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Module 1: Emotions and Emotion Regulation

Readings number 3 and 4 were my favorites because they talked about the power of positivism. I remembered a movie I watched on the airplane, it was titled “I feel Pretty” *(for extra credit)* in the film starred Renee, a fat girl who’s really insecure about herself because she feels as if she’s not as pretty and as amazing as the other girls. She then gets a concussion after falling from an elliptical bike and hitting her head on the floor. When she woke up, something happened to her brain where she sees herself as this perfect looking girl even if she still has the same body. From there her positivism and self-esteem rose really high, she started wearing clothes she doesn’t normally wear, she got the courage to apply to her dream job which is to be the receptionist of a high-end makeup company, where she even got accepted  because of her high confidence and belief in herself despite the company accepting only pretty girls . She also found a lover who didn’t like her at first but soon did because of Rennee’s personality. The movie was really comedic, since only Renne thought of herself as the most beautiful woman on earth, and others were very confused on what Renne was saying most of the time but at the same time very insightful because of how her life changed when she saw herself in a different light, she became happier, more motivated, and more successful even if nothing new happened to her, only thing that changed was her perspective.Renee was empowered to live her life fearlessly and flawlessly, and readings 3 and 4 talked something like that in the texts. Other helpful tips I got from the readings were:

1. Take care of your body and Health

2. Do things that make you happy (even if it gets in they way of your studies, rest because mental health comes first!)

3. Develop awareness in yourself and outside the world. Be aware of your emotions and thoughts. Be aware of your surroundings.

4. Live in the Present. Be Mindful.

5. Find Positive meaning, Even in the negative and ordinary. (eg. count ur blessings)

6. Be Social and Open to others, ask questions and connect with people and your environment. 

7. DO GOOD! Help others if you can.

8. Decide for Yourself, what you want most in life.

9. Have a creative outlet, or a support group for release of bad emotions and tensions.

Module 0: Loob ng Tao

Going back to readings 1 and 2 I liked the topic about loob ng tao especially:

abot-malay + abot-dama = abot-kaya

because personally I’m someone who has a hard time deciding. I’m not at all assertive and so making a choice is a real struggle. With the equation above it does in a way help me overcome my conflict since it tells me my course of action should be aligned with how I think and feel about it. Which means that maybe I couldn’t make firm decisions before as either my abot-malay or abot-dama wasn’t satisfied. It’s a nice reminder to have when making a choice, that is, I don’t have to choose between my heart or my head but a combination of both.

Module 0: Nature of Systems

I also like the very first reading that talked about the nature of systems. To quote “Systems are comprised of subshells- like a russian doll, every interaction we have can affect us as a person” this definitely made me more aware of how I treat people because of the effect it gives, big or small.

This note also got me thinking about a facebook post I read that talked about humanity, the main statement goes: “Its not about YOU or THEM. Its about US.” 

At first I thought the post talked about ‘balance’ because of course the world can’t revolve around the “I” alone (we are social creatures that need interaction) nor should it revolve around "others” completely forgetting ourselves. But as I read the post it went deeper than that. The statement calls us to be “Responsible”.

To explain, the last sentence “its about us” is a collective term. It means that everyone is part of the ‘circle’. Everyone is concerned in the circle not just ‘you’ or ‘them’. And since everyone who’s part of the circle is concerned it means all is affected. The post gave an example of it being like a ‘domino effect’. A chain reaction that is felt by everyone. So if the “self” feels sad, the “others” will feel sad too and vice versa if the “others” is happy, the “self” will feel it too.

Module 3: Crowds and Cliques

I found reading 9.1 really interesting because I didn’t expect to find research statistics on the different crowds of an adolescent.  I like how the paper explains why certain crowds act the way they are and I got a lot out of it. The first learning I got is crowds help us to formulate our self-identity and our social interactions. Crowds help us form self-identity because hanging out with certain people means you both have shared interests or similar traits. By knowing the crowd I belong to, I can gain a vague image on who I am as a person. Vice versa, if I find a crowd I can’t merge with that means they share interests and traits I do not have interest in or am not. 

