You are Kenough

yeah, what if susie squished the soul like a bug. wouldnt that be funny

extra under the cut

today i found myself in the position of needing some new Guys. so here is the first of those guys. other guys still pending.

introducing karken, a dwarf mercenary, and incidentally the first dwarf character i've made who didn't have a pussy. his name also isn't actually karken. karken is the dwarf pronoun for 'soldier', but it's not his fault humans are too stupid to learn a second language, and nobody needs his real name anyway.

lore time. dwarf language prioritizes proper nouns, followed by pronouns for class, occupation, and then gender, which is used as something of a last resort if you can tell nothing else about them, and that's exceedingly rare. even a completely naked dwarf signals their class in the way they wear their hair. a dwarf is more likely to refer to a human man or woman with a gendered pronoun than another dwarf.

introducing sidus, another of karken's "merry" band of mercenaries. he is Not A Vampire, because vampires are made up, but he's okay with you thinking he is. in fact he'd like it if you thought he was, if it meant you were afraid of him. he likes it when people are afraid of him, and he's usually very good at providing a reason.

he is in fact 1/4 imp, the grandson of a maniac and the son of a bastard. while he's functionally human, he has several imp behavioral traits, such as feeling safe in high places, an attraction to shiny objects, and the urge to bully and fuck anything weaker than him. do not leave him alone with captives. unless it's a mean woman. he is utterly helpless to mean women and will try to give them everything he owns. the impstincts.

he is a cat you throw in a barn if you want it to be full of dead mice in the morning.

bonus below the cut: the first pass at him, where he looked a little too much like astarion. now he looks a bit like somebody else but only real oldheads would know.

finally, he's here for you, it's the last member of the karken crew.

deacon, a wizard who thought he'd be sucking less cock when he quit school to find work. he's not exceptionally talented, nor especially creative, which is why he's stuck working for these no-class bozos and not writing a paper.

all the wizards we've met thus far have been of a high class. osmund is a court magician, the most prestigious position a wizard can hold. romick and jerund are masters of a tower, something you can only inherit or spend a lifetime building. cadogan is an independent merchant. deacon is a college dropout.

"adventuring wizard" might sound cool to the layman, but within wizard society it makes you a loser who couldn't hack it on his own. you take a SALARY? from a DWARF? you don't have a patronage or a fortune or some greater calling? we hate you. we're going to fuck your mouth because we hate you so much.

He can hold you and shake you

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