Hey folks! You can call me Cay. Pronouns are whatever you want, I do mostly use she/her for myself but that's more out of familiarity than actual preference. I encourage the most comical use of gendered terms possible :] Also I'm aroace
I have an Ao3 account here, and a new Toyhouse account here. I have a permissions statement on my Ao3 profile for transformative work that applies to any of my profiles, to both writing and art. In short, everything's fair game except AI or selling things related to my work, and if you make something based on mine you have to link back to it.
Specifically for my art, you can use my work anywhere (except as explained above) without asking first as long as you either credit me/link to my profile or have my signature visible. Or both! Both is good!
I also take requests! It might take me a while to get to them, but both writing and drawing requests are welcome! Just general conversation is welcome, too. I won't bite, promise :]
(Update: I also make ao3 site skins on request! I'd prefer to be asked through dms instead of the askbox for them to check customization options though)
I like mcyt (mainly Hermitcraft & the Life Series), and that's most of what I post about, but I'll occasionally dip into other things/fandoms that catch my fancy. Tbh I don't post much, mostly just reblogs, but y'know. When I do post it's usually cubitos.
I like plants a lot (<- horticulture student). I want to learn about rewilding and sustainable architecture. Related to that, I like solarpunk.
I try to be accessible, but if I can improve at all feel free to correct me!
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is this anything? I’m not great at poetry, so it may be something that sounded cooler in my head :’)
I kinda like the art style though. Not too time consuming, but looks decent.
Ohh Eva Stratt and Ryland Grace your dynamic is complex and tragic and would always have been doomed no matter wether he ever set foot in that spaceship.
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Grace and Rocky, giving a tour of the Hail Mary to fascinated Eridian scientists and diplomats.
Pointing at things and explaining what they are and how the ship works, lots of awed and appreciative noises are made.
Until one of the visiting Eridians points out a specific item. “And that?”
It’s a strange, circular thing, a xenonite disk mounted upright on some sort of pivot so it can spin freely, but around the edges it has… spokes? Pegs? Sticking out of it, that hit against a stiff flap that would slow down the spinning.
It is also separated into sections decorated with crude etchings of a human and an Eridian.
“Ah,” Grace says.
“That,” Rocky says.
“That’s. Um.” Grace seems somewhat embarrassed. “That’s the sacrifice wheel.”
The Eridian visitors clearly do not know what to make of that. “We think we misunderstood Savior Grace’s word,” they say, apparently hoping this is a vocabulary mix-up. “Explain (question, polite)?”
“Didn’t misunderstand,” says Rocky, sounding very sheepish. “That is sacrifice wheel.”
“So. While we were on our way to Erid, we might have gotten… anxious about each other’s well-being,” Grace says, which everyone is already very aware is a wild understatement. “And, well, you heard what happened at Tau Ceti, and after. There were a lot of unexpected dangers for the whole trip that required a lot of, at least, attempted self-sacrifice to solve. We ended up almost dying for each other several times. And we had an argument about what we’d do if another crisis like that came up. And we couldn't agree.”
“Grace argued that Grace already was unlikely to survive long-term on Erid, so he should be the one to do any potential deadly but necessary maneuvers to make sure I was able to bring taumoeba back,” Rocky says.
“Which made sense.”
“Did not make sense! Grace already sacrificed so much for me and for Erid, wouldn’t be fair to make you do it again—“ Rocky cuts himself off with a huff. They have obviously had this conversation before. “So sacrifice wheel was compromise.”
“Yeah,” Grace says. He spins it to demonstrate; it whirls around in a blur and a rattle of the flap hitting the pegs, then eventually slows down, and stops—pointing at the segment depicting a very bad but very clear image of an Eridian. “Rocky made the wheel, I spin the wheel, and whoever it lands on, that’s who gets to sacrifice themself to save the other and the other person does not get to argue. This way, we wouldn’t waste time debating who does the self-sacrifice and who survives, it’s just a plain fifty-fifty chance. Or, eighteen-eighteen chance in base six. But the point is it could be either of us and we would have to accept the outcome.”
Rocky started fidgeting while Grace was explaining. When Grace finishes, proud of the equitable solution they came up with to allow them to die for each other fairly, Rocky says, “Now that we are back and we don’t need sacrifice wheel anymore… I have confession to make. About the wheel.”
“What about the wheel?”
Rocky doesn’t answer. Grace frowns, first confused, then suspicious, and spins the wheel again.
It lands on Rocky again.
He spins the wheel again, and again, and again, and it lands on Rocky every single time.
“Rocky!”
“I weighted the wheel,” Rocky admits.
“Rocky the whole point was that it was equal, that was why we even made it—“
“Never was necessary so doesn’t matter anymore!”
“But you WOULD have!”
“And you never noticed because you were hungry and cranky and distracted and so would have done bad job on heroic self-sacrifice anyway!”
“I would not! I would have done fine!”
(The Eridian scientists and diplomats are still here watching this btw. Slowly dawning on them that 1) these two are extremely not normal about each other 2) if Erid ever does another space mission they NEED to send a therapist aboard because this is what happens when they don’t)
this was my first ever proper con and i met so many wonderful cosplayers and fans, including an adorable middle-aged couple (both wearing 'amaze amaze amaze' shirts) who lent me the paper hat you can see in the first picture!
