I Write Stuff Sometimes

they should invent an 8-9:30 pm that's seven hours

Something about Ilya still managing to be insecure about their relationship while Shane is locked on like a rabid dog, like 5000 PSI bite strength around that Russian boy. Shane is over here calmly rationalizing "This is not only the only person I've ever loved he's also the only person I can even fathom loving. If he dies I die because life will no longer be worth living. Obviously" and Ilya's like "what if he leaves me for this random Ottawan journalist"

like call me a cornball but i do think shane and ilya deserved a big triumphant coming out. i don't care that it's not realistic. i don't care that what went down "served the story better." i want them running into each other's arms and kissing on center ice while i believe in anything plays. out loud. in the stadium. or like shane getting down on one knee and proposing to ilya at a nobu and the entire kardashian family is there and so is hailey bieber and also bela hadid and everyone claps and congratulates them for being so brave and beautiful while ilya's wagyu beef gets cold because he's too busy crying. or like in the middle of a press conference ilya dips shane on stage and kisses him with tongue on espn. like any of these would do.

yall hoot and holla sayin “omgg shane taking it up the butt is sooo hot!!” but yall have NO idea what he went through that first time. takin’ stuff up the butt is NOT EASY. I CAN CONFIRM. IT FUCKING HURTS. THAT MAN WAS TAKING 9 INCHES FOR HIS FIRST TIME. NO WONDER HE WAS SO LOUD.

i think shane is crazy enough to get pissed off by troy saying "ilya." like that's rozanov or captain to You . and also to Me in certain sexual contracts but that's Besides The Point,

every time someone says “ilya wouldn’t call himself bisexual!” i kill another hostage

Sometimes I think about the fact that Ilya married one of the greater hockey players of all time, who is also an underwear model, and who comes in his pants just from sucking Ilya’s cock, and I have to wonder what it’s like being so #blessed

ilya being in a period of Bad depression and between playing games and going to practice he doesn't really have the energy to do much else and he just kind of collapses when he gets home and he hasn't shaved in days and his hair is unruly and he just feels kinda gross and ugly but doesn't have the energy to do anything about it so shane is like Not On My Watch so he drags ilya into the tub and washes his hair with his special curly shampoo and carefully shaves his face and lathers him in too much body lotion which means he has to stand stark naked in the bathroom for 10 minutes before he can put clothes on and shane tries his best to do his curly hair routine for him he gets the special towel and the curl cream and his eyebrows furrow in concentration as he scrunches ilya's curls to the best of his abilities and ilya sits on the toilet lid with tears in his eyes

ilya the condoms just come like that. was i supposed to somehow buy less than a full box of condoms. like the condoms just come attached like that how was i supposed to have less condoms

shane is jealous of ilya training the dog. btw.

harris creates ILYA JEOPARDY for ilya’s 32nd birthday and the centaurs are hyped to see who can get more points than Shane; Bood and Ilya have been captains for years together, Troy and Ilya are best friends, Wyatt and Ilya have their own captain-goalie relationship, Luca is his mentee etc etc all the centaurs have their own thing with Ilya. “yeah Shane’s his husband but I saw him everyday for practice for years I think I’ll get some points in there”. AND the questions aren’t even that hard “what does Ilya order at osmows” “what’s his pre game ritual” “what’s his favourite city” “what’s his favourite gatorade flavour” - the centaurs keep getting the answers like 20% incorrect and shane gets to swoop in and correct them, “it’s actually a loon not a duck actually” “that is NOT his favourite fast and furious” “he doesn’t like blue he likes the light blue gatorade”. Ilya can’t even act nonchalant he feels insanely loved.