Had the keys to my car in my hand, but I didn't leave,

Jongho wanted to hit himself with his own car. This whole thing was so stupid and he knew it, but as he saw you talking to his members through the window of the house, he couldn’t bring himself to start the car and leave.

He couldn’t remember the last time he’d gone this long without hearing your voice. It was driving him mad, but he couldn’t face you, not after what he’d done.

Laying his head against the steering wheel, Jongho groaned. He missed you in every sense of the word and every way possible, but that just made him want to keep his distance even more.

He just sat in his car, thinking back a week ago when he’d drunkenly kissed you. It was perfect, more incredible than he could’ve dreamed, until you pushed him away. He’d been so embarrassed that he’d just left.

He just got up, and walked out. He’d been avoiding you ever since.

For good reason, at least he thought so. If he didn’t face you, he wouldn’t have to face your spoken rejection of him. He understood you pushing him away loud and clear, but he didn’t think his heart could handle actually hearing the words.

He knew you hadn’t told the rest of the guys about what had happened, because none of them had tried to fight him on your behalf yet, but it was likely coming. Until then, he could pretend everything was fine so long as you weren’t in the room with him.

Jongho wasn’t planning on avoiding you forever, just until he could handle you telling him you never wanted to see him again.

Cause the potential of us, it was keeping me up all night long. I left a text you won't read all night long.

“Answer the phone damn it!” You yelled at the automated voice, getting really tired of hearing it instead of your best friend.

You laid out on your bed, staring at the ceiling and willing your blood pressure to drop back into safe and normal levels. You were exhausted, had been for a week, but every time you closed your eyes, you felt his lips pressed to yours and it spiked your heart rate all over again.

You felt like you were going insane. The man kissed you, and then just walked away and became a ghost. You didn’t know if you wanted to strangle him or make out with him once you finally got your hands on him again.

You had always known the two of you would make a perfect couple, you were just waiting for him to wake up and realize it. Then, once it seems like he finally does, he does this.

You sigh, reaching for your phone once more. As you clicked on his contact again and watched your phone dial his once more, you were convinced that at this point if someone looked up the definition of insanity, they'd find a picture of you holding that damn phone.

Let me just lose my mind, is it purely platonic to call me, like, every night?

Jongho wanted to throw his phone out a window or off the nearest skyscraper. He couldn’t understand why you kept calling him.

There were a few times his finger had hovered over the answer button. A few times he’d considered hearing what you so desperately wanted to tell him. But the memory of your last rejection kept him from finding out.

But he couldn’t understand why. He wouldn’t call someone multiple times every night if he never wanted to see them again.

Jongho figured he was being dramatic. He was looking too much into everything and letting his mind wander away. You wouldn’t abandon him entirely because of one drunken mistake.

You probably just want to talk it out and get your best friend back. He could understand that.

Except, he couldn’t be your best friend again. Not in a perfectly platonic and normal person way. And, as much trouble as it was causing him now, he could never treat the kiss like a mistake.

So Jongho decided to do what anyone in his predicament would do, and turned his phone on silent and buried it in a box of rice he put in the pantry.

You know, Ashley believes that there's something between you and I.

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you and Y/n were having a lovers quarrel.” Hongjoong said into the almost empty studio.

Jongho had decided to take the last recording session of the day, knowing you always went home right at seven so you could feed your cats, and you would work on the leftover recordings the next morning.

Jongho bristled at his Captains words. “What do you mean by that?”

Hongjoong raised an eyebrow at his tone.

“I mean you’re acting like she put shit in your cereal bowl instead of giving you cocoa pebbles. And she’s so tense that she actually snapped at Yeosang today. So, what are my favorite lovers quarreling about?”

“We’re not lovers.” Jongho grumbled.

Hongjoong made a noise of understanding that put Jongho even more on edge.

“I see.”

“You see what?”

“You two finally did something about your feelings. I’m sorry it didn’t go well, I really thought it would.”

“What are you talking about? We don’t have feelings of any sort.”

Hongjoong actually laughed at that. “Yeah, and I’m tall. The two of you have been dancing around your feelings for each other about as long as Y/n’s been working with us.”

“You’re wrong. There’s nothing going on between us.”

Hongjoong stared at Jongho for a good long while, long enough that Jongho actually started to feel uncomfortable under the scrutiny. Then he just sighed.

“Okay. I’m gonna need you to sing the last line again.”

