest of your life.
Hotch tells you to take your laptop back down to Garcia, whoโs already in full FBI investigation modeโher screens covered in maps, metadata, CCTV stills, and enlarged screenshots of your own dating profile staring back at you in horrifying definition. When you finally make it back to your desk, Rossi spends twenty straight minutes walking you through every violent offender youโve interviewed in the last three years, forcing you to revisit dozens of interactions youโd long since filed away as routine.
Somewhere in the middle of it all, Morgan drops a schematic of your apartment building onto your desk and starts questioning you about entrances, exits, blind spots, and security cameras while Reid quietly replaces the coffee you forgot existed an hour ago. It isnโt until Morgan leaves and JJ immediately takes his place beside you that you realise nobody has let you out of their sight for more than a few minutes at a time.
Then, finally, Hotch steps out of his officeโfiles in one hand and his go-bag in the other, like he fully intends on staying the night if necessary.
โReady?โ he asks, stopping beside your desk.
You stare at the go-bag for one long, deeply horrified second.
โYep,โ you manage, voice tight as you slowly push out of your chair.
Hotch drives. You donโt even try to argue. You just sit in the passenger seat with your knees pressed together and your heart beating out of your chest. Itโs not like you havenโt been in the car with him before. You have, plenty of times. This just feels... different.
Neither of you speak until he cuts the engine in the parking garage of your building, and you have to try very hard not to dwell on the fact that he hadnโt asked for directions the whole way here.
โWait,โ he mutters before climbing out of the car.
He grabs his bag from the back, then moves around the car and opens your door.
It takes an embarrassingly long time for you to unbuckle your seatbeltโyour hands are shaking and your pulse is still pounding hard enough to make you dizzyโbut once you finally do, you slip out of the car and lead him toward the fire stairs.
He never leaves more than a foot of distance between you. Never checks his phone. Never glances down. He stays glued to your side like a real protection detail. And thanks to your avid and wildly inappropriate imagination, youโve already mentally written an entire bodyguard romance plot starring Aaron Hotchner and yours truly by the time you finally reach your apartment door.
โIโuhโwasnโt really expecting company,โ you say as you push the door open. โSorry.โ
The second you step inside, Leia leaps off the couch with a loud, rumbling trillโprobably wondering why youโre home before dark for the first time in years.
Hotch pauses, his brow furrowing slightly. โYou have a cat.โ
You glance back at him as you kick your shoes off and nudge them out of the way. โIs that really the most surprising thing youโve learned about me today?โ
He watches Leia for another second before glancing back at you. โItโs unexpected.โ
You roll your eyes, trying to ignore the way your heart skips when he quietly toes off his shoes beside the door without even asking. Like he already expects to stay awhile.
Leia chirrups again as she pads through the living room toward you, no doubt about to demand an early dinnerโuntil she catches sight of Hotch and abruptly stops short. Her ears flicker, her tail waving from side to side as she assesses the new man in her apartment.
Hotch crouches slightly, holding one hand out toward her.
โOh, she doesnโt really like people,โ you say quickly. โSo donโt take it personally if sheโโ
Leia immediately walks straight up to him. She sniffs his hand once before pressing directly into his palm with a loud purr rumbling through her entire body.
Your eyes go wide.
Traitor.
Hotchโs mouth twitches faintly as Leia leans harder into his hand.
Oh my God. Are you jealous of your cat right now?
He gives Leia one final scratch behind the ears before straightening, the softness in his expression fading almost immediately as he slips back into work mode. He scans the apartment briefly before setting the files down on your tiny dining table and shrugging his jacket off, draping it over the back of a chair.
You stand there for a second longer than you probably should, watching him move through your apartment with the same calm focus he brings to crime scenes and briefing rooms and interrogation tables. He checks the windows, the balcony doors, glances brieflyโthank Godโinto your bedroom, then double-checks the locks on the front door.
The whole thing feels weirdly surreal. Youโve imagined Aaron Hotchner inside your apartment a thousand times in a thousand different waysโjust not like this. And nothing you imagined could have possibly prepared you for the reality of it. The way everything feels so much smaller. Warmer. More exposed.
Every object in every room suddenly feels mortifyingly personal.
If he lingers long enough in your kitchen, heโs going to notice the unusually empty trash can and realise you survive almost entirely on caffeine and convenience. If he looks too closely at your bookshelf, heโs going to find an unhealthy collection of romance novels with more trigger warnings than plot points. And if he looks into your bedroom again and turns his head just a little more to the right, heโs going to see your vibrator sitting on the nightstandโand then youโll actually have to fake your own death.
Because youโve spent years carefully curating a version of yourself that keeps people from looking too closely. Flirty. Casual. Detached enough to joke about bad dates and hookups and sex without anybody ever realising that none of it means anything. Itโs easier that way. Easier to let everyone assume your attention is scattered in every direction instead of fixed very specifically on the one person you absolutely cannot have.
But this?
This feels dangerously close to being found out.
The next couple of hours pass in strange, uneven waves of normalcy and low-grade psychological torture.
Hotch sits at your tiny dining table without complaint, dwarfing it as he hunches over files and asks careful questions about your routines, your neighbours, and whether anyone in the building has seemed overly interested in you recently. His phone rings a lot, which isnโt unusual, and every time he answers it you spend almost the entire conversation staring unashamed at the way his shirt pulls tight across his back when he reaches for another printout.
Which is wildly inappropriate considering the circumstances, but you canโt really help it. Youโre strung out, on edge, and, as Morgan so helpfully pointed out this morning, severely under-fucked.
And Leia, unfortunatelyโbut not unsurprisinglyโremains no help whatsoever.
By seven oโclock sheโs fully abandoned you in favour of draping herself across Hotchโs lap while he reviews new data from Garcia, completely oblivious to the fact that you havenโt been able to breathe normally since he walked through the door.
โAre you hungry?โ you ask eventually, moving back into the kitchen as if you have anything in there to offer.
Hotch glances up from his laptop, one hand resting absently against Leiaโs back while she purrs in his lap.
โIโm fine.โ
You lean a hip against the kitchen counter, folding your arms tightly across your chest. โAny updates?โ
He glances back down at his screen. โGarcia narrowed the traffic footage down to three vehicles that stayed in the area longer than they should haveโMorgan and Prentiss are running the plates now. And Rossiโs pulling relatives connected to your previous cases. Family members who attended trials, sentencing hearings, interviews. Anyone who mightโve had access to your name outside the official reports.โ
You nod slowly, silence settling again for a moment before you exhale sharply.
โAre you sure sitting here doing absolutely nothing is really the best use of me right now?โ
His eyes flick back up, that signature Hotchner scowl set between his brows.
โYou think this is nothing?โ
His voice stays calm, but thereโs something firmer underneath it now.
โYouโve spent the last four days being threatened, surveilled, and followed by someone we still havenโt identified,โ he says. โMorgan, Prentiss, and Reid are out chasing leads because somebody targeted you. Rossiโs pulling case files because somebody targeted you. Garciaโs been at her desk for six straight hours because somebody targeted you.โ
His jaw tightens slightly.
