talah

Lyra stared at her ceiling for a few more minutes before she decided she couldn’t take it anymore. Her throat was drying and she didn’t have her water bottle in her room. She slipped out of her bed and into the hallway, carefully tiptoeing to the staircase so she didn’t accidentally wake up Cooper.

Avoiding the one step that always creaked, Lyra flicked the switch on the wall beside her, turning the living room lamp on. She started heading to the kitchen, but she paused in front of the corridor that held the spare bedroom. Was Grayson asleep or was he also lying awake, tossing and turning?

Lyra considered the idea of checking on him, but she thought against it before her feet could move. Her mind flashed to when they’d shared a bed during the game, the way it felt so easy to sleep next to him as if it were natural. Lyra shook her head, banishing the idea from her mind. She was in her childhood home for goodness sake, and even though she doubted something would happen, she knew her parents would not appreciate finding her in the same bed as Grayson in the morning.

With that thought, Lyra turned away from the corridor and swung open the kitchen door, only to find the light already on and someone sitting at the counter.

“Dad?” Lyra asked as she walked up to a cabinet to get a glass. “Why are you still awake?”

“I could ask you the same thing, kiddo,” her dad said, taking a sip of tea. 

"I couldn't sleep," Lyra said with a shrug.

She noted that he was drinking chamomile tea, which he only drank when he was upset and had a hard time sleeping. She filled her glass and sat on one of the bar stools beside her dad. They were silent for a few minutes, but there’s always been silent moments with them they didn’t feel like they had to fill.

“I’ve been thinking, Lyra,” her dad finally said slowly, “about the things we all talked about earlier. And I just can’t-“ her dad paused, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. “I can’t wrap my head around what really happened to you.”

Lyra looked down at her water glass. On the one hand she was glad that her parents hadn’t known what happened, because that meant they didn’t lie to her. But on the other, she hated that they had to find out like this.

Her dad rubbed the side of his mug with his thumb, staring at the steam instead of her. "I've been replaying the last three years in my head. Now I'm wondering how many times I looked at you without seeing that there was something wrong."

“I’m sorry.” Lyra’s voice came out as a whisper. “I didn’t mean for you guys to find out like this.”

Her dad shook his head almost immediately. "No, don’t apologize.” He paused for a few moments before continuing. “I’ve been thinking about how you'd come home from dance and steal chocolate before dinner. Your mom would yell at you but you kept doing it. Then one day you stopped. Your mom said you were just growing up."

He smiled sadly. "I remember thinking... when did my little girl stop sneaking chocolate? Now I know."

His voice broke at the end, and it surprised Lyra. Keith Kane has always been steady and strong. He rarely broke.

“I’m still that girl,” Lyra whispered. “I just forgot how to be her for a while.”

Her dad took a deep breath. “Your mom and I thought it was best to not push you. And I don’t blame you for changing the way you did because if it were me I would’ve also pulled away from the world as much as I could. But I feel like I can just blame myself for not being a better father and helping you more.”

Lyra stared at him. She'd spent so many years imagining what this conversation would be like if it ever happened. She'd imagined anger, questions, and silence. She'd never imagined seeing her dad look broken.

“No,” Lyra said, resting her hand on her dad’s shoulder. He dad turned his gaze away from the mug of tea in front of him, studying her face. “Don’t blame yourself. It’s not your fault. You are the best father I could ever ask for. The only father I’ve ever known. And you might not see it but you did help me.”

Lyra’s eyesight got blurred on the edges and she tried to keep the tears in. “I know I chose to go far away for college. But every time things became too much this was still the place I wanted to come back to. Even at my worst you never stopped caring for me or telling me that I will always be your daughter. I've never doubted your love.”

Her dad looked down, covering his mouth with one hand. He nodded, like he was trying very hard to stay composed. Then he pulled her into his arms, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “I hate that you had to be so strong. You were supposed to have more time before the world asked this much of you,” he murmured into her head.

Lyra looked up at him. “I’m only strong because I’m my father’s daughter.”

Her dad’s lips spread into a small smile as he playfully messed up her hair. Lyra breathed out a laugh and took a sip of water as they fell back into comfortable silence again.

Then her dad broke it. “So,” he said, looking back over his shoulder to kitchen door, “he’s still here.” 

Lyra followed his gaze toward the door she left open. She knew exactly who he meant.

“You don’t have to worry about Grayson,” Lyra said, shaking her head. 

Her dad gave her a look, one eyebrow raised. “Most people would’ve run.”

“He wouldn’t because he’s a good man. And he’s helped me in so many ways I can’t even describe.” Lyra’s voice came out softer than she expected it to.

Her dad shook his head. “I stand by what I said. There isn’t a man on this earth that’s good enough for my daughter.”

Then he studied her face for a few moments, his expression softening. “Do you feel safe with him?”

Lyra thought back to the game, to all the moments between the two of them. Dancing at the masquerade, pulling each other from the cliffs, solving all they’ve uncovered together. She thought about all those stolen moments, stolen kisses, and the way his hand felt on the back of her neck. Warm and steady.

There had been a time she couldn't remember what peace felt like. Then she'd met Grayson. The answer came so easily it almost surprised her. 

“Yes.” Her voice came out barely a whisper but her dad heard her. He nodded his head as if he knew just how much she was actually feeling.

“Then he deserves a chance. But just remember that your happiness is important, above everything else. You are important.”

It was Lyra’s turn now to nod her head as her dad finished the last of his tea. He stood to put the mug in the sink.

“We should head to bed or else your mom will complain how lazy we’re being for sleeping in,” her dad said.

Lyra stood from her bar stool and crossed the kitchen, wrapping her arms around his waist. 

“I love you, dad,” she whispered against his chest.

He kissed the top of her head again. “I love you too, Lyra.”