Jongho didn’t know if he should be thrilled or completely disappointed that Hongjoong was so willing to believe that there was nothing between you and him.

But if I'm readin' it wrong, then it'd be better off if I died, oh

Jongho couldn’t stop thinking about Hongjoong’s words for the next couple of days. The two of you have been dancing around your feelings for each other about as long as Y/n’s been working with us. What did he mean by that? Jongho hadn’t even realized he’d had feelings for you until fairly recently.

Did everyone else know? Have you known all this time even when he didn’t?

He tried to keep from panicking at the prospect.

What if you’d spent all this time constantly hoping he wasn’t going to ruin your friendship by announcing the crush you could already see he had on you, and then he went and did exactly that?

Hongjoong suggested that it was mutual though, that you also had feelings for him. But Jongho knew that wasn’t true. It couldn’t have been. You’d pushed him away. You’d set that boundary. Jongho knew you didn’t feel the same way as he did because you’d made that painfully clear.

Hongjoong was wrong. It was that simple.

But if so, why did he even suggest that?

Jongho didn’t want to think too much into it. He was better off pretending none of it happened. He’d get back to normal soon, he just needed a little more time.

And if you're reading the text all night long.

You were getting to the point where you were no longer frustrated. You were getting downright pissed off.

Jongho wasn’t answering his calls, he wasn’t answering his texts. He wasn’t at home, but he also was never at the studio. You knew he was still coming into the studio, you had received a number of recordings to work into various pieces despite never once laying eyes on the man to prove as much.

You had a suspicion that he was purposefully choosing times to come in and record that he knew you wouldn’t be able to. His avoidance of you could be considered impressive if it wasn’t so aggravating.

Scrolling up past the dozens of messages you’d left him over the past two weeks he’d been missing from your life, you let yourself settle in for a quiet night of reading old texts to pretend everything was okay.

It was sad, you could admit that. What grown woman that worked in the music industry was spending her Saturday nights reading old texts and acting like she’s going through a divorce just because her best friend was actively treating her like a plague? You, apparently.

You almost found yourself wishing you could go back in time and change it. If you knew Jongho was going to get this freaked out, you would have never let him kiss you in the first place.

You missed your best friend. You missed receiving complaints about his members and what they’re doing throughout the day, you missed being able to reach out and randomly discuss super deep topics before cracking a joke and moving on into something more lighthearted. You missed Jongho.

And as elated as the kiss had made you, you’d rather get a random out of context tmi text again.

At least then you knew Jongho wanted you in his life.

This could be a disaster there’s so many factors, like, what if you freak out and then we're losing it all,

Wooyoung was getting real sick of this shit.

One of his dearest friends was a ghost and the other would probably snap someone’s head off if they breathed too loudly.

It was getting out of hand and he’d had enough, so he did the only logical thing a person could think to do. He invited them both over to his house without telling them that the other would also be there.

“Are you sure this is a good idea?”

Wooyoung wasn’t pleased with the lack of enthusiasm from the rest of the team. You and Jongho went from inseparable to unbearable so fast it’d give a normal person whiplash. But Wooyoung wasn’t a normal person, and this was exactly what he thought you’d need. He was going to get to the bottom of why his two friends were acting so weird if it was the last thing he did.

Wooyoung had it all figured out. He knew neither of you would be very happy with the intervention, that’s why he had your favorite snack and Jongho’s favorite drink to help calm the storm that he will most definitely have to deal with.

You arrived first and you knew almost immediately that Wooyoung was up to something. You didn’t have time to question him about how suspicious he was acting before the door opened again.

You felt your heart leap into your throat as Jongho quietly hung his jacket up next to Wooyoung’s door. He shook out his hair, which you noted had gotten slightly longer, before finally looking up and seeing you.

Jongho froze like a deer in headlights, his breath catching in his throat as his eyes met yours.

“Hi.” He sounded breathless, a little scared, and looked like he was itching to turn and run the opposite direction.

“Hi.” You responded, feeling like you wanted to throw up or throw yourself at him.

“So um, why don’t we all take a seat?”

And just like that, the spell was broken. The tension turned almost palpable as both parties turned on Wooyoung who, to his credit, shrunk into himself some.

“Hey hey, we’re not here to talk to me.”

“That’s literally why probably both of us showed up.” You deadpanned.

“Okay well, surprise! That’s not why we’re here. We’re here to get to the bottom of why you guys have been so weird the past few weeks.”

