[Spoilers for tma episode 154 -Bloody Mary]
"I’ve, uh, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking after what happened with Daisy last week. About – what I can do. What I am. What feels – right." Okay...
Alright he found some new tapes...
"And I started to pay attention to the ones I… wasn’t drawn to. The tapes I instinctively wanted to discard." good process.
"There was one, this one, that my hand…pulled back from. I dropped it, twice, when I went to pick it up. Even now, I’m… struggling to hit play." Wow, what is on that tape????
"I am the avatar of awful knowledge and revealed secrets, so what does it notwant me to know?" Yeah, it's weird!
This one of Gertrude's tapes obvi...
"Right. No use putting it off further."Oh?
WAIT IS IT GONNA BE THAT ONE PAGE FROM EPISODE 062
WE'RE FINALLY GONNA KNOW WHO'S ON THAT PAGE
"When he opened his eyes, he saw nothing, but he heard her breathing, slow and steady and focused, and he immediately knew that she was finally going to kill him. When the garden shears plunged into his chest, he was surprised by how little actual pain there was – just the sudden feeling of moisture on his chest and the realization that his body was growing weak, fading away." this is so awful...
"He wished she would say she was sorry she was doing this, that she loved him, that she would miss him. But he knew better, and his final thought was a gentle sadness at how little he was surprised." That's so sad...
SO THAT'S WHY HE WASN'T IN THE BOOK...
WE'RE GONNA HEAR HIM FOR THE FIRST TIME
IS HE GONNA EXPLAIN HOW TO QUIT
"Gertrude, I – Wha– What am I doing here?"
"Mary. She gave me your page."
"Wasn’t even hard for her, was it? Handing me over? No sign of regret."
I already feel so bad for him...
"I’m sorry, Eric; I know this must be hard – I just read your death. I didn’t realize it would quite so…"
"You should have seen what she did to my body afterwards."
"Oh, yes. She bound me afterwards and made me watch. Don’t know why. Wasn’t really in the best state to ask. Maybe she just wanted some company."
"…While she disposed of your body?
"God, I was a mess. I mean, part of me kind of suspected she’d killed before,"
What do you mean, "kind of suspected"...
"but clearly she hadn’t done it enough to be a decent hand at chopping up and dumping bodies. She was having a real hard time of it. My legs were all over the shop. Would probably have been funny, if it hadn’t been me." Yeah, kinda.
"What’s it like? Being bound to the book?"
"I don’t know how to describe it. Never was great with words. Bad. It feels bad. All the time. I know that I’m not really Eric; I’m just a memory someone wrote down. It hurts, most of the time. I don’t like it."
Oh... so it means that the Gerry we met was also just a memory.... not that surprising, but...
"But, you’re still here."
"I suppose. Mary used to get me up to bounce ideas off of. Talk through her thoughts and theories. Never listened to me, obviously, but nothing new there."Poor guy ...
"Well, it’s good to see you. I suppose."
"Better than being dead."
"Fair enough. To be honest, I’m impressed, more than anything. Hard to get old in this business. You either die, or you, uh, stay young. …How did Mary look?"
"S’pose that makes sense. And Gerry? Have you seen my son?"EVEN HE WAS CALLING HIM GERRY-
"No; I’ve never met him, I’m afraid. Mary talks of him a lot. Well, she seems very proud."
THAT'S A LIE. I had noticed when I listened to episode 062. Mary didn't even mention Gerry once.
"Why did she give me to you?"
"I-I don’t know. She seemed to think it was a gift."
"She said she had one final mystery to explore. With the book."
"Oh. Oh. You know what that means, don’t you?"
"I have a pretty strong suspicion, yes." Well, we know how that went...
"Oh, just thinking. Five years as her husband, god knows how many as her possession, and she just couldn’t stand being bound in the same book as me." Oh, I hadn't seen it that way...
"Yeah, it doesn’t feel great. But being dead, I s’pose you don’t feel things quite as strongly. Little bit – flat. I’m aware of the heartbreak, but I don’t know if I actually feel it. It’s strange, really." I feel so bad for him...
"I’m not entirely sure. I was probably going to burn you, if you’re amenable to the idea."
"…Yes. Yes, I think that would be for the best." maybe...
