Something Completely Different

matching family crest jewellery - who tf wants to entirely associate themselves with their family at 17

only talking to each other - see above

the very fact that theyre all ‘adopted’ and ‘not blood relatives’ yet they all look similarly ethereal and have the same eye colour

dating each other - theyre very fucking committed for high schoolers…. bit weird

also the incest implications of dating each other

when one of them actually dates someone outside the family, she immediately becomes very close with all of them and rarely talks to anyone else

bella swan got married to a cullen straight out of high school and then completely disappeared

although she did keep in touch with charlie, who lives in forks and presumably has no plans to leave, and she is living nearby. probably people who knew her before have seen her and been like…. ‘did the cullens get her plastic surgery??? that’s weird’

bella was announced to be dead and yet people have probably seen a very beautiful version of her visiting her dad

her dad never even seemed to mourn her, despite the whole town knowing how much he loved and doted on her

there was no funeral for bella swan

are you really telling me that no one noticed the influx of visitors to the cullens and then the spree of disappearances in nearby cities?? really??

theyre hella fucking rich

Are people scared that using a white cane will make their blind character seem weak? They can’t use a cane because they’re so special that they already know what’s around them, and other blind people who use guides are inferior because they’re not special?

I’m tired. Give your blind characters white canes and other guides. Let them hold onto their friends, let them have guide dogs. Don’t make white cane users feel ostracized for not being “strong enough” to go without.

Another thing that pisses me off is when a sighted character comes up with the fantasy equivalent of braille and teaches it to the blind character. Braille was invented by Louis Braille, a blind man, in 1824. The blind character should be the one coming up with it.

Tldr I’m blind and tired of sighted people lol

You might not be able to understand us, but we can understand you. We grew up on a diet of international media and warped perceptions of what it means to be a teen

Our main highway that runs from one end of the country to another is really just a two lane country road in most parts

Please don’t say hobbits

Most white people can’t pronounce Maori correctly

Convenience stores are called ‘The Dairy’ here. Just go with it.

Despite our proclivity for farming, there are still townies who have never set foot on one

A third of the population lives in Auckland, which is honestly basically in Australia

Wellington is an honorary South Island city

A pie is not what you think it is

You can blame us for American Idol style talent shows

Not Tasmania

If a kiwi is talking about ‘College’ they mean high school. You can tell because it will be a story about that time they managed to convince a year 13 kid to buy them the good stuff

We loooooove roundabouts. Don’t come here without learning how to indicate correctly

Oh yeah we call turn signals ‘indicators’ and drive on the left hand side of the road so if you’re used to using roundabouts but drive on the right then good fucking luck figuring that out

Pre covid we used planes like buses. Its cheaper to fly to your destination than it is to drive half the time and takes an hour instead of a whole day

And the interisland ferry is fun but you can fly from Wellington to Nelson in 25 minutes instead of bobbing around in the ocean for 3 hours and then driving for another two

Ignore the temperature on the weather you really need to know if it’s sunny or overcast because we ain’t got no ozone layer and that shit will fry you in literally 10 minutes (I’m not kidding some days the burn time is that short)

Did I mention it takes forever to ever get anywhere because geography?

Do not. Mention. Hobbits.

'Yeah nah’ means no, and 'nah yeah’ means yes

You can be skiing at midday and on the beach sunbathing at 2pm, provided its that very specific day usually around September 23rd

2 weeks will get you around approximately 0.0001% of the country

We have 4 weeks paid leave here, that we use to either do different often more physically strenuous work, or torture ourselves with the Australian accent

Which reminds me hearing the Kiwi accent on a non NZ show is just fucked up and wrong

Lollies is the generic term for sweets/candy, lollipops are chupachups

Crisps are chips and fries are hot chips 👍

Sweet as, bro.

Kiwi memes are very… specific. Ghost chips. Always blow on the pie. Beached as. Chesdale Cheese. Bugger.

State Highway Two (the second major road) is at one point a one lane wooden bridge.

Off-camber decreasing radius corners on the edge of a gorge (at night in a tropical cyclone) is a quintessentially Kiwi driving experience.

If you go swimming at a beach, try to make sure it’s a patrolled one with lifeguards in red and yellow, and swim between the flags. 

The word ‘Kiwi’ in New Zealand applies to the bird or the people. Never the fruit. The fruit is almost exclusively referred to as ‘Kiwi fruit’. 

We’re a pretty friendly bunch and will usually be happy to help with directions or advice, so long as you can understand the accent.

Don’t litter. Don’t leave things where they don’t belong. Don’t feed or annoy the wildlife. Nothing pisses off the entire country like people leaving rubbish everywhere. It makes the evening news if it’s bad enough. 

Pay attention to signs about flora and fauna, particularly in places like National Parks. For the health of our country and endemic species, scrubbing your shoes before entering certain areas is necessary to prevent the spread of disease.

Also, when you enter New Zealand, make sure any shoes you’re bringing into the country are clean, especially hiking boots or other types of footwear that get very dirty. If they are dirty they’ll be seized at the border, either for a clean or for good.

are making shit