“I haven’t been weird at all.” Jongho defended.

You scoffed.

Jongho’s eyes narrowed on you. “What?”

“Nothing.”

“No, not nothing. What? Why’d you scoff?”

“Maybe because you’re just going around spreading lies now.”

“I am not.”

“You just did. ‘I haven’t been weird at all’. Jognho you’ve been nothing but weird since we kissed!”

Wooyoung gasped, but his mouth was almost immediately covered by San’s hand. You didn’t even notice that the entire group was present, your sole focus was pinned on Jongho.

“Well maybe I wouldn’t have been weird if we hadn't kissed.”

Wooyoung was glad to see the two of you talking things through, though he was beginning to wish he’d had the foresight to make popcorn for it. What Wooyoung hadn’t accounted for, however, was your fathers temper shining through and bringing out Jongho’s.

“You, ugh! I can’t stand you! You kissed me, Jongho! And then you just left! Just got up and walked right on out the door! And you’ve been ignoring me ever since as if I’m the one that kissed you!”

“No, you’re not the one that kissed me. You’re just the one that pushed me away!”

“Pushed you away? What the fuck are you talking about?”

“I kissed you. I’m man enough to admit to that. But you’re the one that pushed me back. You drew that line and I’ve been trying to respect it, Y/n. But damn, if I knew it was going to bother you this much I wouldn’t have done it!”

At the critical chapter where I say, "I love you" and you don't say it after?

“It didn’t bother me and I didn’t push you away. I’m literally in love with you!”

You hear another gasp from the group watching off to the side, but you couldn’t care enough to see who it came from. Your chest was rising and falling shakily. Your eyes were pinned to Jongho’s and you couldn’t look away if you wanted to.

The room fell deathly silent.

You waited. You weren’t sure for what, but you stood in that silence until you couldn’t take it anymore.

“I have to go.”

You were at the door, dodging Jongho’s hand as he reached out for you before slamming the door shut behind you.

You weren’t sure what you’d expected to happen, but you could feel your heart as it shattered into tiny pieces. You felt each individual shard pierce through your soul.

You didn’t want to let yourself have hope, but for a moment while you were arguing, he’d seemed so passionate about that night that you’d thought, just maybe…

But now you felt like the worlds biggest idiot. How were you supposed to face any of them after announcing you loved him and getting rejected like that?

Sure, they were your friends. But they were his friends first, and if he makes them pick sides you’ll not only be losing your best friend, but seven of the dearest people to your heart. And your favorite job.

This could be a disaster, I'm pedaling backwards by sayin' that "I'm drunk I really shouldn't have called,"

“Y/n pick up the phone, I just want to make sure you’re safe.” Yeosang looked up at the group and shook his head no.

Jongho felt about ready to punch every surface he could reach, and just keep going until his hands went numb or the skin was completely scraped from his knuckles. Whichever came first.

He felt like an idiot. He was an idiot. He had spent weeks avoiding you from fear of rejection, only to shut down and say nothing when you told him you loved him.

As he remembered the look on your face just before you bolted out the door, he felt like he was going to be sick. He knew that image would be burned into his memory for many years to come.

It was almost ironic, how fast the script had been flipped on him. Jongho spent weeks dodging your calls, and in one afternoon he became the one unable to get an answer.

He didn’t know where to even start to look for you. If you didn’t want to be found, you wouldn’t have gone home or to the studio, those were the first places Jongho would look for you.

Jongho and the rest of the boys spent hours looking for you, calling you, texting you. Everyone was getting worried, Wooyoung even went to your place to make sure your cats were fed on their proper schedule.

Jongho was ready to pull his hair out from frustration when his phone lit up with his favorite picture of you. He dropped his phone in his rush to answer, but answered before it went to voicemail.

“Y/n.”

“You’re a dick, you know that? Like honestly I don’t even know why I love you. You lead me on for like, years, and then you kiss me, and then you ignore me, and then we finally talk and I tell you I love you and you like, just look stupid. Standing there like a, I don’t fucking know, you looked like a fish or something.”

“Y/n, where are you?”

“Fuck off, you don’t get to sound worried about me.”

“How much have you had to drink, love?”

“Don’t love me asshole. Ah fuck. Did I call you? Damn I’m stupid. I gotta go, Jongho. I shouldn’t have called you.”

