Friendly reminder: This is like my journal but less evil. You don't actually have to like my posts!! You don't even have to see them if you don't want to!
i'm genderfluid, so whatever pronouns you feel in your heart are right
somewhere around 5,940 days old
── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──
music people i like ⋅ ˚✮: panic at the disco, will wood and the tapeworms, fall out boy, glass animals, arctic monkeys, crane wives, sum 41, blur, malcolm todd, and the oh hellos.
music people i love ⋅ ˚✮: SQUEEZE THE ORPHAN!! YOU CAN FIND US ON INSTAGRAM 🎸🍒
fandoms ⋅ ˚✮: life series (smallishbeans), supernatural, arcane, sonic the hedgehog, doctor who/torchwood, sanders sides, spiderverse, good omens, and like a billion sitcoms (but strangely, i have not seen the office.)
languages ⋅ ˚✮: j'apprends le français en l'école, et naaku konchem telugu vachu
other ⋅ ˚✮: I also like 60's cars, t-shirts and ties, drawing, the color purple, playing my guitars, and long walks on the beach, so hit me up ladies ;)
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IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO FIGURE OUT WHAT COLOUR YOU ARE BECAUSE KAYDEN AND KAYDENCE ARE DIFFERENT COLOURS BUT KAYDEN IS SPARKLY GREEN LIKE A PEACOCK AND KAYDENCE IS DARK MAGENTA and i hate you also just a reminder 🦀
AWHH FUCK ROSE THAT'S SO NICE. I CAN'T WITH YOU. I HATE YOU AND MR. EVIL BLOODTHIRSTY 🦀 TOO ☹️☹️ <3
A not so brief account of my experience at the Delhi protest on the 20th of July:
CW: violence, police brutality
3 of my friends and I, all of us resident doctors in various disciplines, had made extremely last minute plans to get to the walk that was organised for the 20th. I thankfully have a friend who lives fairly close to Jantar Mantar, and we were able to leave our things at their place while we were at the protest. We had decided to leave our phones at their house-since all of us had been extremely critical of the current government online, as well as in correspondences to our friends and family-and one of my friends carried a burner phone, in order to record the protest.
We reached Jantar Mantar at around 2:00am, fearing that the police may stop people from entering the site later in the day (this was of course what happened), and we milled through the crowd, talking to some of the other protestors at the site. At some point, we realised that the police presence had increased significantly, and the rapid action forces, had also been deputised to "deal" with us. At this point, I honestly still wasn't feeling scared at all. We were surrounded by several like minded people, who were also opposed to the current ruling party. It genuinely felt like we could speak with ease, for the first time in 12 years. We then found out, that the cops had started welding the barricades together. I'll admit that this is when I felt genuine fear. The minute we heard about this happening, the people around me immediately started talking about Jallianwala Bagh. Jallianwala Bagh, for those who don't know about the massacre, was a peaceful site of protest, where a large group of Indians had gathered to protest, during the Indian fight for independence. General Dyer, had then ordered all exits to be sealed, and opened fire on the protestors. A lot of what India faces under this government, feels eerily familiar to what she faced under British colonial rule.
Eventually, some of the protestors were able to push over the barricades, and we were able to start trying to move towards the parliament. That's unfortunately, when the violence began. The cops and RAF, started very indiscriminately lathi charging the crowd. There was no violence from our side. The cops had even parked a truck full of massive rocks, right by the protest site, probably hoping that the protestors would make use of them. In the end, we only have videos of the police themselves, chucking the rocks to make it look like the protest had been violent. And even after getting beaten up, the only responses I saw from the protestors, were pleas to be allowed to continue the march. We saw a lot of young students, face police brutality for the first time, and have to quickly come to the understanding, that the cops were not there to help them.
