Hornet Phone In Bed was made unrebloggable so I'm making my own post for it


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@chairsarefornerds
Hornet Phone In Bed was made unrebloggable so I'm making my own post for it

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I GOT 10 MINUTES LEFT OF BEING A TEENAGER I GOTTA DO SOMETHING REBELLIOUS UH
guess who just put paper in the non-recycling. nnnnYEHAWH
Looking back on this as a 20 year old, I now realise how utterly irresponsible I behaved. I apologise. I have since removed the paper and put it in the recycling. I hope you can forgive me for my foolish and reckless behaviour. I can assure you it will not happen again. I am disgusted with myself.
i think a lot of younger teenagers who are against sex-based sports leagues haven't really grasped the strength difference yet. it's not a comfortable thing to understand, and its very tempting to deny it as long as you can.
I think a lot of younger teenagers are against sex-based sports leagues because when you try to explain to young people "When a baby is born, we look at the shape of the parts the baby pees out of, and based on that information, we assign the baby to one of two fixed categories that determine their life trajectory, and any deviation is harshly punished, because... it's the natural order" it sounds batshit bonkers, actually.
i really fucking hate IT Security Guys like, as a labor class. they are usually some of the most belligerent and out-of-touch members of the computer-toucher taxon, and the most divorced from actual use cases. this is how we keep getting shit like hospital staff password cycling that results in nursing stations having video game-style postit note passwords all over them. 'well changing your password every two weeks is shown to be most effective at preventing hacks" thats great man did you do any research on this outside of your actuarial model. because Kathy down at the NICU cant fucking remember "b5h1Jh1HH#15" has been changed to "6h3%!1mn" on station 4, shes on 2 hours of sleep and has long covid
last computer security guy i talked to interrupted me in the middle of having a friendly conversation with him where i said i stole all the software i wanted and admonished me about malware?? and i said bro who the fuck do you think youre talking to. i have been pirating shit since i was, literally, 12 years old. and i have gotten zero viruses, ever. and he smugly retorted 'how would you know?' and i said because i scan my shit and watch my ports and pay attention? and then he went on this long lecture about how actually, most real malware cant be scanned for, blah blah, which is 1. categorically false unless youre talking about idk, advanced state department shit and 2. he was baffled when i explained to him that unless i could actually feel a difference in my own GPU/CPU power or bandwidth, or unless my files were being ransomed, i literally did not give a shit. if some hacker has managed to install secret malware that is undetectably cryptofarming my computer in a way that is undetectable to me through power consumption, wear n tear, process wastage etc, then why the fuck would i care. 'what if youre part of a DDoS attack" is it making youtube load slow? is my ping going up in Barotrauma? are my files being ransomed? no? then it has no material impact on me whatsoever. i dont have a principled stance against hacking, only a material interest in making sure my computer runs.
bluh bluh 2fa is more secure WHEN I AM LOCKED OUT OF MY ACCOUNTS BY 2FA, THAT SCENARIO HAS IDENTICAL MATERIAL CONSEQUENCES TO LOSING ACCESS TO MY ACCOUNTS THROUGH OTHER MEANS. KILL YOURSELF
799.1 by way of 796.357
fishing by way of baseball

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Dating your boss comes with the risk of a possible bad breakup and losing your job.
But also this is a minimum wage job, and I really like her.
So I’m gonna play that HR violation roulette.
Last year, I befriended a Catholic seminarian. We've gotten to be pretty decent friends. Seeing as he was staying in town for the summer and I wasn't, I entrusted him with caring for my plant.
He did a wonderful job, but as he was returning my plant to my custody, he explained "I watered her every other day, I gave her new dirt, moved her into the sunshine, prayed the rosary-"
"What?"
He looked at me, confused. "Isn't she a plant you pray with?"
"No," I said slowly. "She's a prayer plant. That's the... colloquial name of the plant."