“No! Y/n, baby don’t hang up on me. Tell me where you are and I’ll come get you. Or one of the other boys can if you don’t want to see me right now.”

The quiet on the other end of the line had him nibbling on his lip nervously. Then his phone dinged with a message saying you shared your location with him.

“I’m on my way baby, okay? Ask for some water and stay put. I’ll be there soon.”

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever.”

I'm a little bit plastered, you call me a liar, now I'm fallin' in faster, this could be a disaster.

“Hey baby.” Your head snapped up off the counter of the bar at the sound of his voice, the cadence slicing through every other overwhelming sound in the building.

“The fuck are you doing here?” You mumbled, reaching out for him.

You watched blearily as he gave his card over to the bartender, paying out your tab before gently looping your arms around his neck and scooping you up like you weighed nothing.

“You called me to come get you.”

“Did I? Shit, how much did I drink?”

“Hopefully enough that you forget this whole day and we can try talking again tomorrow.”

Your eyes widened. “Oh yeah! I told Jongho I loved him today. Damn, rejection fuckin sucks.”

“I didn’t reject you.”

“Lies. Totally did. Like, who just stares at someone after they told you they loved you?”

Jongho wanted to argue it, wanted to be upset by you calling him a liar. But you were too damn cute to be upset with, and you had a point. He did just stand there like a fool staring at you.

“Let’s just get you home, okay? We can talk about this tomorrow.”

“Don’t wanna talk about it. Loving you has just been one disaster after another. ‘M tired, Jongho.”

“I know, Y/n. I know.”

You were asleep in his arms before he even got out of the bar. He held you a little tighter as you curled into him, hoping he hadn’t messed everything up entirely.

When he got you back to your apartment, he helped you as you sleepily did a limited version of your night routine. He tucked you into bed before turning to leave you alone.

“Jongho,” turning to look at you, he took note of how beautiful you looked curled up in the sheets and looking at him. “I don’t want you to leave me.”

He walked back over to you, pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead.

“Never again, baby. I promise.”

Maybe I'm mistaken, you’re not mine for taking.

When you woke up the next morning, it was to your head pounding. You sat up sluggishly to find a glass of water and some medication on your nightstand.

Slowly, you gulped down the medicine and water before attempting to get out of bed as the day before started resurfacing in your memories. You immediately looked to the other side of the bed, hoping to find your best friend tangled up in your bed. But instead you found completely untouched sheets.

Trying to stave down the pang of hurt blossoming in your chest, you went about your morning routine while mentally preparing boundaries you were now going to have to set with your best friend. Jongho may be your favorite person, but you weren’t dumb enough to break your own heart to keep him around now knowing there was no chance there. Things were going to have to change between the two of you if any friendship was going to stay intact.

But then you heard rustling from somewhere outside of your bedroom, immediately putting you on edge. You grabbed the closest possible weapon, your flat iron, and made your way towards the door, ready to investigate like some sort of horror movie heroine. Times like this are when you’re going to miss Jongho the most going forward, seeing as you’d usually hide in your closet and call him in this kind of scenario.

As the shuffling outside your door got closer, you took a deep breath, sent up a prayer for safety, and then opened your door and swung.

“Ow! What the- Y/n?”

You dropped your weapon with a gasp.

“Jongho? What are you doing here?” You hissed.

“I’m bringing you something to eat, what are you doing?” he asked incredulously.

“Someone was in my house.” You shrugged.

“Yeah, me.”

“Well how was I supposed to know that?”

Jongho just stared at you blankly.

“Because you asked me to stay.”

He said it as if it were the clearest answer to any question ever asked. Your heart fluttered slightly, but you just straightened your shoulders and looked him in the eye.

“I was drunk.”

“And I wasn’t going to leave you in that state alone.”

He stared right back, and a part of you wanted to just break down and run to him.

“I’m not now, so what’s your excuse?”

“I already told you, I’m bringing you something to eat. Your stomach will thank me later.”

The air was thick with tension as he gently grabbed your hand to pull you down the stairs toward your kitchen. You found a delicious looking breakfast spread out beautifully across your dining table, and your stomach grumbled loudly at the aroma filling your living space.

He pulled out a chair for you and you thanked him quietly as you sat. He joined you for your breakfast, making sure your plate was filled first before touching the food himself.