โMy job right now is making sure nothing happens to you,โ he says quietly. โLet me do that.โ
Your breath catches, something warm and uncomfortably familiar twisting in your chest as Aaron Hotchner just sits there watching you like he hasnโt said anything unusual at all.
Which, to him, maybe he hasnโt.
Heโs just doing his job. Looking out for his team. Heโs not here because he wants to be. Heโs here because someone threatened one of his agents.
Thatโs all.
You clear your throat, pushing away from the counter before the silence stretches too long. โIโmโuhโIโm just going to shower quickly. If thatโs alright.โ
He nods once. โWant me to clear theโโ
โNo,โ you say immediately. โGod, no. No. Itโs fine. Totally fine.โ
His brows pull together slightly, confusion flickering briefly across his face before you turn and hurry into your bedroom, shutting the door a little harder than necessary behind you.
Then you take the longest shower known to mankind. You stand beneath the scalding spray for at least ten minutes before even touching anything. Then you scrub, exfoliate, shave, condition, rinse twice, and stand there for just a little longer before finally gathering the courage to step out. All the while trying desperately not to think about the fact that your unit chief is only two thin walls away while youโre dripping wet and completely naked.
You rummage through your dresser until you find an oversized sweater that isnโt totally threadbare and a clean pair of pyjama shorts. Technically, theyโre just striped flannel pants you cut into shorts, but at least theyโre not as short as the rest of your pyjama collection that definitely needs replacing.
If only you actually had time for things like shopping... and emotional stability.
โNo, wait for Morgan before you approach,โ Hotch says as you step quietly back into the living room, phone pressed against his ear while he paces slowly beside the dining table. โIf the registrationโs fake, I donโt want you making contact until we know exactly whoโs inside.โ
He pauses, expression sharpening slightly.
โAlright. Keep me updated.โ
He lowers the phone slowly before looking over at you for the first time since you re-emergedโand for half a second, he visibly loses his train of thought. Itโs only tiny. Barely there. Just a brief pause before his expression shutters back into place.
โGarcia tracked one of the vehicles from the traffic footage to a motel outside Arlington,โ he says, glancing back down at the files scattered across the table. โThe driverโs been masking his activity through multiple VPNs, so she couldnโt pull a clean trace from the motel Wi-Fi, but only one room in the motel was actively using the network.โ
Your stomach tightens.
โThe name on the reservation was fake,โ he continues, โbut the room was paid for using a credit card belonging to Daniel Mercer.โ
The name hits you immediately.
โEthan Mercerโs brother,โ you say quietly.
Hotch nods. โRossi confirmed it about twenty minutes ago. Morgan and Prentiss are waiting for local PD before they move in.โ
You nod slowly, your pulse fluttering anxiously in your throat as you move toward the kitchen. Not because you actually need anything in there, but because standing still feels almost impossible right now.
โEthan barely spoke during the trial,โ you murmur, folding your arms as you lean back against the counter. โI donโt think I ever even met his brother.โ
โYou wouldnโt need to,โ Hotch says, already gathering the files into a neat pile. โPeople build attachments to investigators without ever interacting directly. Especially when theyโre looking for someone to blame.โ
Your skin prickles. โYou really think itโs him?โ
โIt fits,โ Hotch replies evenly. โEstablished emotional investment, personal motive, no prior record. Which explains the inconsistency. The escalation without follow-through. The long gaps between contact attempts. He knows enough to be cautious, but not enough to stay controlled.โ
He straightens, turning back toward youโand for the briefest second, his eyes drop to your bare legs before snapping back up to your face almost immediately.
He clears his throat. โThis probably isnโt something heโs done before. But his brother has.โ
The apartment falls quiet again after that. Hotch returns to collecting files while you stare absently toward the dark balcony doors, your pulse still refusing to settle beneath your skin.
โWell,โ you mutter eventually, gripping the edge of the counter to hoist yourself up. โOn the bright side, I still think Iโve dated worse.โ
The joke leaves your lips lightly enough, the same way they always doโeasy, detached, halfway between genuine and ironic so nobody ever pauses long enough to look too closely.
Except this time Hotch does pause.
โWhy do you do that?โ
You frown. โDo what?โ
โDeflect.โ He straightens again, one hand still holding a stack of printouts. โEvery time something gets too serious, you make a joke. Or you flirt. Or you say something just inappropriate enough to throw people off balance.โ
You lift a shoulder. โMaybe Iโm just charming.โ
โNo.โ His eyes narrow slightly, brows pulling together. โNo, because it changes depending on the situation.โ
Your pulse stutters.
โWith Morgan itโs competitive,โ he continues, setting the papers back on the table. โYou tease him because he pushes back and it keeps conversations superficial. Garcia gets exaggerated stories because she responds emotionally instead of analytically. Half the things you say to Reid are specifically designed to make him flustered enough to stop examining what you actually mean.โ
โWow,โ you murmur, shifting your weight against the countertop. โStarting to feel a little attacked here.โ
But Hotch doesnโt seem to hear you.
โThe dating profile doesnโt fit,โ he says, almost to himself. โNeither does the apartment.โ
Your stomach twists as his gaze moves briefly across the room. The bookshelves. The carefully organised clutter. Leia now curled up asleep on the couch.
โYou project someone impulsive. Social. Sexually confident. But nothing in here supports that.โ His eyes flick back toward you again. โYou live like someone who protects their space carefully. Even the cat.โ
โLeave Leia out of this.โ
โShe doesnโt like strangers.โ
โShe likes you.โ
The words slip out too quickly, and something in his expression shifts.
โYou keep people at a distance,โ he continues slowly, close enough now that you can hear the quiet rasp beneath his voice. โEven the team. You let people think they know you because it keeps them from looking closer.โ He hesitates, brow furrowing. โExcept Reid.โ
Your fingers tighten instinctively around the edge of the counter.
โYou trust him,โ Hotch says. โNot just socially. Behaviourally. You anchor yourself to him when youโre stressed. Physical proximity. Eye contact. Redirecting conversations through him.โ He pauses, watching you carefully now. โAnd earlier you said heโd been profiling you all week.โ
Oh God.
โWhich means Reid already noticed the pattern.โ
He goes quiet for a moment, his expression tightening almost imperceptibly as he looks back over the last few monthsโyearsโin real time. You can practically see it happening behind his eyes. Every interaction. Every joke. Every look you thought youโd hidden quickly enough.
โYou track me.โ
The words come quieter now. Less certain. Like heโs still realising them.
โYou know my routines,โ he continues slowly. โYou anticipate questions before I ask them. You look up when you hear my office door open even when you canโt see me.โ He steps closer again. โYou know when I need coffee before I do. You watch my reactions before anyone else in the room.โ
Your breath stutters.
And Hotch notices immediately.
His expression shifts slightly as his eyes flick across your face, your posture, your hands still locked around the edge of the counter hard enough that your knuckles have gone pale beneath the kitchen lights.
โYour breathing changes when I get too close to you,โ he says quietly.
He takes another slow step forward, close enough now that you have to tilt your head back slightly to keep looking at him.
