these sam lines from 1.11 Scarecrow have always struck me as such a cruel thing to say (and i know dean forgave him immediately because he’s a sweetheart but i was put on this earth to hold dean’s grudges for him and holding this one i am) even though i get they were coming from a place of heightened emotion. it’s just, only two episodes since 1.09, when dean admits to sam for the first time ever that mary’s death haunts him so badly he swore to himself he’d never go back to lawrence again… just feels disproportionately mean.
but on this rewatch it’s the lines before it that hit me:
sam is an obvious john mirror starting as early as 1.01. it’s not particularly subtle, and the show definitely wants you to pick up on it. it’s not just the similarities in their storylines, ie. losing their partners to the same entity; it’s in their natures. their tendencies toward fanaticism, toward obsession. the driving force behind what keeps both of them hunting in s1 is revenge.
the common fanon misconception is that s1 dean is the one who wants to find john the most, that he has an unchallenged and uncritical devotion to his father, that he hunts because he’s trying to emulate john, that he’d do anything john tells him to. and yes, he’s on this hunt in 1.11 because john contacted them for the first time in months and ordered them work this job. but what we’ve been shown for most of the season is dean leading sam on hunts under the weight of john’s total radio silence, helping people because it’s the right thing to do, and not really looking especially hard for john at all after 1.02. in fact, in that very episode, sam wants to abandon the hunt (and the people they’ve started helping) when the trail to john goes cold, and it’s dean who has to convince him to stay and rescue everyone.
it’s like dean says above. what’s most important to him isn’t the revenge quest sam and john are on, even though we’ve been shown and told time and time again in just eleven episodes that he feels mary’s loss so keenly it still actively hurts, still controls actions he does or does not take, is still a pain he carries with him 22 years later. and of course he does want to find justice for her. but what’s most important to him is saving people. he isn’t obsessed with punishing something for her loss, he’s trying to prevent loss like that from happening to other people. that’s a large part of what he took away from mary’s death. of course he knows how sam feels; sam doesn’t know how dean feels.
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