How people treat sexual orientation, as explained with furniture.
Heterosexuality is a couch. Nobody even bats an eye if you keep it in the living room for everyone to seeâitâs simply expected. I mean, where the hell else would you keep it? Hidden in a bedroom? No, that would be weird.
Homosexuality is a bed. Having a bed in a public room is considered weird and grossâyouâre expected to keep it in private bedroom you close the door to before anyone else comes over. Because even though there are a million and one things someone can do sitting on a bed that arenât sexual (and plenty of ways to have sex on a couch), the first and foremost thing anyone associates beds with is sex.
Bisexuality is a Western-style futon. Sometimes it functions like a couch, sometimes it functions like a bed, but whichever position itâs in at the moment, itâs still a goddamn futon. People who want to use it as a couch give you shit for not having a real couch; people who want to use it as a bed give you shit for not having a real bed. Itâs acceptable in your living room, but only if you make extra certain to put it in couch position and hide the sheets before company comes over. Otherwise, youâd better hide it in a guest room.
Asexuality is a table. No matter how many times you tell people itâs not meant to be sat on, dickheads with no manners will try to park their nasty asses on it anyway.
