... sorry i’m a badass

god FUCKING damnit im such a hopeless romantic one day someones gonna say “i love you” and im just going to let out an agonized scream so horrible that they immediately change their mind

I’m blowing u a kiss it should arrive in 3-5 business days

i have some goblin opinions and you will read them. i hate bras. if i ever meet g*d i'm going to bite him. i think humans should be able to see more colors. iceberg lettuce is tasty. collec.t beach glass. it's good to be naked sometimes. no gods no masters just the animalistic needs and wants of flesh. don't pet crocodiles but it is understandable to want to. throwing sand at peoples' eyes is not cheating if it's self defense. chew your nails and dress like shit.

Instagram ads piss me off. Like, yes, I do want those black waterproof boots embroidered with a gold sun and moon, but I hate that you know that about me. I hate the little AI oracles sitting in their digital caves making algorithmic prophecies about my spending habits, then sending sending their electronic servants to me with hedonistic temptations targeted at my weaknesses... I’ve already got nice boots, thanks!