My friends and I had primarily gone, because we knew the cops would attempt to attack the protestors, and we wanted to provide whatever little medical aid we could. We had reached the site with 6 bags of saline, and at least 50 rolls of gauze, among other supplies. We were completely out by the time we left at night. I saw a lot of scalp and head injuries-it seemed like the wonderful police had gone out of their way to aim at protestors heads. I also saw a concerning number of children who had been injured by them. I counted 6 cases of eardrum rupture, and more bruises and cuts than I could keep track of. It was while I was attending to one of the injured protestors, that I was hit with the lathi for the first time. They saw very clearly, that I was in my doctor's coat, stethoscope in my pocket, and was treating a patient. They still tried to physically assault me. It was my fellow protestors, who immediately came to my defense, and got in between the police and I. This was our reality at the time. The only people we could rely on, were each other. A friend of mine was almost carted off by the police, to be placed under unlawful detention. He, like all of our little group, was only treating the injuries of the protestors. It was only because of the protestors, once again, that he was able to escape from their hold, and disappear back into the crowd. My friend who carried his burner phone, had it snatched from his hand, stomped on, and was then asked who was paying him to be there. We were a fair distance away from the tear gas shells, so we didn't experience the effects of the expired canisters the cops threw at the protests who were closer to the parliament. I found out after reaching the airport, that it was the nearby gurudwara and mosque, who were sheltering the protestors, and treating the inflammation inflicted by the tear gas. The same people, the media like to call Khalistanis or Pakistanis, they were the people who stepped up to help the protestors who were getting gassed by the cops.
We did not make it to the parliament, it's true. The delhi police and the RAF, who had all conveniently "lost" their name tags, made sure of it. But honestly, I can't find any sort of disappointment in myself. For the past few years, I have felt so alone, wondering why the people simply accepted the harm this government has inflicted on our country and our communities. But I came to realise that I wasn't alone, and I never had been. There I was, surrounded by people of all ages, who wanted better for this country. And it filled me with a sense of patriotism, that I hadn't felt in so long. These were ordinary people, who had taken leave from their jobs and studies, and were here, right beside me, demanding a better India.
Today I returned to my hospital, and to the outside observer, things may seem to have not changed in the slightest. But something feels different. Maybe I'm being foolish, or overly optimistic. I returned with nothing much to show, but a slightly depleted bank account, and a large bruise on my shoulder, but yesterday felt like an awakening. The people who want to claim that the 20th was the death of democracy, are so incredibly mistaken, because this is just the beginning. Now and forever इंक़लाब ज़िन्दाबाद.
for those unaware today india experienced one of its biggest protests in half a decade. there were protests all over the nation for various causes but the major one was in delhi. all we asked for was the resignation of the education minister because he's failed the students of this nation time & time again. but we were met with brutality, the police had barricaded the main site of protest (jantar mantar). metro stations were shutdown, the public was restrained from reaching the protest site and all the adjoining areas had signal jammers to make sure the crowd had no access to constant updates. they had us blocked from all the sides. they were lathi (baton) charging students from one side & releasing tear gas from the other. you couldn't walk 100 m on streets without having a tear gas shell thrown at you. there were many students, women & kids bleeding — some from their head. some couldn't walk anymore. the police had removed their nameplates & acted with full impunity to resort to unprecedented levels of violence. they were pelting stones at us, beating up people for no reason, forcefully detaining them and attacking us constantly with tear gas & rubber bullets. they wouldn't let you exit either. the crowd was peaceful & looking out for each other yet they were met with violence. i made a friend who was all alone & she asked to join me & my friend because a policeman wouldn't leave her alone. he constantly prodded her for personal info, invited her back to the jeep saying they have food there, wouldn't stop following her around. you couldn't call or ask anyone for help, we were left to fend for ourselves & be on a constant lookout if you did not want to be beaten up to death by police. all for what? asking a resignation? shame on this country.
it's important to note that the education in india is a BIG FUCKING DEAL. there have been an insane amount of suicides due to the board exams and this education minister fucked it up. the fact that they have not been removed with impunity is a failure on the part of the government and the fact that these protesters, many of which have been directly impacted by this minister, were treated this way is a compounding factor
to all the non-delhi residents/people who can't join the protest for xyz reason, who are feeling helpless and guilty and don't know what to do: spread the word.
no, seriously, spread the word. there is so much misinformation out there, partly due to the useless indian media channels who are calling protestors fighting for a chance to be heard "terrorists". they're saying that the protestors are committing brutality (like throwing stones) against the police when it is the opposite.
its a police using teargas and batons against teenagers, women and literal children. they're ripping the clothes of the women. people are badly injured. all because our corrupt coward "education" minister cannot take accountability for paper leak which caused over 20 deaths by suicide.
some are trying to derail the protests, calling the protestors "anti-national" and but you have to do your part in ensuring that this revolution isn't over until dharmendra pradhan resigns and the youth of india are heard and acknowledged. it will save the future of the students who are currently preparing/will prepare for similar exams.
spread the videos of the police brutality (save them if you can), write emails to the pmo, and share as much info as you can about the protest; how and why it is happening. speak up; online and also in real life, translate posts/videos, make your own. correct and educate people who are still against this movement. don't let this die out until our government finally listens to its citizens.
