Medium at Large

So you didn’t take the opportunity to dupe people out of their possessions? I’m impressed but also really, really disappointed. 

Your boss just sounds uptight and needs to unwind. Feel free to give her my number, I’d be happy to do you a solid. Yeah, that’s usually the way I deal with problems, it’s worked alright so far. Just be careful not to get into another scandal too soon, once you develop a reputation it’s harder to make people forget. And I disagree, that’s a quality video you have there. 

I didn’t, but I would’ve gotten away with it if those pesky morals hadn’t got in the way. 

Nothing like having some Joe Public wandering into a restricted area to piss your boss off. Appreciate the offer, but think I’ll have to pass on it. Good to know, glad it’s working out for you. Speaking from experience? I can try I guess. No promises, think my luck in general shoots that idea in the face, but I can try. Please tell me you’re not buying into this. 

[pm] I like the cut of CHA0Smage9000′s jib. ‘Question everything’ is a pretty good way to live. That’s why I’m not too put off by people questioning the validity of my videos. I figure they’ll boomerang back to the video after curiosity eats at them for a while. That said, that’s not what we want here, so I can kill the buzz by discrediting whoever made it. I’ll try to get in contact with them too. They did good work, they just need to focus on actually obtaining consent before posting.

I don’t really need anything. I know a few people in the yt community who have come up against videos needing to be taken down either because it could hurt their brand or because it was stolen content; I could call in a few favors. They’ll know how to handle the great beast that is Facebook.

Ghosts actually come with lots of variety! It’s pretty rad when you get to know them. And, I mean, I’d be pretty quick to anger if I was dead and (usually) invisible as well. Not saying you deserved to get that up close and personal with the pointy bits of children’s toys, but sensitivity can be key in keeping them happy. And my whole life, actually! Most of my bedtime stories came from dead people, wouldn’t have it any other way.

[pm] See, exactly, that guy gets it. Seems reasonable. What kind of videos do you normally shoot? Okay, sounds like a plan but I’ll bet they’re really going to love you for that. You sure you’re good to put yourself in the firing range like that? Hey, you don’t have to bust a gut, but anything’s worth a shot. If you get anything figured out I seriously owe you. 

At least four kinds last time I checked Good to know. Well, hey, maybe soon as they quit throwing projectiles at me we can be best pals, grab some coffee, have a few laughs. Guess my sparkling personality doesn’t win me any points. I thought it was more of a permanent ‘I demand to speak to your manager’ kind of rage, but sure, all fair points. I’d be pissed too. So you’re saying I need sensitivity training? 

[pm] Nah, the ‘less Gary Oldman’ alternative felt a little bit safer. I mean, they both made me look stupid but at least the one I chose also made some people want to stay away, which was good. That’s the one. Oh shit, they sound like photo albums I’d like to see? Did you go all out in the black and hot pink combo?

I mean, I was already part of a cult, apparently. The fact that some people was killed by a ghost in a party I attended just made me the murderous leader, I guess. Never mind the fact that any one of the people who died could have kicked my ass, even more so when there was three of them. But the rumour persisted so. 

[pm] Fair enough, it’s a lot of look, hard to pull off. Glad it worked out for you. All else fails a set of headphones and a ‘don’t talk to me’ look gets the message across. Yeah, sure there’s probably some comedy gold in there but sorry, not in this universe.God no. I drew the line right at that flattened middle part hair and general glower she had going. Still had her beat for death glares. 

you entered the wrong street

It’s really impressive. Oh, so you’re not the person to call about the possessed TV remote? Sorry, that’s my bad. 

Why do you care, anyway? At the rate this town spews out weird and interesting shit, people will forget about your video in a week tops. Speaking of the video, how would one find it? Hypothetically. 

Nope, hard pass, but apparently there is in fact a guy for that [user inserts link] this stuff is big business, apparently, but you know what, props to anybody that can convince somebody to give up their expensive antique pocket watch for free because it’s haunted by the ghost of their last couple brain cells. 

Had a believer show up outside work looking for me, boss wasn’t happy. I’d like to not piss her off and keep my job. Call me crazy. Wait That’s actually kind of reassurin a fair point, so what, ignore it till it screws off? Fascinating as ‘woman takes out  store display stand’ with some neat CGI is it’s not even that great. 

[pm] Good, I’d be devastated without this prestigious membership. Uh, bit less vintage than that. As much as I appreciated that aesthetic and Brad Pitt, it’s not very practical. So more like… MCR/BVB vibes with some old school hints. And plastic fangs nope If that makes any sense. If not, you’re not getting a better description because I’m already dying inside recalling this, let’s move on.

Good to know if I feel the sudden need for that experience. Thanks, I doubt they’re close to apologising for themselves. Eh, just some personal issues and the fact that people thought I was a cultist killer. 

