Phoenix Beauties

Mixing Business with Illness

We’ve spoken in the past about my lack of self confidence, and how most people don’t realise this is an issue with me because of my business.  Well have you noticed lately that I am not posting as much? Have you noticed that there are a lot less selfies of me floating around?  Well, that’s for several reasons.  One being the self confidence.  If I don’t like myself as a person, if I can’t stand…

Last year, I went to visit a psychiatrist for the first time in many years.  What led me there was essentially false fears.  I was none to happy with the doctor, in fact, he pissed me right off with his quick jump to re-diagnose me with Borderline Personality Disorder.  I was somewhat convinced that I actually have Rapid Cycling Bipolar, but that’s still under debate. But what he said next struck…

Moving…..on? 

I have to say, after 6 months of non stop trauma, I’m beginning to be quite happy with where my life is at now. New job, new people around me, I own my own home, and I’m starting to think about moving on. The trauma will take a while to subside, I’m sure, but I think it’s time for me to look and move forward. Confidently.

The idea of potentially moving on with another partner is all but…

There’s two points I want to make here. 

I am sitting at the doctors, and he’s not back until 6pm, annnnd there’s a waiting list of people who want to see him today. I’m really not a patient person. Like seriously, I don’t know how I get through a working day. I’m intolerant and impatient. I have a school report from age 10 which clearly states “Casey-Lee does not suffer fools gladly”. This is a…

It’s Been A While

I know I know, I’m sorry! But I did warn you that I start these things and often don’t continue. BUT it has been on my mind for a while that I need to do this so here we go!

Things are changing for me, and pretty much all for the better.  Started a new job, settled a few pieces of unfinished business, and I’m no longer being bullied by a government agency! Yes, it all got dropped because the…

I’m Suicidal, But I’m Not At Risk!

Sounds strange, right? If you’re suicidal you must be at risk?  WRONG! I read an article recently with which I totally related, so this post is loosely based on that.

So every day I wake up and think to myself, “fuck, still alive.  Damn”. Several times a day I think to myself “I’d be better of dead”, “they’d be better off without me”, “I don’t want to be here anymore”.  But, does that mean I’m…

My Self Harm Looks Different to Yours!

Self harm, like most things, comes in all shapes and forms.  The way you self-harm will be different to the way your neighbour does.  That’s just the way it is.

Unfortunately, my diagnosis comes hand in hand with self-harm, and professionals are often seen searching for lacerations, and blood.  Well they won’t find any.  I haven’t cut bar once since I was sixteen or seventeen. Sometimes I…

As some of you may have seen on my Facebook page I recently attended a psychic expo here in Melbourne, and had a reading done.  Now I know not everyone is a believer in such things, and that is quite okay!  I just wanted to tell you about my experience.  Some details will be omitted for personal reasons.

So for a few months now I have been feeling like I needed to have a reading done.  I have no…

My psychologist has told me he believes I have dissociated a lot in my life.   There is one set of events that I was involved in that ordinarily people struggle with long after the fact.  It’s something they think about and regret for many years to come, if not for their entire lives.  However, for me, I feel nothing about it.  Nothing at all. I don’t think about it daily, in fact, I rarely think…

Don’t go down the rabbit hole

The Rabbit Hole, a term recently introduced to me by my Mental Health worker, and one I now use frequently, as it describes perfectly the way my brain functions.

Remember how I described to you my black and white thinking?  Well, the rabbit hole is somewhere I visit when greys and colours try to enter.  You know those thought processes that fill your brain from time to time, the who, what if’s,…

Helping You, Helps Me

Since I was 20 years old, I have always been in the caring profession, save for when I was between jobs.  I started in aged care working in nursing homes in New Zealand.  I then went on to Disability Care, working initially with three intellectually and physically disabled young women. Once I got to Australia I went back to Intellectually disabled care, and then some how found myself working with…

Patience is not my virtue

Yeah, like seriously. I am one of the most impatient people I know.  Interesting considering my line of work.  How I get through a day with out losing my shit is beyond me, because at all other times, it’s on!

You spend a second more at the lights than I deem necessary, I’ll be asking where you got your license.  I have to stop at every god damned set of lights between a and b, I’m raging before…

I have eluded before to the fact that impulsivity is a big feature in my life.  It’s how I make almost all my purchasing decisions, it’s how I joined my network marketing company, it’s how I consume most foods, it’s essentially how I live my life.  Not good, really. But that’s just how it is.  While I can sit back now and laugh at a lot of my impulsive decisions, I know it’s something I…

I remember when I was first diagnosed with BPD.  I was 19 years old, fresh from another self harm/suicide attempt, and subsequent hospital admission.  I read it, and thought to myself, well at least it’s only borderline, and not a full blown personality disorder.  I said something to the effect to a friend, who was quick to inform me that the word borderline was misleading.  Casey, you have a…

I was talking to my mental health worker the other day, about confidence and self esteem, and what they mean, and something struck me about the society in which we live.  As children, and as adults, we are encouraged to have self confidence, and self esteem, and yet when we have and exude that very thing, we are labelled as ‘full of yourself’ and ‘so far up your own arse’.  When we’re down and…

It’s all a learning process

So in the last post I let you know that I “suffer” from mental illness.  I had a comment telling me I was brave for posting such a thing?  Why brave, I ask? In 2016 are we still attaching stigma, are we still avoiding the subject, are we still expecting to be looked down upon for having a mental illness? With all the advertisements and campaigns around the world pleading with people to quit the…