I FOUND MY BABUSHKA

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@celexual-blog
I FOUND MY BABUSHKA

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ok so i got my wisdom teeth pulled w/out general anesthesia and it wasn't at all terrifying
they obviously numbed my whole mouth with local anesthesia, I got a "relaxing" pill that made me a little tired, and laughing gas.. tons of laughing gas
when i was seven, laughing gas did nothing for me. This time they gave me a lot. I was floating on clouds spinning in spirals around dandelions.Â
They let me listen to music as loud as I wanted, so I heard nothing
5 teeth pulled
and right after, i didn't even feel like throwing up from pain meds, I felt no immediate pain. I wanted to get up and walk to the car, but their policy is "We can't let you walk to the car, you have to get in the wheelchair"
i only felt pain about 5 hours after the surgery, and it was minimalÂ
PLUS I SAVED 300+ DOLLARS ON NOT GETTING GENERAL ANESTHESIA!
my summer so far:
the refrigeratorÂ
video games
hulu/netflix
i applied to at least 17 Â different stores in the last 2 weeks
but no one has called yet
my dose is increased to 40mg of fluoxetine,Â
im getting braces soon
i have to get 5 teeth pulled (3 wisdom 2 premolars)
no anesthesia, only a sedative, loud music, and local anesthesia (aka numbing shots)
the latest i ever wake up in the summer is 6:00 am.Â
the latest i stay up is no later than 9 or 10 pmÂ
but at least i painted my room a seafoam/mint green color all by myself
some of the color is on the trim but its okay because i spent all day and i can just repaint the trim white if i feel like it.Â
Something to think about:
The Earth is 4.6 billion years old. Letâs scale that to 46 years. We have been here for 4 hours. Our industrial revolution began 1 minute ago. In that time, we have destroyed more than 50% of the worldâs forests.
This isnât sustainable.
âThe universe bursts into existence from life, not the other way around as we have been taught. For each life there is a universe, its own universe. We generate spheres of reality, individual bubbles of existence. Our planet is comprised of billions of spheres of reality, generated by each individual human and perhaps even by each animal.â Â ~Robert Lanza

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A lot of teen counselors make it clear that the problems youâre going through emotionally, mentally, physically are all just a part of adolescence, that it may be a hard time but itâs completely ânormalâ and you shouldnât feel broken or isolated. I feel like they make a mistake there, assuming...
Even my much older sister thinks that my depression and anxiety is just a "phase" that I'm going through. "everyone goes through that", "you're not the only one". I know I'm not the only one. That doesn't help the fact that I'm depressed. Going out the door feels like walking into an ocean of water. I feel pressure all around me. At a restaurant when I don't see food that meets my ethical standards I will politely refuse. When people ask me questions about my life, I say very minimal things because I don't see much future in my life at the moment. I'm accused of being "too quiet". And after, my family asks me why I was so "rude" at at the restaurant today. I see that society has taught that it's "rude" for refusing food, and "rude" for not being very social. I think it's rude that people have to question why I don't want to eat the food, and rude that I should be talking about something at the table.Â
It's hard to write down in words how anxiety and depression feels, but it's a constant thunderstorm over my head that won't stop.
âATP Race!â A digital, educational game designed to help high school students better visualize the Electron Transport Chain. Art done by: Š 2012 Julianne Pasini Coding and research by: Š 2012 Nicholas Saunders and Alyssa Oglesbee Â
WHERE CAN I GET THIS GAME!?!!!!
I realize that humans can talk, they have this thing that someone made up called "logic" but that's only because we understand the same language. (or can translate it)
Animals have their own language too, their own lives, their own habitats. It's wrong to take them out of their own and treat them for human pleasure.Â
  i had a breakdown today. my friend that i never hang out, with but talk to sometimes, sat with me in the library (because i go there every day) and asked me if i had friends. i don't know why i started crying, but i did. I couldn't speak so I wrote down why i don't feel as normal as usual. and i don't find anything interesting anymore. not even playing games, or doing artwork, its all just mediocre to me.
 i don't understand why this earth somehow formed and created this "life". i don't understand how something from the earth can cause such deadly results (radioactive sources, mixing elements like CN-, etc). i don't understand how scientists can create something that tastes like a fruit but isn't from the fruit at all. i don't understand why people care if someone wears no clothes, or has clothes. i don't understand why trends happen. i don't understand why being naked is such a big deal. we're all naked, we're all human. i don't understand why people criticize someone for what they do. i don't understand how someone created a measurement system. did they just have a stick and keep dividing it in two? i don't understand why i have to sit for 7 hours a day, and listen to someone bullshit their way to teaching a kid. it is a carbon copy of an institution except it has bigger rooms. school doesn't teach how a person can become a good worker. it teaches how to remember things that might be needed in the future, and repeat tasks over and over, with a set font, size, and spacing. make sure you have a line down the middle of your page. my life is a never ending question
hmmm..