โYou stop fidgeting,โ he continues. โYou go completely still.โ His gaze drops briefly to your hands before lifting again. โLike youโre afraid movement alone is going to give you away.โ
Your heart is beating so hard now youโre half-convinced he can hear it.
โYou lose verbal fluency,โ he says, voice lower now. โYou trip over words you normally wouldnโt. Your pupils dilate. Your heart rate increases. And every single time I get close to noticing itโโ
His eyes lock onto yours.
โYou redirect.โ
You can barely breathe now.
Heโs standing right in front of you, close enough that the heat rolling off him sinks straight into your skin, close enough that one more step would put him between your knees where youโre perched on the counter.
And somehow the worst part is that he still sounds calm. Thoughtful. Like Aaron Hotchner is profiling you with the same careful focus heโd bring to an unsubโexcept this time the thing heโs slowly uncovering is the fact that youโve been hopelessly in love with him this entire time.
You swallow hard, your gaze catching just briefly on his mouth before you drag it back up to his eyes, pulse hammering so hard you can barely think straight.
โFigured it out yet, Agent Hotchner?โ you ask softly.
He goes still for half a second, something unreadable flickering across his face as his eyes drop to your mouth before lifting back to your eyes again.
The apartment suddenly feels oppressively quiet.
His throat shifts slightly.
And thenโ
His phone rings.
He steps back immediately, his expression shuttering back into something careful and unreadable.
โHotchner,โ he says, pressing his phone against his ear.
You donโt hear much after that. Not really. You recognise Morganโs muffled voice, but you canโt quite hear what heโs saying. Not while Hotch slowly paces your living room. You catch fragments of the conversation. Questions. Short answers. The low, steady cadence of his voice slipping effortlessly back into work mode while your own nervous system continues actively collapsing in on itself.
Because holy fuck.
Holy fuck.
What the hell just happened?
โThey got him.โ
Your head snaps up. โThey what?โ
Hotch moves back to the dining table and starts gathering his things.
โIt was him. Daniel Mercer,โ he says. โMorgan and Prentiss found him in the motel room with multiple burner phones, printed screenshots from the dating profile, and enough surveillance material to establish intent.โ
โOh.โ
โLocal PD recovered notebooks too,โ he continues. โNames, schedules, work addresses. Everyone connected to Ethan Mercerโs conviction. Judges, prosecutors, witnesses. You were first because you were the arresting agent.โ
A cold shiver slips down your spine.
โGarcia also confirmed the motel Wi-Fi matched the same VPN chain used to access the dating profile,โ Hotch adds. โOnce Mercer realised the Bureau was involved, the direct contact stopped. After that he shifted to surveillance. Morgan said the room was covered in trial material. Photos. Notes. Newspaper clippings. Heโd been building the grievance for months.โ
He pauses, then looks at you.
โBut they got him.โ
โGood,โ you say quietly.
Hotch nods once before turning back to the dining table, slipping his laptop into his bag with careful efficiency before gathering every file and printout into one neat pile.
โLocal PD will hold Mercer overnight until federal transport clears,โ he says, sliding the papers into his bag. โGarciaโs already started coordinating with the U.S. Attorneyโs Office. Youโll need to give an additional statement tomorrow regarding the dating profile.โ
You nod. โOkay.โ
Hotch reaches for his jacket, draping it over one arm.
โThereโll still be additional officers patrolling the area tonight,โ he says. โAnd if you donโt want to be alone, I can have Reid or Garcia stay here.โ
โIโll be fine,โ you mutter, glancing down at the kitchen tiles. โYou can stop babysitting me now.โ
Hotch stills.
Then slowly, deliberately, sets his jacket on the table.
โBabysitting?โ he repeats.
โYou know what I mean.โ
He steps toward you, brows drawn. โI donโt think I do.โ
โYou solved the case,โ you mutter, heat crawling up the back of your neck. โYou profiled me. Thoroughly. So congratulations, I guess. You figured out the whole sad little secret, the weird avoidance issues, the entire personality disorder cocktailโโ You let out a short, humourless laugh. โYou can go back to pretending none of this ever happened now.โ
He closes the distance between you before you even fully realise heโs moving, stopping directly in front of the counter again. Exactly where heโd been when you asked him if heโd figured it out. Close enough that you can feel his warmth. Close enough that you can see the day-old shadow of stubble lining his jaw.
โYouโre being deliberately provocative now because youโre embarrassed,โ he says. โBut embarrassment isnโt actually your primary response here.โ
His gaze drops to your mouth again, and your pulse stumbles.
โIf it was,โ he adds quietly, โyou wouldnโt still be looking at me like that.โ
Your breath catches in your throat.
You want to say something. Anything. Another joke. Another deflection. Something sharp enough to cut through the tension in the air and stop him looking at you like this. Exposing you like this.
But you canโt.
All you can do is stare at him. At the steady intensity in his eyes. At the way his tie has loosened slightly over the course of the night. At the slow rise and fall of his chest beneath the white shirt youโve spent an embarrassing number of years picturing on your bedroom floor.
You swallow hard, and he notices. Of course he does.
Something shifts in his expression then. Something softer. Less guarded.
His hand comes up beneath your jaw, his thumb pressing gently into your chin as he pulls you closer. You fall forward without hesitation, and he leans in, dark eyes still searching yours as if he isnโt entirely sure he has permission yet.
Then he kisses you.
Itโs not rushed. Not messy. If anything, the first press of his mouth against yours feels almost unbearably controlled, like heโs still holding himself back even now.
But the restraint doesnโt last long.
Your hand catches his tie, tugging him closer, and something rough slips from the back of his throat as he steps in, his hips slotting between your thighs. His hand slides from your jaw into your hair, fingers tightening just enough to tilt your head back exactly as far as he wants it.
Your lips part against his with a broken sound, and he deepens it slowly, his tongue moving against yours like he has all the time in the world. Tasting you. Learning you. Mapping every small sound and ragged exhale with the same focused intensity he brings to everythingโand somehow thatโs what undoes you the most. Not urgency. Attention.
His breath mingles with yours, hot and uneven, and when his teeth catch your bottom lip itโs deliberate, measuredโa sharp little spark shooting straight through your spine. Your hips roll toward him without permission, and his answering groan rumbles through his chest, vibrating beneath your palm and making you ache everywhere youโve been starving for him.
Then he pulls back just enough to look at you properly again. His hand still tangled in your hair. Thumb dragging once across your jaw. His eyes move over your face with the same intensity he uses in every debrief, every case, every crisis, except right now you are the thing heโs making sure of.
Like he needs to be absolutely certain this is real.
โAaronโโ
โBedroom,โ he says immediately, voice low and rough enough to send heat crashing straight through you. โNow.โ
FRIDAY 6:15AM
Your alarm blares somewhere beside the bed, startling you awake hard enough that your heart immediately starts pounding. You reach for it blindly, determined to silence it before it wakesโ
Oh God.
The second your hand hits the snooze button, you freeze.
Your heart is beating faster now, your pulse thrumming in your throat as you turn slowlyโso slowlyโtoward the other side of the bed, where Aaron fucking Hotchner stirs sleepily.
Your stomach swoops.
You slept with your boss last night.