There was an interesting term in the reading which is symbolic interaction theory which means that when we give meaning to something, it becomes our reality. We may have different realities with others because of different perspectives and these perspectives can change. This theory was related to how crowds view other crowds. This leads me to my second learning which is to be aware of how I think, because this affects my happiness and my reality of the world. 

The third and last learning I got is that us adolescents are flexible, diverse, malleable, and adaptable when it comes to being in crowds. We change and our always finding ourselves, this affects the crowd we hang out with. From being a burnout one can shift to becoming a brainiac (though it may seem like a big shift due to crowd affiliation but its possible). Sometimes we can even belong in 2 or 3 different crowds, it really depends on us. I liked the different type of crowds mentioned in the reading because they're all so distinctively different from one another (jocks, popular, brains, druggies, outcasts, others) they remind me of Breakfast club.

ONLINE VS OFFLINE SELF:

Module 3: Identity in the New Media

After carefully stalking myself on Facebook and twitter, I feel a bit sad because I can’t see much of a difference. Honestly its just about me except a bit filtered because i know people are reading tweets and i don’t want to bombard them with my personal feelings so its mostly my "okay" side. I sometimes rant but not too much because i know negative stuff can affect people so i don’t rant too much. I always think before I tweet.

 But still, i don’t really see much of a difference between my online and offline self. Except that I don’t say mean stuff that much to not offend or hurt anyone. Maybe its also because I’m not a social media person, i barely use FB (except if its for school) and i only use messenger to communicate with friends and twitter for self-expression.

 When comparing the online and offline self though, i realize that we become more filtered online because we have the power to edit how we can be seen, and its also because we know once we post it on the internet, it becomes public property to everyone. Its even been proven that a person thinks twice when chatting or writing than saying it in front of a person. So maybe this is why. 

I did find myself a lot on social media though, the posts of the community led me to figure out what I agree and disagree with, why I like a certain post and despise the other, what are my interests, what do i talk about a lot. I guess twitter specifically, helped me define myself. Though I couldn’t see much of a difference between the offline and online self, there still was a difference. 

Aside from me being nice (which might indicate my ideal self is to be nice) I also unconsciously (which is conscious now because I stalked myself)  tweet like my idols or the people I look up to. I think its because their posts make me happy and so i want to tweet like them too. Also, the lack of vocal communications on the web makes it easier for me to curse because normally i don’t say curses irl but when I write or type it’s fine. As for Facebook I did notice I post about my achievements rather than failed attempts because I’m more proud of my achievements than my failure, so of course I would want to post the fruit of my success. 

Connecting social media with my interactions with friends and family, the readings did predict right, I don’t spend too much with my family but I get to talk a lot with my friends.

Module 3: Perception Of Parents

I relate a lot on readings 8 because I do interact differently with my parents back then versus today. Especially now since social media distracts me a lot, usually when I get home from school Id be busy replying to messages or doing school works online, I don’t really listen to my parents, mostly my mom who nags me a lot and is vocal about everything.

If I look back, growing up I’d be more closer to my mom than my dad because I saw my dad more superior compared to my mom. My dad was also less empathetic so i couldn’t relate  with him that much, I just obeyed him without answering back because I was scared if he got mad. My mom was more of a go-to-person for me. Everything I wanted and needed I’d ask permission from her first and yes she also was an authoritative figure in my life, but I could be more deviant around her. I can scream and cry when I don’t like what she’s making me do. But just like what the reading said, I never really thought of her actions as wrong. It never occurred to me that I could decide for myself and that I have a choice to say no. So when I do throw tantrums I thought of it as me being disobedient, that it’s my fault for not complying or what my mom likes to say “the devil is tempting you.” 