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Mushroom Kingdom Emergency Room. by Josh Maule.
Reduce cellulite. Be gone dry skin. Vanish unwanted facial hair. Diminish stretch marks. Fade age spots. Eliminate feminine odor. Lose weight. Dissolve belly fat. Erase wrinkles. I think someone wants me to disappear.
Guerrilla Girls (via butt-pirate)
Went to the dr and told her I feel no difference at all with my celexa
she started talking about me having a "quality" life and I started balling
But I really just don't enjoy living
HELLOOOO PROZAC
20mg ONCE A DAY, EVERY DAY
âdonât be shyâ thanks u cured me
Currently reading "Grapes of Wrath". Everyone in politics should be required to read this book, write an essay, and pass an efficiency test of 200 questions in order to be in their profession.Â
 ''The tenant system won't work anymore. One man on a tractor can take the place of twelve or fourteen families. Pay him a wage and take all the crop. We have to do it. We don't like to do it. But the monster's sick. Something's happened to the monster."
 "'Three dollars a day. I got damn sick of creeping for my dinner-and not getting it. I got a wife and kids. We got to eat. Three dollars a day, and it comes every day.'"
 "'That's right,'" the tenant said. "'But for your three dollars a day fifteen or twenty families can't eat at all. Nearly a hundred people have to go out and wander on the roads for your three dollars a day. Is that right?'"
 And the driver said, "'Can't think of that. Got to think of my own kids. Three dollars a day, and it comes every day. Times are changing, mister, don't you know?'"

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does it make us look more animal or animals more human?
favourite thing ever
wow you can practically see the animal in the human, and the human in the animal
i spilled nachos all over my floor today and just left it there
reason why i don't eat things that can see
Fake Lara/Luna/Clif/Kind/whatever bar!Â
Chocolateish part:
Dates: (I used mejdool from costco and some other type that's a lighter color from winco)
Any kind of nuts, I used in increasing to decreasing order, Raw: almonds, cashews, hazelnuts, walnuts (IF YOU HAVE A FARM THAT GROWS WALNUTS BUY THEM THEY TASTE 100000x10^â!!!!! and cheaper. at least ours were, an entire gallon ziplock bag for under 10$)
And cocoa power! I used two different kinds because I separated the date mix and wanted to see the difference between the tastes in chocolate powders I had.. you can add in increments to see how much cocoa you want in it.. i like chocolate so I added it to be like dark chocolate
DIRECTIONS!!!
blend nuts in a blender or food processor or some other thing that blends things (I used an Omega 8006) into a flour.Â
put the above flour in a separate bowl
blend whatever type of nut you want until smooth/dough like  (so you can put it at the top or the bottom of the chocolatey part)
push the nut butter/dough at the bottom of the cupcake tin
blend dates in the same blender until smoothish, depending the consistency you want. I don't like mine to be entirely smooth
add the flour in increments in a mixer, or by hand (its easier in a mixer)
add however much cocoa power you want in it
take a little bit in your hands and roll in into a ball, then press it on top of the nut butter/dough that's on the bottom of the cupcake tin
 if you want, you can even put the nut butter dough in a pastry bag and make it look like a cupcake! but the raw nut butter that I made is really thick and i get frustrated easily so i didn't even try
YOU ARE DONE!!! I like them refrigerated or frozen better.. I can't say how the taste changes in room temperature so