"ooh i wonder what happens in the locked tomb" i say before i read the locked tomb
"ooh i wonder what happens in the locked tomb" i say after having read the locked tomb
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"ooh i wonder what happens in the locked tomb" i say before i read the locked tomb
"ooh i wonder what happens in the locked tomb" i say after having read the locked tomb

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it is so stupid and evil that you cannot romance the spider
oh my god. oh my god, I just realized, I’m an author. I can just write a book where this is the love interest. holy shit.
ONE YEAR LATER! The Ignoble Invasion of Prince Proculo is available for pre-order worldwide (links below)
I think one of the funniest things that book Ryland Grace does is continue to do excessive centrifugal force stuff with the ship after it almost killed him and he's just like "It's okay Rocky I'll just pass out. If anything else happens, you got this." And Rocky is never once a fan of that plan.
(prev tags from @synthyk LMAO)
They match each other’s freak to a degree that is dangerous to the public
reading about Glenda fumbling a baddie was extremely satisfying, unfortunately sometimes she was a little relatable (ok maybe just one time)

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Like I just feel like a concerning amount of social skills advice for autistic people is written with the fundamentally incorrect assumption that 1) all autistic people could learn how to socialize normally if only they knew it was important and put in a bit of effort, and that 2) thus it is actually fine to judge the autistic people who don't
3) somehow the way to convince all these autistic people of the importance of "learning the rules" and make them put In the effort, is to be a condescending and rude asshole (a totally novel approach!!)
hilarious how grace is wandering around that aircraft carrier thinking i'm just a guy. meanwhile his security clearance is technically on the same level as the actual eva stratt herself
#phm#in the book he's like#'my office is technically a storage closet. they're gonna kick me out of here when we resupply. i'm about as important as toilet paper.'#man you live on a boat. how many other people on the boat have an office at all.#you're the guy who looks at the paperwork and signs shit that's not worth bothering stratt over#which you can choose to interpret as either not very important or VERY IMPORTANT INDEED.#you're the guy who says 'yeah i think this plan is scientifically feasible'#to which stratt says 'okay my pet scientist says it'll work‚ let's go ahead and pave the sahara.'
Every morning, the queen asked her magic mirror to show her the most beautiful person in the world.
The mirror replied "To whom?"
"The miller who made the flour for my bread," the queen would say, or "Whoever spun the thread my shawl was made of".
The mirror would show her, and she'd be amazed.
The first time, she says "To me," and the mirror dutifully shows her her reflection. And she is pleased.
The second time, she says "To the King," and she is pleased to see herself once more.
The third time, she says "To the Royal Advisor," and is once more satisfied to see herself.
The fourth time, she says "To the scribe who takes the King's letters." She is shown the man's wife. And she seethes, but quiets herself, for it is only right that a man loves his wife.
The fifth time, she says "To the Court Wizard," and is shown the man's departed mother as he remembers her from his youth, radiant and smiling and warm and larger than life.
The tenth time, she says "To the Stable Master," and is shown the fastest horse in the stable, majestic and free as the wind even in captivity
"To the baker," she is shown the man's daughter, young and adorable and full of joy and laughter.
"To the artist who did my portrait," she is shown a painting of a woman done by the man's teacher, who he still looks up to now that he is well established himself.
"To the Royal Knight," she is surprised but not displeased to see the castle's entire guard force in the middle of doing drills.
The one hundredth time she asks the mirror, and it asks her "to whom?" she once again says, "To me." And she does the same the one hundred and second, and again and again and again.
It is a different person each time, and they are all beautiful.
Art school is so funny
Letsgooo

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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as a chemist i would like to say BWAHAHAHAHAHA
image description at explainXKCD:
explain xkcd is a wiki dedicated to explaining the webcomic xkcd. Go figure.
its a bit easier for astronomers
NO! Where’s the non-metals and metaloids?!
are they hydrogen or helium
oxygen, carbon, sulfur, xenon, iodine, neon, etc etc.
ooo okay i see the confusion. you're listing off a bunch of metals there
…. You’re breaking my chemistry nerd brain. Hhhuuuhhhh???
im an astrophysicist
but but, science is science?!
and different fields of science have different conventions and definitions for their unique contexts
two half-body commissions for @kiwiibiird, her d&d players' human wizard turned slime Adam and human monk Alistair! thank you for commissioning me 💜
Hannah Montana is fucked up because its entire POINT as a show is that children should be protected from fame and exploitation, but it stars a REAL little girl that's being exploited. Nearly every episode carries the looming threat of Miley being outed as Hannah and losing her peaceful teenage life to the ravages of fame. Her father in the show (played by her own father in real life) wisely protected her from the trauma of fame by making her wear a disguise and live a rather quiet, interview-free life. Meanwhile the REAL Billy Ray Cyrus sold his daughter to Disney Channel when she was 11 and forced her to read dialogue about how terrible it would be to face the public eye. Like... Jesus, dude. The fictional Robby Ray is 10x the father, and it's not even close. (It's also IMMENSELY funny that her dad doesn't use his real name in the show, while she does. Almost like he wanted a bit of a disconnect between his identity and his character. Something Miley didn't get.)
Hyperrealistic simulacrum of a good father
how measurements work in canada (ie/ badly)
@/teaboot
This isn't even a joke it's just what we do

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Bro is cooking
I don't read as much fic as I used to but one "tell" for non Canadians writing us, besides the etransfer, is the units you use to describe us measuring something. I hate to tell you this but The Chart is real and it's completely subconscious. Please abide