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terrible terrible news, jeff the killer did indeed fall for hatsune miiku, but has been rejected twice. hatsune miiku is only in love with dean winchester.
How in the absolute eff do you make a mood board surrounding your favorite character. Like every time I try it looks like a circus monkey shat itself and threw it at the Mona Lisa, but it was retouched by Cecilia Gímenez and now it just looks like a fucking mess. I need help NOW please I beg I just want a wallpaper subtly themed after my fav without directly using his picture in it but god I suck at it. I collect all the wrong images and then suddenly BOOM a fat waste of time later and some sore fingers and I’m left with a pile of crap. Please. Please help me find a solution to this.
I WANT TO RESPOND TO LET YOU KNOW I SEE YOUR DAMN ASKS. I LOVE THEM. I LAUGH EVERY TIME. DON'T STOP.
also the art of creating mood boards is like harnessing ancient arcane magic. fuckin impossible. idk how anybody does it. i even tried just to see if i could, terrible. so hard. for why.
please read this even if you're not indian. especially if you're not indian.
you've seen the jokes. india is "dirty", indians are "everywhere", why don't they fix their own country. ok. let me tell you why, and what's happening right now while nobody's watching.
first, the history you skipped: britain ruled india for two centuries and drained it. economist utsa patnaik's research estimates around $45 trillion in today's money was taken. the india that got independence in 1947 was one of the poorest countries on earth. every "why is india like this" question starts there. you don't get to profit off a robbery and then mock the crime scene.
now, what's happening RIGHT NOW:
in may the question paper for NEET leaked. that's the national medical entrance exam. over 2.2 million students took it. cancelled. years of studying, families' savings poured into coaching, gone overnight because someone sold the paper. students died by suicide after. these were kids who wanted to be doctors.
and out of that came a protest movement. a gen z group called the cockroach janta party, started by a 30 year old named abhijeet dipke, got 22 million instagram followers within DAYS. they've been doing a sit-in at jantar mantar in delhi demanding education minister dharmendra pradhan resign.
and then there's sonam wangchuk. if you've watched 3 idiots, he's the real engineer the character was based on. built solar schools in ladakh. invented ice stupas so himalayan villages have water. spent his whole life on education. he's 59 and he's been on hunger strike for 17+ days now. reporters went to see him this week and he was too weak to talk. and the troll armies are calling him "anti national" and "foreign funded". a man starving himself for other people's children. that's the thing here, anyone who asks a question is suddenly a traitor.
it's not one incident, it's everywhere you look:
• infrastructure worth thousands of crores failing within months of the ribbon cutting. tunnels collapsing in regions where heavy rain is a guarantee, not a surprise.
• youth unemployment near 10% for ages 15 to 29, 13.6% in cities. in a country of 1.42 billion where more than half the population is young.
• only about the top 3% of indians earn above 10 lakh a year. meanwhile billionaire wealth keeps ballooning and the headlines celebrate it.
• manipur burned for over two years. an ethnic conflict, tens of thousands displaced, and the prime minister barely said the word manipur while it happened.
• journalists raided. critics' houses bulldozed. activists sitting in jail for years without trial under laws like UAPA. our press freedom ranking has cratered.
• even the petrol is a fight now, ethanol blending pushed through while drivers complain about their engines and get no straight answers.
and through all of it, the PM, who came to power on religious polarisation (americans, sound familiar?), travels abroad for photo ops and has not held one single open press conference in over a decade. not one.
what i'm asking:
if you're not indian: share this. our media mostly won't cover any of it because the big outlets are owned by the same billionaires the government serves. the only reason wangchuk's fast is getting any coverage is people refusing to look away.
if you ARE indian: speak up even if you're comfortable. especially if you're comfortable. join the protests. add to this, correct me, translate it. staying quiet is a choice when nothing in this post touches your life.
india is not "dirty". india was robbed, and it's being robbed again, from the inside this time. but it's also the country where a 59 year old will starve for strangers' kids and 22 million young people will rally behind a party literally named after cockroaches, because cockroaches survive everything.