Upon seeing his stricken face, I realized something went wrong. Turns out, this entire time, he's been including my plant in on his prayers and leaving her near icons.
Listen, totally cool. My plant becoming Catholic is a great deal for her not dying over the summer. But now I must navigate this interfaith household. Keep me in your thoughts.
282 and 635.965
catholicism and houseplants
there's a really fun balance when you know someone has a crush on you where you can tease them for having a crush on you without letting them know you know they have a crush on you. this only works because people who have crushes will analyze everything you say but not very well. anyway, i love playing with my food.
Gosh, that's so perfect. Your friend is actually the only one who is engaging with this post correctly. Supersedes my original intent, even. Sorry, I bow to her wisdom here. Tell your friend I hope she's having fun!
The pervert lesbian's monopoly house rules say you can get money from the bank if you suck the bank player's toes and look up at her all doe eyed and say "I've been a financially irresponsible slut with no business acumen"
Teacher: guys this Tumblr post is 36281992 years old and only the long lost Tumblr princess can read it
Me: but teacher, I can read it just fine *starts reading in perfect tumblanese*
I posted this yesterday and it already has 3k notes

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it’s 2014 can taylor swift stop
hmm... this highly personal vent post seems like the perfect place to lay my roleplay egg...
okay fucking fine guys lets make the most fucked up sandwich ever since that's all you want to do.
I'll start: bread
Peanut butter
Jelly (grape)
Bread
guys...
Jasmine Vine, lead programmer of Hollow Knight & Silksong just transitioned!! I'm so happy for her!❤️🏳️⚧️
her bluesky header & icon are so cute too 🥰
halo lore is so fucking funny to me. all it really needed to be was 'youre john halo and youre a badass space marine that doesnt afraid of anything' but instead youre a war orphan created by the space CIA to be a robo-pinkerton to put down galactic worker revolts, but luckily whole hordes of you were created right in time for the most evil alien empire to ever exist to make first contact with us by nuking a planet to glass
also, the evil alien empire isnt doing this because theyre evil, their trio of space popes asked an ancient sacred AI what the fuck humans were and the ai was like 'oh those are ants that god loves more than you' and the popes immediately decided the only way to keep their cushy jobs and big dumb hats was to annihilate the human race. it almost worked, too! luckily, one of the robo-pinkertons is so freakishly lucky an AI noticed the statistical anomalies surrounding him and took him in as her favorite little meow meow and now they have a toxic co-dependent relationship and are going to nuke alien new york

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Can I still be a leftist if I’m a reactionary conservative
The Shibari Game
At a conference/festival last year, there was a Shibari workshop on the schedule for some reason, although the topic of the event was prediction markets. This led to the following exchange (all names changed):
Adam (who at the time was basically a stranger to me): Hmm, "Shibari"... What is that, some kind of Jewish ritual?
Me: No, it's-
Barbara: EVERYONE SHUT UP! Ok. Nobody tell this man what shibari is.
Everyone: ...?
Barbara: We’re playing 20 questions.
Thus began what was by far the best game of 20 questions I have ever witnessed. There were... appreciably more than 20 questions.
[literally ten minutes of questions later]
Adam: Ok, so! Shibari... is a Japanese social export, it's an activity somebody does, it's in some way artistic, it does not involve drawing, it does not involve writing, it involves an inorganic object and an organic object, and... the organic object is a human, right?
Everyone: Right
Adam: And the inorganic object...
Barbara: Well...
Chris: The inanimate object
Adam: The inanimate object, which, oh, which is organic, which suggests that it's clothes... Is the inanimate object clothing?
Everyone: No
Me: To clarify, the inanimate object is always organic in terms of 'organic chemistry', but might or might not be, like, made from biological material
Adam: Ok. And so, you have an inanimate object, and you have a person... The person does not have to do anything during the... shibari activity. You are doing a manipulation to the inanimate object, with the person, for purposes that are fun... Is it for the entertainment of a group?
