TW: Suicide, suicidal ideation, plans of suicide, Robby's situation as a whole
There are a lot of really great and intense moments in S2x10. But, I think one of the biggest but much more subtle moments of storytelling about Robbyās state is this:
It tells us that Robby has taken up this motorbike four months after season 1. That this is an active decision made after weāve clearly seen him in an unwell and suicidal place.Ā
It solidifies that Robbyās not taken up repairing this motorbike as a midlife crisis or for the love of the game, but rather in the hopes itāll give him a fast death heās not in control of. He has worked in the ED for seemingly forever; he has seen countless motorbike deaths, countless riders who were already dead before they could even get them into the trauma room, and countless sad tales of wrong place, wrong time.Ā
But for a man who wants to take his own life, itās the perfect story, the perfect solution. He doesnāt have to step off the ledge if itās done for him. If another car hits him while heās on his motorbike, itās not a choice heās made; he is just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Itās a tragic story, but one that maybe will be easier for his friends and colleagues to digest than if Robby stepped off the literal ledge on top of PTMC.Ā
There is also no one there to talk him down off the metaphorical ledge. No Abbot to convince him not to do it, because what would Abbot say? Don't ride motorbikes, they're dangerous? Maybe he thinks the bike is good for Robby, heās got a new hobby, theyāve spent time fixing it together, and now Robby has another friend in Duke the motorbike engineer. Abbot, of course, would know the risks of motorbikes, but who is he to judge? He might be in therapy, but heās still taking voluntary positions with SWAT as their medic, and itās just a tragic story if he gets caught in the crossfire.
This is a very informed choice, a choice informed by all those tragic tales, all the motorbike patients who never even had a chance, especially the ones without helmets. Robby takes that PennDot motorcycle safety course not because he cares about safety, quite the opposite. It gives him the legal right to ride without a helmet in Pennsylvania, so he can increase the risk of his death, and a very instant one, upon crashing. So that when he does get hit, he has a higher chance of a brain injury if his brain isnāt already splattered across the road, which is probably his ideal scenario. The scenario where he doesnāt get brought into the Pitt, where heās declared dead at the scene, and his colleagues donāt have to see him. They will just have to pass his picture on the wall next to Dr Adamson, where Robby can rest, and if they hear about him not wearing a helmet when he got hit, well, he mustāve just forgotten that day because he was always carrying one when he walked into work.Ā
But it hasnāt worked. Heās been riding for 6 months in and out of work, even after long 12-hour shifts, and nothing has happened. So, heāll book that sabbatical, a very extended one that requires pre-planning and making sure he has a ātemporaryā replacement. Then, when all his affairs are in order, when heās said his goodbyes, when heās burnt enough bridges that the group of people that will grieve him has shrunk, heāll start a very long trip, after a very long shift, and keep driving till it happens. Till heās another tragic tale, another remembrance, another memory, another colleague, another friend, another mentor laid to rest.
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