Now everything is completely different. Back when I was scared of my dad and was not close to him, now I see his effort to reach out to me so I try to do so too even if its a little awkward. And to my mom even if we used to fight a lot back then even now, I see her as a strong human than a super hero. 

I don’t remember emotionally when I started separating from my parents I think it was a long time ago maybe when I was 12 or older because of the separation of my parents and so I relied more on my siblings than to them at first. And then physically was separated with my parents during senior high because I learned how to commute and so I got to stay with my friends a lot on free days and during summer. 

With the help of my friends, social media, siblings, and my cousins especially, I learned how to have some self assertion and say no to my parents because I know now I have a choice. Though sometimes my mom likes to twist words to make me do her bidding’s (like convince my dad to get back with her), I try to be firm with my decisions.

I’ve wrote about a short entry about this in my vacations blog but to add my insights on what I learned about myself during the trip was that I became more aware of the situation of people different from what I see day to day. Prisoners have a routine schedules, they cant leave of course and their are social rules and cliques among the prisoners. I did feel sad about learning their time sentence in Bilibid, some where to stay for 8 years other 13, and others 15 years. I tried thinking what would happen if I were in their shoes and I felt hopeless thinking about it because I don’t think I could survive years in prison away from home, my family and away from my everyday routine going to the places I usually go to. I didn’t want to feel pity for them because I wanted to think positive on what they can do rather cant but it was really hard. 

And that awareness led me to think of ways to help make the facilities for the prisoners better and their system more productive so that they can do something meaningful even when in jail. Maybe let them complete their schooling, maybe let them have more entertainment like books, music, sports,etc. Personally, I don’t feel resentment to any of the prisoners maybe because they didn’t do wrong against me but to others. And because of that I think that has an effect on how their facilities are being treated. Because they are ‘bad’ people others would think they don’t deserve help.And that there are more important matters to attend to. Thus ignoring them to rot in their cells, prisoners are then forgotten and often looked down upon.

Module 2: Looking Glass Self

I’m fascinated by the article of the looking glass (reading 7). It talked about a truth i never gave much thought of and that is how much of an impact people can have on my life. It presents the importance of people to my self development. Based on my understanding of the reading, the Looking Glass Theory is our self-concept after reflecting the opinions other people have on us. Also, it stated that our motivation is made through the sole focus on pleasing others. Because of this, we want to control what other people think of us. We want their feedback's to be positive and good. And contrary to the notion of "we shouldn’t care what other people think of us" the reading made me feel that peoples opinions do matter. It matters because from there we can derive our self-identity. People can affect our motivation and self-esteem, that’s why its hard not care about how a person views us. 

With this, we try to make first impressions good. In a group we play a certain role, as not to disrupt the peaceful co-existence. We are wary of their movements and our’s as well. This reading gives me a mental note to know how I am perceived by other people and why is it so, by knowing this I’ll be able to form a kind of self-identity, and if I don’t like the way i’m perceived, I have the power to change those views too.Which leads me to another insight which is the importance of having control of our choices. The reading also mentions the need for us to make our own decisions, observations, and reflections. I like how they empowered me to decide for myself weather my choice was “good” or “bad” because in the end, I’ll learn from it and develop a sense of identity and esteem.

Module 2: Freud and Eriksons Stages of Development

Readings 5 and 6 made me realize the certain external aspects that affect our identity development: biological, childhood, history, culture; family, etc. Based on my understanding, these are aspects that show if you have a better environment growing up, you become a better person overall.  And there is truth to that. But these are all factors we don’t have full control over. We don’t decide what our genes are and how we should look like, we don’t choose our parents, and make them perfect, we cant change our childhood and alter the environment to make it perfect for our feeble and fragile mind. Everything that had happened stays put because we can’t change our past, it is what it is. But, i don’t want to be too affected on what i cant change. I don’t want to keep thoughts of regret and resentment of why I didn’t grow up with a fulfilled childhood, or the best genes, or the perfect parents. I want to focus on the things that I can change, my motivation, my choices, my thoughts. Weather we had a great past or a horrible one, we have the decision of today to improve and flourish. Everything that had happened will affect who we are now, but there is still tomorrow and the future will become our past too. I’m rationalizing myself to believe its okay, that life is messy and there’s a lot out of our reach. But that shouldn’t hinder us from becoming the best that we can be. External factors can make us more aware on who we are and what we might lack, but our past does not define us. I like to believe the future holds something great for all of us, but the present is where our hearts and minds should be.

