perfection itself is imperfect

“thank you,” she smiles warmly, and has to resist the urge to laugh at the way the other’s nose scrunches at what isla imagines must be the thought of an unpleasant roommate. “hopefully! if not, the sun loungers look pretty comfortable,” it’s an attempt at a joke, her gaze shifting pointedly to a row of sun loungers set up around the pool. “or the couch in the living room. it’s huge.” probably so as to fit more of them on it, she guesses, thinking back to the previous season. “i haven’t, no. i’ll probably go on the lookout for them a bit later.” it would be helpful to speak with them a bit before having to address the possibility of sharing a bed. 

. . .

“ They do. I wonder how many people will have the same idea. Maybe we should start calling dibs right now, ” they joked. They would never be able to stand up for themself ; Cam was more likely to sleep in a bush outside than start conflict over a bed or couch. “ I guess we just have to get used to all the unknowns. It’s a matter of perspective, though, right? It could be scary, or it could be fun. ” Or both. For them, probably both. 

“Not at all, doll. Sometimes the quiet can be peaceful.” Dixie reassured with a bright smile, though she wasn’t sure If Camilla could even see her features clearly in the moonlight. Dixie was in her element, she loved the great outdoors. Growing up in the country was going to be advantage for her this challenge. At least she hoped so. She didn’t wear anything heavy just her jean shorts and a plain white t-shirt with her trusty cowboy boots. Though now she shivered slightly wishing she would’ve brought a jacket. Dixie was just thankful she had her boots on as they trekked through the mud and broken branches. Her boots could take the beating at least. Dixie followed by Cam’s side closely, trusting their sense of direction. “Regret? No, never. I know we don’t each other that well Camilla but I can tell you one thing. We’re gonna win’.”

. . .

She had definitely lucked up being chosen by Dixie, Cam thought. She at least looked like she knew what she was doing, more so than her, and anyone walking around with cowboy boots must’ve spent some time outside. “ It sure can, ” they agreed, a smile on their face. It felt like she was getting along with everyone pretty well, maybe even making some friends. This was the kind of challenge that seemed like it could either bring people closer or turn them against each other, and they truly hoped it wouldn’t turn Dixie against them somehow. They didn’t want to make enemies, and especially not out of the person that had picked them. “ I like the way you think. Let’s show them how it’s done! ”

“  we  have  everything  ,  “  perhaps  not  but  they  weren’t  living  without  the  necessities  and  for  aless  ,  a  coffee  machine  was  one  .  he  was  a  caffeine  person  ,  it  pumped  him  up  at  the  start  of  every  day  ,  the  pooling  darkness  a  draw  ,  an  attraction  .  he  grins  at  her  inability  to  name  what  was  missing  but  instead  of  answering  the  question  to  point  it  out  ,  what  seemed  obvious  to  him  clearly  invisible  to  her  .  “  you  will  know  when  you  see  it  ,  “  he  says  before  pulling  out  his  house  phone  ,  an  angry  red  case  cladding  it  as  he  turns  on  camera  .  “  now  let’s  take  a  picture  to  commemorate  our  first  evening  before  it  all  goes  to  hell  ,  “  he’s  already  snapping  doing  numerous  facial  expressions  and  poses  to  ensure  he  had  all  the  best  angles  for  the  shows  instagram  grid  .

It seemed so broad and perhaps a little ominous. For someone that didn’t go to house parties they couldn’t comprehend if he meant a keg, a karaoke machine, or Zac Efron himself --- who, don’t get her started, she’d probably freak out all over again at how close she was to the Zac Efron... even if she was more of an Ashley Tisdale fan. “ Oh, right, ” they nodded, quickly adjusting their hair and looking into the camera. It was a good idea, they should start snapping pictures. Unsure how this whole show and eliminations worked, they didn’t know how long they’d be here, and they may want something to remember this journey by. “ The lighting is cool, ” they throwing up a peace sign and a smile.