With a shallow, shaky breath, you carefully start to move. His arm is heavy at your waist, but you manage to slip out from underneath it without fully waking him. You shove the covers off and shiver at the sudden exposure, leaning over the side of the bed to find your discarded sweater. You pull it over your head before quietly padding toward the ensuite, refusing to glance back at your very hot, very naked unit chief still tangled in your sheets.
You only just make it around the other side of the bed before something tugs at the back of your sweater. You stop, glancing back to find Hotch half-awake, eyes half-lidded with one hand caught at the hem of your sweater.
โDo you really get up this early?โ he asks, voice rough with sleep.
โYeah,โ you murmur. โMost days.โ
His brows pull together slightly. โWhy?โ
You let out a small, breathless laugh. โBecause my boss is kind of a hard ass about punctuality.โ
Something that almost resembles amusement flickers across his face.
โSounds like a terrible boss,โ he murmurs.
Then he tugs on your sweater againโhard enough this time that you let out a startled laugh as you stumble backward onto the mattress and into him. He catches you easily, one arm wrapping around your waist before you can even fully recover, pulling you back against the warmth of his chest.
โYeah,โ you murmur, laughing softly as his mouth brushes beneath your ear. โHeโs awful. Very demanding.โ
He hums, breath warm against your skin.
โHeโs really hot, though,โ you add, smiling despite yourself. โSo I like having time to put in a little effort, you know? Hope he notices.โ
โOh, he notices.โ
Your stomach flips. โReally?โ
โMhm.โ
His arm tightens around your waist. โHe notices the skirts.โ
Heat floods your face. โAaronโโ
โHe notices the tights.โ His mouth brushes against the nape of your neck. โThe ones with the seam up the back.โ
โOh my God.โ
You try to turn your face into the pillow, but he just holds you tighter, pressing his lips firm against your neck.
โAnd the red bra,โ he murmurs.
Your breath catches.
โNoticed that so much I had to wait until everyone left the conference room before I could get up.โ
You let out a strangled sound, squirming in his arms, but itโs no use. His chest vibrates against your back, something suspiciously close to laughter.
โMy washing machine broke that week,โ you whine. โIt wasnโt my fault.โ
โMm, sure.โ
You twist around immediately. โIโm not lying.โ
The corner of his mouth twitches, like he doesnโt quite believe you, but before you can protest againโhe kisses you. Warm, slow, sleep-soft. His mouth moves against yours almost lazily, his hand tightening slightly at your waist when a pathetic little whimper slips out before you can stop it.
โCareful,โ you murmur, breathless against his mouth. โDonโt want to be late.โ
You feel his lips curve.
โGood thing Iโm the boss.โ
10:35AM
You made it to work well on time. Even after three orgasms, a shower, and an awkward attempt at a โWhat Now?โ conversationโthat ended in the aforementioned third orgasm. Because fortunately for your rapidly fraying nervous system, Hotch hadnโt even hesitated when youโd finally asked what happens next. In fact, heโd answered a little too quickly.
The first thing heโd asked was whether youโd be comfortable keeping things quiet for a while. Not because heโs worried about the team finding outโhe trusts them. Trusts you. The concern is Strauss, and the Bureau, and keeping you in the BAU while he figures out exactly how much trouble the two of you have just created for yourselves. At some point heโd even started muttering about reporting structures and supervisory chains, half-thinking out loud while pulling on his tie. Something about possibly moving your reporting line over to Rossi. Something else about needing to review the Bureauโs fraternisation policies before making any moves.
That was when you kissed himโeffectively, and very quickly, kicking off round three.
Because heโd clearly been thinking about this for a while, which means Aaron Hotchner has been noticing a lot more than just short skirts and inappropriately coloured underwear. It means that the second he decided to kiss you in your apartment last night, heโd already known exactly what he was getting himself into.
โAlright, gorgeous,โ Morgan says, startling you as he raps a knuckle against your desk. โTheyโll be ready for you downstairs in ten.โ
You glance up at him, brows drawnโand it takes an embarrassingly long second for you to figure out what heโs talking about.
โOh.โ You blink. โRight. Yeah, Iโll head down soon. Thanks.โ
Prentiss looks over from her desk. โYou gonna be okay?โ
You lift a shoulder. โSure. Whatโs another case report?โ
Morgan frowns, dropping into his chair. โItโs not exactly every day youโre the victim, baby girl.โ
โYeah, but nothing really happened.โ
Morgan and Prentiss both stare at you.
โBecause of the team,โ you add quickly. โYou guys caught him before he actually did anything. So... you know, nothing bad happened.โ You plaster on a smile that feels reasonably convincing. โThanks for that, by the way.โ
Prentiss narrows her eyes, but before she can say anything else, Reid appears.
โYouโre in a remarkably good mood for someone who was being actively cyberstalked twelve hours ago,โ he says, stirring his second coffee of the day.
You turn back to your screen, trying to ignore the heat creeping into your cheeks. โMaybe I just have a newfound appreciation for life.โ
Reid studies you for a moment, clearly unconvincedโbut he doesnโt push. He just moves slowly back toward his desk, setting his coffee down with unnecessary care while the rest of the team turn away, finally deciding to mind their own business.
You force your attention back to the report in front of you, determined to at least look productive for the next ten minutesโwhen a familiar voice cuts through your concentration.
โRossiโs taking Wallace with you next week,โ Hotch says, setting the file down on your desk.
You blink up at him. โI thought you were leading the interview.โ
โI was.โ
Something in his expression tightens briefly before he lowers his voice.
โWallace has a long history of using sex, intimidation, and emotional targeting to destabilise people during interviews,โ he says. โEspecially women.โ
You frown. โHotch, Iโโ
โAnd if he says something to you in that room,โ he continues evenly, โor looks at you the wrong way, I need to know the agent sitting beside you is still capable of thinking objectively.โ
Your stomach flips as his eyes meet yoursโsteady, intense, devastatingly honest.
โRight now,โ he says quietly, โIโm not sure thatโs me.โ
Then heโs gone. Moving through the bullpen back toward his office like he hasnโt just set your pulse racing and your head spinning. You watch after him for a moment before shaking your head, glancing back at your computer screen as if youโd been focused on it at all in the first place.
โโฆHuh.โ
You turn toward the sound and find Reid staring at you again. Not rudely. Just watching with the same focused curiosity heโd been wearing since your suspiciously cheerful comment about cyberstalking.
summary: Being in love with your childhood best friend was no easy feat, but it was manageable. Until it wasnโt. When John Logan breaks a crucial promise, heโs forced to confront whatโs been standing in front of him all along.
based on this request! i hope i did it justice <3
content: so.much.angst. like, so much. unrequited love, reader is a stem major. the characters are more accurate to their book counterparts occasionally, namely tucker. oops. some things may be ooc but it is for the sake of the plot. logan is unknowingly an asshole.
note: i may or may not do a part two, my motivation fluctuates! hope you enjoy because this was super sad to write.
Heโs looking at her.
His arm rests along the back of the couch, the sensation of it familiar enough that you barely notice it anymore. Every few minutes, when someone says something particularly funny, his hand shifts and his fingers brush against the exposed skin of your shoulder blade. Itโs casual, absent-minded contact. It means nothing to him and everything to you.
