A small rant about FOMO and peer pressure, from a girlie who has, subtly and unsubtly, changed parts of its mannerisms so that it could stop being excluded by her peers
I want to start this post off by saying that this is entirely based off my perception of my personal experiences, not on any scientific facts.
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Lately, I’ve often heard the sentiment of “Peer pressure doesn’t really exist lol, that’s just in the movies. It’s actually FOMO.”
And I have a few thoughts on this.
First point:
Yes. A lot of what is perceived as “peer pressure” is internal, and is indeed more accurately defined/referred to as FOMO. It’s this phenomenon where people around us do things and never explicitly tells us to also start doing it, but we feel the need to do it so we’d fit in.
And I have definitely fallen for this too! Back then, I started using profanity a lot and learned a few sexual jokes because that is what my “friends” did.
They never verbally said stuff like “Why don’t you swear, you’re such a loser”. They’re not cartoon bullies. But it was present in how they talked around me. The way they censored themselves so obviously, because I was seen as the “weird, innocent kid” that they weren’t allowed to cuss or talk about sexual stuff near.
It felt strange, like my “innocence” was some burden they needed to carry. So I became like them. I didn’t become more accepted or anything, I was still the weird kid, but they did stop censoring themselves around me. I was... happy enough with that.
There are a few other things I started doing and stuff I stopped using because I wanted to be like my peers in hope they’d love and accept me as much as they love and accept eachother and what seemed like everyone else except me and a few other “weird kids”.
So yes, a lot of “peer pressure” is indeed more of a FOMO thing.
But ALSO!
My second point:
While the cases in those high school movies are very much exaggerated,
I have indeed felt firsthand that kind of peer pressure. Not my FOMO, not my internal desperation to be liked, but genuine pressure from my peers, be it obvious or not.
They didn’t call me weird to my face. But the comments were there.
“Oh... You don’t have Instagram/TikTok?” “No/I have an account but it’s inactive since I deleted the app” “Oh, why not tho? You should install it again.”/“Could you follow me tho?”/“But this is the class/grade/school account, yk! You should follow it. We’re a family. (← Why the heck do they sound like corporations??)”
“You should try this [beauty product]. It’d fit your face super well!” (I’d tell them I don’t use that stuff due to not liking those textures on my face n stuff) “Awh, but this would be so good for you! It’s your shade/perfect for your skin/etc. Besides, this is what grown girls do.”
It’s not extremely often, but it has happened!
I didn’t really succumb to that type of peer pressure since by the time they started doing it, I was already done trying to fit in and kind of just had my own little circle with very few acquaintances outside of my immediate group.
But it does happen.
It’s not fair to dismiss all peer pressure as internal, because even though it’s not as dramatic as in musicals and such, external pressure from peers does exist and can be just as damaging/could affect someone as much as their own FOMO.
I have definitely been left out of old friend groups because I didn’t do something they all liked to do. They literally just stopped talking to me. That’s definitely not my FOMO.
Summary
My end point here is that while the threat of being excluded by our peers is often a fear driven by our own insecurities and not by reality, sometimes that threat is real and people are forced to conform unless they want to be lonely.
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And... that’s it. I have no idea what this entire thing means, these are just a few thoughts that I had after seeing those videos abt “What peer pressure actually is”.
Okie, bye!