"I’m just trying to figure out if there was a reason she gave you to me. The way she was smiling… as if she was handing over a secret." that's possible
"I don’t know. Do you have any questions? Any unfinished business?"
"Of course. When she killed you, there were plenty of outstanding cases and such, but nothing that would still be relevant."
"Sorry, what do you mean?" Yeah, what do you mean??
"Well, you were working on quite a few statements when she killed you." Oh.
"Gertrude, I left the Archives months before she killed me" BUT HOW
"What? No. That’s – That’s not possible."
"Of course. They didn’t tell you. Why would they? Mary probably thought it was funnier if you didn’t know, and Wright would have preferred you not to know." Who is Wright?
"James? He died about twelve years ago. Elias is Head of the Institute now."
"Elias? Elias Bouchard, seriously?!"
James Wright, right, the previous Head of the Institute, I had forgotten about him. Also, coup dur pour Elias as we say in France.
"Hm, he’s changed a lot."
"Must have!" To go from pothead to Head of the Institute, yeah...
"So. What did they not want me to know?"
"Yeah. I figured out how.
"I – I just assumed – How?"
"Well, that’s it, isn’t it? I suppose that’s why she gave me to you. One final screw you to the Eye."
''Eric. How did you quit?" PLEASE. SPEAK.
"Sorry. I just – Idon’t mean to be a dick, but – well, it’s been a long time since I’ve had any sort of – leverage, I guess? Just a – little bit of power. It’s kind of nice."
Okay, you want something in return. I guess he deserves it.
"Are you going to tell me?"
"You know, you were never actually all that nice to me when I worked for you, Gertrude. Not like Michael, or Emma." Emma, new name...
"What, you gonna threaten me? Look at me. Best I can currently hope for is to be burnt to ash. I’m going to tell you, just – maybe there’s a price?" He's enjoying this haha
"I don’t know – I haven’t had a chance to think." Fair. He smelled an opportunity, give him some time to think about the most he can get from it.
"Fine! I want two things." Oh, I can feel it's gonna be angsty...
"I want you to find my son. If Mary is – if she’s gone, or worse, I want you to make sure he’s alright." AAAAAH I KNEW IT WOULD BE ANGST
"Hm. I’m not exactly a mother figure."
STOP, THE IRONY, I'M GONNA CRY
I have tears in my eyes, I'm listening to this right next to my mom while she's trying to watch a show and she must think I'm going insane.
"You could hardly do worse than her." well-
"Hm. Fine. But I don’t know what growing up with Mary has done to him. If he’s… gone rotten, I can’t promise anything." At least it feels good to know that despite that, Gerry hasn't "gone rotten".
"I suppose he might be useful."
"Oh, sentimental as ever." Well...
"Hm. And the second thing?"
"I want to make my statement." Obvi.
Wait, this was recorded on July 21st...
I had to check the transcript, but that was barely three weeks after Mary's statement...
"I always loved ghosts. They fascinated me. Not the rattling chains and horror part of it, of course, but the mystery, the promise of secret knowledge, of seeing something that no one else was privy to. A secret world that gripped my imagination.So when I finished my Masters in library science and saw a vacancy at the Magnus Institute, of all places, I jumped at the chance. The chance to pursue my passion and my career at the same time seemed like too good an opportunity to pass up!" He was so hopeful...
"It was only an assistant archivist position, of course, but that was fine.A good entry position – I’d, I’d soon move on, I told myself" Yeah... the corporate lie of climbing the ladder...
"And for the first few years, it was pretty much exactly the job I’d expected. Longer hours than I’d hoped, and the Archivist seemed less interested in doing her job than I was, but all told there were worse places to work.." Some people would disagree with you, mate
"Then I met Mary. She was like no one I’d met before in my life. She was beautiful, like a – like a shark is beautiful. Every moment she made was deliberate, sharp, and her eyes were always focused on something, always watching. And when she looked at me, I always felt afraid." And he liked that. I mean, good for him, but...
"But there was something else. Something under the fear. Something that made me feel very aware of all my blood."...garden shears?
" I don’t know what she saw in me, not really. But when she walked up to me and told me that I was taking her to dinner, I couldn’t help but nod." Okay...