Around you, the boysโ house is lively. Tucker is arguing with Birdie about the game theyโve been at for hours on the TV. Every once in a while, someone tells them to shut up. They do that for a total of five minutes before someone inevitably raises their voice, leading the other to do the same.
You should be finishing up your story. It was a stupid tale, one about falling asleep during a lecture.
Instead, youโre watching him.
Or rather, youโre watching where heโs looking.
His gaze drifts across the room so often that youโve begun anticipating it, finding yourself following the path before heโs even finished turning his head. It happens during conversations. During periods of silence. During moments when heโs supposed to be paying attention you.
His eyes always find the same person.
You wonder if anyone else notices.
Maybe they donโt. Maybe they havenโt spent nearly ten years studying every version of John Logan.
Ten years.
Long enough to remember the cracked sidewalks of your hometown and the suffocating certainty that neither of you belonged there. Long enough to remember sitting on the roof of his garage at thirteen years old, passing back and forth what was always bag of Hot Cheetos while making promises far too big for kids your age.
You had been determined to leave.
And somehow, against every odd stacked against two middle-schoolers with seemingly unattainable dreams and no real plan, you did.
You earned your place through a STEM scholarship that had consumed countless nights and enough caffeine to raise alerts towards your cardiovascular system. He earned his through hockey, through early mornings and bruises and a relentless dedication that you supported him all throughout.
Different roads, same destination.
For nearly a decade, the two of you had existed side by side.
And for six of those years, youโve loved him.
You werenโt sure when you realized it, but once you did, it felt as though things finally clicked into place. There had always been that speculation from others that you two were something beyond a mere friendshipโbut there was no weight to it. Not while it wasnโt true, anyway.
You thought it may have been the puberty. John was no longer a scrawny kid who you hovered over. Heโd grown into himself as the years passedโtaller, stronger, more confident. It was a simple crush that came as a result of change, you told yourself.
But you had began to think it was more than that, that it always had been. Once the feeling arrived, it made no effort to fadeโsettling into the empty spaces between inside jokes and late-night phone calls, between shared victories and devastating failures. It lodged itself so deeply within your bond that you stopped looking for where friendship ended and something else began.
Maybe that was your mistake.
Across the room, Hannah laughs.
The sound is soft enough that most people would miss it beneath the chatter, but John hears it.
Of course he does.
Hannah Wells has a way of drawing attention effortlessly. Her smile comes easily, brightening her entire face like a Christmas tree. Honey-brown hair spills over one shoulder as she speaks. Her deep cerulean eyes crinkle when she laughs. Hearing her sing for the first time made it no better.
And she is so kind.
She remembers your birthday, she asks you questions on a subject you think had long been over. She makes you feel seen.
Itโs impossible to blame him for looking.
The problem is that lately, he hasnโt seemed capable of looking anywhere else.
His fingers brush your shoulder again, mindlessly.
Across the room, Hannah says something to Allie that you canโt quite make out.
Logan smiles.
And suddenly, despite his arm around you and his knee pressed lightly against yours and nearly ten years of friendship sitting comfortably between the two of you, youโve never felt further away from him.
Tucker notices your shift in mood before Logan does. You like Tuck the most out of all of Loganโs friends. Heโs a year below the rest of you, though you like to say heโs the most mature out of all of them. Heโs observant, you learned.
He tilts his head at you, silently asking if youโre okay. You send him a half-hearted thumbs up. Something clicks for him and he accepts your answer, redirecting his attention to the game.
You think Tucker knows about your crush on John. A part of you hopes he doesnโt, but another part of you knows that he does.
At some point, Logan notices youโve stopped talking. By the time he has, youโre fiddling with your bracelet. He frowns, glancing at his own matching one on his left wrist. You were both surprised they had never broken. Logan enjoyed referring to it as a testament to your long-standing friendship. The blue and purple embroidery of both your bracelets have become a halo of fuzz, but they remain intact nonetheless.
Logan glances back at you, studying you once againโknit eyebrows, lip tucked between your teeth. Youโre upset.
โWhatโs wrong?โ
You meet his doe eyed gaze and hate yourself for thinking about drowning in them. He knows you as well as you know him. So much so that you canโt lie and pretend youโre okay. Heโs read you and heโs decided that youโre not.
So you do the next best thing.
โItโs just stuffy in here,โ you reply passively, maintaining a poker face when you push off the couch and his fingertips leave your shoulder blades. โIโm gonna get some air.โ
The cool evening air hits you the second the front door clicks shut, but it does nothing to clear the sudden suffocating weight in your chest. You walk over to the edge of the porch, gripping the wooden railing just to have something solid to hold onto.
Behind you, the front door opens and shuts. Familiar footsteps thud against the wood. You donโt need to turn around to know itโs him, youโd know the specific cadence of his stride anywhere.
"Hey," Logan says softly, stepping up beside you, jacket in his hand. He leans his forearms against the railing, his large frame blocking out the slight breeze. "You left your jacket inside. Itโs freezing out here."
You make no effort to retrieve the coat from his grasp. You donโt look even at him. Instead, your eyes fixate on a tiny, industrious spider crawling across the top of a plastic patio chair a few feet away. It is small, frantic, and entirely unaware of the shifting plates of your universe, completely consumed by the monumental task of weaving a web between two cheap slats of faux-wicker. You envy it. You want to be anything elseโa spider, a piece of dust, a thread on your frayed braceletโanything but the girl standing under the porch light, slowly unraveling.
"I'm fine," you tell him, the words slipping out easily, rehearsed from a decade of practice.
"You're not fine," he insists softly. Itโs not an accusation. Itโs a statement of fact.
"I am fine," you repeat, but your voice is uneven.
You always are, somehow. Itโs a reflex by now. Burn the midnight oil until your vision blurs, crash through exams on three hours of sleep, watch the boy youโve loved for six years slip through your fingers like waterโthe answer is always the same: Iโm fine.
"Don't do that," Logan mutters, turning his head to look at you. His eyes are swimming with an earnest yet frustrating concern that always makes you want to spill your guts. "We don't do that. Talk to me. Did someone say something inside? Did I do something?"
You let out a breath that cuts like a laugh, though thereโs no humor in it. You look out at the dark front yard, at the dead leaves scattering across the pavement.
You finally turn your head to look at him. You note the exact way the yellow porch light catches the bridge of his nose, the slight shadow of stubble along his jawline. You know every iteration of this face. You know the childhood version, the teenage version, and this current, devastatingly handsome collegiate version.
And yet, looking at him right now, he feels like a stranger wearing your best friend's skin.
"That's just it, Logan. You haven't done anything." Your voice drops, stripped of its usual warmth. "You haven't been doing anything. Not with me, anyway."
He blinks, a small, defensive crease forming between his eyebrows. "I donโt understand.โ
โI know you donโt,โ you murmur.