Barbara: Could be? ...
Adam: So it could be for the entertainment of a group, but it could be for the entertainment of the individuals?
Everyone: Right
Adam: Ok. The inanimate object - the equipment - right? It is not specialised, but is a common object, correct?
Everyone: yeah
AI
Adam: Does it have anything at all to do with AI?
Everyone: [laughter] No
Adam: I had to check. In this setting, everything turns back to AI at some point
Me: I would say no
Frank: Not yet!
Me: Right, not yet. But yeah, 'No' is definitely the answer to that one
George: I trust Rob Miles on this
Barbara: As an expert in shibari?
Frank: As an expert in AI Shibari. I think that's what it's called.
Chris: Oh, yeah it kind of is!
Can one shibari by accident?
Adam: Ok. Is it something that one might do without knowing that it is shibari?
Everyone: [cacophony of disagreement]
Me: Interesting question!
Frank: Very interesting question.
Barbara: It's totally plausible that someone would do something that would qualify as shibari without knowing the Japanese artform
Me: Yeah, and they might also have seen things about it but not know the name of it
Chatting during shibari
Adam: Does it involve talking?
Everyone: No, not necessarily
Adam: God Dammit. Agh, I thought it might be... talking using some prop or something
Barbara: For me it always involves talking, but it's...
Adam: One doesn't have to?
Barbara: It's just 'cause I don't stop talking
[laughter]
Adam: And it doesn't involve betting markets in any way?
Everyone: No
How technologically advanced is shibari equipment?
Adam: Ok. Is the object technologically difficult to make?
Everyone: No
One guy: Yes
Everyone: What? No it isn't!
Adam: Is it only available in an industrialised economy?
Everyone: No
That one guy again: Yes!
Everyone: NO!!!
The guy: No, you're right, I'm sorry... But it is difficult to make
George: Every object is difficult to make!
Barbara: Maybe you're confused about what shibari is
Ed: Yeah, you should be up there with Adam
Adam: Would it have been available before industrialisation?
Everyone: Yes!
Adam: Ok. Um... is it a stick?
Everyone: It's not a stick
No cheap tricks allowed
Adam: I feel like I'm gonna get close to covering everything...
Me: I feel like we were very close just now, when you were like "Well what could this object be?"
Adam: Ok so the object is important. It's... before industrialisation... Does it begin with a letter before-
Everyone: No, no, we're not doing that. N/A
Adam: Ok so it starts with an N and an A...
[laughter]
What is this dang object?
Adam: Ok... so... is the object artificially pigmented?
Everyone: Can be, but not necessarily
Adam: Is it commonly painted?
Everyone: No
Adam: Is it commonly dyed?
Everyone: Yes
Adam: Ok, is it something that it's very common to dye in other purposes?
Everyone: Yeah
Adam: Does it involve a vegetable, of some kind?
Everyone: ...No?
Adam: Does it involve a plant?
Everyone: [confusion about what 'involve' means]
George: The object can have... some relation to a plant
Me: eehhh, that's more confusing than helpful. We already said that it can be biologically derived
Adam: But it would have been available before industrialisation?
Everyone: Yeah
Adam: So it's got to be something that is... around. Is it something that requires human modification to make into the form we know and love?
Everyone: Yes
Adam: Uh.. does this processing require specialised skill?
Everyone: Yeah, some skill for sure
Adam: Would I be able to do it? Like, without training?
Everyone: Probably not
Ed: On a long enough time horizon you'd figure it out, but the answer is basically no
Adam: Like, you throw me in with the tools to make it and say "come out in an hour", could I...
Everyone: No, probably not
Adam: But other people would be able to make it in an hour?
Everyone: Yeah, with the right skills
It’s not a weapon
Adam: Does it involve a weapon of any kind?
Everyone: No.
George: How creative are you allowed to-
Everyone: The answer's no
What shape is the object?
