indestructible

BAILEY: wait like, going to jail for being too funny?

BAILEY: to get to the other side!

BAILEY: I think its just the funniest.

BAILEY: why did the chicken cross the road?

BAILEY: those are good right??

BAILEY: id add the word bro in. HIMBRO!

CAT: tell me a joke

KITTY: If you weren't in a position to arrest me I'd suggest we play off to see who the real cat in town is.

KITTY: But alas, orange is not the new black.

CAT: What are we playing hmm?

BRODY: So, if I ever go as a cop for this year's Halloween, would you lend me those handcuffs we used last time?

CAT: For sex? No

I suppose it comes from Bachelor days, paired into moving in together, and then moving like 3 states over. 

Aren’t you... married? For like.. a long time? I mean I’m not judging. Some married couples live separately, it’s totally a thing.

Okay, Sharon, not because my house is way nicer than yours means I have to host sleepovers for teenager girls all fucking weeks. I want to sleep in just like you do, have loud sex like you do and be as hangover as possible so no, it’s your turn. 

Someone can always call the cops when the sleepover is happening and complain about the noise.. Then I’m sure the parents will change their mind about whose house is hosting it next time.

ALAS, the rumors are true — now that I, Rachel Berry-St. James, am back in town, I will be officially REASSUMING my role as Choir Director in WMHS. I hope the kids are ready for a New Direction because we’re about to kick some serious butt this year.

Is this “return” going to stick this time around? 

Our apartment in Manhattan was decently sized — for Manhattan, but, our new place is absolutely gigantic,  but with all the furniture, and the little stuff, if just feels like I am opening pandora’s box

Sooo it’s an organization problem, I get it. Yeah, that’s a total stinker. If it wasn’t for my mom, I don’t even know if I’d have a bed to sleep on.

How do you convince a 6 year old to stop eating glue? Asking for a friend. It’s me, I’m your friend. Help?

Buy some super glue and bam, close that tiny mouth in an instant. I don’t think handcuffs work on a 6 year old... But you know, zip ties are always an option.

“Unpacking? I hate this, Someone distract me while I wonder how he had all of this stuff in our manhattan apartment.”

That begs the question, do you have too much junk or are you living in a tiny closet?