The silence that hovered over that table was unlike anything you’d ever experienced by Jongho’s side. It was awkward, tension-filled, and made you want to cry at times. As if you were both mourning the end of your friendship, as if you both knew nothing would be the same between you two again after this meal. You ate slowly, hoping that you could prolong your time with your best friend, even if only for a few minutes.

Once he finished his plate, Jongho watched in silence for a few moments before finally clearing his throat.

“I’m not sure there’s going to be a good time to say this, so I’m just gonna do it. And it’s okay if you want me to leave after, I’ll understand.” Jongho took a deep breath, suddenly unable to meet your gaze, but gently took one of your hands from across the table.

“Y/n, I love you. So much it makes me stupid. Which is why I avoided you after the kiss, and why I was silent yesterday. I know it’s not really a good reasoning, but it’s the truth. I was so terrified that I’d made a mistake, that I messed everything up, that I ruined what we had, that when you — yesterday I mean — I don’t know, it’s like my brain refused to let me believe it was true.”

You squeezed his hand firmly, sensing he was getting close to full on rambling. You’d seen that side of him before, but rarely. It was a side of himself that shined when he was really nervous and emotional.

When he finally looked up at you, you just smiled and squeezed his hand again.

“You’re such a disaster, Choi Jongho. But I love you so much it makes that fact endearing.”

Maybe I'm mistaken. Maybe I just made it up, messed it up. (He didn’t.)

'Cause socially speaking, we were the same, with runaway fathers and mothers who drank.

“You’re being selfish!”

“Oh that’s rich, coming from you!”

The door to your childhood home was slammed shut behind you as you took off down the street, heading right to Yunho.

He opened his door, took one look at you, and grabbed his keys.

The both of you had your fair share of home struggles, driving aimlessly quickly became your primary escape from your lives. You’d been driving around to clear your heads far longer than either of you actually had a drivers license.

It wasn’t the most cost effective, which had gotten the both of you in trouble more often than not, but it was yours. It brought peace to both of you, and the idea that you could just keep driving and not return was your escape from the cards life had dealt you.

A tale old as time, young love don't last for life

You screamed at the top of your lungs when Yunho appeared on the screens. As loud as his fans in the stadium, but more proud than any one of them could understand.

He looked like he was born to be on that stage.

As soon as the show was over, you were making your way against the crowd toward backstage.

You rushed to Yunho, throwing your arms around his neck as he easily spun you.

“You did so amazing out there, bubs!” You said as he set you down. He grinned as he planted a kiss on your lips, and then two more before finally releasing you and grabbing your hand to walk with you the rest of the way backstage.

“That was probably our best show yet! I just know we’re going to do something great together. I really love performing with these guys, Y/n. I can’t wait to see what the future holds for us.”

“With stage presence like that, the future holds nothing but success. I have no doubt in my mind.”

And now I know, now I know, it’s time to go, it's time to go.

“Y/n, come on. Let’s talk about this.”

“There’s nothing left to talk about Yunnie.”

You turned to face the man you loved more than anything and anyone in the world, the man that had been by your side when even your own family wasn’t. He was your whole world, and you knew it was for that reason you had to do this.

“We’ve come as far together as we could, now you’re going to go continue doing incredible things with the boys and I’m going to go the opposite way. We both knew this was bound to happen.”

“No, we didn’t know that. You know I don’t think that. Y/n, everything I do is for you. So we can have a good life together.”

“You need to stop living for me and start living for yourself, bub. I’m going to be okay. Don’t worry about me.”

His large hands cupped your face so gently you thought you’d melt right there.

“You’re so stupid if you can’t understand that I am always going to worry about you.”

You gently took one of his hands into your own, turning your face to press a chaste kiss to his palm. You took a deep breath, relishing these last few moments of closeness with him.

“I have to go now, Yunho.”

“Don’t leave,”

“I have to.”

Turning, you grabbed your bag, set the key to his apartment on the kitchen table, and you left.

From far away, I wish I'd stayed with you,

“I knew I raised a brat but I didn’t think I’d raised a dumb brat.” Your mother grumbled as she watched the TV.

You rolled your eyes, smiling and shaking your head at her.

“Why am I dumb?” You asked playfully.

“Because I never thought you’d have chosen to give him up.” She said, tone completely serious.

Your eyes followed hers, training on the screen where Yunho could be seen alongside the rest of Ateez. You couldn’t help but let your eyes linger on him, recalling every curve of his body as if it were your own. Except he’d grown up some since you last saw him. He looked more muscular, and his jawline sharpened up some.