[pm] What, no Gary Oldman style gliding around with brain hair either? Man, you missed out there, but fair point. BVB, wait, those guys that looked like the Kiss tribute band? Okay, I’m starting to get a good mental picture. Hey, no judgements. There’s a lot of photo albums that were never allowed to see the light of day. Think Avril Lavigne 2000-2003 vintage. Those were the lost years.

No one’s come for me emo card yet so I guess I’m in the clear. Probably because of the vampire twist I had going for me. The tumbleweed is living its best life, honestly.

Fake friends but I think the overwhelming jock stereotypes made up for it. I got a mostly full high school experience, I think. Before dropping out senior year like a champ.

So a social pariah and white knight. I would have liked to been part of your year in high school just to witness that. Good thing they let you finish, though.

Then I think you’re safe. Good job. Well, you know that’s a time honoured classic. Are we talking Anne Rice or the Old School Boris Karloff style? I lean towards Nosferatu personally. 

[pm] Yeah, uh-huh.

[user does some quick searching for the video]

Well, whoever worked their movie magic on this certainly made it look real. Like, too real. How did you Luckily, facebook is a cesspool and most people are aware of the amount of staged videos that it produces. YouTube, on the other hand, well. Not quite as cut and dry. I could debunk the video in the meantime, say I know you and that it was some Halloween prank. Then we’d work on scrubbing it from existence.

But, I gotta ask, was it real? I mean, I talk to ghosts pretty often, but they’ve never thrown anything at me. Even if they did, I wouldn’t have been able to… do what you did. Can you teach me? Promise this is a safe place to talk about this.

[pm] It’s convincing, I’ll give them that, sure, unless you’re ‘CHA0Smage9000′ who thinks it’s “faker than Kim Kardashian’s left ass cheek.” Guess we got another Spielberg on our hands. Crazy what you can do with whatever it is they use for this stuff. Good thing I’m not on Facebook. Right, okay, how much of a fight am I looking at here to get it gone? Debunking would be great. You do that kind of stuff a lot? What do you need?

Are you

right  sure thing  sadly yes and they’re really into screwing with me

Yeah, they were dark times. Believe it or not, never done a Hot Topic haul. Eh, same old. Still pretty sparse.

Nice, the old ‘fake friends’ high school experience. Missed out on that, sadly. Sounds like fun. 

That’s amazing. But yeah, who can say. I’m sure Katy Prescott had it coming though, to be honest. 

Yeah and that was just the eyeliner. Never? Man, I thought that was a mandatory rite of passage. Thought that would get your emo card revoked. The more you know. Well that’s a comfort. Hopefully the tumbleweed’s still going strong, I’ve missed it.

Sums it up, complete with angsty music and locker door slamming. Scriptwriters for those teen dramas should have taken notes. Some quality content. The fake friends or the high school experience? You didn’t miss much, just watch a couple episodes of Freaks and Geeks and you’re there. 

My friend is into helping people. They really like doing that. 

So my friend can just give people food!? Why didn’t you tell me this sooner?

Would you like a pizza? From my friend?

Okay, that’s a plus, that’s a start. They ever think about volunteering? 

Sure, maybe not randomly, but sure. You’re welcome?

Not really. If it’s something you’re ashamed of then it’s probably hilarious if it’s not ‘whatever I’m thinking’, read in your condescending typing. 

Condescending typing, guess I picked up a new skill. Not ashamed, just pissed. I really love people getting hold of my number to get me to “de-ghost” their house or exorcise their possessed TV remotes because of some Paranormal Activity wannabe, it’s been a real blast. 

[pm] What kind of content is it? Is it a sex tape? Also, do you know what sites it’s been uploaded to? Youtube is probably a given, but I need to know if this is gonna go viral anytime soon.

[pm] Okay, so I know how that sounds. Nothing weird, just... well, you know, weird. I just knocked some stuff down at a store and some book stand toppled by itself. I’m accident prone, happens a lot. Somebody watching way too much Ghost Adventures caught it on their cell and went overkill with some CGI stuff. Far as I know a couple of times on Facebook and one Youtube link that I know of. A work friend sent them to me. I just want it gone so I can quit getting calls from people about it. That’s what I’m worried about. Zak Bagans, I’m not. No way.

Full blown in both areas. No shit, that’s quite a shift. I just lived in the social pariah place until… well, now. Something must have happened, right? Or did you just get really bored of running?

Full Blown huh, you really committed, nice. That include the Hot Topic hauls? Haven’t lived in pariah-ville for a while, how’s the neighbourhood?

My dad he d 

Both, technically. I only liked it as a hobby to blow off steam, wasn’t into competing. I had one really shitty summer before senior year and when my friends should have been around they pretty much ghosted me. Guess I just figured out that I didn’t actually like any of them outside track and I quit making excuses for them being jerks, called them out on it and bailed.