I'm falling asleep so I'm not going to articulate this well, but Stratt's and Grace's friendship keeps killing me when I think about it too long and I need to get some of my thoughts out.
If the world wasn't ending, they never would have met. She was an admin at the ESA in Paris and he was a middle school teacher in California. Those professions have literally zero over-lap.
But the world is ending, and Eva Stratt is going to save it so in her mission she finds Ryland Grace. And she finds more then just a scientist to help with saving the planet, she finds a friend.
She keeps herself purposefully aloof, purposefully cold, purposefully distant from everyone else on the project. Makes sense, she needs to stay impartial to everyone else as her only goal can be saving Earth. But in spite of all of that, Grace somehow manages to wiggle past every wall she has up, and somehow becomes her friend. I don't think she ever let him know it explicitly, but it's very clear she is, at the very minimum, fond of him. It shows in the movie, with the occasional softened gazes, the small smiles and the "You don't bother me". The scene of them during the demonstration, with him turning to her and wiggling his brows while she grins back at him. The entire karaoke scene, where she's looking directly at him while she sings, and him looking back with a fond smile. Cutting off the song early because she's already shown too much of her heart as it is. Eva Stratt clearly holds a warm spot in her heart where Ryland Grace is perfectly nestled, even if he doesn't fully know it.
Eva Stratt was starting to let down the wall. You could see it in the way her smiles were wider, her posture looser, the way she responds to Grace's silly bow to her. They're about to launch, the mission is almost done. Even if the Earth was condemned to freeze, even if she's condemned to be the planets "whipping boy", maybe she could allow herself one thing. Maybe she could keep her friendship with Ryland Grace, even if she would lose everything else.
But then the explosion happens. In the movie, they jump from the explosion straight to the scene of them having the meeting announcing Grace is the back-up. But in the book, there is a moment where Grace is overcome with grief for the dead scientists but Stratt panics. Grace doesn't understand her reaction as panic, he thinks she's being cold about Dubois and Shapiro being dead. But she's not. She's panicking. For a moment, her emotion is over riding her logic. In the book, her instant reaction is "Cry later! Mission first! We need a new science specialist, and we need them now!" She knows, logically, who her third option is. She's always known this. She has everything planned down to every possible scenario. She has redundancies for the redundancies. He has always been the third option. But in that moment, she still has the knee-jerk reaction of "No please not him. Anyone but him." But he is still her third option. Her last option, now.
And Eva Stratt has to take that last option. Even if it means ripping Ryland Grace out of that warm little spot in her heart. Even if it means ripping out a piece of her heart with him. She doesn't want to kill her friend. You see it in her face. "Please, sit down and we do this differently". You see her steel herself, and shakily nod to herself. Even if it's killing her to kill him, it's his life against the entirety of the human race.
The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the one.
Headcanon that Grace has always felt 'inhuman' in a way.
That strange, unnameable feeling of never quite fitting in anywhere. Never quite acting 'just right' when he needs to.
Maybe, he reckoned, thats why he always felt such a connection to foxes.
"Fox among a pack of dogs" was a term his grandmother used to use when he was young, to describe a person out of their depths. Even past the old-timey metaphor and it's meaning, Grace always clung to the phrase. It just felt right.
Besides, he'd always felt more of kinship there, in the wild, than he ever did with other humans. He found a better kinship with the Earth, and it's creatures, and it's science, than he did with people. Hell, even being in space -against his will- he still found more comfort in the distant stars and vast, blank nothingness.
Maybe, he also reckoned, that's why he got along so well with Rocky. Why he felt so comfortable with Rocky. There was no expectation there- Grace had no 'human mold' he needed to fit 'just right' to appease the alien. It didn't matter how Grace acted, or how he felt, because when Rocky looked at 'foxes' and 'dogs', all he saw were animals, so naturally it made no difference to him that Grace was a fox.
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I can't stop thinking of Grace being reborn on the ship. Gosling calls the coma bag his amniotic sac. He's released from it wobbly, frightened, struggling to speak, like a brand new baby; is stunned to find out he's been released into an enormous universe with no instructions. He encounters death immediately without understanding. He has to learn to know himself from nothing--"Am I smart?" He cries and screams over how overwhelming it all is, like a toddler shoved into a world they can't control.
We watch him through his angsty teen years learning the little things that make him himself -- he likes cilantro, he has muscles, he has a sciencey brain -- but none of that gives him a purpose. He goes into depressed undergrad party mode, in a silly hat, soaked in vodka, asking himself what the point of it all is.
But then he sees the ship's golden wall carved with the mission, the memory of the people before him who worked to get him this far, the children coming after him who are depending on him, and something shifts. His shoulders straighten. He takes a deep breath and tosses the little Earth-ball into the air. He understands very little yet, like a young adult just trying to join the flow of community and history. But Grace has found his adulthood.
After that he can face mortality, responsibility; he puts on his uniform; buries his crewmates. He can grieve them properly and face the future for Earth's sake. After that he's ready to try to meet the moment he's in, even though like all of us he knows now that he will die. And he is ready to meet and love the people different from him who will become his family, his final home. He has dealt with fear and loneliness and loss; he's ready for life. He's grown up.