You couldn’t argue with her. Sometimes you thought you were dumb for the decision you had made as well. You hadn’t even given Yunho a choice or a chance to talk you out of it. You’d made the choice for the both of you and, while you’d never once believed it was necessarily the wrong choice, you’d regretted not letting him make a choice for himself.

Sometimes, especially days like these as you spend endless hours in front of the television screens while your mother had to get chemo, you’d let yourself imagine what your life would look like had you still been with Yunho.

Some days you could let yourself fall into the daydream of being an idols girlfriend. You could let yourself think up scenarios on where you and Yunho would be right now. Would he have proposed yet? Could the two of you have had a child by now?

It was easy to think about your life being intertwined with his. Easy to wish you’d stayed and let yourself have a chance at those possible futures.

Easy to wish he’d gone after you instead of letting you walk away.

But here, face to face, a stranger that I once knew.

“Oh, I am so sorry about that. I wasn’t watching where I was going.”

One moment, you were on the phone with your mother, balancing lunch and coffee for you and your co-workers. The next moment, half of it was on the ground and an arm around your waist was the only thing keeping you steady.

“Y/n?”

Your head shot up at the sound of his voice.

“I gotta go mom, I’ll see you later.”

You watched as his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Pushing yourself away to create some distance, he let you as he crouched to try and salvage what had hit the ground.

“You talk to your mom again?” He seemed hesitant, like he wasn’t sure if it was even his place to ask but he had to.

“Yeah. She got diagnosed with cancer and I guess it put her whole life in check. We had a few heart to hearts, and have been okay ever since. What about you?”

He scoffed. “Yeah she reached out. Demanding I use all my ‘fancy new money from selling my body’ to pay her back for the years she spent keeping me alive.”

“Wow I can’t stand that woman.” You said, looking at your phone screen to check the time.

“Yeah, me neither. Hey would want to-”

“Shit! Sorry Yunho, I’m like really late for a meeting, I gotta go. It was nice seeing you again. I hope you’re doing well.”

“Yeah. Yeah of course, I didn’t mean to hold you up. Goodbye, Y/n.”

You tried to walk away as confidently as possible, but it felt like a mirror image of the last time you had. His eyes were burning into your back, you knew he was waiting to see if you’d turn around, if you’d look at him one last time.

But you just couldn’t bring yourself to. He had to be a stranger to you if you were going to keep things as they were. And everything was better this way.

Wasn’t it?

I thought if I wandered, I'd fall back in love, you said distance brings fondness, but guess not with us.

Yunho watched as you walked away from him again. He let you walk away again.

He didn’t know what to think. He didn’t know if he was hoping that you’d change your mind with the distance. That maybe you’d fall in love with him again. But as he just sat there watching you walk away from him, not even glancing back to see if he was still there, he knew you had moved on.

Slowly rubbing his chest in hopes to ease the burden on his heart, he finally kept moving. He knew his head was going to be out of whack for the rest of the day, so he pulled out his phone and called the one person that had any semblance of understanding of the situation.

“Hello Puppy! I thought you were wandering for our day off, what’s up?”

“Hey Mingi, I don’t want to be alone right now.”

Yunho could hear movement and then a door opening and shutting moments after the words were out of his mouth.

“Stay put. I’m on my way.”

The only mistake that we didn't make was run. Now look what we've done.

Mingi stared at Yunho for a long moment after he finished updating him.

“She’s probably just trying to protect herself.” He finally said.

Yunho blanched at that. “Protect herself from what? Me?” The thought alone hurt more than Yunho could’ve imagined non-physical pain to.

Mingi sighed. “Look, I was always the odd man out growing up. We all know it, so don’t try to say otherwise, and that was okay because I saw how crazy the two of you were about each other. You always have been. But you’ve both always had this insane need to do what you think is best for each other. You’re not always right, but you always follow through.”

“You’re saying she’s doing what she thinks is right for me?” Yunho felt even more confused.

“I think when she broke up with you, she was thinking of your career and your future. The one the two of you had planned up of running far away from here and creating a life together completely separate from the memories of how you grew up could no longer be achieved, she knew it, you knew it. She likely figured she would inevitably just be holding you back or causing you issues. You know better than most how the industry handles idols with partners. She was protecting you from that.”

“So when she ran off today, it was for the same reason?”