"I’ve always been – Well, now, I wouldn’t call myself a coward, but I’ve never been in a fight. Never even been punched. Maybe it’s – luck. Maybe it’s the fact that I can never really bring myself to push back from people.And Mary pushed so hard. Harder, even, than you. And I let her, because she gave me something I had never before experienced: Danger.." I wanna respect everyone's taste. But come on, man...
"The things she taught me, had me do – I’d never known anything like it. Whenever I kissed her, it tasted like blood." So, he was leaving the dark romance dream.
"I remember visiting her, shortly after she’d started her books business. I found her sitting opposite a corpse, a well-dressed middle-aged man who sat in a huge m armchair she kept in the back office. She looked me in the eye and told me he was her uncle, prone to drink, making an unexpected visit, and had passed out in the chair. I knew she didn’t have an uncle. I knew the man was dead." that's what you call "kind of suspected she'd killed before"????
"But d’you know what the strange thing is? Despite the violence, death, even my own murder, I still don’t feel like she… betrayed me. She was what she was. And I knew that. And even though I told myself that she would never harm me – of course not! I was her husband, her true love – even then, the only one lying was me.She never promised anything, not even in her vows. She never betrayed me." He's right. He was aware. I feel bad for him, but he knew. He was exactly where he wanted to be.
"Not like you. She never played dumb when I was stalked by bloated, blood-soaked things, or told me I was imagining it when your friend Adelard dropped a screaming box into the Thames." A screaming box? Oh, is that the head of that guy from the lightness flame?
"She didn’t try to keep me in the dark just so I wouldn’t stop being useful; she never made me complicit in a thousand different nightmares, and lives ruined for the sick joy of some otherworldly voyeur. Compared to that, I suppose a few murders were easier to stomach." He's got a point..
"But I couldn’t be part of it. Not once Mary told me what was really going on.I know what you say, what you think you’re doing, saving the world one poor doomed soul at a time – I mean, I understand; I do. (exhale) But I couldn’t be a part of it. Not when I saw what happened to everyone else you involved" He's not wrong.
"I had to get out, to escape this place. I had a son to look after; he needed me!" *screaming*
"And that’s when you turned nasty, isn’t it? When all your resources, they no longer want to serve your purpose. I suppose you didn’t know there was a way out, a way to escape. But if you had, would you have told me?" Ouch. Probably not...
"Mary, at least, played straight with me. She knew all about the Institute. And when we were married, when she was sure I could handle it, she laid it all out for me: the rituals, the Powers, all the messy little cogs of the games you play with the universe.She laid out her own plans as well, her dreams of power. In many ways, I suppose they were no better than yours. But at least she didn’t bother to hide behind noble aims." hm. I mean, some aims are better than others, but the end doesn't justify the means....
"Maybe that’s why I chose her, in the end. At least she was honest. Or perhaps I actually was afraid. Terrified of the crossroads where I’d found myself, and I chose the option I thought might keep Gerry safe. At least if I was home with him, I could perhaps soften the edges of his mother." He just wanted to protect him😭
"I suppose I never really understood. No matter how clear the situation was, how well it was explained to me, I just couldn’t see the parts of it that I didn’t want to." Yeah...
"Two years, I tried to figure out how to quit, how to leave this place. And when I finally did, when I felt the Watcher’s grip slip away, it left me in such a state I was no longer useful to Mary, and… she did what Mary does. It was fitting, I suppose. Even after everything, she made me taste blood one last time." this is tragic...
Okay. That was an interesting statement. Tragic, but fascinating.
"I just –I thought it would be more of a relief." Unfortunately, that's not gonna...
"So. How did you do it? How did you quit the Archives?"
"It was actually really simple. Not easy, but simple. You’ll kick yourself when I tell you." What is it????
"You were almost there, you know, with your theory that James could watch us from any eye, even an illustration. What did you do? How did you sever that link?" Oh, so that's an actual thing? Watching from any eye, even painted or drawn ones?
"I left to avoid dragging my family, my son into this life, to try to look after him. But Mary decided that a newly blinded husband was simply too much of a burden." HE BLINDED HIMSELF??
"Did you need to do anything special? Any… ritual, or…?"
"Just as long as they’re useless. I went the extra mile, destroyed them completely, but– I’m sure you’ll find something neater. A strong acid, precisely applied? That sounds more your style, if you decide to do it, that is." Oh, I don't even wanna know how he did it. Cause I can imagine and just... ew.