“   let’s   just   say   they’re   not   exactly   the   most   reasonable   people   in   the   world.    ”   definitely   an   understatement   but   bodhi   didn’t   want   to   say   more,   commitment   to   having   fun   would   be   ruined   if   he   just   unloaded   all   his   soap   opera   family   drama   to   someone   he   just   met.    “   bachelor   in   paradise…    ”    he   echoed   quietly,   amusement   gradually   becoming   more   and   more   apparent   as   he   imagined   how   it   could   be   different   from   the   more   familiar   shows   like   the   bachelor   and   the   bachelorette.    “   hey,   your   dad   might   be   onto   something   there…   i   fucking   love   def   poetry   jams.   but   i’m   also   all   about   the   best   of   both   worlds,   so   i   enjoy   both   trash   reality   tv   and   some   good   poetry.    guess   you   can   call   me   one   of   those   bisexuals   who   have   never   made   a   single   decision   in   their   life…    ”    he   laughed.    “   but   this   bachelor   for   paradise…   not   necessary   viewing   for   this   reality   show,   right   ?   otherwise,   i   think   i’m   fucked.    ”

. . .

“ Well, hey, maybe they won’t question it. ” One could hope. Just as she hoped it never came up with her dads. Twenty years from now someone would recognize them out for dinner, and then the secret would spill out, well after enough time had passed they couldn’t hold it over her anymore. She would say surprise! and they’d all laugh about it. Hopefully. “ I love poetry too, ” they smiled, they’d filled a notebook with it, but would be too embarrassed to share with anyone. It was just their own personal journal. “ We’re one in the same! ” Maybe she was just warming up to the new atmosphere, but Camilla had already decided she liked his energy. He was easy to talk to, and she couldn’t say that for everyone she’d met so far. “ I don’t think so. Can I tell you a secret? ” They giggled, voice lowered to a whisper as if there weren’t cameras and mics pointed at them from all directions. “ I didn’t even watch the first season of this show. ”

when  it  came  to  power  ,  reese  was  no  stranger  to  possessing  it  ,  captivating  an  audience  …  but  she  did  enjoy  the  weakness  in  others  ,  the  small  instability  and  insecurity  that  she  could  smell  from  a  mile  off  .  like  a  bloodhound  ,  she  knew  what  she  was  looking  for  but  there  was  no  evil  intent  ,  her  enjoyment  and  thrill  not  from  any  overarching  desire  for  destruction  …  she  just  liked  it  .  the  response  was  enough  ,  the  stilted  words  ,  stunted  conversational  skills  .  her  gaze  still  unwavering  ,  her  lips  twitch  just  slightly  into  a  deeper  smile  ,  creases  in  the  corners  as  she  raises  her  hands  to  slide  against  the  skin  of  camilla’s  neck  slowly  .  “  i  like  to  be  the  first  ,  “  in  every  situation  ,  her  claim  to  life  walking  on  unknown  territory  ,  a  transfixion  and  certainty  to  her  movements  as  their  lips  collide  .  

There was a lot of unexpected so far --- the last twenty four hours had been more of a rollercoaster than their entire life, and that wasn’t even an exaggeration. They were used to plans, schedules, spontaneity was an unknown they were just now dipping their toes into. It crossed her mind only briefly, people watching this at home, her dads watching this at home, but it was a flicker of a thought that she couldn’t focus on even if she wanted to. Reese wasn’t Cam’s first kiss, but may as well have been. She had no idea how she’d even stumbled into this, but, well, she’d be a fool to complain. Their hands fell limp and useless by their sides as their eyelids fell shut, melting into the woman’s lips.

Was this person born yesterday? How did she not comprehend the sheer enormity of what they’d signed up for. Even the nobodies that entered the house in season one, came out famous (or, infamous). Many of them now had brand deals with the likes of ASOS and Sephora. A dance camp?  Do grown adults still go to those? “Maybe you could gaslight them into thinking you have a long lost twin they didn’t know about.” Darcy glanced towards the camera crew, fiddling with the mic was placed on her collar. “What’s the deal there anyway? Are they just too good for reality tv?”

. . .