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i was training a young person at work, and she referred to sexual assault as "SA" out loud, and i immediately was like, "no, it's sexual assault, call it what it is," bc idgaf if the algorithm overlords have taught y'all that you should fear direct language, how tf do any of you expect to ever address real issues with any amount of seriousness if you can't even say the words? imagine an advocate looking a sexual assault survivor in the eyes and asking "did he grape you?" it's absolutely fucking absurd, but these young interns and new hires are coming into an environment where we deal with survivors of all different kinds of abuse, and they're coming with the mindset that the words are as bad as the actions, and that makes them shitty at the job and look juvenile af
i HATE self-censorship for a lot of reasons, but being in crisis work makes it even more frustrating. who are you censoring for? like i am being so fr, WHO are you censoring for? have you even thought it through? people who have been raped know that they have been raped. if someone attempts suicide or is grieving someone who did, saying "sewer slide" isn't going to protect them from any of the feelings. a murder victim's family isn't going to feel better bc you said "unalived" instead of murdered. if anything, it's just extremely invalidating and othering. it's saying "what happened to you is so bad that i won't even say the word," which is NOT trauma-informed care. you are not protecting survivors/victims when you self-censor. the ONLY things you protect when you self-censor are the puritanical ideologies that are being encouraged by rich fascists who want your money and obedience
say the fucking words, guys. just say the goddamn words before i go insane!!!
why is there an upgrade button on gmail. why does twitter want me to scan my palm to get into my account. why is google a chatbot. why does the transit app make a transit app wrapped for me. why does youtube keep shoving its infinitely scrollable shortform content down my throat. why do my doctor and psychiatrist and therapist want to use an ai notetaker during our appointments. why do free trials want my credit card number. why are most scholarship websites just data brokers. how do i make capitalone stop sending me mail. why is my school making its own special chat gpt powered chatbot. why is every third video on instagram an undisclosed ad. why is nothing online real anymore. why is everything so FUCKING STUPID
Tinker tailor soldier sailor rich...(theres more the the title its just too long for me to bother to write :P)-radiohead
a sharp pain- thxsomch
O my heart-mothermother
okay all for now 😼
OKAY OKAY what these songs are about:
Tinker tailor soldier sailor: This guy who lives in his woodland cottage sees that The Creature is on the prowl. So out of fear for the poor little animals who will be caught be It, he invites all the creatures of the forest to come live with him. All they have to do is say "Yeah"
A sharp pain: Person who has spent far too lomg in isolation gets really into putting together a jigsaw puzzle.
Oh my heart: So the phrase "O My Heart" is actually just the way the singer says "oh my gosh", and they've never seen a fish out of water before! Or a rock in the gutter! Super super surprising stuff to them
fill in the blank, Vincent, and sober to death are the go-to's for when I feel stuff
but also nobody ever talks about:
I don't think its really the best for a playlist, but if you've ever wanted to experience 14 minutes of the most soul crushing music you've ever heard, this is the song for you!
@mossysjournal @unfortune-ly @stup1dvoid @urfriendlyneighborhoodbiderman + anyone who wants to share their opinion! I think I may know what some of you will say
ur orange to me, and if you ask anybody i know theyll say that i hate orange, and i typically do, but you orange is like the sun through autumn leaves, its warm and bright🧡
to me, you’re purple. not just one light shade of lavender or dark violet, no. you’re a gradient. like the night sky. wonderful and full of wonder and depth. and though it’s dark, there’s still pinpricks of light, of hope.
I wish I could be more poetic about it. You're striking! You're confident! When all is dark and cloudy, you're not afraid to speak up, to be seen and heard. You're just awesome!!
tags tags tasg: @soboisanoob (ik you'll only see this in like. 2 years.), @nicorosberg-evildeedsupporter, @rubylotus34, @p4nd4rii
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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