[long pause]
Adam: Well... does anyone else have any questions?
Barbara: You're asking such good questions though!
Ed: Yeah you're doing a good job
Danielle: I think you should ask more questions about the shape of the object
Everyone: Oh, great suggestion
Adam: Ok, is it spherical?
Everyone: No
Adam: Is it cylindrical?
Everyone: Yyeeaahh, sort of, yeah.
Adam: So it's not a pure cylinder but it's cylindrical-ish?
Everyone: Yeah
Adam: Is it an ovaloid?
Everyone: No.
Adam: Is it an ellipsoid?
Everyone: No
Adam: Is it uh... hmm... But it's longer than it is wide?
Everyone: Yes!!!
[scattered applause, we're close now]
Adam: Is it a plank of wood?
Everyone: No!!!
Barbara: It still isn't that!
Frank: No, his previous guess was stick
Adam: Yeah, a plank of wood requires processing and I couldn't make it... like it fits a lot of the other questions
Barbara: No you're right, that's fair, I'm convinced. It is a plank of wood.
Where is the object?
Adam: Could I find it inside a building or outside a building?
Everyone: Yes...
Adam: Wait. I mean. Ok, can you find it in a bathroom?
Everyone: Not really
Adam: Can you find it in a kitchen?
Everyone: Probably not
Adam: Can you find it lying on the ground?
Everyone: Yeah possibly
Adam: Is it something that people commonly use?
Everyone: Yeah
Adam: Is it something that people would pick up if they saw it lying there?
Everyone: Nah
It’s really not a weapon
Adam: Is it something that is dangerous at all?
Everyone: Can be, but not especially
Adam: Is any part of it sharp?
Everyone: No
Adam: Can any part of it fragment?
Everyone: [???]
Adam: Like, is it brittle?
Everyone: No
Adam: So it's firm?
Everyone: No
Adam: Is it flexible?
Everyone: Yes!!
Adam: Ok! Is it a pool noodle?
Everyone: [laughter]
Adam: Which is cylindrical, flexible, and organic, dyed but not painted...
Everyone: No, we're so proud of you, you're doing great
Me: But we did say "pre-industrial"
Pinning down the object
Adam: Ok ok. Is it a solid?
Everyone: Yes
Adam: Is it any of the solid hybrids, like a colloid or a gel?
Everyone: No
Adam: Does it retain its shape after being bent?
Everyone: Uh... yes?
Adam: So it doesn't spring back with any force?
Everyone: No, it doesn't spring back
Adam: Ok... so... Is it Japanese in origin, or is it found around the world?
Everyone: [assorted contradictory statements]
Me: The origin of the practice is Japan, but the origin of the object is all over
Adam: Is the object put on a person?
Everyone: Yes!
Adam: Is the object... um... is the object rope?
Everyone: YES!!
[scattered applause]
Me: The object is rope!
Adam: Ok!
Me: Now bring it home
Bringing it home?
Adam: Are things hung upon the rope?
Everyone: Uuuuummmmmm. Ambiguous? No.
Adam: Is the rope itself... does the rope look good?
Everyone: Yes!
Adam: Ok! Is this putting-on... a mark of esteem?
Everyone: No?? ???
[laughter]
Adam: So the object is a rope, and you're putting the rope on somebody
Everyone: Yes!
Adam: You're... putting rope on somebody!
Everyone: Yeah!
Adam: Is that... is that not the practice?
Everyone: No, no, it is, it is!
[confused cheering. Are we done?]
We’re not done
Chris: But, no, come on, there's more to it!
Ed: You're missing something critical!
Chris: You're so close!
Adam: Ok. Do you... hang someone?
Everyone: [strongly conflicting opinions]
Barbara: Only if you're doing it extremely wrong
Adam: Ok. But you can tie knots?
Everyone: YES!
Adam: Ok! Do you tie... is it a bracelet of some-
Everyone: No!