โThen explain it to me.โ
"It means youโre pulling away," you say directly, the words tasting like copper in your mouth, but you force them out anyway. You don't mention Hannah. You don't have to bring up the way his eyes track her, or the way his laugh sounds higher when sheโs in the room. This isn't about her. This is about him. This is about the space where your best friend used to be. "Youโre always somewhere else. I talk to you, and itโs like Iโm throwing words into an empty room. You look right through me lately. Youโre right here, and it feels like thereโs a thousand miles between us."
Logan stiffens. For a second, his mouth opens to deny it, the knee-jerk reaction of a guy who prides himself on being loyal. But as he looks at youโat the tight line of your jaw, at the way you're holding onto your own arm like youโre trying to keep yourself from falling apartโyou can see the fight slowly leave him.
The silence stretches, punctuated only by the joyous yells of your friends inside.
"I didn't. . .โ Logan starts, his voice dropping an octave. He rubs a hand over the back of his neck, looking down at his shoes. "I didn't realize I was making you feel like that. I swear to God, I didn't."
"Well, you are." Your voice trembles just a fraction, and you hate yourself for it, pulling your shoulders back to overcompensate. "I know that friends drift. But I donโt wanna be background noise in your life.โ
Logan steps closer, closing the small physical gap between you. He reaches out, his large hand wrapping around your forearmโright over the frayed threads of your bracelet. You pray he doesnโt notice the hitching of your breath.
"You're not background noise," he says sincerely, his desperate eyes searching yours. "You could never be. I'm sorry. Seriously. I've had. . . Iโve just had a lot on my mind lately, and Iโve been distracted. Iโve been a shitty best friend, and thereโs no excuse for it. Iโm so sorry."
You look at his hand on your arm. You look at the genuine regret pulling at the corners of his eyes. He doesn't know that the distraction is killing you for an entirely different reason. He just knows he hurt his person, and he wants to fix it.
You swallow the ache in your throat, nodding slowly. You let the anger go, because holding onto it hurts worse than forgiving him does.
"Itโs okay," you assure him. "Just donโt forget about me, dork.โ
"Never," he promises, squeezing your arm before letting go. A small, relieved smile tugs at his lips, the tension leaving his shoulders. He makes no effort to back away from you. Itโs all the more suffocating. "I promise. Hey, you still have that big winter showcase coming up in two weeks, right? For your department?"
"Yeah," you say, a genuine spark of nervousness lighting up your stomach. "Itโs the Friday after this upcoming one."
"I'll be there," Logan says instantly, his voice full of the certainty that usually makes you feel safe. "Front row. I'll even wear a stupid button-down shirt so your professors think I'm respectable. Deal?"
You look at him, wanting so badly to trust the boy who used to share bags of Hot Cheetos on a garage roof.
"Deal," you agree.
The fluorescent lights of the auditorium are blinding. It is 5:30PM. The STEM showcase had officially kicked off at five, the culmination of sleepless semesters, data sheets that blurred into meaningless code by three in the morning, and enough stress to permanently alter your brain chemistry.
Your phone sits completely dark and powered down in the bottom of your tote bag. You hadn't sent Logan a reminder text today. You hadnโt wanted to seem needy, and besides, you figured heโd remember.
He knew what this meant to you. Heโd been the one to hold you on the floor of your bedroom a week ago ago when the overthinking caught up to you, his large hands rubbing slow circles into your back while you sobbed into his chest, terrified that it wouldnโt be enough. Heโd promised then, just like heโd promised on the porch, that heโd be here.
Last night, you had even swung by the hockey house, your presentation slides printed out and shaking in your hands, just looking for a final bit of reassurance to quiet the jitters. But Logan wasn't there. Heโd been at Maloneโs, helping Hannah setup tables and banners for the upcoming weekend showcase she offered to host for music majors.
It was fine, you told yourself. It really was. He was trying to be better, and you could see the effort. The crush was still a persistent ache in your ribs, but he hadn't let it bleed into your friendship the way he had before. You understood what it was like to be at someoneโs beck and callโhell, youโd been at his for six years. You couldn't blame him for falling under Hannahโs gravitational pull.
Logan hadn't been there last night, but Tucker had.
Tucker had stopped chopping vegetables, wiped his hands on a dish towel, and sat you down at the kitchen island. He listened to you stumble through your abstract, giving you a supportive nod when you finished. When you told Tucker he didn't have to worry about coming tomorrow since it was so last minute and Logan would be there anyway, Tucker had just given you an easy smile.
โThen youโll have two of us cheering you on," heโd promised.
Now, standing by your trifold and your laptop, the nerves are a sickening weight in your stomach. Youโve just finished presenting to the final round of judges. Your mouth is dry, your throat tight, but youโd gotten through it just fine.
Tucker had slipped into the back of the room right before your time slot, his broad shoulders cutting a reassuring silhouette against the crowded aisle. Seeing his familiar face had kept your knees from buckling.
But Loganโs seat in the front rowโthe one heโd promised to occupy in a stupid button-down shirtโremained completely empty.
It hurts. A sharp, localized sting right beneath your breastbone. You hadn't told anyone else in your life about the showcase because public speaking made you feel entirely naked, meaning Logan and Tucker were your only safety nets.
Everyone else would most likely be at Maloneโs. You didnโt want them to choose between you and Hannah, because you knew theyโd try to compromise, complicating things. You didnโt want a whole crowd, you were okay with just one person being there.
But you swallow the lump in your throat and smooth down the fabric of your slacks. Itโs fine. Logan probably just got caught in campus traffic, or he had a handyman gig that kept him late. He missed the actual presentation, yeah, but thereโs still time. The showcase goes until eight.
As long as he shows up before the winners are announced, itโll be fine. Heโll still be there to celebrate with you. He has to be.
Two hours later, the auditorium is a blur of echoing applause and bright flashing cameras.
When the department head speaks your name into the microphone, announcing you as the first-place recipient of the showcase, the room erupts. Your peers are cheering, clapping you on the back as you walk up the stage, but the sound feels like itโs happening underwater.
Even the heavy glass they hang around your neck and the oversized novelty checkโgrant money that will entirely fund your next semester of researchโdo nothing to lift the leaden weight in your chest.
Tucker maneuvers through the crowd as soon as youโve left the stage, a massive, proud smile lighting up his face as he pulls you into a bone-crushing hug. He hoists you slightly off your feet, laughing, telling you he always knew you had it in the bag.
But when he pulls back, his smile falters. He looks at your eyes, watery and strained, and the pride in his expression softens into a deep concern. He knows. He can tell exactly how badly you're hurting.
But even now, with a first-place medal heavy against your sternum, you find yourself building a fortress of excuses for John Logan.
You give him the benefit of the doubt, because the alternative is unendurable. Heโd never do this intentionally. Not after last week. Not to you. Something had to have happened. A family emergency with his mom. Something with Jules. Maybe heโd taken a brutal hit at practice and was sitting in the training room with a concussion, his phone locked away. He had to be hurt. He had to be incapacitated.
"Let's get you out of here," Tucker says softly, his hand settling on the small of your back, shielding you from the lingering crowds as you pack up your laptop. "I can walk you back to your dorm."
"Actually," you say, your voice tight as you zip your tote bag, "can you take me back to the house? Honestly, after the day Iโve had, Iโm dying for a home-cooked Tucker special. I need some real comfort food."
