This Is A Qui Gon Jinn Slander Account

good comic:

atheist bad driver: I will rely on my own skill to see myself safely home after a mere 8 drinks

buddhist bad driver: stop getting mad you are too attached to material things (your car that I rear ended)

jewish bad driver: according to this highly controversial interpretation of the melachot which five separate rabbis have told me is completely stupid, driving during Shabbat is fine as long as you ask your non jewish neighbor to turn the car on because then the engine is already on. However, using turn signals is prohibited and you can't turn headlights on or off which is why I just leave my high-beams on at all times

muslim bad driver: muslims are never required to yield the right of way to non muslims

neopagan bad driver: if we follow the teachings of the Great Earth Mother, traffic is like a flowing river. Turbulence and disorder are part of nature. "Lanes" are a product of a Christian society obsessed with rigid status and social control. You gotta just go with the flow, man. (jerks wheel and sends 2004 Subaru Outback with COEXIST bumper sticker and Etsy Dreamcatcher hanging from the rear view mirror careening across 3 lanes of traffic to make an exit)

satanist bad driver: much as great Lucifer defied god's oppressive vision of rigid order and obedience, I am treating this "stop" sign as a suggestion

pastafarian bad driver: this interchange is a sacred place. the convoluted mess of twisted, tangled ramps reflects the form of His divine noodley appendages. When I enter it I must meditate on the interchange and lose all awareness of surrounding cars.

amish bad driver: I don't need to pay attention to the road, my horses know the way home (is currently in the oncoming lane and has just run over a toddler because a leaf fell 200 yards away and spooked the horses)