im just here

“short people stick together” how about we stack together. if enough of us unite we can be the ultimate tall person

dude being a little kid during an election year was THE funniest thing. kids were all just repeating their parent’s political beliefs verbatim without understanding any of what they were saying. My elementary school did a mock election and I didn’t know what was going on so I just voted for Obama because thats what everyone else was doing. My friend and I were chatting on a swing set and she said to me “I hope Mitt Romney gets elected because I don’t think Obama will get anything done” bitch you are 9

i remember being in second grade and not liking one of the candidates for governer bc he was bald

me walking into the animal shelter: hi id like the stupidest cat you have

sometimes my cat won’t eat her dinner so i thought i was tricking her into eating by putting a few treats on it but she’s actually tricked me into feeding her treats and i want a stupider cat

you look into this animals eyes and you can tell absolutely nothing is going on in there i am so happy for you

“Host show me to your biggest buffoon!”

Me after a 12 hour shift at Denny’s

Plants are just like… Too much sun. Not enough sun. Ground too wet. Ground too dry. The pH balance is wrong. There’s not enough drainage. I don’t like terracotta. Feed me. Stop feeding me. God was killed here. I do not vibe with this soil.

is it really christmas eve already i can’t feel anything

My parents continuously tell me that my generation’s humour makes no sense and I still refuse to ever explain it to them

what if the arthropods preserved in amber actually stuck themselves in there voluntarily with the expectation of being revived at a later date once bug technologies had grown more sophisticated