So that's the solution to quit? Pluck your eyes out???
"No. It’s not an easy sacrifice to make, is it?"
"I still have work to do."
"Don’t you always." Even Gertrude is unsettled by this...
"Yeah. Well, I think I’ll rather do some research of my own, before the rather extreme step of blinding myself."
"It’s the only way. Trust me, I tried them all." welp...
"So, was there anything else?"
"No. No, I don’t think so."
"Then if you don’t mind? I think I’d like to go away now."
Wow, Jon said the f word!
WAIT DOES IT MEAN THEY'RE GONNA TALK??????
"I’ve been trying to avoid, being, um – sticking to old statements? Thank you for your little intervention, by the way" AAAAAH
"Look, I wouldn’t have to if you’d hadn’t been –"
"Yes no, I know, I know; I’m sorry; that didn’t come out right; honestly, thank you. It’s been hell, but – I, I did need to hear it." YES, YOU NEEDED AND YOU EACH OTHER-
"Well, that’s not important – no, well, it is important, but it’s, it’s not why I’m here, I –"
"Jon. Calm down. What do you want?"
"I know. I know what you said, but I just – I think I’ve found a way for us to leave the Institute."
ARE YOU SERIOUSLY GONNA SUGGEST YOU BOTH GOUGE YOUR EYES OUT OR SOMETHING
"Yeah. But it’s – It’s pretty drastic."
"What, you going to gouge your eyes out, or something?
"H-Have you told the others, or?…"
"Uh, because… because, because I trust you. I, I’m trying to think about what to do, and I… If I did try this, I don’t want to do it alone. But we could leave here, you and me. Escape."
HES ACTUALLY DOING THE RUN AWAY WITH ME THING
OH NO NO NO I'VE SEEN THAT BEFORE.
"Make it my decision." Oh.
"I mean, Could you even survive at this stage? Is there anything else keeping you alive?"
"Uh, I, I don’t know. I don’t – know. But… maybe it’s worth it? The risk – y-you and me, together, getting out of here –one way or another.
I'M IN A HOTEL BATHROOM, LISTENING TO THOSE IDIOTS AND TRYING NOT TO SCREAM-
"No. No, o-of course, this was stupid; you have your own plans going on, don’t you"
"Just – Look, I need to see this thing through with Peter to the end. If, If what he’s saying is even half true, I need to be there." Of course, there's the plan...
"But what if you don’t? We could just leave. I mean, whatever their plan is for me, I am damn sure that doing that isn’t it. I’d derail everything – we could derail everything, and then just – leave!"
I'VE ALREADY SEEN THAT SCENARIO BEFORE
"Who are you kidding, Jon? You’re not going to do any of that."
"But you won’t. That’s why you came to me, isn’t it? You know I can’t do it, not now; you don’t want to blind yourself; you don’t want to die; what you want is a reason to not do those things, so – you come to me.Well, you’re welcome. B-because I can’t follow you on this one" WOW. WOW. He's got a very good point. He's right. And he knows him so well...
"The Lonely’s really got you, hasn’t it?"
"You know, I think it always did." *muffled screaming cause I can't actually scream*
"Maybe. Well, I’ll be here, if you ever need me."
"Just don’t wait too long okay? If you haven’t already."
THE CLASSIC TROPE OF A TRAGIC "LET'S RUN AWAY TOGETHER"
It's understandable that he refused. I mean "Hey, let's blind ourselves and run away together", it sounds insane.
But beside that... of course, the plan and stuff.
And they both know that they kinda can hold each other back from pretty... extreme ideas. That's why Jon went to Martin, because deep down he knew that he would put his plan to a stop. And that's also why Martin is isolating himself (beside because of what Peter Lukas said), because he knows that if him and Jon were still talking as much as they did before, he would find a way to make him stop that plan too.
THEY LITERALLY ARE EACH OTHER'S ANCHOR
I wanted to scream for the whole scene. But I am in a hotel room and I can't be too loud.
The whole episode was so angsty!
At least we learned more about Eric! The poor guy... I really pity him, his story is very tragic...
Rip Eric Delano, you would have loved dark romance novels.
And I'm only a few episodes away from this season's finale, I'm scared...