You try to make it sound like a casual request, but Tuckerโs hand goes entirely still against your back. He doesn't laugh it off. Instead, an uncomfortable hesitation washes over his features. He looks away, his jaw tightening as he stares out at the emptying auditorium.
In that single beat of silence, a cold and sickening realization dawns on you.
Perhaps Logan isn't sick. Perhaps he isn't hurt. He isn't in a hospital or dealing with a family crisis. Tucker knows exactly where he is.
He forgot.
The thought devastates you, a physical blow that leaves you in theoretical agony, but right on the heels of the sadness comes a sharp, blistering wave of fury. Youโre a winner. You just secured your future for the next semester. This should be one of the greatest nights of your life, and yet Logan has latched himself so deeply into the fabric of your existence that he can still ruin it without even being in the room. You hate yourself for letting him have that much power over you.
"You sure you want to go to the house right now?" Tucker asks, his voice uncharacteristically quiet, laced with a warning he isn't entirely voicing.
You stop, staring at him. Your chest heaves. "Why? Is he there?"
Tucker looks at you, his brown eyes full of a grim, reluctant pity. He stays silent. He doesn't say a word, but his silence tells you everything you need to know. He's there. He's perfectly fine, at the hockey house while you were standing on a stage alone.
A hot, dangerous spark ignites in your blood.
"Take me there," you say, your voice dropping all the compliance, hard as flint. He begins to say your name, but you donโt allow him to. "Tucker. Take me to the house."
The ride to the hockey house is quick, though you believe thatโs a product of the heavy thrum of your own pulse. Tuck keeps one hand on the steering wheel, your grim mood proving itself to be contagious.
Every few minutes, his voice breaks through the quiet of the truck, telling you to take a breath, telling you to try to calm down. But you can hear the sharp undercurrent of his own anger fueling the engine. Heโs pissed on your behalf, but you don't have the capacity to appreciate it right now. You just stare straight ahead.
When the truck comes to a stop in the driveway, you don't wait for Tucker to kill the ignition. You throw the door open and march up the steps, completely ignoring him as he calls your name.
You push the door open, not so much that it was disruptive, but it was noticeable nonetheless.
The warmth of the house hits you first, along with the loud, easy cacophony of a Friday night wind-down. The TV is on, and everyone is scattered across the living room. Allie, Garrett, Dean, and Hannah.
And Logan.
The sheer normalcy of the scene feels like a slap to the face. You stand in the entryway, the first-place medal swinging slightly against your chest, dressed in the gray slacks and blouse youโd picked out so carefully. For a fraction of a second, looking at their relaxed posture and happy faces, you feel entirely microscopic. Like an ant on the back of someoneโs boot, completely insignificant to the world revolving around them.
Then, the room goes quiet.
Dean is the first one to look up from the couch. His eyes take in your sharp posture, the formal attire, and finally, the heavy piece hung around your neck catching the ambient light. A grin breaks across his face, completely ignorant of the storm cloud rolling off your shoulders.
"Look at that," Dean announces, raising his cup in a mock toast. "The prodigal daughter returns!"
Heโs trying to be supportive. Under any other circumstance, youโd smile, youโd thank him through narrowed eyes. You know he doesn't know. He has no idea what Logan promised, or what it cost you to stand on that stage alone.
But you don't look at Dean. You don't look at Garrett or Allie or Hannah.
Your eyes lock onto Logan.
Heโs sitting on the edge of the cushions, and the exact moment your gaze finds his, the color drains completely from his face. Itโs like watching a man realize heโs stepped off a cliff. His eyes drop to the medal on your chest, then snap back up to your face, wide and absolutely crushed. The realization of what heโs done hits him in a ton of bricks.
Usually, that look on his face would undo you. Usually, seeing John Logan look that miserable would trigger every protective instinct youโve harbored for him, making you want to soften the blow, to tell him itโs fine, to smooth it over.
But tonight, you feel absolutely nothing.
The reservoir of sympathy has completely dried up, replaced by a fury that has been bubbling beneath the surface for months.
He hadn't just missed a presentation. He had broken a promise. He had lied to your face on the porch, sworn he was back, and then willfully chose to be somewhere else.
You stare at him, the silence in the room turning suffocatingly loud as the others finally catch onto the tension, and the only thought roaring through your mind is how completely invisible youโve been to him.
That look of shame is enough gratification for you. If he can feel only a fraction of the pain youโd allowed yourself to endure these past few years, that was good for you. You couldnโt stand staring into the eyes of the man you once thought you knew anymore.
You turn your heel against the floorboards, every instinct screaming at you to walk out that door, to erase John Logan from your life, and to leave him standing in the wreckage of a ten-year friendship.
"Wait," his voice cracks through the silence of the room as he calls your name. "Please wait. Iโm sorry. Justโplease, just wait!โ
You halt entirely. Your flats glue themselves to the floor, the medallion thudding against your chest like a pendulum swinging into a dead stop.
Sorry?
The word tastes rancid just hearing it bounce off the walls of the hockey house. You hadn't known what you wanted him to say when you walked through that door.
You hadn't known if there was a combination of vowels and consonants in the English language that could possibly fix this. But hearing his apology serves as nothing other than gasoline thrown directly onto a grease fire.
Slowly, you turn back around.
Your friends look horrified. You almost feel bad that theyโre forced to witness this. You almost want to turn around and leave, leaving this argument for when youโre less heated, less hurt.
But you canโt. He needs to hear you. If not last week or the week before that, now.
Logan takes a step toward you, his hands raised slightly as if approaching a wild animal. "I lost track of time. The showcase at Maloneโsโ"
"Shut up," you say quietly.
The words aren't screamed. They are quiet, sharp, and dripping with an edge that makes Logan freeze in his tracks.
"Just. . . shut the hell up, Logan." You take a step forward, your shoes clicking against the hardwood. "Don't you dare use that as an excuse for being a pathetic, spineless coward."
He glances at the group that has gone dead silent. You donโt know if what he says next is for your sake or his, but you canโt bring yourself to care.
โLetโs go outside,โ he offers, his tone resembling something of a plea. โWe canโโ
โNo!โ you spat harshly. โYouโre gonna listen to me.โ
Youโd never spoken to him this way. Not in such a venomous tone, stripped from all warmth. For once, Logan does exactly what youโve asked of himโto listen. His lips part but no words escape them.
"You sat on the porch two weeks ago," you continue, your voice rising now, the heat finally breaking through the ice. "You held my arm, and you looked me in the eyes and promised me youโd change. Do you have any idea what today was?"
Logan swallows hard, his brown hues welling with a desperate, pathetic panic. "It was the department showcase."
"It was the biggest night of my academic career!" you explode, the anger tearing out of your throat. "I have spent months working on this! I broke down sobbing over this because of how tired I was, and you were the one who held me! You knew exactly how terrified I was. You knew I didn't invite anyone else! What wouldโve happened if Tuck wasnโt there?"
You gesture wildly to the medal around your neck.
"I stood on that stage alone, John. I scanned that auditorium for two hours, giving you the benefit of the doubt. I thought something had happened. I thought you were lying in a ditch somewhere or bleeding out in a hospital, because that is the only reason the John Logan I grew up with would ever miss this!"
