I'm listening.

i think taylor swift wishes she was bisexual because she knows it would make her slightly more money. whereas sabrina carpenter wishes she was bisexual so she could have sex with someone who looks exactly like herself. and ariana grande wishes she was bisexual because she did too many designer drugs on the set of wicked and now she has kin memories of being glinda for real

i wish you could tell cats your food is poison. he seems to think the issue is i've forgotten that he is my kind and loving friend. the issue is Hospital

Some names just sound so ridiculously fake that had they been fictional, people would’ve rolled their eyes in complete disbelief. Like seriously. Wdym there’s a mf called Galileo Galilei. Stfu. You just made that up

Fastest man on earth is a guy called Usain Bolt. Sure I guess. There’s a poker player whose real name is Chris Moneymaker. Whatever. Scott Speed is a racecar driver. Founder of Tito’s Vodka is some guy called Bert Beveridge. There’s a former CNN bureau chief called William Headline. You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.

That's a side quest. You're supposed to go find him.

Or at least find his environmental storytelling skeleton along with a unique weapon or piece of armor.

this is so late renaissance early mannerism. the controversial male nudity? the lighting and value on the figurenof emphasis?? him bathed in light and placed ABOVE while the police are clad in dark and BELOW?? Uh HES HITTING THE CONTRAPPOSTO??

Security alert: Your orb was pondered from a new location

„Difficult“ the man is literally the only son of a bitch on the planet communicating fucking properly

fun thing about herding and/or generally neurotic breeds: they are really good at following rules you have instituted, but they will also make their own Dog Rules they will follow stringently whether or not you like it

despite never being reprimanded for getting sick if my dog throws up she will ‘tattle’ on herself and run over to me, show me the throw up, then hide and start shaking uncontrollably. nobody taught her to do this. she has decided that throwing up is a punishable offense until the end of time

my dog has decided that it’s solely on her shoulders to ensure there is peace in my house…if the cats fight she stands between them to ‘break it up’ and/or herds them away, if my rats have an argument she goes to the cage door and barks until they stop. not sure why she has decided she must carry the weight of the world but she has

what farming items in mmorpgs has taught me: i used to think using ice trays to make ice cubes was free but after thinking about it i have to pay the electric bill to power the freezer so every moment that i’m not freezing new trays of ice cubes is a moment that i’m underutilizing the freezer and increasing the cost of ice cubes. i have to constantly swap out ice trays for new ice cubes on an hourly rotation on a 24 hour basis or else i won’t produce the maximum amount of ice cubes possible and will underutilize the full potential of my electric bill. i need to stop using all other appliances and utilities in my home to make more ice cubes