Insights for this Week: Vacation Blogs

A change I got with this homework is that I’m definitely more aware now of how I treat myself. When doing the activities I tried to make sure I was comfortable and happy, and I practiced mindfulness. 

Honestly though, aside from that, I don’t really feel any difference this week compared to any other week I’ve had, and maybe its because I’m used to doing things that I enjoy. 

Usually I give myself breaks and it’s because if I don’t feel mentally okay I cannot do my works properly. So I always try to place my mental health first before school works. The problem I face however, is the amount of time I give myself breaks. Sometimes, if I enjoy too much I end up procrastinating but if I don’t take frequent breaks, either my mind can’t focus or I go into overdrive mode where I end up feeling guilty to take even 30 minutes of rest.

This activity therefore made me realize that I need to find a sweet spot between my mental health and academics. I have to learn how to balance and manage my time. By doing so, I think it will just overall make me a more productive person because I personally don’t believe that a person is productive if a person does not give their best on their work and to create good work, Its important to be mentally happy.

Currently one of my most fulfilling days of the school year happened today. I had my binhi and went to New Bilibid Prison in Muntinlupa. I wasn’t alone though, some of my classmates and other students from BS psych were there too. 

I have never been inside prison nor have I been close to one so this was a really new and different experience. I had apprehensions at first, ofcourse, as what the stigma is, people in prison are bad and dangerous. My apprehension disappeared quickly though when I got to see the prisoners really happy to see us when we came inside their classroom (that’s where our interactions was held). They were noisy and smiley, like the typical characteristic of most Filipinos. 

I got so much from my 3-4 hour stay there. We had a one on one talk with the prisoners after playing ice-breaker games with them, and they even prepared a short program for us to showcase their amazing talents. 

I felt a little empathy for my partner Rafael, during our one on one talk he told me his sentence was quite long. I saw that he still managed to smile and not fall in despair so I also respect him for that. 

Out of all my congested observations and insights, I guess what I learned most is that prisoners should be helped and not discriminated nor forgotten. Humans weren’t born to be caged and be treated like animals (but don’t worry they were well taken care of in New Bilibid), we were born to live with freedom and choice. 

I just finished three hectic long tests, and I am very very tired. On days like this I end up allowing myself to relax and not think of anything school related. And so today, I decided to put aside my homework's first and go on social media, supposedly for an hour or less, but ended up spending three or more!!

Today, I decided to give myself a break and spoil myself with some Jollibee chicken spaghetti. I tried to “mindfully eat” as we did during class yesterday with the chips, and I tried not to gobble up my food, as I normally would (especially if I’m hungry).

I guess somehow the food does taste better when you pay attention with your eating rather than on your phone. You’ll be aware of the flavor and consistency it has on your mouth, if its too salty or sweet, and etc.

It might seem bland to some, but I really enjoy walking in the SOM forest :)) We don’t have much trees in my old school compared here which I guess is the reason why I find the forest interesting, and wonderful, and different. 

I pass the forest on most days when its my dismissal, and honestly, walking through here makes me think of a lot of things, or recall stuff that has happened on that day. It’s relaxing and peaceful, and a good minutes of walking helps me de-stress.

Blog Entry #1: Hybrid Identity

I am more than what meets to eye, I am affected by my surroundings both globally and locally. These different environments shapes who i am, influences my decisions, and my perspective on things. 

I am more than my surfaces. i realize now how important it is to be aware of what makes you, you, what separates you from others and at the same time see how similar you can also be to them.