Adam: So it's not an adornment of any kind...
Everyone: Well...
Where on the body?
Adam: Is it put on your neck?
Chris: No
Danielle: Well, can be...
Adam: On your head?
Everyone: Can be
Adam: On a limb?
Everyone: Yeah
Adam: It's on a limb
Me: Not exclusively
Adam: On an arm?
Everyone: Can be
Adam: On a leg?
Everyone: Can be
Adam: On... uh... I've run out of limbs...
What does it mean?
Adam: Ok, it's rope, you put it on somebody, it's Japanese in origin... does it... signify something?
Everyone: Not really
Adam: Hmm. Do you tie the rope in a loop?
Everyone: ...Yeah??
Adam: I'm wondering, is it the casting of ropes upon people, like uh...
Chris: It's not a lasso, no
Frank: I like the idea of shibari as, like, a carnival game...
Barbara: I'm unclear on what the win condition is here...
Ed: I feel like there is a really important component that we haven't got yet
Everyone: Yeah, when he gets that component, he’s won
Are people into shibari?
Adam: Hmm... Did you find yourself fired by enthusiasm to do it upon being told about it?
Several people: Yes
Me: Personally no, but...
[laughter]
Adam: So it has mixed appeal?
Barbara: That is absolutely correct
Can one shibari... too hard?
Adam: Is it um, does it involve the tying of knots?
Everyone: YES
Adam: Ok. Are there knots that are peculiar to shibari?
Everyone: yeah
Adam: Is the learning of knots, or the tying of knots upon other people the important part?
Everyone: Uh... yes?
Adam: Do you tie someone up and they attempt to escape?
Everyone: Uh, not necessarily, but like, often.
Me: Yes is closer than no, I think
Adam: Ok, you tie rope on someone. Do you have to use some sort of special rope for it? Can you use any rope?
Barbara: You can use any rope, but some are better than others
Adam: So you wouldn't want to use any rough ropes, or...
Danielle: No, you do, that's actually preferred
Adam: You prefer rough ropes?
Chris: Some do
Frank: It depends
Danielle: Natural fibers tend to be rougher
Adam: Does it chafe?
Danielle: It can, but ideally not
Adam: Would you do it even if you were injured in the process of doing it?
Frank: No
Barbara: You would not want that to happen generally
Adam: Uh... Does it look cool?
Everyone: Yes!!
Origami?
Adam: So you're tying knots that look cool... is it like an origami for knots?
Everyone: [confused disagreement]
Ed: It's not about the knots
Chris: It's totally about the knots!
Frank: It's all about the cones...
Adam: Like, in origami you fold paper in ways that look cool, maybe you tie knots in ways that look cool?
Everyone: [loud disagreement]
Diagnosing the problem
[long long pause]
Chris: Ask the question in your heart!
Adam: ...Neckties?
Everyone: No?
Barbara: I keep thinking "But, he already has it", and then he asks a question that makes me say "No, he doesn't have it at all"
Frank: I think there's a question you want to ask, but you're not...
Everyone: Yeah
Chris: Yeah, ask the question that you don't want to ask
Danielle: I don't think he has the question...
Adam: Would it cause any gratification in someone?
Everyone: Yes!
Adam: Would it... Would it cause sexual gratification?
Everyone: Yes!!
Adam: Is it a practice... under the category of kink?
Everyone: Yes!!!
Adam: Is it tying somebody up for bondage purposes?
Everyone: YEAH!!! [Pandemonium, hollering, applause, Adam is lifted above the cheering crowd]
After the hearty congratulations were done, I wandered off, elated from the experience, and I bumped into a group of friends.
"Friends!" I said, "I just had the funniest experience. This guy didn't know what 'shibari' was, so we-"
"Shibari?" a friend interjected, "What is that, like, a Jewish building?"
"OK EVERYONE SHUT UP" I said.