Yeah Mr. Darcyβs proposal was a complete turd and a half but you gotta understand.
You got your life together. A good career, stable income, retirement plan, all that shit together. And you meet this girl. And sheβs everything. Clever, outspoken, funny, calls you on your bullshit. Grade A cutie, right? And she doesnβt go out of her way to spend time with you but sheβs nice, and sometimes you catch her looking your way in a way that makes you think you might have a shot.
But her family. Holy shit.
First off, itβs p much ALL women, and mostly UNMARRIED women, which at this time means of something happens to her dad then youβre financially responsible for like. Four grown ass adults, potentially forever
Because mom in law is DEFINITELY gonna need someone to take care of her when dad in law kicks it, and they have like. NO money. So already youβre accepting that if all goes well, youβre gonna be one random old bagβs retirement home. Thatβs expensive and exhausting, yeah? Imagine asking someone on a first date knowing that if they say yes and things go good her high-strung chihuahua mother is gonna move in with you. IMAGINE.
And girlyβs other sisters. Well, one is a sweetheart, yeah, so she probably wonβt be an issue, but that still leaves three more, and two of those ones are INSUFFERABLE. Never went to school, dumb as rocks, spend cash like itβs toilet paper
And while one of the two is young still and might grow out of it the OTHER one is actively torpedoβing her entire familyβs reputation by wandering off with random dudes and chasing ass. Sheβs never gonna work, she canβt build connections, sheβs a fucking sinkhole, and sheβs being led on by the same goddamn con man ass leeching tit whoβs been bleeding you dry while telling anyone whoβll listen that your family is full of ratty thieving bastards.
And if he dumps her after a week- WHICH YOU KNOW HIS BITCH ASS IS GONNA- youβve got a SECOND UNMARRIABLE GROWN ASS ADULT TO PROVIDE FOR. And you KNOW sheβs gonna be a tantrum-throwing little shit about it, and itβs not like you can lock her in the basement or something, youβre gonna have to bring her fucking. Everywhere. And give her an allowance and shit while she contributes zero, because again, she NEVER GOT EDUCATED AND HAS NO MARKETABLE SKILLS. Sheβs not even good to TALK to. FUCK
And youβre looking at this girlβs father like βplease for the love of fuck get your spawn under control, marry them off, get them working on their rΓ©sumΓ©, learning to sew or be nursemaids or manage staff or SOMETHING, yall got no money and one foot in the graveβ and that old man just laughs like βhaha yeah, what can you do. lolβ
So youβre looking to the mom and finally itβs making sense how she got that twitch in her eye and as MUCH as she is youβre starting to realize sheβs the SMART one, desperately throwing her armloads of girls at random men like theyβre a bunch of fucking lifeboats bobbing around a sinking ship, like yes Jesus Christ sweetly that life boat IS old and ugly and kind of boring but for FUCKS SAKE PICK ONE
And you look back at this girl who is ALSO REFUSING THE LIFE BOATS BY THE WAY and god damn it sheβs still the most radiant thing youβve ever seen so fine, fuck it, Christ alive, youβll do it. Youβll shoot your shot. Sheβs everything youβve ever wanted in anybody abut itβs not even just about that anymore, itβs about being her best fucking shot at a future, and even if she doesnβt like you all that much sheβs still gonna say yes and that might break your heart a bit knowing itβs about the money but who knows, maybe it will at least be civil, or companionable, and even if she doesnβt LOVE you at least youβll know sheβs well and cared for
And so youβll do it. Youβll take on the neurotic stress mess mother in law, the absent father, the broke ass wingnut no brain no money no future airhead sisters, the bad mannered relatives and the embarrassing behaviour and the impending future of sharing your entire shit with a clown parade of freeloaders, youβll risk it all and accept the absolute certainty of financial ruin and emotional exhaustion for the rest of your whole ass life and youβll make your own family deal with it too, youβll do it, youβll fucking DO IT, you stupid lovesick motherfucker
And so you go to this chick like βlook. Your whole familyβs a shitshow. Youβve got fucking nothing and youβre gonna die on the street. But for some reason- and I donβt get it either- Iβve fallen in love with you, and I wish I didnβt, but I did, so Iβm telling you that whether you like me or not, Iβll give you everything. Iβll give you everything even if itβs the dumbest shit I ever done. Fuck my stupid Baka ass, Iβll marry you.β
And she looks at you- having heard or considered absolutely none of your months-long internal debate and monologue- and goes βThe fuck did you just say about my family, you son of a bitch?β
And the shock of that is enough to jolt you back into a reality where you are able to actually hear and process what just came out of your damn mouth
And yeah
Yeah, I think I kinda get it
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