“No, I think today it was likely if she stuck around she’d be pulled right back in. Her resolve would crumble and everything she’s sacrificed so far, and every decision she’s made on your behalf and hers, would be voided. Like I said earlier, you’ve always been crazy about each other.”

“When the fuck did you get so smart about these things?”

Mingi just shrugged, a shy smile gracing his face.

Stop tryna keep us alive, you’re pointing at stars in the sky that already died.

“Woah, someone is so lucky. Ugh, where do you even find a man like that anymore.”

You rolled your eyes playfully at your co-worker. She was always watching videos of perfect couples online and talking about how hard it is to find a relationship like them.

“I wonder who he’s here for.” Another co-worker piped in, officially garnering your interest.

“What are you two talking about?”

“There’s a guy outside with like, a huge bouquet of flowers and a coffee. He’s just been sitting there for a while now. Aw he’s probably waiting for her to get off work! So sweet.”

You peaked over one of your co-workers shoulder to see the man they were gushing about. And there sitting outside of your place of work in a pair of sunglasses, likely trying to look as normal as possible, was none other than Jeong Yunho.

Your eyes widened and, before you could consider the crowd you were definitely going to have, you were already making your way downstairs.

Bursting through the front door of your office, you watched Yunho look up from his phone and right at you. Before you could say anything he was already up, coffee extended towards you.

“What are you doing here?” You hissed, trying to put some venom behind your words but likely failing from how soft and familiar the whole image in front of you was.

“I uh, I wanted to apologize. For bumping into you yesterday and knocking over your coffees. So I, brought you a coffee.”

“How did you even find me?”

You wanted to reach out to him, to accept the coffee, the flowers, him. But none of it made any sense.

“Employment records are public information, I just looked you up.”

You laughed. A genuine, honest laugh.

“What are you actually doing here, Yunho?” You asked softly, accepting the drink he was still offering to you.

He hesitated, but only for half a breath. “I miss you. I miss us. Y/n, we’ve always been so good together. I just want to understand when that changed for you.”

Stop tryna keep us alive, you can't force the stars to align when they've already died.

“Y/n! Your boyfriends waiting for you again!”

“Oh my gosh, you’re so lucky!”

Your co-workers had been gushing over Yunho for the past week since he’d first arrived at your place of work. You were counting your lucky stars neither of them had realized who he actually is yet.

“He’s not my boyfriend.” You muttered, not for the first time that week, as you packed up your desk and ignored the traitorous leap of your heart.

Yunho had spent the last week showing up after work every day. Sometimes with flowers, sometimes with coffee or food he knows you like. Always with his beautiful smile and an attempt to get you to talk to him.

You asked him the same question every day, he gave you the same answer. You were easily falling into a pattern you couldn’t find it in yourself to be mad about, but you still brushed off his question everyday, not having the heart to give him the true answer.

Walking outside of your office, you tried to keep the carefully trained look of indifference on your face as he spun on you with his signature puppy grin. Everything in you melted at the sight, but you tried to not let it show.

“What are you doing here?”

“I thought you’d might want to go for a drive with me.”

Your breath hitched in your throat as he strayed from the practiced, safe routine. You were nodding before you could stop yourself, never having before declined a drive.

It was never an option.

We've traveled the seas, we've ridden the stars, we’ve seen everything from Saturn to Mars.

Music was blaring, the wind was blowing through your hair. Yunho couldn’t keep the smile off his face as your hand followed the motion of the wind whipping around the vehicle.

The air was humid but not hot, the perfect weather for a windows down drive with no destination in mind.

It had been a long time since you’d last done this.

Yunho drove around for about an hour before he finally pulled to a stop on some back road. You recognized the area almost immediately as you gasped and hopped out of the car, running across the road to look down at the pond.

You and Yunho had once broken down right there, and the pond had become one of your favorite places to visit after. You couldn’t remember the last time you’d even been there.

Turning, you found Yunho on one knee beside his car in the middle of the road. The smile fell from your face almost immediately.

“What are you doing?” You whispered.

He took a deep breath before lifting the ring in between his fingers.

“Y/n, for as long as I have memories, I’ve had you. I don’t know what happened. I don’t know what I did to push you so far away. I don’t know what I can do to bring you back to me but I want a chance to try.

“I’m not proposing right now, that would probably be considered insane, but I do want you to know that this scene right here is what was supposed to play out just a few weeks after that day when you left me. This ring is yours and I wanted to give it to you the way you were meant to receive it.