A tear escapes his eye, rolling down his tanned cheek. "I messed up. Fuck, I know I messed up. Let me make it up to you, pleaseโ"
"You didn't mess up, you chose!" you hiss, stepping right into his space, forcing him to look down at the fury burning in your eyes. "Youโve made it perfectly clear where I rank on your list of priorities."
"I am wearing a first-place medal," you continue, your voice trembling with a devastating mix of triumph and agony. "I just won enough grant money to pay for my entire next semester of research. This should be the happiest night of my life. But all I can think about is how my best friend couldnโt show up when I needed him.โ
"Please," Logan chokes out, reaching a trembling hand toward your shoulder, his fingers twitching to make that familiar, absent-minded contact. "Justโโ
You snap your shoulder back, avoiding his touch as if his hand were coated in acid.
But as you jerk away, the zipper of his jacket catches on the frayed, fuzzy threads of your embroidered bracelet. There is a sudden rip. The threads give out all at once, unraveling in a split second as the broken token of your childhood slips from your wrist and flutters uselessly to the floor.
Logan freezes, his eyes dropping to the colorful, ruined heap of strings resting on the hardwood between you two.
Itโs symbolic, you think.
"Don't touch me," you say, your voice dropping into a flat, dead register. You stare at him, washing away every ounce of the six years of love, every ounce of the ten years of friendship, until there is absolutely nothing left between you but a void.
"Don't talk to me. Not now. Not tomorrow. Not ever. Youโre dead to me, John."
You turn on your heel and march straight out the front door into the freezing night air.
Logan doesnโt even think before stepping forward to follow after you, but Tucker shuts the door, preventing him from doing so.
He doesn't yell. Instead, he steps into Loganโs space, grabs a fistful of his shirt right at the collar, and shoves him backward into the hallway leading toward the bedrooms. Logan doesn't even try to fight itโhe stumbles back, his eyes wide and vacant, completely numb from the fallout.
Tucker slams the door of his room shut, but he doesn't bother locking it. He doesn't need to.
โWhat the hell were you thinking?โ Tucker demands, his voice a growl that vibrates through the walls. He isnโt screaming, but heโs not exactly whispering. โBecause right now, Iโm having a hard time recognizing one of my best friends.โ
โTuck, I didnโt mean for any of this to happenโโ
โYou made her a promise, man!โ Tucker cuts in sharply. โYou told her youโd be there. You looked her dead in the eye and gave her your word. Do you have any idea what today was like for her?โ
โI lost track of time. Hannahโโ
โDonโt do that,โ Tucker says, his eyes narrowing. โDonโt make this about Hannah. This is about you. You screwed up. Youโve been taking that girl for granted for long enough, and sheโs been in your corner through every stupid decision youโve made. Last night, I was the one sitting with her while she practiced that presentation because you were too busy being handyman.โ
โShe stood on that stage tonight. Every time those judges walked up to her, she checked those doors. Every damn time. She thought something happened to you, because thatโs the only reason she could come up with for why youโd break your word to her. And the whole time, youโre moving tables at Maloneโs? Thatโs your excuse?โ
โI know I messed up,โ Logan chokes out. โI know. Iโll fix it. Iโll talk to herโโ
โNo, you wonโt,โ Tucker says immediately. โNot today. Not anytime soon.โ
He takes a step back, folding his arms across his chest.
โShe told you to stay away. So for once, stop thinking about what you want and listen to what she asked for. You made this mess. If you actually want a shot at fixing it, give her some space and hope she decides youโre worth talking to when sheโs ready.โ
โTuckโโ
โIโm serious, Logan. Leave her alone. The last thing she needs right now is you showing up trying to make yourself feel better.โ
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I am reaching out on behalf of my dear friend, Mohamad S., who is facing one of the most challenging times of his life. Mohamad is 37 years old and left his homeland in 2015 in search of a safer and better future. Heโs a kind, hardworking man, and his small family has always been his greatest priority.
Living abroad, Mohamad has recently endured unimaginable loss and financial strain. Amidst the ongoing conflict in his homeland, his mother passed away, leaving behind his sister and her five young childrenโthe last remaining members of his immediate family.
As the situation worsened, Mohamad managed to help his sister and her children escape to safety in Egypt, covering their immediate needs and securing a temporary refuge for them. Since then, he has been fully responsible for providing everything they need to survive during this transition.
In his efforts to support his family and cope with this devastating loss, Mohamad has found himself deeply in debt. To make matters even more difficult, he recently underwent knee surgery, which limits his ability to return to work for the foreseeable future. This has made it even harder for him to manage his financial responsibilities and the pressing need to provide his family with a stable future.
Mohamad is now working to bring his sister and her five children to join him in Belgium, where he hopes they can find stability and opportunity after all theyโve endured. This transition, however, requires significant resources that he is currently unable to meet alone.
For privacy reasons, we are not sharing Mohamadโs full name, as he has chosen to keep his identity discreet. While he initially refused the idea of asking for help, I couldnโt stand by and watch him struggle alone. I insisted on doing this for him because he deserves a chance to overcome these challenges.
Your contribution will help Mohamad repay the debt incurred during this difficult time, cover ongoing living expenses for his family, and assist with the costs involved in bringing them safely to Belgium.
Mohamad has been a good friend of mine for years, and Iโve always admired his resilience and generosity. Any support, no matter the size, will make an incredible difference in helping Mohamad and his family rebuild their lives after these painful experiences.
Thank you for reading his story and considering helping a man who has always done everything he can for his loved ones.
Adam
Please donate & share: Donation Link
I am reaching out on behalf of my dear friend, Mohamad S., who is faciโฆ Adam Bin Ali needs your support for Help Mohamad reunite his family
๐ Update: As of today, we've raised โฌ7,452 towards our goal with 490 donations! Your support is making a real difference, but we still have a way to go. Please continue to donate and share this campaign with friends and family. Every bit of help brings us closer to reuniting Mohamad's family. Thank you for your kindness and generosity! ๐โค๏ธ
My entry for the "Imagine YOUtopia" challenge on the BMTH discord server. If you're in the server, I'd very much appreciate it if you voted!
I think a fake YOUtopia is being sold (mainly in the ARG) as this seemingly "perfect" place, based on smoke and mirrors. But I think there is a real YOUtopia as well, which can only exist within ourselves when we're able to accept our own love and validation. I also don't think it's a permanently happy state. It's more like an inner garden; it requires lots of nurturing and care to thrive. It has seasons where it's dormant, or overgrown with weeds that let our minds run amok with negative thoughts. But it also has seasons where it blossoms and you're able to be gentle and understanding with yourself regardless of where you are in life. It's constantly shifting and changing, just like nature is. Which is why I chose my visual representation of this as plant-life breaking free from Syko's chest, as a reminder that the world can be a very cruel place, so we need to try our best to be kind to ourselves, ESPECIALLY in our darkest moments
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i need to eat a food. none of the food in the house is The Right Food. what is the right food? only god knows. and we're not on speaking terms right now.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Free to watch โข No registration required โข HD streaming