“ I was adopted, ” they laughed, it may not be too far of a stretch... if they didn’t see this clip. “ Separated at birth. They’d go digging for my family tree so fast. ” Cam was rather impressionable, they supposed, which was part of the reason their fathers probably didn’t approve of them watching certain television shows ; worried they would get the wrong idea from some of the dramatic behavior. She liked to think she was smart enough to go through this and come out the other side the same person, but only time would tell. “ They just think it’s a... bad influence. ” 

Valentina couldn’t help but blink a few times, incredulity tainting her features as she looked at the other. “ Oh you sweet sweet child. “ The brunette hadn’t spoken to her father in years, and on the off chance that he found it in that stone of a heart of his to give a damn about his daughter? Well, it was safe to say that the opinions he had on her life choices stopped holding weight a long time ago. “ I couldn’t care less if my family finds out or not. “ She told them with an air of nonchalance, her shoulder lifting in a shrug. “ It’s your life, not theirs, they don’t have to love your choices. “

. . .

“ I know. You’re right. ” That was what Cam had told herself when she was accepted. Perhaps applying had been a moment of rebellion, of wanting more, but it wasn’t out of anger. It wasn’t trying to stick it to their dads. If anything it was... running away from the pressure. It was doing something for herself, even if she had no idea what she wanted. “ But how do you stop worrying about disappointing people? ” They wondered aloud. “ It’s so hard to just... not care. ”

Her brows knitted together at the question, confusion lacing over fine features before thinking over her answer. She had told her parents she was doing something new and exciting and they likely believed it up to be that she had gotten a new job after leaving from her last for reasonings she couldn’t necessarily explain to them, skimming over the details to make it seem like she was just moving out of town. She had a very vague memory of telling one of her sisters that she was thinking of auditioning for a tv show and being told sourly that it’d never happen. Well, look at her now: comfortable and kissed under the Sun Francisco sun with a camera on her instead of drowning from the basics of her life back home. Lying wasn’t too bad, if one knew what to do with it. Her roommate, from what she could tell, did not share the same sentiment. “ On a scale of 1 to the Elmo Hellfire meme, how pissed do you think they’ll actually be? What if you win? Would they be pissed even then? ”

. . .

Cam couldn’t help but laugh at the question, a mental image of the meme popping into her head with one of her dad’s heads photoshopped onto it. “ Hopefully a three, realistically a... whatever a seven is on that scale. ” She knew they wouldn’t disown her or anything, they probably wouldn’t even raise their voices, but they would see it as a waste of time. A disappointment. And she was terrified of being a disappointment. “ Win? ” They repeated the word as if it was a language they couldn’t understand. Winning was not something Camilla could see happening for them. Reality shows called for cutthroat people or fan favorites, or both, and she didn’t think she would be either of the two. “ I think that would depend more what I did to win and less what the prize was. ” 

isla smiles, waving away the other’s comment. “it’s no bother, i can be a bit of a rambler myself sometimes,” she says with a reassuring smile. “it’s nice to meet you as well. i’m isla.” the pool party is still rather lively around them, although they’re thankfully somewhat sheltered from the noise where they’re currently positioned. taking a sip of her wine, she briefly observes the scene before turning her attention back to the other. “have you met your roommate yet?” isla asks curiously.

. . .

“ That’s a beautiful name, ” she smiled, feeling at ease with Isla already. Too trusting, maybe, but there was something about her that didn’t seem as threatening as some of the others. “ Not yet. I hope they’re nice. ” They scrunched their nose slightly at the thought of having to deal with someone that may want to do with them ; or worse, just downright mean. “ I haven’t talked to many people yet. Have you met yours? ”

“nope and even they didn’t they wouldn’t give a fuck.” he said with a small shrug. harsh but true. his family couldn’t give less of a flying fuck about him. “well- one way to tell them that you’re all grown up and don’t need to be under their thumb anymore right?” 

. . .

“ Oh, ” was all they said at first, unsure how to reply to that. They wouldn’t understand that. Their parents cared too much, at times. She didn’t want them to think she didn’t need them anymore, even if she was ‘ all grown up ’ --- “ I guess that’s... one way to look at it. ”