“We’ve done everything together since we were kids and I can’t imagine choosing anyone else to live the rest of my memories out with. Every trip I take without you feels like I’ve left behind the most important thing. We’ve seen so much together, and now we’ve seen a lot without each other. And I don’t know what I can possibly do to get you to take me back, but I don’t want to see another day without you being in it.”

“Yunho we haven’t even properly talked since I left that day.”

“Okay then let’s talk properly. Start with answering my question. What changed for you?”

He didn’t flinch from his position on one knee, not for one moment.

“Yunho, I can’t answer that.”

“Because nothing ever changed for you?”

“Everything changed!”

“What’s everything? Please, Y/n I need to know.”

“You! Your life, the way you view the world, your goals. Everything changed for you when you left our neighborhood, and I was still there. And I’m not blaming you for it, you’re beautiful. The life you’ve built is more than we could’ve ever possibly dreamed the last time we were here together.

“It’s because of that that I had to go. I didn’t want to hold you back from the new life you were building for yourself, far away from the shell of childhood we raised ourselves and each other in. You and Mingi both deserved to grow as the people you were becoming without having to look at that life every time I visited you guys.”

As he finally stood, the two of you gravitated towards each other as if it was the most natural pull in the universe.

“There is nothing about you that makes me think of that life. You were always my light then, and you’re just as stunning now.” He cupped your cheek in one hand, “l know you think that our lives are too different now for us to work, but I think that’s why we would. It takes multiple stars to build a constellation.”

You giggled, shaking your head. “That’s cheesy, even for you.”

He pulled your hand up, fastening the ring into its rightful place.

“Maybe. But now that I’ve found you, the last thing I want to do is lose you again.”

As much as it seems like you own my heart,

You did know why you felt nervous, these guys were your friends once upon a time, but as you stepped into KQ headquarters for the first time in a long time, you had the sudden urge to turn and bolt. Yunho, seeming to sense that, grabbed your hand and pulled you along behind him, his hold firm but still gentle.

“They’re excited to see you.”

“They should all hate me for what I’ve put you through.”

“Why should they? I don’t even hate you for it.”

“Yeah well, I’m questioning your sanity for that still.”

You thought you’d get a little chuckle or some sort of witty retort. Instead you were greeted with the most serious face you had ever seen on Yunho.

“I will keep reminding you, for the rest of my life if I have to, that you are the most precious thing in this world to me. I couldn’t hate you if I tried. The boys never hated you for leaving me, they’re the ones that helped me understand all the possible reasons for it.” He finally let a smile grace his lips. “Besides, Mingi’s really missed you.”

Before you could respond, you were being tackled from the side. You felt the air escape from your lungs as your body was lifted easily from the ground.

You were engulfed into a spine-crushing bearhug and spun around as you heard excited squeals off to the side. As you found your feet again, you looked up into the warm eyes of your best friend, who ruffled your hair before releasing you entirely.

Mingi didn’t get far before you were pulling him into your own tight embrace, rocking his large body back and forth.

“I mean, leaving Yunho I can understand. But abandoning me too?!” He grabbed both your hands in his, bringing them up between the two of you. “Don’t you ever do that to me ag- IS THAT AN ENGAGEMENT RING?!”

“Not exactly. I guess you could call it a promise ring?”

“A promise that you’re not gonna disappear on us again? Ow!”

Yunho pulled Mingi into a side hug as Mingi rubbed the back of his head, presumably from where he’d just been smacked.

“We don’t need to keep bringing that up. It’s all in the past now.”

“Yes Mingi, a promise that I’m not going to disappear again. No matter how different our lives may be.”

“Good, because I don’t know how we’ve managed this long without you.” Wooyoung butted in, shoving the others away from you and pulling you into a hug of his own.

You laughed as the rest of the boys passed you around, getting hugs and catching up. You’d missed all of them, you’d missed being a part of their world. They filled you in on various aspects of their lives, things you wouldn’t be able to read about in tabloids.

As you enjoyed being surrounded by some of your favorite people again, Yunho’s arm keeping you tucked into his side snuggly, his ring already comfortable where it rests on your finger, you couldn’t imagine being anywhere else.

You couldn’t help but start to think Yunho was right, you can be from two completely different lives and still fit together like a constellation of stars.

It’s astronomy, we’re two worlds apart.

Ateez ft. Conan Gray Songfics Masterlist