"well, shit."

my writing gland is purple and swollen

I have this theory that the more defensive an animal is around their home, the tastier their offspring must be. I came up with this theory two summers ago when my friend and I accidentally stepped on a yellow jacket nest and they proceeded to sting us so incredibly painfully and stalk us to try to finish the job. We barely made it out alive! Since yellow jackets don’t actually make anything tasty like honey, I concluded that there must be something even tastier worth protecting; their offspring. Yellowjacket larvae must be so incredibly delicious and tender that they must not only deliver a powerful sting, but hunt down any trespassers to death. Anyway, I don’t have any evidence for this theory yet but I’m hoping to try it out soon by acquiring a beekeeper costume and grabbing a yellow jacket grub to see what it tastes like

who the fuck even uses "pretty boy" as an insult any more I thought we all came to the agreement that all it does is make you sound like you want to stick your tongue down the other guy's throat

nothing funnier than saying "back in my day" in your 20s as if you aren't the toddler of adults

mostly i do god knows what

for sale: Baby Shoes Stylish Infant Boy Girl Unisex First Walker Shoes Toddler Walking Crib Shoes Lightweight Non-Slip Sneakers For 6 9 12 18 24 Months Baby Shoes New With Tags New In Box Excellent Condition Never Worn

casting a spell to turn a million sad and miserable girls into the happy, fat and hairy men, transmascs and dykes they were always meant to be

washing dishes is evil because you go "oh fuck there's so many dishes this is gonna take foreverrr" and then you enter the dish abyss and emerge with your abdomen somehow covered in water and your hands all wrinky and then you look at the clock and what felt like half an hour was actually 10 minutes